By Candlelight
by nightfalcon222
Summary: In the midst of a terrible war, Kagome finds herself a slave in a place of nightmares. Her old life gone, her identity a dangerous secret, she searches for solace, for life. When she finds it in Inuyasha, he becomes her guiding light in the dark...
1. The Living

**A/N: Hey guys! I know, surprising, I'm starting another story even though I was sure I wouldn't. Well, I'm going to give it a try. I don't think this will be updated as regularly as LWC, but read and review, and tell me what you think, okay? **

Chapter One: In Their Eyes

* * *

"_A wind in the hall_

_Is silent as night_

_Silent as death_

_Silent as a candle _

_As it dances in the dark_

_But a wind in the hall_

_Is loud as pain_

_Loud as fire as it feeds on its prey_

_In the ears of silence_

_For I am __silence_

_And while the wind envelopes my soul_

_Silence I will always be."_

_

* * *

_

The hallway was dank, dusty, the lighting scarce and moody. Her footsteps thudded heavily against the damp floor, her bare feet scraping against the pebbles and shards. She almost felt a trickle of blood on her heels, and perhaps she left footprints of burgundy red, but the guards took no notice. The guards pushed her forward, prodded her back with javelins, pushed her like she was a doll. And not a fragile doll at that; a doll made of cheap plastic, expendable and easily replaceable.

She ducked her head, wavy raven locks falling forward to hide her face.

* * *

Another girl, the warriors noted.

All day, women had been paraded down the hallway, perhaps one per hour, perhaps two. All day, the guards had pushed and prodded them into the cells, and locked them in. All day, women had emerged from the cells, tired and worn, some with bruises and some unscathed. And all day, they had been marched back to their rooms, on the other side of the building, in a part of the fortress that the warriors had never seen. But it was hardly a parade, and the women did not march. Each one entered her chamber with newly washed hair and cleansed skin; dressed in a robe which bore only some dirt and tears. But despite the nearly regal—for in the Cells, and compared to the warriors, they were regal—appearances, the women were bedraggled. Their feet dragged.

Thump, thump, went the new girl's heels. Thump, thump, went her heart.

This one was most certainly a girl—they could not call her a woman. Not this girl who could be no older than seventeen, not this girl with uncommonly illustrious, wavy, raven-colored hair, not this slender girl with big brown eyes that still possessed a tiny spark of hope, which she hid from the guards with her midnight hair. Not this girl. This girl could not be called a woman, for she managed to retain something in her essence which the women of the Cells had lost.

Life.

The warriors turned their eyes away, for they knew that soon enough, even though she would not have the fortune to die, she, too, would lose that precious thing.

* * *

A guard threw his arm out to stop her.

The girl looked up at him, meaning to acknowledge him, to wonder why they had stopped; forgetting that she was not to make eye contact. With a jump and a start, she averted her eyes, biting her lip to keep from yelping. Do not make eye contact. They had told her a thousand times, do not look, do not speak. To listen and follow, that was her job. That was what they had told her.

But perhaps she was lucky, for the guard seemed not to have the time to punish her. But then again, thinking of the task before her, she wondered whether she would have preferred his punishment.

The guard grunted, throwing open a big, metal door. And she knew that this was her stop. Considering making a plea but thinking better of it, thinking that perhaps she did not want to face punishment after all, she stepped into the dark room.

Barely a moment after her body had cleared the doorway, the vault slammed shut.

It was dark in the cell. Cold, also. And just as in the hall, the air smelt of dirt and mold, though perhaps with a slightly stronger hint of blood and sweat.

Her fist clenched, her eyes refusing to open.

She was lucky, the others had told her. The others with their deadened eyes, their faces full of pity and sympathy and sorrow. She was lucky, she was lucky to be beautiful, she was lucky to be a maiden instead of a laborer. That was what they had said. They had said she was fortunate. And perhaps she should have been grateful, but while her body trembled in fear and her short nails dug into her palms, while tears threatened to escape from her lids, she could not manage to feel relieved.

She was lucky. She was lucky.

That was what she repeated to herself, again and again, as she opened her eyes.

A torch cast the room in a dying, brownish light. It was a small space, dusty and dark, bare but for a bench which ran from one edge of the room to the other. The bench was pressed against the wall; small, probably just large enough for a thin person to sleep on if he laid on one side. But she doubted whether it could support even a child's weight; the bench was cracked and moldy, the wood rotted.

A small movement from one corner of the room drew her eyes.

She took a small, nervous intake of breath as she saw him. Instinctively she stepped back, even though she knew there was no point. He was the warrior. She was the prize. That was how it worked.

And in any case, the vault behind her was tightly sealed.

The man was tall, muscular. His jaw was square, his hair long and tangled and silver, falling low on his back. His nails were sharp and long, almost like claws, and perched atop his head were two triangular dog ears.

She did not know much about other species. All her life, she had been sheltered from other species. But she knew that he was a demon.

The man stood, squaring his shoulders, stretching out his back. He opened his eyes, and they were narrow and dark and gold. And although a long time ago, in an ordinary situation, her first impression of him would have been that he was extraordinarily handsome, that his eyes were beautiful, now he only intimidated her.

She trembled. And knowing that if anything that would only make it worse made her tremble even more.

The man stared at her for a moment. She stared back at him, wincing, thinking perhaps she should not make eye contact with him, either. But she could not tear her gaze away, as much as she wanted to.

"Hey."

She did not open her mouth to speak. She did not want to speak. She did not even want him to speak to her, for it would make everything so much worse, so much more painful….

"Are you the one…?"

She could only shake.

He quirked an eyebrow at her, dog ears twitching slightly. She did not miss the way his eyes roved over her body, so quickly, so efficiently. Not with hunger. It was only an appraisal, that was all.

But it still made her step back against the wall.

When it was clear that she was not going to reply, he took a step toward her. His bare foot made only the slightest sound on the floor, but for the way she jumped, it might as well have been an explosion.

"O-oi! Wench! Are you okay?"

She took a deep breath, trying to regain her balance. But her head was spinning, her ears were ringing, her heart was pounding….

She slipped.

Almost detachedly, almost as if she were not the one falling but one watching, almost as if she were not there, but somewhere far away and safe and unconcerned, almost as if she were a stranger to herself, she felt herself descending toward the floor. She saw the stone coming closer and closer, she heard her cry echo in the damp air.

Two strong arms caught her and brought her back into the moment.

"Oi! What happened? Are you okay?"

His arms wrapped around her small body, pulling her back against his bare chest, which glistened with sweat. She trembled in his arms, almost wishing she had hit the floor, almost wishing she had hit her head and fallen unconscious. Or perhaps even better, died. On that last thought she closed her eyes, for the fear, the cowardice which spawned it, shamed her.

He felt her trembling, and gently, awkwardly, he rubbed his hand against her cold arms.

"Ssssh," he cooed. "Ssssh. It's okay. It's okay."

Tensing in his arms, she opened her mouth, opened her eyes, and sobbed.

* * *

He could feel her. He could feel her fear, feel her confusion, feel her grief. He could feel it all as she trembled against him, so close to him. And he knew these feelings, these emotions… these things which told him she feared him, these things which told him she feared _everything_. These things which told him that she was new to the Cells. Closing his eyes, he remembered what it had been like for him… what it had been like when they had come to his village, when they had knocked down his door… what it had been like when they had torched his houses, when they had driven their javelins through his family… what it had been like when he had been taken, and when he had been alone….

He tightened his arms around her, pulling her small body against his chest.

She was so young… she had to be at least two years younger than his nineteen….

"Ssssh," he whispered to her, rubbing his hand against her bare arm, feeling goosebumps rising against his palm. "Ssssh. It's okay. It's okay."

But reasonably, she seemed to feel that all was not okay, for her body tensed. But what came next, he did not expect.

The girl leaned against him and sobbed.

_She's the one…? _He thought. _She's the one they called my prize…?_

He wasn't sure what he had thought. Maybe he had thought he was ready. He was nineteen, after all; if he was going to get a reward, he felt that he deserved to take what he could. But this… this trembling girl, this beautiful, young woman with beautiful black hair and eyes that she refused to turn to him…? This was what they called a reward…?

_Sick, _he thought with contempt, looking down at her, cradling her against him, feeling her tears wet his bare chest.

His eyes softened as he held her tighter.

The tears poured and poured, showing no signs of stopping, and so he tightened his arms and whispered nonsense to her, nonsense that everything would be fine, and it would all be okay, and there was nothing to fear. He hated saying nonsense, but he could say nothing else.

An entrancing aroma assailed his senses.

His entire body stiffened, his nostrils flaring, his arms tightening on the girl. What was this? What was this scent? It was… arousing. It was like nothing he had ever smelled before, and he wanted to be submerged in it.

He could feel his claws lengthening, he could feel the girl under his hands, he could feel her shuddering. And the scent engulfed him, it swelled around him, and being in it was not enough. He wanted to be closer, he _needed _to be closer….

Something inside him smirked. He _could _be closer.

The girl, slowly, stopped shuddering. Face passive, he stood up, leaving her on the ground.

Then he turned away. "Stand up."

She smelt of confusion, she smelt of fear, she smelt of tears and sorrow, and all these things assailed him, but they were not enough to overpower that amazing scent. So he turned around and watched her rise shakily to her feet, fear flickering in her brown eyes.

Her body was beautiful. She was so slender, and he could barely imagine what she would look like underneath that robe… how she would smell when her bare skin was beneath his hands….

A part of him demanded what he was doing, told him to stop. But his red eyes, his claws, his fanged mouth, did not listen.

"I guess we'd better get this over with," he muttered.

Her eyes widened with fear, pricked once again by the tears which he hated.

But the smell was too much to pass up.

"You're the one?" he asked again. She nodded silently.

His fangs lengthened as he said, "Take off the robe."

The tears fell.

For a moment she was frozen. For a moment he thought she was not going to do anything. But then, hesitantly, she opened her mouth and said her first word.

"I can't…."

His eyes darkened.

_I can._

That voice, so feral and so confident, so impassive and so deadly, made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. They rose, standing straight as pins in the stills air, suspended off of his skin. Just like his body: utterly, utterly motionless.

His golden eyes widened.

"Fuck," he growled, turning suddenly away, stepping away from her, leaving her confused and surprised and afraid and speechless. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

She leaned against the wall, all the fight going out of her, and slid down until she hit the floor.

The tears had stopped.

He clenched his fists, hoping that his nails might dig into his skin, hoping that he might bleed. Hoping that it would hurt him, but knowing it wouldn't.

His voice was thick with shame when he muttered, "I'm sorry."

She blinked. For a moment the air was heavy with silence, but then, perhaps because she just had to, perhaps because she was still shocked, she said, "What?"

He grabbed his head with his hands and shouted, "I said I'm sorry, damn it!"

He turned back to look at her, and now the fear was gone. Only the remnants of tears remained on her cheeks, only the shadows of terror and trauma… instead of anger, instead of fear, she looked at him with open surprise… and confusion, which, for some reason, hurt him to see.

The idea that his humility, his respect, would _confuse _her struck him deep in his heart.

"Why?" she said plainly.

His golden eyes narrowed. "Cause I'm not a _rapist_, wench."

The girl blinked.

"Keh," he muttered, throwing himself back against the wall. "You think we're all monsters, do you?"

"Well… I…."

"Well, fine. A lot are, I guess. Not their fault, but hard labor and fights to the death can do a lot to a guy, right? But not me. I'm no monster." He looked away, folding his arms around his knees, growling at nothing. "Not me."

And then the girl did something he hadn't expected: she smiled. "I believe you."

The man turned his head to stare at her.

"Why?" he asked, as plainly, as confusedly as she had before.

She smiled slightly; tentatively, hesitantly, but a smile nonetheless. The first one she had smiled in days. "You didn't hurt me," she said, almost still surprised. "You… you just… I…." Blushing a little, she looked away and said, "Thank you."

He stared at her, and after a moment, she looked shyly back at him.

"Keh," he said finally. "You're crazy if you're gonna thank me." His eyes narrowed, but he held her gaze as he muttered gruffly, "I almost hurt you."

The girl stiffened, looking away. He had almost hurt her… it had been close. She had seen the lust in his eyes, seen the desire. But for whatever reason, even though it had nearly overpowered him… he had overpowered it, in the end.

"But you didn't hurt me," she said. "That's what matters."

And for some reason, this time when she smiled a small smile at him, he smiled back.

His dog ears twitched. "Oi, what's your name?"

She sighed; it had been a long time since someone asked her that. The women had not been interested in names; do not form bonds, they had said. Names lead to friendships, and friendships could be deadly. That was what they had said.

But she replied anyway, "Kagome."

He smiled a half-smile at her. "Nice to meet you." They both almost laughed at that, for the words sounded odd coming out of his course mouth. "I'm Inuyasha."

She smiled, a blush once again rising to her face as she said, "Nice to meet you, too."

There was silence in the cell for a moment, but it was a brief moment, for neither occupant of the cell desired silence for any time at all. Every second engulfed by quiet seemed like a second gone, a second dead, a second closer to the time when they would part. And with every second which passed, the idea of parting became more and more incomprehensible.

Unbearable.

An hour of talking, an hour of the time closest to enjoyable which either had experienced since arriving at the Cells, saw Kagome sitting just a bit closer to Inuyasha; it saw Inuyasha sitting just a bit closer toward Kagome; it saw both sitting just a bit more relaxed against the wall, more casual, and it saw Kagome tracing her finger through the dirt and grime lying at their feet.

"They're awfully rude, aren't they?" Kagome said almost nonchalantly; it might have seemed nonchalant, too, had her eyes not given her away. "The guards, I mean."

Inuyasha's lips quirked into a half smirk. "Understatement, but I guess you could say that."

"Are they like that to everyone?" she inquired, tilting her head to the side, eyes curious. "Are they all like that? I just wanted to know; I don't understand how anybody could be so unpleasant."

At this, Inuyasha gave a loud snort. He turned his head to respond, to tease, but for a moment all words left him, for he was briefly distracted by the way her hair fell across her shoulders. And again, that scent wafted about him, wafted from her, and his other half growled in pleasure… again, the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end.

Inuyasha's fist clenched, and with a sharp, mental reprieve, he silenced the demon in his heart.

Then he remembered what the girl, what _Kagome _had said, and could not help but snort again.

"If you have to ask that," he said, rolling his eyes, "Then you've got a lot to learn about the Cells, Kagome."

Kagome reddened. "I just…."

But Inuyasha was on a roll now, and now that he had someone to talk to, now that he had _her _to talk to, he was unwilling to be silent. "_Unpleasant_, though?" He scoffed. One might have thought he was ridiculing her, but his grin eased her sensitivity. "Who says stuff like that?"

Kagome could hear him chuckling and muttering "_unpleasant, _keh," to himself even after he had stopped teasing her. She could not help but smile at how ridiculous he found the word; and perhaps, she reminded herself, it _was _ridiculous. Unpleasant, she had said. She had said the guards were _unpleasant. _Most people here would say things far more crude, for the guards deserved far worse. This was the Cells, she reminded herself. This was not home… this was a foreign place, and a place she had never dreamed she would ever set foot in.

That just went to show how unreliable dreams could be.

"Hey. What are you thinking about?"

Kagome started, surprised by his shrewdness. He stared at her, golden eyes unwavering, and she met his gaze, also unwavering.

"Nothing," she said.

She would have to be more careful of the way she spoke, the way she acted. Pride would not help her here… neither would courage. And that was good, for she doubted that she had any courage left.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed, and Kagome was perfectly sure that he did not believe her. But though she trusted him not to hurt her, though she trusted him more than was wise or natural to trust a man she had met only an hour ago, she could not afford to tell him what she was thinking. What she feared.

There was no rescue coming for her. For the first time in her life, she was on her own. For the first time in her life, she was just another girl, someone to be tossed around, someone to fend for herself, someone without a whole hall of nurses to run to whenever she nicked her knee. For the first time in her life, she would have to fight her own battles.

Kagome wanted to knead her forehead, but she knew that it would be a useless gesture. This was not just a first time in her life—this was an entirely new life, and from now on she would be an entirely new Kagome.

No one was coming to save her. And because until she could devise an escape, death was the only way to save herself, she would not lose that privilege.

Discovery would mean worse than death. And so for her own sake, as well as Inuyasha's if he kept her secret, her identity would have to remain anonymous.

Just a Kagome. A slave.

Kagome's lip curled; thinking those words made her certain that she could not bear to stay so for long.

Her eyes strayed to Inuyasha's face, to the face of the man who had just an hour ago been the source of her fear, of her tears, and was now the source of her growing contentment. Not contentment—in the Cells, nothing could quite be called contentment. The very place exuded a dull, grey aura which made cobwebs in the halls and settled like dust on the prisoners' souls. It extinguished happiness, extinguished contentment, snuffed it out like a flame deprived of oxygen. There was only one thing which could live in the Cells, and that was hope, but it was a faint spark, and very easy to lose sight of.

Kagome might have said that Inuyasha, the first person to look at her and see a person, the first to look at her and say with his eyes that he was more than the slave he was diminished to, was now the fuel for her tiny spark of hope, but perhaps that was asking too much.

"Hey," he muttered. "How old are you?"

Looking down, ascertaining that she could not be endangered by relinquishing her age, Kagome said, "Sixteen. And you?"

Inuyasha swore. Sixteen… she was just a year younger than he had been when he was taken. Although he had been but seventeen, and already it seemed like much too early a time to give up one's life, when he thought of Kagome, losing hers even earlier… it made his fists clench.

Within him, he felt a splinter invade his heart.

"Nineteen," he said. Grimacing, he added, "Shit…."

"What?" Kagome asked in alarm, thinking that he might have been hurt.

Inuyasha gave her a sad half smile. "Nothing, wench. Don't worry about it."

_Sixteen… she's so young… it's not fair…._

"You don't have to pity me, you know," Kagome said almost offhandedly, leaning back against the wall.

Inuyasha stared at her in surprise. Her eyes were shrewd as they pierced him; for a moment, they were not the eyes of a girl—they were the eyes of a woman, experienced and wary. Knowing. But just as quickly they softened, and Inuyasha jumped at the change, at the mercurialness of the girl's emotions; or he would have jumped, but as a boy and a man, as a _male, _he would not lower himself to such an obvious reaction.

When Kagome spoke again, her voice was clear like water, soft like cotton, liquid and warm like her melted chocolate eyes.

"You're as much a prisoner as I am," she said, smiling a sad little smile. "I don't see how our age is relative to our circumstance."

Inuyasha had to wince at that, for she was utterly right.

The fragile silence didn't last long, however, for Kagome broke it—the sad smile replaced by a curious one, a friendly one, as she asked, "How did you get here, anyway? I barely know anything about you."

"You're new here," Inuyasha said, "So I guess you wouldn't know. But we have a rule—you don't talk about where you're from, how you got here. All that stuff, the past, it doesn't matter."

Kagome's eyes tightened. It doesn't matter because it's gone, her mind continued, even though Inuyasha did not say the words. It doesn't matter because it will never be seen again. And she knew it was true—that the past was in the past, the past was nothing more than a figment of her imagination. She knew it would be far more painless to simply forget, to embrace her new life, to put all notions of freedom aside. But as much as she knew it was wise, as much as she knew how to survive, it was a choice she could not make; a path she could not walk on, for she was sure that however comfortable the dirt, the air would slowly taint her.

She could not forget. She would not be like the rest, like the women she had seen in the Cells—empty shells of people.

But as she refocused her attention on Inuyasha, as he began speaking in a low murmur, she was certain that she saw a spark of something in his eyes—something which the others that she had seen did not have.

Hope. Life. The same thing which Inuyasha could see in her eyes, and the thing which, inconceivable, inexplicably, drove him to say what he said next.

"Look," he muttered. "I don't want to know where the hell you're from, and you don't want to know where the hell I'm from. It's a place, it's a background—it's not you. It's not me. You're a person, I'm a person, and our pasts won't change that. So, obviously, I'm getting to know you, as I have been for the last hour, and you're getting to know me—we don't need to know what happened to bring each other here, and it's safer not to know or to tell, anyway. But if it matters to you… if it's important to you…" Inuyasha lowered his head and his voice as he said gruffly, passionately, "Then hold onto it as hard as you fucking can. If it matters to you, don't you dare forget it."

Those words brought a smile to her lips.

She would remember. She would hold onto her memories for ever and ever and ever, and she would never let them go. She would hold them in her fists, hold them tightly like a precious thread in a whirling gale, hold them until her knuckles paled and her hand ached. But no matter the fatigue, no matter the wind, she would hold them.

It was the only way she could resist. And if she did not resist, she knew that she would lose herself.

In her mind's eye, she saw a woman of the Cells, saw her blank-eyed, plaintive stare, and shuddered.

She grasped the memories tighter as she grinned at Inuyasha, and saw that he was grinning back at her.

* * *

Another hour passed before guards came to open the vault door.

"Fuck," Inuyasha swore, bolting to his feet. He glanced wildly at Kagome, and she stared back at him.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

Staring at the door, grimacing, looking for all the world as if he had just been thrown out onto a stage without a script or lines, Inuyasha turned back to Kagome and said abruptly, "Rub my back."

Kagome stared. And then, because she was confused and because she felt that they had been through enough that she could be a bit informal, she said in a low voice, "Are you joking?"

"No! _Just do it!_"

She couldn't fathom what his motives were, for she could not hear the footsteps like he could. She could not hear the guards stopping right outside the cell, and so she could not know that they were about to open the vault door.

But he knew.

Kagome placed her hands on his bare back, massaging it awkwardly. "Um… sorry… is this right? I still don't—"

"Sssh," he interrupted her. "Don't talk. Just keep rubbing and look miserable."

When the door creaked open, Kagome realized why she had to rub his back, why she had to stay silent, and why she had to look absolutely miserable.

_He's smart, _she thought approvingly.

"So, you guys have fun?" a guard asked carelessly. Not waiting for a reply, the big man grabbed Kagome by the folds of her robe and hauled her away from Inuyasha. "Animals," he spat. "C'mon, woman."

His grip was so tight, so rough that it hurt as he dragged her toward the door. Knowing she had little time, knowing she could do nothing but wait, Kagome took one last look at Inuyasha, to find him sitting against the wall, eyes cold.

When their eyes met, the coldness dissipated, and he smiled briefly at her before glaring at the guard and spitting very deliberately on the ground.

The guard glared. "You'll pay for that, Inuyasha."

Then something happened which Kagome had not expected. In the next moment, when the guard saw Kagome's eyes on Inuyasha's face, he did something which in her old life, he could have been flogged for doing.

The guard slapped her across the face, and Kagome could have spat fire.

Her eyes stung, her cheeks reddened, whether from the force of his hand or from her absolute fury. She wanted to bite, she wanted to shout. Kagome closed her eyes and imagined herself standing up, like she would have done. She imagined herself straightening her shoulders and gritting her jaw, and she imagined herself slapping the guard right back across the face. Like she would have done. Once.

She could not do that now, and she knew it. She was proud, certainly; her upbringing had raised her to be proud, trained her to be proud. But she had also been trained to be smart, to survive. And Kagome knew that humbled was better than dead.

She would only have to be humble until the war was over, or until she managed to escape. Until then, she would behave. But it was only temporary.

That was what she told herself as she bit her lip to stop from crying out in pain when the guard slapped her a second time.

"I didn't tell you to look at him," he snarled. "What, you _like _him or something? Well, maybe you'll get lucky. Maybe if you both learn to behave, you might get thrown together sometime again. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Fucking animals."

Despite her grim situation, Kagome's lip quirked at that.

The guard leered at her. "What're you smilin' at, missy?"

"N-no—"

The next slap echoed in the room, and sent Kagome's head reeling.

"Speak when you're told to," the guard snarled. "We don't need to hear your filthy voice."

Kagome's fists tightened. And maybe it was the smell of the barely suppressed tears which did it for Inuyasha; maybe it was the way she tensed her shoulders and began to incline her head, as if to glare at the guard, which would have merited a punishment far worse than a slap. But for whatever reason, Inuyasha couldn't take it any longer.

"Oi," he growled. "Stop picking on her. She didn't do anything wrong."

In the cell, one might have heard a pin drop.

Kagome stiffened, sensing the tension tangible in the air. The guard, keeping one hand on Kagome's shoulder, slowly turned to raise an eyebrow at Inuyasha.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me." He stood up, leaning back against the wall, arms folded. "Leave her alone, fucker."

The guard's eyes bulged, and even Kagome, even Kagome the new girl, even Kagome the one who had never experienced a slap before in her life until just a minute ago, knew that Inuyasha had crossed the line.

Suddenly she feared for his life.

"So, the infamous _Inuyasha _rises again, huh?" The guard's voice was mocking, jeering, but laced with that unforgettable steel which promised pain. "And to think, just when you start on good behavior, just when you get your first reward in _two years… _what, she wasn't good enough for you? Is that why you're causing trouble again, half breed?"

Inuyasha's eyes glowed like coals. "Fuck you!"

The guard's eyes narrowed, turned to little icy, beady stones in a pale, pasty face. "You'll pay for that. Never forget your place."

Kagome felt herself being pushed roughly out of the vault. She felt the guard's dirty hands on her skin, she felt him pushing her down the hallway, she felt him grumbling swear words. She could feel the need for pain, the sadistic anticipation of torture and punishment, in the sweat on his skin. But what stuck in her mind most, as he led her through that dank and dusty hallway… what weaved its way into her, grabbed hold, and stayed there… was the pure fury radiating from Inuyasha as he spat his last words to the guard.

"Sorry. I got a short term memory."

The vault door slammed shut.

* * *

**A/N: REVIEW! **


	2. Hard Learned Lesson

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews for the last chapter! I'm glad you all liked it, and I'm sorry it was confusing… it was meant to be sort of vague, but I think some of you didn't pick up on everything you were supposed to. So… who is at fault for that? You or me? Eh, doesn't matter. Anyway, I hope this chapter clarifies things, and if you still don't get it, tell me in your review and I will explain it to you with a precision that… hopefully O.O… nobody could be confused by!**

.x.x.

Chapter 2- Hard-Learned Lesson

* * *

_The butterfly fluttered against my cheek_

_And I smiled and felt nothing _

_The fire was warm beneath my palms_

_And I sighed and felt nothing_

_Though I had everything_

_I felt nothing _

_But heat _

_In the palm of my hand_

_But gentle wings_

_Against my smiling lips_

_I thought I had happiness_

_I thought it was nothing_

_But it was not nothing_

_For if it was nothing_

_It would not have burned_

_When it was ripped away._

_

* * *

_

They called it a dorm. A dorm like university, a dorm like finishing school, a dorm like countless other things Kagome had heard about… just a dormitory. That was what they called it.

Looking around her at the stale, mite-infested beds and the wet stone walls, Kagome couldn't help but think that whatever a dormitory might look like, it bore not the least resemblance to the pigsty around her.

_Disgusting, _Kagome thought, grimacing at a rat which chewed its way through an abandoned rag in the corner of the room.

But the rat took no notice; the rat did not heed her thoughts, nor did it acknowledge the repulsed look upon her face. Instead, it continued chewing, not in the least concerned of what Kagome had to think about it.

She continued to watch the rat eat. She watched its tail twitch and its fur shimmer; she watched its head bob and its tiny teeth tear the rag apart. She watched it tear rags into rags, rags into splinters, splinters into threads. And somehow, impossibly, she watched it devour the entire thing.

Kagome spent a long time wondering why the rat ate that cloth. In fact, in just the span of an hour, she found herself attempting to _understand _the rat.

_Imagine, _Kagome thought wryly, eyes still on the creature just a few feet away, _Me, trying to understand rats. If my father could see me now, he would be furious…._

But at the thought of her father, at the thought of her father who would not come for her, at the thought of her father who had surely left her for dead after what she had done, the wry smile faded.

"I suppose we're alone," she said to the rat, smiling a sad little smile which was not a smile at all. "Each of us."

The rat took no notice of her words, and as if she had not spoken, it continued to chew away at its meal.

_How does it eat a filthy rag? _Kagome wondered. _Can it even gain nutrition from something like that? Is that even possible? Do rats eat cloth?_

Having nothing better to do, having no one else in the dorm to talk to, Kagome asked the rat if this was the case. And maybe it was the questioning tone in her voice, maybe it was the friendlier notes and tenors, but for whatever reason, the rat paused.

When it raised its head to peer at her, Kagome had to laugh, for she could have sworn that the expression on its face was one of nothing other than dubiousness.

"You're not stupid at all," she said, surprised. Thinking on her feet, wondering what to say next, feeling the need to say _something_, Kagome began, "Next time I see a rat, I won't let the maids kill it! I-I'll never set another trap, nor poison another pantry, nor—" Stopping, she narrowed her eyes at the rat. "Don't look at me like that!" she said indignantly. "It's not my fault! And I mean it! You'll see. When I get home, I'll let all the rats in and… and…."

But her voice faded, and with it, so died that brief burst of spirit.

She could not fulfill those promises, for she was never going home.

_Don't think like that, _Kagome berated herself. _Your father might not be coming to rescue you… so what? You'll just have to find a way to rescue yourself._

Kagome closed her eyes and concentrated. Rescue. A rescue. How was a girl fed with silver spoons and dressed and bathed by maids supposed to rescue herself? How was a girl who had never experienced more pain than a broken ankle, or more danger than her father's fury, supposed to escape from the infamous slave-of-war prison which called itself The Cells?

The Cells. The place of horrors, the place of tortures. The place where beautiful women became sex toys called Maidens, the place where the rest were cast away into the sweaty, painful, dying life of a Laborer. The place where men were called Warriors… where their bloody deaths and murders served as the fortunate upper class's, and their jailors', entertainment.

A place in which Kagome did not belong.

Kagome's eyes tightened, and she thought of the man who would have been her first job. She thought of Inuyasha, of the man with the silver hair and golden eyes and triangular dog ears on top of his head. She thought of the man with the sad, strong eyes and the sharp tongue. She thought of the man who had spared her, and although she knew she would not be so lucky the next time, his kindness warmed her heart.

Like a flame in the dark cold, she held onto his memory, for she could not be sure if she would ever see him again.

_He does not belong here either, _she thought. _No one belongs here._

She had been bred to be strong, to be clever, to be wise. She had been bred to be delicate, to be beautiful, to be dignified. Educated, reserved. That was how the King of the North's daughter had been bred. But Kagome had been raised to be kind, to be sweet, to be gentle. To be smart, to be witty, to be loyal. Kagome had been bred by the King, by maids, by teachers and mentors, but she had been _raised _by her mother.

Her mother was the woman who spared her from the hell called finishing school. She was the one who had bounced her on her lap and read her stories, and sown her pretty, handmade dresses which she wore around her room. Kagome fought to hold back tears, remembering those dresses. Her father had not let her wear them in public. "Simple and quite obviously hand sown," he had called them. "Not fit for a proper lady."

But Kagome had loved them, and her mother had loved them. Those dresses meant the world to her.

She felt a tear slip down her cheek, and she watched it fall onto the dress she was wearing now… the dress she had left home in. The dress her mother had given her for her fourteenth birthday.

Her mother. The woman who had loved her and cherished her. The woman who had died of fever two years past.

Another tear fell as Kagome realized that she was not wearing the dress she had come in. And it was followed by more and more tears as she realized that that dress… her only reminder of her mother, her only reminder of her old life… had been taken from her and was probably now fueling a fire somewhere in The Cells.

The dress had been old and torn. The dress had been worn and dirty, stained with dirt and covered in hay, even stained in Kagome's own blood… but Kagome still would have given anything to have it back, instead of the new Maiden robe she had been given in its place.

Kagome looked down at the white-turned-beige-with-dirt faux silk, and wished that it was her old, tattered, bloody, green-turned-brown-with-dirt sundress.

She had never been good at accepting what she was given. She had never been good at settling for her lot. She had not been able to accept her mother's death, she had not been able to accept the marriage her father had arranged for her just after the War broke out, and she could not accept her fate now.

Kagome looked again at the rat, chewing nonchalantly on its rag without complaint, and said quietly, "I admire you."

If the rat heard her, it gave no indication of doing so.

.x.x.

Kagome had just about fallen asleep against the wall. She had just about been lulled into unconsciousness by the sound of the rat's nibbling and the water leaking from the ceiling. She had been so close to slipping into dreamland… and perhaps she would have dreamed of the dull life she could have led with General Hojo. Perhaps she would have dreamed of brutish slavers who pushed her into a tractor of hay, or of a man just a few years older than her with beautiful golden eyes and silver hair, who protected her from cruel-faced guards and spat at their feet. But whatever her dreams might have depicted, she would never know, for just as she was about to slip away, the door slammed open.

"Get in, woman!"

Kagome's head snapped upward, her body tensing, for she thought that he was referring to her. In her eyes shone fury at the rough command and fear at her fate, but she kept her face carefully blank, for she knew that it was not worth the punishment to argue about being called _woman_.

_Pick your battles, _Kagome thought.

That was not a lesson she had learned from her mother or father. This lesson, this lesson which had become so unexpectedly crucial, she had learned from some of the maids in the manor.

_They were talking about pay raises, _Kagome reminisced, _And this is quite different, but I suppose the same principle applies._

Standing up shakily, Kagome faced the guard just in time for something to fall into her arms. Something… person-sized.

Person-sized and very sticky.

Kagome's face went pale when she realized that all over her hands, all over the remains of her only memory from home, the dress which she wore, was dark, red, dirty blood.

Holding her breath from the stench, Kagome stared at the guard in disbelief. He was of an average height, with a build like a marathon runner. She thought he would speak to her. Insult her, sneer at her, slap her… or at least tell her to tend to the bleeding prisoner. Perhaps say that he would be back in a minute to pick the girl up. She wasn't sure what he would say, but she thought he would say _something._

She didn't think he would start to close the door, no intent of a return evident on his face.

As soon as Kagome spoke, she regretted it.

"Wait!"

Her entire body went numb when the guard listened.

"Did you say something, woman?" he growled, leering at her.

Kagome wanted to cower against the wall. She was not meant for this, she had been sheltered and shaded for her entire life, she did not know how to deal with a cruel, angry young man with a jaded club. Angrily, she realized that for all her education, for all her knowledge of the moons and of politics and of society and of science and of art… she knew nothing.

Kagome wanted to hide, but she knew that now that she had spoken, that was not an option.

Her father would have been furious at her for risking her life for that of a lowly commoner. Oh, he would have been quite a sight to behold; his cold fury and relaxed shoulders and deadly voice. He would have made her cower, and he would have slapped her, and she would not have cried, for she was taught not to cry at a simple slap.

Her father would have been livid, she thought.

_But my mother would have been proud._

That was the thought which made her brave enough to stand as straight as she could and say, with just the slightest tremble in her voice, "She needs a doctor. We can't leave her like this. Please."

The woman in Kagome's arms moaned, blood dripping from her wounds. Kagome, supporting her the best she could, began to chew her lip, for the open gawk of the guard was beginning to further split her frayed nerves.

On the ground at their feet, the rat wandered over to the puddle of blood, starting to lap at it.

"Who gave you permission to talk, woman?" the guard demanded. But oddly enough, he didn't look at her. His eyes lingered to the right of her head, with the same intensity as if he were glaring at her… and yet he wasn't glaring at her.

Something about this made Kagome continue.

"Please!" Kagome stuttered, eyes wide. "She needs help! You aren't going to leave her like this…? Are you?"

The last two words were nothing but a pleading reprise, for from the guard's apathetic sneer, Kagome knew the answer.

"The bitch deserved the lashes she got," the guard muttered. "You'd better hold your tongue or you'll get the same." Grimacing, he added, "Don't know why I'm explaining it to you, though."

Kagome tensed, and after a moment of silence, the guard suddenly glared at her. "What are you looking at?" When Kagome didn't respond, he narrowed his eyes at her face. "You have a pretty nice face, woman… are you really a Laborer? You don't look like one to me."

Closing her eyes, Kagome tried not to cry.

_My father would hate this weakness, _she thought. But she couldn't help but remember her mother, her mother who had clutched her and patted her shoulder, her mother who had held her while she cried, who had told her to let it all out.

The guard who grabbed her roughly by the arm, who jerked her dress partially away to examine the number and letter _M _with which she had been branded upon arrival at The Cells, was certainly not her mother, and she knew he would not hold her while she cried.

So she swallowed her tears and watched him as he stared at her throbbing _Maiden-1024 _tattoo, and she vowed never, ever to cry, except when she was in the presence of no one but herself.

_She was lucky. She was lucky. She was lucky. She was lucky to be a Maiden, she was lucky to be beautiful, she was lucky not to be a Laborer, for at least as a Maiden she had a chance… at least as a Maiden she did not have to walk over hot coals with heavy anvils or carry mutilated bodies of Warriors out of the stadium after matches. At least as a Maiden the pain was more emotional and only somewhat physical…._

Kagome wanted to scream, but what would have been the point?

"No L," the guard growled to himself. Glaring at Kagome, glaring as if she had deceived him, he spat, "You're a Maiden. Not a Laborer. What the fuck are you doing in a Laborer dorm?"

"She needs help," Kagome ground out through her teeth. "I won't leave her."

"Fuck it," the guard growled at her. "Don't you get it? She's dying, woman. Get over it. She made a bad choice, she got the punishment. She knew what was coming, and if you don't want the same treatment, then come with me."

Without waiting for an assent, the guard grabbed her roughly by the arms and dragged her out of the dorm. Without any regard to her agreement, the guard dragged her down the hall, unfazed by her screams. And without any concern for her devastation, the guard dragged her away from the bleeding woman, away from the woman who would surely die in a matter of hours, away from the woman to whom in a matter of minutes, Kagome had somehow attached herself.

Tears threatened to spill, and Kagome beat them back.

_She wouldn't want me to cry for her. She wouldn't want me to cry._

Glaring at the guard, she tried to tell him with her eyes what her sense of self-preservation would not allow her to say.

_I loathe you more than could ever be put into words. I hope that when you meet your end, it will be slow, and you will remember me, and the woman you killed._

The guard noticed her glare and stopped walking.

"Look, lady," he muttered, facing her. "I—"

Rashly, Kagome interrupted him. "Why are you talking to me, anyway? I'm a lowly slave, right? An M-1024? Why bother?"

Narrowing his eyes, the guard muttered, "Don't talk like that. I'm not some kind of brute."

Kagome was not certain exactly which part of that sentence made her blood boil, made her see red which was not the blood on her hands and dress, made her fists itch to dig into the guard's face. Perhaps it was the fact that everything he had so far done had proven otherwise… or perhaps it was the fact that he seemed to be putting her down by raising himself higher.

"Well, sir, you might have fooled me," Kagome said.

The guard clenched his teeth. "If I were anybody else," he growled, "You'd be naked on the whipping post, getting the skin of your back flogged off."

And just like that, all her confidence was gone. Just like that, she didn't have the bravery to make another smart comment, another retort. For she knew that he was right, and the very idea of such a thing made her make the smallest gasp.

_Pick your battles. Pick your battles. Pick your battles._

By chanting this, she managed to hold her tongue as the guard led her to a different part of the complex. As they walked, she watched dirty stone turn to less dirty stone, watched leaky walls turn to less leaky walls, watched broken water fountains turn to working ones… though it took a moment for Kagome to figure out what those brick-like, concrete structures were.

_Pick your battles. Pick your battles. Pick your battles._

By chanting this, Kagome refrained from meeting the guard's eyes, even though she felt his intense stare boring a hole in the side of her head the entire time they walked.

She couldn't help but think that her silence worried him more than her attitude had angered him.

"Kouga!"

The guard stopped walking at the sound of the name, which Kagome now assumed was his. The sudden silence might have unnerved her, except that instead of the soft thuds of her footsteps and the rough echoes of his march, there was a sharp clicking which echoed throughout the hall as a new set of steps approached rapidly.

Kagome glanced toward their source, which proved to be another guard.

"Kouga," the guard growled.

"Yes, sir."

"What are you doing with a slave girl?"

"M-1024, sir. I found her in a Laborer dorm," Kouga spat, his tone quite unlike what it had been before. "Don't know what the bitch was doing there."

_Bitch, _Kagome thought to herself, resisting the urge to yell at him. Oh, how she would have enjoyed raking her nails across his face for that insult… but she couldn't do that. Not anymore. A reproof, even a simple slap, was not a privilege she was allowed in The Cells.

_You're not the superior here, _she reminded herself, gritting her teeth. _Just bear with it. _

But as she looked at Kouga, she felt almost betrayed by the change in his tone. For just a few minutes ago, before the other guard, she had thought, for the briefest of moments, that he sounded almost sympathetic.

_Fool, _Kagome thought. _I'm a stupid, trusting fool._

"Woman," the guard said harshly. "What were you doing in a Laborer dorm?"

"I don't know," Kagome said slowly, fearing that perhaps she had not been given permission to speak. When nobody interrupted her, she went on, "I-I was… I was…."

_Act upset, _she chanted. _You would be upset. If he hadn't been kind to you, if he had done what he had been supposed to, you would be traumatized, you would be… you would…._

Kagome felt her thoughts fading, and of their own accord, just at the very _thought _of it, her eyes began to tighten.

"I was given to a man," she said very quickly, voice trembling. "I just got here today, I—afterward, the guard took me to that cell. I thought it was where I was supposed to go."

The guard grimaced and looked at Kouga. "What kind of a moron would take her to an L dorm?"

Shrugging, Kouga answered promptly, "Probably Kenji, sir. I can think of no one else so dense."

The guard gave him a wry smirk. "Ha. Kenji indeed. Well, anyway, take her to the M dorms."

Kouga nodded sharply and moved to leave, grabbing Kagome's arm roughly as he turned. But just as they were about to leave, the guard called, "Oi!" To Kagome's horror, he wiggled his eyebrows. "She may be a pretty bitch, but do remember that she's not your slave. Only the master and the upper ranks are permitted to fool around with the Maidens."

That statement was all it took for a chill to invade her spine, for her heart to race. But then Kouga said something which made it even worse.

"Well, sir," he said, smirking, "Then I guess I'll just have to ask the master's permission."

Laughing, the guard said, "You've got spirit, boy. If only you were a little wiser, you might advance very quickly in the ranks."

With an informal salute and a smirking nod, the guard turned and walked away, leaving Kagome alone with Kouga.

_He never cared, _she thought angrily. _Despicable… deceitful…._

She continued to list insults in her head as they walked in silence. The names she called Kouga started simple, progressing darker and darker until she uncovered words she had not even known that she knew, let alone could so much as _think_.

Kagome shuddered, wondering what her wrath had driven her to, and whether she was already doing what she had promised herself she would not.

Giving in to the circumstances.

Kagome closed her eyes and renewed the vow she had made: the vow that she would not lose herself.

When her eyes opened, they were calm.

They stopped at a door. "This is your dorm," Kouga growled, looking her in the eye.

Kagome found it a bit unnerving, how he had no trouble making eye contact with her. All the other guards seemed to try _not _to look at her… or at least they did not want her to look at them. But it seemed to her that Kouga found it frustrating when she _didn't _look at her.

"Why is it that you keep looking at me," Kagome said slowly, "When I am a slave."

"Well, sure, you're a slave," Kouga said, rolling his eyes. "But not all of us are so uptight around here, you know. Especially not with beautiful women."

And then Kouga made his mistake; the mistake which made Kagome make hers.

He raised a hand to cup her cheek, raking his eyes up and down her body, and causing Kagome to promptly slap him. His cheek stung, as did Kagome's hand as it hovered in the air beside his face. In that instant, when her palm connected with his head, both their bodies froze.

Like ice, they were still and cold, and Kagome felt a trickle of sweat gather on her neck as she realized what she had done.

She had lost her temper.

She had forgotten her place.

She had endangered her life.

Kagome's muscles seemed to have turned to stone, her ligaments and joints threatening to fall apart. Her hand ached, for now she realized she had not only slapped his cheek, but her fingers had also collided with his raised helmet.

But as painful the bruising, nothing was more terrifying than Kouga's icy stare.

A loud _snap _punctuated the silence. Kagome felt her head spinning, felt her neck snap backward, her body resisting her commands. She stumbled backwards into the wall, bare feet scraping against the dusty stone, and had she not been paralyzed with fear, she might have cringed, cradling her arm when it cracked against the wall at a painful angle.

When Kouga stepped towards her, when his boot connected with the floor inches away from her toes, when he pulled back his fist, Kagome lost all her self control.

"No—no—don't," she pleaded, averting her face. "Don't! NO!"

Tears coursed down her cheeks, tears of regret, tears of hatred and self-hatred, tears of betrayal and fury and anger at herself, at her own stupidity. At the fact that she could do nothing but plead… plead and cry.

_I've broken my promise, _she thought, stunned. _So soon, and it lies in ashes._

Her vow lay in broken fragments at her feet, wetted with salty tears.

Kagome locked eyes with Kouga, gritted her teeth, and hissed through them a word which at the moment she could not have more abhorred.

"…please."

There was a beat in the hall. A beat where Kouga's fist hovered above both their heads, where Kagome cringed and silently swore and dried her tears. During this beat of dead silence, during this calm before the predicted storm, Kagome gathered up the pieces of the vow and pieced them back together, bonds of shame and anger making her vow whole once again.

She held on tight to it as she waited for the blow.

_I will not cry, _Kagome thought.

When he hit her, she would not cry. When she was stripped naked and tied to the whipping post, when the barbed rope slashed her back, she would not cry. When she was handed off to random strangers as a reward for good behavior or hard work, when she was hit or bruised or insulted, she would not cry. From that moment on, her tears would be as precious as her memories.

Tears were private… for her and her alone.

Kagome waited a long time to feel the pain which would indicate that the guard's punch had been delivered, but it never came. Trying not to shake, she gently opened her eyes, gazing cautiously upon Kouga's frozen form.

His fists were at his sides, and his eyes were deadly.

"I don't know whether you're mentally retarded," he growled, "Or whether you're suicidal, but either way, I don't care. I'm not gonna waste my time on a woman who's bent on destroying herself. Just… just go in the dorm."

Kagome gawked at him, not fully able to comprehend what he was saying.

_Is he letting me go? _She thought numbly.

As if in answer, Kouga grumbled something to himself, swung the heavy door open, and pushed Kagome in. "Go!" he snapped.

Opening her mouth, rubbing her throbbing arm, she wondered if she should say something. But what was there to say? What was he going to do? Was she actually safe? What had he meant by those words?

"And woman," he growled, "If you _ever _hit me, or talk back to me, or any guards, _ever _again, then I'll report you, and make sure you get flogged so bad you almost die of blood loss."

And then, for a split second, he waited while Kagome let those words settle into her. She felt them sink through her pores, flow through her veins… she felt her muscles absorb them and her heart pump them out to the most extreme parts of her body… and she let them course through her until she grasped their full implications.

Kagome stared right back at him, and for one brief moment of insanity, she wondered if she should thank him. But before she could say anything, before she could decide whether or not he deserved so much as two simple words, the door slammed shut with a slam.

This relieved her, for she was certain that even if he had waited long enough for her to speak, she would not have deigned to say something she did not mean. The guard, the man Kouga, had not saved her. He had not been kind. He had only… he had….

Kagome didn't even know what he had done, but whatever it was, she knew that it was not worthy of thanks.

She would never stoop so low as to thank a man who would let an innocent woman bleed to death. And as Kagome turned around to face the room lit in dim torchlight, she forgot all about the guard, for now that the danger had passed, now that he was gone, he was very insignificant to her and did not deserve a place in her thoughts.

So instead of dwelling on her hatred for Kouga, Kagome took a long look at the room and noticed a few things. Firstly, it was considerably larger than the dorm she had been thrust into the first time, and even appeared to have several other adjoining rooms connected by hallways which led out of sight. Secondly, the walls and floors were dirty, but wet with water… not blood.

Thirdly, there were several other women in this dorm, and upon seeing Kagome, they all jumped to their feet.

"Who're you?"

It was then that the exhaustion and trauma of recent events overwhelmed her, and Kagome lost her tenuous grip on consciousness.

**A/N: I hope this wasn't really badly written compared to the first chapter. I wrote that one on a random spurt of energy at one in the morning after I'd tried to go to bed. So this might seem weak compared to it… anyway, I hope not! Tell me what you think!**

** By the way, to clear something up which I'll explain in the next chapter—The War has been going on for a few years. It's between the North and the East. Kagome's father is the king of the North, and The Cells is the prisoner-of-war complex in the East where Northerners are taken. Some prisoners there are Northern soldiers, others are villagers of conquered Northern villages. **

** Also, if you haven't already figured out how Kagome, the daughter of the Northern King, ended up away from home and in The Cells (though you should have a good idea by now, if you've been paying attention ;D), then I'll tell you that you'll be gradually filled in during the following chapters.**

** Now, thanks to everyone who reviewed: purduepup, Kanna95, Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag, BeautifullySerene, Tomatosoup inc., MegamanSora, bear lover, BGuate224, and Daichilover! You guys are awesome, thank you so much, please keep it up! And all you other people—review, too! I would appreciate it so much, and I'm so happy you're reading this story! I want to know what you think! **

** When I update next depends on how many reviews I get, so please, review! :D **


	3. Heartbeat

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

**A/N: Thank you so much, guys! I love you! And I'm glad that I've clarified things. Anyway, here's chapter 3. :) **

.x.x.

Chapter 3- Heartbeat

* * *

_Life can be deceptive_

_Like eyes can be deceptive_

_Eyes can look_

_And never see_

_Eyes can work_

_And yet be blind_

_Hearts can beat on and on_

_And on_

_Yet a beating heart_

_Is not the source of life_

_And eyes_

_Are not the source of sight._

_

* * *

_

"Inuyasha."

Ever since their meeting, Inuyasha had been thinking about the girl.

"Inuyasha."

No matter the distraction, no matter the force of the other Warrior's shoves against his shoulder, no matter the volume of his voice, his thoughts could not be torn away from her. There was something about her which he could not ignore, something in the faint light in her eyes, in her sad smiles, in her gentle laughter, in her balled, shaking fists when she wanted so badly to scream but knew she could not.

"INUYASHA."

Inuyasha wondered whether he would ever see her again. Kagome. Her name was Kagome. Even if he never again set his eyes upon her face, he was determined to remember the name.

_She's just a girl… doesn't matter, _Inuyasha thought, almost sighing. _And she can't matter, anyway. It wouldn't be good for either of us._

_ She's just a girl._

"Hey, man. Inuyasha. What's the matter with you?"

Opening his eyes, no longer able to ignore his friend's prodding, he groaned, "Shut up for one second of your life, Miroku, okay?"

Kagome was just a girl. It didn't matter that she intrigued him, it didn't matter that her scent entranced him, it didn't matter that life sparkled in her eyes. When blows came to blows, none of that changed what she was.

A girl. A Maiden. A slave.

In times like these and a place like this, Inuyasha couldn't afford to think about a woman.

Miroku let out a small sigh. "You know that I can't hold my tongue for all the ramen in the world. What's on your mind?"

Inuyasha couldn't help but smile slightly at the mention of ramen. _Good stuff, _he thought dazedly, although he couldn't quite recall exactly how good it was or what had made it his favorite food; in the two years since he had last tasted ramen, its essence had long since faded from his tongue.

"Are you gonna talk to me? Inuyasha?"

Grimacing, Inuyasha turned his head to look at Miroku. His gritty face bore a grayish hue, framed by unwashed black hair, tied back into a sloppy rat's tail at the base of his neck with nothing more than a piece of string. That was what anyone might have first noticed about Miroku. But to Inuyasha, Inuyasha and the rest of the Warriors, who had seen Miroku so often they barely noticed the grime and sweat, the thing which was the most noticeable were his bright indigo eyes.

Inuyasha looked away from Miroku, for suddenly memories enveloped him. Memories of the stories Miroku had told—of women, crowding about him for miles and miles. Women, of different shapes and sizes and heights and weights and skin tones and hair colors and temperaments… women, admirers, gathering from miles away just to see Miroku's beautiful eyes.

Closing his own golden eyes, Inuyasha recalled how they had irritated him, Miroku's stories. How they had crawled beneath his skin and refused to come out, how they had annoyed him to the point where he would have _beat _Miroku to make him shut up. Where he would have ripped trees from their roots and smashed them into Miroku's skull… if Miroku hadn't been his best friend since childhood. If he hadn't been his closest companion when they were in the militia, and his only real companion in The Cells….

_As much as I teased him for it, _Inuyasha thought, _I miss those stories now._

"What happened to the miles and miles of women, Miroku?" Inuyasha asked suddenly, barely looking at his friend.

Miroku threw a sidelong glance at him. "Forgive me, but I have no idea what you're talking about."

Groaning a little, Inuyasha muttered, "Figures you wouldn't."

He didn't remember. He didn't fucking remember.

Inuyasha didn't dare look into Miroku's face. This happened once in awhile, that something overcame him, a sudden, gripping… it might have been called fear, but Inuyasha refused to call it fear. For how could he call anything _fear _when he lived day-to-day life wondering whether this was the day he would take his final stand on the battlefield?

_What the hell is it, then? _He asked himself, sitting stiffly against the wall. _This… this…._

Dread. It had to be dread. What else could describe the cold emptiness which would grip him, the stiffness which would turn his head away from Miroku, turn his eyes away from Miroku's eyes? Dread was the only word Inuyasha could think of, and yet it was entirely inadequate to describe his apprehension.

The apprehension that someday he would look into Miroku's ever-twinkling indigo eyes, and find that they had lost their gleam.

"_Aha!_"

The sudden exclamation of triumph made Inuyasha glance halfway at Miroku, quirking an eyebrow. Miroku, undeterred by Inuyasha's skepticism, immediately grinned at him and said, _"Those _women!"

His tone, the tone of taunting, the tone of humor, the tone of nostalgia… the tone undeterred by grievous circumstances… and his eyes, eyes which retained their glow even in the dusty light of the Warriors' dorms… made Inuyasha grin.

"You idiot," he said.

As he said this, Inuyasha turned to smirk at Miroku, to look him in the eyes, all dread gone. And when gold met indigo, Inuyasha saw what he knew he would see.

The twinkle. The gleam in Miroku's bright eyes, the gleam which The Cells had yet failed to suppress. The gleam which told Inuyasha that Miroku was still his best friend… and not a deadened shell of a man like the others.

_Then again, _Inuyasha thought, glancing at the Warriors scattered in their dorm, _It's not like I've talked to them for long enough to really know them._

Friendship among Warriors was a dangerous thing in The Cells. Warriors were slaves to the battlefield, slaves to the spears which they carried. When Inuyasha held a spear or sword, he may have been the holder, but he was not the controller. He didn't feel like he controlled the spear as he plunged it into another man's heart, nor did he feel like he controlled his footsteps as he stepped onto a bloody battlefield, preparing to spatter it with even more blood. He was a slave to the spear, to the game, and as much as he knew it, he hated it.

Inuyasha had discovered a long time ago that it was easier to face the facts. Not to accept them, but to face them… and to resist them as much as he possibly could, without getting himself killed.

_I'm not a fucking martyr._

Inuyasha, for one, was determined to escape The Cells no matter what it took. That was the pact he and Miroku made.

They would live through it, and some day, they would escape. Some day, they would breach the walls and kill the guards and run free. Some day, they would do the impossible. It didn't matter how they did it, and it didn't matter when.

All that mattered was that they would do it. And that was how they lived, day to day to day.

Miroku's laughter brought Inuyasha back to the present. "I guess I am an idiot," Miroku admitted sheepishly.

"You're a full-fledged moron," Inuyasha muttered. "But I'm stuck with you, so there's nothing I can do about it, and there's sure as hell nothing _you _can do about it."

Sighing a dramatic, melancholy sigh, Miroku leaned back against the wall next to Inuyasha. A blithe smile spread across his face. "Ah… the women… I remember." He shifted suddenly to glance at Inuyasha. "Why would you be bringing that up now, though? Last time I checked, did you not call me something akin to… ah… let's see… a foolish womanizer who is… ah… _addicted _to the wonders of the female body? Or… or maybe it was… a…."

"Spare me the complicated words, alright?" Inuyasha interrupted, smirking at him. "I think I called you a perverted moron."

"Ah, of course! Forgive me."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, grumbling, "Stupid monk talk," under his breath.

"Women," Miroku said, sighing. "They are to be enjoyed, but also respected and admired…."

"Yeah, well, I don't think they feel real _respected _and _admired _while you're grabbing their ass—"

"But I would never go farther than that!" Miroku interrupted indignantly. "Not unless they were willing."

Inuyasha couldn't help but give him a withering smirk, but he said nothing, for he knew that Miroku's words were true. A womanizer perhaps, but a monster Miroku was not.

_Monster…_

The word reminded Inuyasha of Kagome. Of what he'd said. Of what he'd almost done.

_What the hell is wrong with me…?_

"…and also," Miroku admitted before Inuyasha had even realized he wasn't finished, "Sometimes women are to be feared."

Inuyasha smirked—no explanation was necessary for that one.

A sly smile crept onto Miroku's face. "But my friend," he said, winking at Inuyasha, "Why do you bring up the fascinating subject of women? As far as I knew, you had no interest in the opposite sex… bit of a hermit, if I say so myself—"

"It's not that I wasn't _interested,_" Inuyasha grumbled. "I just don't want to be bothered with that stuff. Maybe when we're outta here. But till then, no. Besides, it's not like any of the women here are all that interesting."

Silently, he amended that statement.

Miroku smirked his knowing smirk. "Why do I get the feeling that that's not precisely what you're feeling?" When Inuyasha said nothing, Miroku's smirk grew wider, and suddenly remembering something, he said, "Hey… you got sent to the reward chambers today, didn't you? For the _first time._"

Inuyasha groaned. It had been too much to hope that Miroku wouldn't remember about that.

"Yeah, idiot," he said, glaring at his friend. "But don't get any ideas. It's not like anything happened."

"I'm sure."

When Inuyasha couldn't endure Miroku's suggestively waggling eyebrows for a moment longer, he growled, "I'm serious. Nothing happened. You think I would do that to someone?"

Shrugging a little, Miroku said, "Of course not. But most of them are fairly willing… I don't think it would bother them. You're nineteen, man. It might be good for you."

"To _have sex _with a _walking corpse?_" Inuyasha snapped. "I don't think so." Eyes suddenly wary, Inuyasha groaned and said, "Don't tell me that you—"

"Of course not," Miroku replied angelically. "I haven't had any such intimacy since I arrived at The Cells."

Inuyasha nodded knowingly. "Right. For your cook girl. Of course."

Eyes glowing with the sudden fire which always lit in them when Miroku spoke of _her, _he objected, "She's not just a cook girl! She's an angel! She is a goddess! She—"

"What's her name?"

That stopped Miroku.

There was a pause during which only the sound of other Warriors scuffling and of their own breathing could be heard. After a moment, uncharacteristically quietly, Miroku said, "You know that I don't know. But I don't need to know a name to admire someone."

Inuyasha sighed; Miroku was ever the romantic. "You haven't ever even spoken to her."

Shaking his head obstinately, he said, "Yes I did."

"Really? How?"

Miroku held his chin high as he answered, "Once, when she put breakfast into my bowl, I said thank you, and she nodded, and said I was welcome."

Inuyasha burst out laughing.

"I ask you again not to mock me," Miroku said with exaggerated pompousness.

"Sure," Inuyasha gasped out, "Sure. Right, Miroku. I'll never mock you. What the hell are you talking about?"

A smile tweaked at his friend's lips, and soon he, too, was leaning back against the wall, shaking with laughter for no reason other than to laugh.

"God, I love her," Miroku sighed.

Inuyasha gave him a sidelong glance. This was something he had never understood about Miroku—his ideals. His ideals about love, particularly, Inuyasha found incredibly confusing and inconsistent.

"I'll admit," Inuyasha said, "When you first told me all this crap about how you felt about her, I thought you'd be over her by the end of the week. But it's been about two years… so… I guess I was wrong." Shaking his head in exasperation, he added, "But you don't even know her!"

"You wouldn't understand," Miroku said simply, face serene. "I only need to see her, and I know her. By seeing her, I can see into her very soul."

Inuyasha sighed heavily. "You should be a poet or a philosopher or something."

Miroku nodded slightly. "That would be a much preferable job to the militia; I for one have always hated violence. When we leave this hellhole, perhaps we can begin life again as wealthy nobles. With money… as wealthy men… we could… well, there are a thousand things we could do!"

Miroku's eyes hazed over, and at this moment, Inuyasha knew he was about to spin one of his fantasies… one of those painfully optimistic dreams which made his face light up and his mouth move rapidly to catch up with his thoughts. One of those dreams which made Inuyasha roll his eyes and nod, and humor him, and act as if there was even the slightest chance of such a dream coming true.

_It's stupid to dream, _Inuyasha thought. _You have to live through actions. Dreaming, and dreaming about actions, will get you nowhere._

"…we could live in a mansion with beautiful servants and golden tubs and we wouldn't have to enlist in the army and…"

As Inuyasha watched Miroku speak, as he watched him weave a story with his hands, voice, and eyes, in his mind's eye, suddenly he _could _see miles and miles of women lining up around him. Suddenly he could imagine… miles and miles of beautiful women… all surrounding his best friend, for his best friend had a gift which Inuyasha knew he did not have.

_Goddamn dreamers, _Inuyasha thought. But as he looked at Miroku, he made a small admission to himself.

_Dreaming is stupid… but it makes him happy. _

Such a trivial, unrealistic thing was not what kept Inuyasha alive in The Cells, but it was what preserved Miroku. And although he had no idea how Miroku managed to gain more sustenance from dreams than from the gruel which the guards called breakfast, he knew that there must have been something in it, for here Miroku was before him: alive, and still dreaming.

Sometimes Inuyasha wondered: if not dreaming, what kept _him _alive in The Cells? But usually he did not bother himself with such inane thoughts—obviously they were not his source of sustenance, and as long as he did have some mysterious thing fueling his will to go on, then he didn't need to know what it was.

Inuyasha smirked at Miroku. _He's an idiot. But we don't choose who our friends are._

And then, typically of Miroku, he said something which made Inuyasha wish he _could _choose who his friends were—and _not _choose Miroku.

"You sly dog," Miroku said, smirking. "You're distracting me. I wanted to know about _you_ and your experiences in the _chamber_."

Inuyasha glared. "Oi. Enough with the dog jokes, alright?"

"Don't change the subject. Now, where were we…?" Miroku paused for a moment, thinking, before saying, "Ah, yes! You said something about having sex with a walking corpse."

Grinding his teeth together, Inuyasha cursed Miroku and his talent for grossly inappropriate comic bluntness.

"I said," Inuyasha growled, "That even if she—the girl who came into the chamber—had been like most of the Maidens, I still wouldn't have gone near her. They're all…"

Looking around, deciding not to say it aloud, he jerked his head toward the nearest Warrior. Miroku followed his gaze, and for a moment they looked upon the man who was their fellow slave… the man who was only a slave, who had lost all essence of himself a long time ago.

The gaunt man with missing teeth and horrid scars and empty eyes….

Miroku nodded solemnly. "Like that," he finished.

Closing his eyes, hoping Miroku would not push it any further, Inuyasha said, "Yeah."

He didn't want his eyes to stray toward that man… he didn't want to take in his ragged face, his skinny chest, his warped nose, his dead eyes….

"Like looking in a mirror, right?" Miroku said in a low voice.

Inuyasha knew what he meant, but still, he rolled his eyes and said, "Hardly. I'm a lot better looking than that."

Together they smirked, rolling their eyes at each other and themselves, and drew their attention away from the man just a yard away from them… the man who they knew did not hear their words, although he was easily in hearing range.

"Back to the topic, though," Miroku said pointedly. "Why do you say, _even if she was like the others? _Are you saying that she was different?" When Inuyasha was silent for even longer than he had expected, he prodded him in the shoulder. "Hey. Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha groaned loudly and balled his hands into fists.

"Fuck it," he muttered. "Yeah, she was different, alright?"

Miroku raised his eyebrows. "Different how?"

"What do you think? She… I don't know… you know I'm not good with words. Why the hell should I tell you, anyway?" he demanded suddenly, frowning at Miroku.

Shrugging, Miroku replied, "I wasn't aware it was a secret."

That statement, so nonchalant and yet so meaningful, so casual and yet a perfect and deliberate trap, silenced Inuyasha.

_A secret…_

The words hovered in his mind, dripped onto his tongue. A secret… what was a secret? A secret was something to hide, something to protect, something to treasure… something which meant more than life and comfort… a secret was a flower which would die if it touched air….

_It's not like she's that important, _Inuyasha thought. _So why does she have to be a secret? Why would I keep her a secret anyway? I barely know her. She's not mine. She's just another prisoner._

"She's not a secret," Inuyasha muttered. "She just doesn't matter, so why do you care?"

Miroku smiled slightly. "She doesn't seem so unimportant, if you ask me. Tell me… what did you do in the chambers?"

"Talked," Inuyasha replied immediately.

Miroku raised his eyebrows. Glaring sidelong at him, Inuyasha snapped, "What?"

There was a moment where Miroku's eyebrows were raised, eyes wide, and he stared at Inuyasha. There was a moment where Inuyasha glared back, and they looked at each other, even though their minds were far away.

Miroku broke the moment by saying almost wryly but with undeniable seriousness, "You were right. She _is _different."

Inuyasha nodded silently.

"She's new, isn't she?"

He kept nodding, jaw clenched.

Quirking his head to the side, more analytically, more strategically than curiously, Miroku asked, "What's her name?"

Before Inuyasha could even begin to question the implications of his inquiry, or of his answer, he said flatly, "Kagome."

Miroku gaped at him.

_Kagome._

Inuyasha thought the name and wondered where she was. He thought the name and wondered if she knew he was thinking about her, and if she was thinking about him… he thought the name and wondered why he couldn't stop thinking about it… about her….

And then a possible answer occurred to him.

"Her name is Kagome," he said slowly. "But… Miroku, it's not just a name to her. She's not a walking corpse like the rest of them. She… she's like us."

The realization hit him, and it hit him hard.

_She's alive. She's like us._

Of course he had already known that she possessed the spark which most prisoners of The Cells had long since lost… but somehow grouping her with him and Miroku felt right. Somehow, it made him… almost… smile.

"Kagome," Miroku said slowly.

Inuyasha nodded.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Miroku muttered, "I can't believe you know her name. What happened to indifference is practical?"

"Nothing," Inuyasha growled. "It was just a few hours we were together, and we talked… and we talked… and she… she was interesting, I guess. But still, she's just a girl. And if she's like us, she'll be able to take care of herself."

Miroku eyed him almost worriedly. "Inuyasha… you do realize that most Maidens and Laborers enter The Cells much like her, right? They weren't born as the living dead. They… changed."

Inuyasha nodded silently, unwilling to really listen to what he was saying.

"Look," Miroku said slowly. "I'm not trying to depress you or anything, but… we had each other. We fought to stay ourselves. Who does she have?"

For one crazy moment, Inuyasha recalled how he had felt around her in the chambers. For one crazy moment, he remembered her scent and her eyes and her smile. For one crazy moment, he remembered the anger which churned inside him when the guard hit her.

For one crazy moment, Inuyasha almost said, _She has me. _But then the moment was over, and he returned to practicality.

"Probably not anyone," he admitted, voice low, unwilling to comprehend the message Miroku was trying to get across.

His friend nodded solemnly, looking at Inuyasha with almost pitying eyes. Inuyasha looked away from him, unwilling to see the pity which he hated and did not need, but also too tired to fight.

Hesitantly, Miroku asked, "Then how do you know she will not lose herself the way the others have?"

"She won't."

"How do you know, Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "I just know, alright?"

Eyes cooling a little, Miroku said again, "You can't know."

For several minutes, Inuyasha thought about those words. About Kagome and her beautiful face and her smile and her bright, angry, sad, _deep _eyes… about the sound of her tears and the sound of her laughter… and as Inuyasha thought about her, he found himself smiling, for he realized that she was the first woman—the first _person_ other than Miroku and Inuyasha himself—to show signs of life in The Cells.

He thought of her eyes, her laughter, her smiles… and he thought of them all fading.

Inuyasha's eyes wandered to the Warrior, gaunt and eerie in the torchlight, veins almost visible through his skin, matted hair covering his head… and for a split second, Inuyasha's gold eyes met the Warrior's brown ones. But it was as if they met nothing, for in the Warrior's eyes, that was all there was. Nothing.

They were void… two tiny voids in the face of a dead man with a beating heart.

Inuyasha tore his eyes away from him and said firmly to no one, "She won't."

Miroku shook his head, saying nothing, and Inuyasha, too, was silent. And the room was silent… silent except for shallow breathing, silent except for the whisper of the torch on the wall. Silent except for the beating of several hearts, echoing together in the dorm. The heartbeats were silent to his human companions, but to Inuyasha, they were loud and significant and ominous.

Miroku's heartbeat. Inuyasha's heartbeat.

And almost surprisingly, the other Warrior's heartbeat, whose name was unknown and did not matter, for although his heart plowed on, he had died long ago.

**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! And I hope I'm not making Inuyasha feel too strongly for Kagome? How it's meant to be at this point in the story is that he does have some feelings for her, but it's not like they're serious yet; he's only known her for a day. Less. But she is the only person other than Miroku who has seemed to be more than a walking corpse, as Inuyasha put it, so it's natural that he would think a lot about her. **

** Thank you so much to purduepup, (unknown), Happydaysarecool, Bunnyz, Roses Kiss, Tomatosoup Inc., MegamanSora, Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag, swan120, Daichilover, Smiling Twilight, and bear lover for reviewing! You have no idea how good it felt to read those reviews. Really, I can't even express it. I hope that this chapter has kept up with the standards and style of the previous two! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH! :D**

** And for the rest of you who read and don't review—I love you, too! But it's not too late to review! Please do! And if anybody has any constructive criticism, I'd be happy to hear it!**


	4. Choice

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

**A/N: This is a long-ish one, and also the last one I'm going to post for about two weeks, because I will be on vacation, with doubtful internet access. Enjoy, read and review!**

.x.x.

Chapter 4- Choice

* * *

_There is an axis_

_Around which life spins_

_Faster, faster_

_Until it can spin no faster_

_Spin no farther_

_And it changes its course_

_And spins the other way._

_In this pause_

_This pause of fate_

_The future is the horizon_

_The past dusk_

_And when the sun lies mid-sky_

_One sees their life_

_In its all its glory_

_And all its suffering._

_

* * *

_

Aching. She had never felt so much aching.

Perhaps the sensation was made particularly painful by the fact that it was all she could feel; in those moments, in those moments where she lay in the darkness, the pain and the soreness were all she had. The aching, the splitting, the spinning… it was all she could sense, and without it, she feared she might be lost in the dark.

"She's waking."

Kagome smiled slightly at the voice. It wasn't a familiar voice, but it was the closest to a kind voice which she had heard in… in how long? Where was she, anyway? Who was speaking? Whose was the voice? Whose was the hand which pressed something cool gently onto her ribs…?

Ribs. She had ribs.

Kagome inhaled shallowly and groaned.

In a daze, she could only wonder what had happened to her. So many questions; too many questions for her liking. The questions took away some of the pain, but they spun her head faster and faster, and with every passing second, more questions crawled into her vulnerable mind, until Kagome thought she might not be able to bear it. Until each little thought was a river, and together they were creating an ocean… drowning her….

"Ssssh… you'll be okay…."

The voice… her mother's voice. It was so like her mother's voice, but something told Kagome that it was not her mother… something told her that her mother was dead. But why should her mother be dead? Why should the voice not be her mother's? Kagome fought the something which had spoken, she fought it and beat it down, for she knew that it was her mother's voice. She knew that it was her mother's hand on her cheek….

"Is there any more remedy left?"

Remedy… remedy for the wounds, remedy for the bruises… remedy for the bruises caused by _what? _

"Sleep… go to sleep for just a while longer… rest…."

_"Rest, Kagome," her mother whispered, smiling gently._

_ Kagome felt a palm on her clammy forehead. With small, clumsy hands, she reached up to brush it away, saying softly, "I'm fine…"_

_ "Don't be stubborn," she said wryly, rolling her eyes. "I love you for it, but you know, sometimes it's good to let people take care of you."_

_ "Don't need… to sleep… I don't want to… I don't… want to…"_

_ Mutterings turned to whispers, whispers turned to murmurs, and murmurs subsided into vague, indistinguishable nonsense which fell from Kagome's mouth, soft as a gentle breeze. She turned in her bed, pulling up the sheets around herself. With a small shudder, she crawled closer to her mother, cuddling in against her, telling her she did not want to sleep, for she feared the dreams her fevered brain might conjure…._

_ "I love you," her mother whispered. "I'm right here."_

_ Eyes bleary, Kagome looked up at her. "Promise?"_

_ "Promise."_

_ Kagome locked her small hand into her mother's larger, dainty one, and she held onto her as if she were her lifeline. _

_ "Rest…"_

"Rest…"

_"I'll be here when you wake up…"_

"She'll have to face it all when she wakes up."

"I know that… but it can't hurt to postpone it."

_"Rest…"_

"Rest… I'll be back in a moment…."

_"I love you."_

Kagome's eyes flew open, and her mother disappeared. The smell of her perfume, the texture of her hair, the color of her dress, the warmth of her hand… they vanished like the fading dawn, like gently fading footsteps, and only when they were completely gone did Kagome realize just how much she needed them.

Now, although there were two other women crowded about her, she felt alone.

"She's awake," one of them said.

Another smiled gently at her. "Try to sleep a little longer, if you can… but if you can't, then we're all here for you."

The tone in her voice implied that she would understand if Kagome would rather sink back into dreamland than face reality. But to Kagome, just the idea of trying to sleep again seemed an impossible thought. Sitting up very slowly, with the aid of her companions, she asked blearily, "What happened? Where am I? Who are you?"

One of the women sighed a little and said, "You're in The Cells. In the Maidens' dorm. You fainted."

"The mistress of tact, you are," another woman said, rolling her eyes. "Not like it would make much difference anyway."

Kagome blinked at the woman who had just spoken, taking in everything about her—her appearance, her expression, her smile, her clothes. She wore a simple dress, stained with dirt but not in rags. Dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail with a piece of twine, and her dark eyes smiled as she said, "Hi. I'm Sango. Welcome to The Cells."

Something about her tone—the sympathy, the sadness, and the subtle wryness—made Kagome laugh.

"Hi," she said. "I'm Kagome."

The woman called Sango took her by the shoulders, supporting her as she sat up. "Be careful," she warned. "You fell, hard—we only just managed to catch you. If we hadn't, it'd probably be your brains on the floor."

Kagome couldn't help but smile a little and think wryly, _I don't think Sango is exactly a mistress of tact, either._

"Thanks," she said. Resolving to speak in more than one or two short words, she asked, "Is this the Maidens' dorm? Are you all Maidens?"

Kagome roved her eyes about the women beside her, and across her surroundings. The dorm was not a dorm, not a dressing room, and certainly not like Kagome's bedroom, but it was marginally nicer than the pigsty she had been in before. _The Laborers' dorms, _Kagome thought. _Are they all like that? Is that why the women said I was lucky to be a Maiden? Are Maidens treated better here?_

The Maidens' dorm was damp and rather cold, like the Laborers' dorm, but there were more torches lined up along the walls… and no rats. At first, for just a fleeting moment, Kagome felt just the faintest hint of sadness at that revelation. _Look at me, _she thought ruefully. _I am actually _missing _that rat. _

In the L dorm, the rat had been her only company. The rat had been her companion, and in the solitude, Kagome might have even gone so far as to say it had been her friend.

Looking around her, she thought, _But I don't need rats anymore… there are people here with me._

In a flash of memory, Kagome remembered the other person who might have been her companion in the L dorm. The woman in rags, the woman with hazy eyes and a beaten face and abused limbs and matted, bloody hair… the woman with long gashes, the woman whose life was at this moment slowly bleeding out of her.

A low gasp escaped Kagome's throat.

"Are you alright?" Sango asked, gently touching Kagome's hand.

"The woman," Kagome said softly. Her body began to shake, her mind to freeze, and as if to protect herself from unseen nightmares, she brought her knees up to her chin. "She… they left her there. She was bleeding, she was dying, and they _left _her there."

With effort, she choked back a sob and looked to Sango, the only one who had told her her name. Sango shifted a little, put a calloused hand on Kagome's shoulder, and said softly, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

Kagome couldn't say anything in response to that. She couldn't nod, she couldn't cry, she couldn't gulp. All she could do was open and close her mouth, open and close, just like a fish out of water. A fish, drowning in air, drowning in shock. For Kagome understood what that meant; what Sango really meant when she said, "I'm sorry you had to see that."

_"I'm sorry you had to see that. I'm sorry there will be much more to come. I'm sorry you will have to cope with it."_

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry….

Kagome swallowed, only to find that after nearly a fortnight of sparse meals and tainted water, her throat was dry, her lips cracked. "You don't have to apologize." Voice raspy. "I-I understand."

The other woman nodded. "Good. It's best to get an understanding of everything early on. It'll hurt less later."

Something in the woman's voice made Kagome wince. Something in her tone, in her empty, ringing notes, drew Kagome's eyes to her face. And something in her face chilled her to the very core.

Kagome's mouth feel open, because for a moment, she felt that she was looking into the face of a zombie.

It wasn't that the woman was ugly, or that her flesh rotted, that her bones protruded from cracked skin. In fact, the woman possessed a kind of beauty about her—a beauty which, Kagome noticed, was shared by every other woman in the room. But it was impossible to call this woman beautiful. Not when her cheeks were narrow and her eyes were cold and her face was devoid of life itself. Not when she seemed more like the soulless body of a beautiful woman than the beautiful woman herself.

"Hello," Kagome mumbled, because it was what she had been taught to do, and because she could think to say nothing else.

The woman nodded in return, told her that she was glad she was alright. But Kagome had trouble thinking the woman was glad; Kagome had trouble thinking the woman could be glad about anything.

With no further words, the Maiden turned away, leaning back against a wall.

_Lifeless, _Kagome thought, eyes wide. Lifeless like the ones in the hallway, who had watched the guards push her into the fortress. Hopeless like the ones in the tractor, who had spent the grueling ride staring at the hay on which they were chained.

Lifeless, hopeless, like the others. But Kagome had never made eye contact with the others. Now she had, and the experience left her feeling as if something had ventured inside her and sucked her heart out. As if something had tunneled its way into her soul and ripped it out of her body.

A small voice, the voice of the King's daughter, told her, _It's rude to stare. _But Kagome couldn't help but think back, _I don't think it matters in The Cells._

Still, though, she looked away; not because she thought the Maiden would care, but because she could not bear to see those eyes for a moment longer; for she feared that the Maiden's eyes might have the power to suck her spirit out of her body as well.

_The other Maiden, _Kagome reminded herself. _I'm a Maiden now, too…._

_ An M-1024, to be exact. Just a Kagome._

But when Sango said her name, when Sango called her attention away from morbid thoughts, Kagome could not help but feel that in Sango's voice, her name held meaning.

"Kagome, come here. I have some things for the bruises on your face."

Kagome looked up in surprise to see Sango holding what looked like washcloths and some kind of herbal concoction. _An herbal concoction which smells horrible, _Kagome thought to herself, wrinkling her nose. "Er… Sango… what is that?"

A surprised laugh drifted from Sango's lips. "Have you never seen a Tori Root Remedy before?" she asked, eyes alight with confusion and, Kagome noted, amusement. "Strange, you are. But it doesn't matter. Come here."

Suspicion written all over her face, Kagome edged closer, still eyeing the towel and bowl of Tori Root Remedy with visible wariness. One didn't even need to see her face; she herself exuded an aura of fearful skepticism, and one needed only to taste the atmosphere about her to know that she approached the bowl as she might approach an angry cobra.

Kagome watched closely as Sango dipped the towel into the bowl… and flinched as she removed it, for it was covered in a sticky, asparagus-green goo.

"That's… really disgusting," Kagome managed, resisting the urge to edge away.

Sango rolled her eyes. "Don't be a baby and come over here. As far as I can see you have no open cuts, so this shouldn't hurt."

"Right," she said uncertainly.

Sango brought the cloth nearer to Kagome's head, and suddenly the stench of the remedy assailed her nostrils. It was all she could do not to choke as she felt the sticky residue coat the side of her face.

_Breathe in… breathe out… breathe in… breathe out…._

"I know, foul, isn't it?" Sango said nonchalantly. "It's all right, though. Just bear with it, and soon, it'll feel much better, I promise."

All Kagome could do was nod, for she feared that if she opened her mouth, she might vomit. _What is this…? What on Earth could make a root smell so god-awful…?_

"Feel better?"

"I don't know… I feel sick…."

Sango grimaced at her. "Stop being a child. How old are you, seventeen?"

"Sixteen," Kagome corrected.

Shrugging, Sango said, "Well, I'm seventeen, but I know I wouldn't have been bothered by a Tori Remedy when I was sixteen. A right princess you are."

Sango stopped to chuckle, and Kagome, feeling that that was what she was expected to do, and also noting the irony of Sango's last statement, joined in.

"Sorry," she said, smiling despite herself. "But we don't have Tori Roots where I come… from…."

Her voice and smile faded toward the last sentence as she remembered: _No one can know where I come from, _she thought. _No one can know why I've never seen a Tori Root Remedy before… my god, do poor people use this stuff all the time?_

To Kagome's relief, though, two good things began to happen. First, it appeared that Inuyasha had been right, for although Sango did give her a bit of a funny look, she did not inquire into from whence Kagome came. But also, and irrationally more relieving… the pain was fading.

"It's working," Kagome said aloud, almost in shock. "I didn't think it would work."

Sango laughed. "You're really an odd thing. _Didn't think it would work_," she mumbled, chuckling to herself. It might have annoyed Kagome that Sango's amusement was at her expense, but she couldn't find it in herself to be annoyed when the soreness seemed to be dissipating with every passing second.

"That's amazing," she said. The stench was still there, as was the repulsive, sticky sensation, which in itself was not pleasant, but the pain… the pain was dull, the pain was faded, the pain was gone.

Kagome reached up a hand to the sticky solution on her face and, gently, touched it, bringing it down so that she could see a bit of the residue on her finger. _I had never known that common remedies like these worked so well, _she thought.

"Where did you get this?" she asked, turning to Sango. "Did they give it to you?"

Sango's smile turned a bit bitter. "Give it to us? Oh, no. No, I made this." Seeing Kagome's questioning stare, she smiled again… a brighter smile. But this time, Kagome noticed something about it which she had not noticed before.

It was just slightly forced.

"It's very easy to make it, if you know how," she said. "And, well, I do. We used Tori Roots all the time in my village, and it's very healthy. That's why it's used a lot here as an ingredient in meals—it's very common, cheap, and provides many vital nutrients. Tastes and smells god-awful, though." Sango's eyes hardened a little as she said, "But they're not exactly aiming to please our taste, so that doesn't matter to them."

When Sango almost seemed about to stop speaking, Kagome prodded, "So… how did you get the roots? And how do you make the remedy? I'd like to know."

"Oh, right. Sorry about that." Leaning forward, Sango said mischievously, "I stole them while I was cooking. We have lots of access to the slave food storage warehouses, but we can't steal much; they would notice if stock started running low. But we often take some roots, and they keep well, so we hide them in case someone needs them."

"Although in most cases," a voice said, "That person is usually you, San."

Sango and Kagome turned to see another Maiden walk into their room. She didn't come in from the door Kagome had come through, so Kagome assumed there was a hallway leading to other adjoining dorm rooms. The new girl was younger than both Kagome and Sango, and yet somehow, she managed to glare at Sango with almost grandmotherly disapproval.

Sango smiled slightly at her. "I'm not in the mood to be chastised, Koharu."

The girl called Koharu shook her head, sighing a little. "You're never in the mood to be chastised, even though you need it." Smirking just a little, she said, "Sometimes I wonder if you even value your life."

Sango turned to grin at her and said loudly, "Sometimes I wonder if you value yours."

Koharu stifled a laugh, and they might have continued the exchange, but Koharu appeared to notice Kagome, who was staring at her in open confusion.

"Oh," she said, and to Kagome's immense surprise, she smiled. "Hi. You're awake now, are you?"

Kagome nodded. "Yeah… I just got here. I'm Kagome."

"Koharu. I'm the one who was tending to you while you slept," Koharu said, smiling a plain but friendly smile. "I hope Sango's not telling you about her latest plans for rebellion."

Kagome knew that it was foolish for those words to make her eyes widen, to make her heart beat for what felt like the first time since she'd arrived at the dorms. She knew it was foolish for that to excite her, she knew it was childish, she knew she was jumping to conclusions… but still, she couldn't help but stare at Sango.

"Rebellion?" she asked in surprise.

Sango smiled, but it wasn't a happy smile. "Every week."

Amazing, how two little words could make Kagome deflate.

"Ah." Kagome said nothing more, choosing to leave it like that—an awkward silence, an awkward 'Ah' hanging in the air. Not quite even a word; just a sound.

"Don't give me that look," Sango said, glaring at both Kagome and Koharu. Turning her attention again to Kagome, she said, "Koharu makes it sound like I lead full-armed attacks on the guards every other evening. Don't let her mislead you."

Not wanting to cease the conversation, not wanting to be allowed to sink back into her thoughts, Kagome said, "Then what _do _you do?"

Sango shrugged, smiling a small smile—almost a smirk, Kagome noted. "Little things. Smuggling supplies. Sometimes even clothes or belongings, if we're lucky. This, right here? The Tori Root Remedy? This is a rebellion, on its own."

Kagome worked very carefully to keep the dubious expression off her face as Sango described their 'rebellions.' To Kagome, sticking up one's middle finger at a guard while they were not looking was not a rebellion. Nor was stuffing a few pieces of a root in your pocket while you chopped it up. To Kagome, a rebellion was sticking one's middle finger at the guard while they _were _looking. To Kagome, a rebellion was taking the knife you used to cut the roots and using it instead to cut your captors.

To Kagome, a rebellion was escape.

She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she had failed to notice Sango's eerie stare. It was not quite a glare, but it was not a _friendly _stare either. And when Sango spoke, Kagome knew that for some unfathomable reason, she was angry.

"It doesn't sound like much, does it?" Sango said.

Kagome jumped at her voice, for it brimmed with a fury she had not foreseen. It brimmed with… offense. Somehow, Kagome had _offended _her. It took a moment for Kagome to realize exactly what made Sango's eyes glow almost red—and once she figured it out, she almost wished she hadn't.

_Are my thoughts so clear on my face? _She thought, embarrassed and regretful.

"I… well…." Kagome struggled to answer her. Sango might become her friend—one of her _only _friends. Who knew if she would ever see Inuyasha again, but Sango was a Maiden. Sango, she would see probably almost every day… Kagome couldn't afford to lose that kind of companionship, and yet she didn't want to lie.

_And if I told her I was eager to help her steal Tori roots, _Kagome thought, _It would be a lie._

Koharu cast anxious glances between Kagome and Sango. "Sango—"

Sango cut her off, now openly glaring at Kagome, sending her a glare which made Kagome want to jump up and run to the other side of the room. "I don't know where you come from," she said angrily, "But you're in The Cells, now. You want to show us a _real _rebellion? Go ahead. Get up, open that door, and stick your nail into a guard's goddamn eye! _Do it!_"

Sango breathed hard, staring at Kagome, who stared back, stunned into silence. Stunned into paralysis, stunned with shock, fear, and even indignation.

"No?" Sango snapped, voice rising. "So, the almighty whatever-your-name-is doesn't practice what she preaches, huh?"

_That's going too far, _Kagome thought. "I never preached anything—"

"Yeah? Well, your _eyes _told a different story!"

"I don't want to fight!" Kagome pleaded, getting up. "I'm sorry—I—"

"PUNCH ME IN THE GODDAMN FACE IF YOU—"

"SANGO!"

And then, suddenly, Sango went limp. Her chin drooped a little, the fire faded from her eyes, her shoulders sagged. Kagome, as entranced as she was shocked, watched her almost shrink within herself—shrink back to Koharu, who held onto her arm.

"Calm down," Koharu muttered. "Calm down."

Kagome watched Koharu and Sango; she watched Sango, who had seemed so bold, take support from Koharu, who whispered softly to her, who never took her eyes off of her face, who didn't stop speaking until Sango lifted her head and groaned.

"Stupid… ugh." Koharu moved away, letting Sango sit up, rubbing her head. "I feel like I just got hit in the head with my Hiraikotsu," Sango grumbled.

Kagome gawked at her, clueless as to what had just happened, and in any case, having no idea as to the meaning of _Hiraikotsu_. Noticing her stare, Sango snapped, "What?"

Just that snap was enough to make Kagome jump, this time eyeing Sango warily.

Sango quirked her head to the side. "What…" and then, like a sudden dawn, comprehension rushed into her eyes. "Oh god. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The wariness faded from Kagome as she gazed onto Sango, utterly confused at her change of mood, knowing not what to feel—except one thing. A grievous wretchedness.

"No," Kagome said earnestly. "I'm sorry. For… for being a brat. For not understanding."

Sango shook her head. "I should've taken the time to understand," she said, sitting up straight, looking Kagome in the eye. "You're new. Of course you wouldn't really know what rebellion means…." She shook her head, smiling ruefully. "You've never had to rebel in your life, have you? To fight? Don't look at me all surprised, I can tell from how you act. It's like… you're too naïve. That's what you are."

"I'm _not _naïve," Kagome snapped, vaguely aware of how childish she sounded.

Laughing a little, Sango said, "Sure you're not."

Koharu took this opportunity to lean around and look at Sango. "Are you okay now?" she asked hesitantly.

Nodding, Sango said, "Yeah. Still have a raging headache, but it's nothing."

Kagome looked between them, wondering if asking would be prying. _Of course it would be, _she answered immediately. _And prying is rude… prying is unattractive. _But just after resolving not to inquire further, she thought to herself, _But here… what does being unattractive matter? It's not like I need to have manners. Nobody else seems to have manners. _

Frowning, Kagome thought, _I never even _liked _manners. Shouldn't I be rushing to leave them behind when I get the chance? Now that it doesn't matter?_

Why did it matter that she not be rude? Why here, in The Cells, should she act like a proper lady? There was no reason… and yet something held her in, even here, and Kagome knew that it was not the difficulty of breaking habits, for manners had never become a habit. Manners were a chore.

For a short while, Kagome wondered why it was proving difficult to forget about propriety and ask. And after that short while… she knew.

Immediately, Kagome decided to push that revelation away by asking what she wished.

"I… sorry, but, what just happened?" Kagome asked hesitantly.

Sango and Koharu exchanged a look, and this time it was Koharu who answered her. "Sango has problems controlling her anger sometimes," she said slowly. "It used to be just a short temper, but it's gotten worse lately."

"Lately being since I came to The Cells," Sango clarified. "So, not all that recently. When I get really mad… I lose it. Sometimes literally. I'll black out, and wake up with a person or two unconscious at my feet."

Kagome could only stare and say quietly, "…oh."

Rolling her eyes, Sango said, "Please, don't give me that look. It's not like I'm going to kill you in my sleep or something. I don't usually start going off on people for something as small as what you did just now—it'll probably never happen again. Don't worry about it."

But Kagome couldn't help herself from worrying about it—though more for Sango's sake than for her own.

"So, it's getting worse?" Kagome asked, anxiety creeping into her voice. "Couldn't that get you into trouble? What if you attacked a guard?"

Sango grimaced. "It's happened before."

Kagome could only stare, her eyes asking all the questions which she did not need to speak. Sango met her gaze, sighed, and shifted slightly. Before Kagome could say a word, to her shock, Sango was lifting up her own robe.

"This is why it's usually me who needs to Tori Roots."

Perhaps that sentence should have prepared Kagome for what she was about to see. Perhaps it should have given her some warning. Perhaps if she had had time to actually process what the words, strung together in that order, meant, she might have been able to brace herself for what was to come.

As it was, Kagome was still too numb to do any deciphering of words, and the appalling mess which was Sango's back almost made her scream.

Almost from the base of her spine to the backs of her shoulders, the skin was covered in scars. Long scars, thick scars, thin scars… horrible, peeling, jagged scars which looked as if they had never healed. Red scars, white scars, brown scars… scars which in the shadows of the torchlight looked black and mottled.

Kagome covered her mouth, not caring how pathetic she looked, for never before had she seen skin so abused.

Sango turned around to face Kagome, and to Kagome's shock, she was _grinning. _For a brief moment Kagome wondered if Sango was a sadist, or perhaps even more psychotic than they already knew. But then Sango spoke, and her words wiped the repulsed look off of Kagome's face.

"Gross, right? Well, I'd rather have scars across every square inch of my body than be like the others."

Kagome blinked at that statement, spoken so firmly, and knew that Sango meant every word she said. "Doesn't that hurt?" she asked quickly.

Sango nodded. "Yeah. I've gotten used to it though. You live long enough with something, it sort of fades, you know?"

Nodding, Kagome swallowed down bile. Sango gestured to a long, thin, white scar which ran diagonally from her shoulder blade to the opposite hip. "This was from the first whipping I ever got," Sango said, much like someone might introduce an artist's first painting in a museum.

Kagome cringed, finding herself grudgingly interested. "What did you do?"

"Incapacitated the Warrior I'd been given to." Sango smiled slightly, though Kagome thought it was a rather morbid smile. "They weren't pleased with me at all for that one. Nor were they when I did it a second time…" she gestured to another scar, "…or a third…."

Kagome continued to stare as Sango gave her the history of each and every scar on her back. A jagged line, cut by an angry guard's dagger. Three thin scars, side by side, of identical lengths, made by a demon's claws. Kagome stared, learning that each scar had its own history, its own story—and that each one gave Sango a kind of grim pride. But as she continued her tour across Sango's back, her stares of repulsion turned to stares of awe. Of pure _admiration._

In her life, Kagome had met very few people she had truly admired. Her mother being one of them… and Sango, perhaps, being the second.

_And maybe Inuyasha, the Warrior, _Kagome thought. _But I don't really know enough about him to tell._

Sango slipped her robe back on, turning around to look at Kagome. "So. What do you think?"

"I think you're incredible," Kagome replied, not needing to think before speaking.

Sango nodded slightly, a wry smile tweaking one side of her lip.

"I think you're stupid," Koharu muttered, looking away. "Going through all that just to prove… to prove _what? _You're lucky that Mukotsu has an interest in you, or you'd be dead by now."

Sango wrinkled her nose at the mention of the name, spitting on the floor. Before Kagome could even ask, Koharu explained, "Mukotsu is a really rich Eastern noble. Sometimes the nobles come here to rent—"

"_Rent_," Sango scoffed.

Koharu sighed. "Yes, to rent a Maiden. I don't like it either, but that's the only way I can describe it, and it's the truth."

Kagome stared at Sango. "Did he take you? Did you incapacitate him like you did the other Warriors?"

Sango shook her head slightly. "No, he didn't take me, but he saw me… and he said that the next time he visits, he's going to buy me. Like that'll happen. And I haven't been assigned as a Warrior's 'reward' for awhile; because Mukotsu wants to buy me, they can't kill me, so they got tired of punishing me and put me on cook duty instead. All the Maidens cook and clean and stuff, but I cook and clean full time. Which is better than getting my body rented out to random men."

"_That's _better," Koharu said, raising an eyebrow and nodding to Sango's back.

Sango's eyes hardened infinitesimally. "You make your decisions, I make mine, okay?" she said. But although the words meant a question, it sounded more like an ultimatum than a plea for approval. "You don't see me pitying you for letting yourself be tossed around like a toy."

"_I am not a toy._"

Koharu's sudden severity made Kagome jump a little, and as Koharu spoke, Kagome realized several things. "I'm not a toy," Koharu muttered. "Like you said—you make your decisions, I make mine. It doesn't matter if you disapprove; I'd rather be a Maiden than dead or crippled."

From the sudden tension in the air, Kagome knew that this was a low blow. For a moment, when Sango's eyes flashed, she thought that her temper might once again be preparing for take off… and that this time, the outcome might be fatal. There was a beat of silence during which no one breathed, and Kagome, Sango, and Koharu waited with baited breath.

Then Sango exhaled and pinched her nose.

"One… two… three…." Opening her eyes, she looked up at Koharu. "I don't want to fight, okay?"

Koharu nodded slowly. "Yeah. You're right."

Sango smiled, shaking her hand with a strong grip. "Good. I respect your decisions, even if I don't understand them."

This time Koharu didn't even nod as she spoke. "And I respect yours… even if I wish you would change your mind."

Kagome looked between them, a revelation growing. Sango and Koharu were friends, and had been friends for a long time. Of this, Kagome was certain. But she also grasped that when blows came to blows, they were very different people, and they had chosen different paths. And although it hurt them to see each other hurt, whether emotionally, physically, or both… they accepted their decisions, because it was the only thing they could do to preserve their bond.

The only word Kagome could think of to describe this was _amazing._

"You should think about your decisions, too," Koharu said, taking Kagome by surprise by turning both her and Sango's attention to her. Her eyes were serious as she said, "It's important to get your priorities straight from the beginning."

Kagome looked between the two girls, and knew that they had chosen different priorities. She wondered how it felt to be Sango, to be Koharu… but she knew that asking would be grossly overstepping boundaries. So she quenched her grim curiosity, and instead, focused on what Koharu meant.

A cold chill settled on her, like a gentle trickle of ice water down the back of her neck.

"I don't know," she said honestly.

Koharu nodded. "That's reasonable. You'll probably only _really _know once you're faced with the decision." In a quieter voice, in a voice which made Kagome wonder what Koharu had _originally _decided, she added, "I know that's how it worked for me."

Sango scrutinized Kagome. "I guess you haven't been given to anyone yet?"

"Actually… I have."

Sango and Koharu stared. "You _have?_" they chorused at the same time.

"Then you made your decision," Sango said, voice going oddly flat. "What did you do?"

Kagome shifted under her gaze. _It feels like I'm being judged. _"I… didn't do anything. I mean, _he _didn't do anything." She shifted again, going silent, fidgeting with her robe, cursing herself for stuttering. Where had her confidence gone?

_Maybe they took it away, too, _Kagome thought. _Maybe they took it from me when they took away my dress… when they stole my identity._

Refocusing her attention on a stunned Sango and Koharu, she waited for their reaction.

"He… didn't do anything?" Koharu asked finally, blinking.

Kagome shrugged. "I don't see why they would, really," she said. "I mean, they're Northern soldiers. They're fighting for _us_. Aren't they good people?"

"Just cause they're fighting on the King's side, doesn't mean they're good people," Sango said. "And even if they were… The Cells can do a lot to a person. Just look at her."

Kagome knew who she was talking about, and she refused to look in the direction of the fourth Maiden… refused to see her deadened eyes, like a night forever without stars… like a night stripped of its mystery and splendor…

"He was different," she said. "He… he was kind. He seemed like he was disgusted by the thought of doing something to me."

_Don't look at the Maiden. Don't look at her eyes. You might fall into them._

Sango nodded thoughtfully. "He's different all right," she said. "What did he look like?"

Kagome didn't have to think hard to remember. "Half demon. Silver hair. Dog ears. Gold eyes."

Sango quirked an eyebrow. "A good-looking guy? Oddly good-looking, both for a prisoner and for a regular person?"

Kagome nodded, frowning as Koharu joined in, "Strong-looking? Tall? Sorta tanned skin?"

"Yeah," Kagome said, surprised. "Do you know him?"

"Know him?" Sango laughed, like it was the craziest thought anybody had ever spoken aloud. "Not at all. But he got here about two years ago—"

"How did you know that?" Kagome demanded.

Sango raised her eyebrows. "How did _you _know that?"

There was a pause before Kagome said, "He told me."

Sango smiled slightly. "You know, I'd say that that would surprise me, but I'm not surprised. I've never seen him in the reward chambers, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was his first time. He's sort of like me… doesn't know when to stop, I guess. We've seen him on the whipping post a few times. But I saw him get dragged in here two years ago. He was unconscious."

Unconscious. Kagome could almost picture it, Inuyasha being dragged in, body limp, eyes closed… at first she was racked with sorrow, but then she thought, _In a way, it's better than him walking in with his head bent._

Her lip curled in self-disgust as she admitted even more quietly, _Like I did._

That had been her. The girl with her head bent, the girl trying her hardest not to stand out, the girl who fisted her hands to contain her fury and clenched her teeth to contain her screams. The girl who held it all in… the girl who was on her way to becoming just a girl. Just a Kagome. Just a Maiden.

Kagome's eyes widened.

_That's really what I'm becoming, isn't it? An M-1024, _she thought, numbed. She refused to believe it. She couldn't believe it. But it was the truth… and she _did _believe it.

Kagome smiled slightly as she thought, _Then I'll just have to change the truth._

Sango's back burned in her mind's eye, mottled with scars and burns… was that what she would have to become to stay herself? Was that the price she would pay?

_Is that what I want?_

Kagome glanced at Koharu. She was a Maiden. She didn't resist the men, she didn't try to fight… yet she was still Koharu. She didn't fight, yet she was still _herself._

But when Kagome pictured the ordeal Koharu endured, she shuddered as badly as she had at Sango's scars.

"Kagome? You okay?"

Kagome blinked, staring at Sango and Koharu, who were looking at her with anxiety displayed across their faces. "Sorry," she said. "I was just… thinking."

Sango nodded. "Thinking's good. It'll keep you sane. And as long as you're sane… you may as well stick with us."

"You're lucky you were thrown into our dorm," Koharu said. "A lot of the other Maidens aren't exactly the best influence, if you know what I mean."

Kagome did know what she meant; she knew _exactly _what she meant. But she couldn't let herself be disturbed by it. She couldn't let herself feel the chill, or smile grimly at the dark humor of it. Instead, she did something which surprised even she herself.

She smiled _broadly._

"I think I'd like to stick with you," she said, grinning at both of them.

Sango smirked. "I think we'd like that, too."

And at that moment, Kagome knew that this was where she would stay—with Sango and Koharu, for as long as she could. She didn't even care that Sango had made fun of the way she spoke; at that moment, in that instant, for that second, Kagome felt at home.

She didn't need to think about the future. Not nobles, not Warriors, not scars, not Maidens, not decisions. At that moment, in that instant, for that second, all those things were far behind her.

For that second, she laughed freely, utterly drunk on fatigue, senses obscured by the putrid stench of Tori Root Remedy.

.x.x.

**A/N: And there you go! I think that this chapter displayed a range of tones… both being lighter on the angst than the first two chapters, but also introducing some grotesque truths. Agree, disagree? I hope it was good! Please review and tell me!**

**Also, do you want me to put chapter titles in the chapter-searching-box thing? I have them in the story, but I'm not sure if I should label them officially, too. Does it matter?**

** A billion thanks to Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag, Happydaysarecool, Tomatosoup inc., purduepup, bear lover, BeautifullySerene, and Daichilover for reviewing! I love you guys, keep it up, and for those of you who haven't reviewed—REVIEW! Even if it's just a word or two (though I love long reviews), I want to hear what you have to say and thank you in my A/N! :D**

** I'll update in two and a half weeks. I hope I have a lot of reviews to look forward to when I get back, and I hope you liked this chapter! Love you all, I will miss you! REVIEW! :D **


	5. Youth

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

**A/N: I owe you an explanation for why I'm updating when I said I wouldn't, right? The plane crashed, everyone except us died, and we went home early.**

**JUST KIDDING! :D**

**Nah, we've got Wi-Fi. Lucky for you and me, ne? XD (HOORAY FOR WI-FI!) **

**Anyway: this, and the next chapter, are flashback chapters. They're going to fill you in on the key elements of Kagome's backstory. :) **

.x.x.

Chapter 5

_Years _

_Live _

_Grow _

_And die_

_In wake of life._

_Life is made of years_

_Years of moments_

_And moment by moment_

_Before you feel it slipping_

_Before you see it fading_

_Life has passed. _

~10 years ago

The sky outside was friendly that day; the sun warm and inviting, the blue abyss adorned by playful clouds. Kagome watched the clouds with fascination; always, they had fascinated her, and always, they would.

"Kaede-sama?"

Kagome's tutor took a moment to respond, but this was nothing unusual. In fact, had she been any quicker in the tilt of her gray head, the raising of her chiseled face, Kagome might have suspected that there was something amiss.

"What is it, child?" the old woman asked.

Her voice was raspy, yet also warm; it was a voice Kagome loved very much, a voice which had been imprinted into her heart the very first time she had heard it. It was impossible not to love Kaede, not to love her old, cracking voice, for that voice was the giver of knowledge, and Kagome could not imagine a world without it. Without Kaede. Without knowledge.

Kagome looked up at the clouds, brown eyes big. "What are clouds?" she inquired. "Why are they there? What do they do?"

Again, the pause. "I take it ye are tired of studying your mathematics, child?" Kaede asked wryly, eyeing Kagome's half-filled parchment.

Kagome looked down at the parchment with scorn. "I could finish it if I wished to," she said, pouting slightly. "But mathematics bore me. Tell me about something interesting. Tell me about clouds."

The pause was longer this time, and now both Kaede and Kagome stared almost longingly up into the sky… into the realm of the clouds, into a realm neither of them would ever visit. They could only ever look on… they would only ever be outsiders.

A finger twitched on the desk, as Kagome instinctively tried to reach up into the horizon; to pluck out the sun from the blue ocean. She could only imagine how it would feel to dance in a cloud… to soar like a bird… to hold the sun between her fingers and feel its warmth. To grasp it in the palm of her hand and keep it, like a gift, like an object… the sun.

These were things Kagome did not discuss so often, for they were things which were unexpected of a little girl. "Little girls should not preoccupy themselves with such nonsense," her nanny would say. "Little girls should think of dolls, and pretty dresses."

"Little girls should smile and speak when spoken to." That was what her father would say. "Little girls should respect their elders, and please, Kagome, hold your tongue if you have nothing of importance to say…"

But Kaede would not say that. Kaede was the bringer of knowledge, Kaede was the tutor; "Kaede is a sacred thing," her mother had said. "I only wish I knew the world like she did, for then perhaps I could tell you of the clouds."

That was what her mother had once said, when Kagome had asked her. Kagome smiled slightly and turned to her tutor, waiting for the answer she knew would come.

And sure enough, it did come.

"All right, child. Settle down, and I'll tell ye about the clouds… as long as ye promise to finish your maths afterward."

So Kagome grinned, and promised, and listened as Kaede weaved a tale of wonder.

.x.x.

~present

It had been a long time since she had seen her old tutor.

Kagome closed her eyes and tried to picture her face in her mind: wrinkled skin, a patched eye, the other dark, twinkling… _No matter how old Kaede grew_, Kagome thought, _Her good eye never lost its youth. _

She thought about the exact color of her eyes, the exact shade. She thought about the spots where her hair had been balding, where it still clung to her scalp like leaves in a storm, and where it had given up entirely, recognizing that a war against age was futile. Kagome kept her eyes closed as she pictured Kaede's face, her smile, her voice….

The memories were unstable, and even when they were happy, they managed to bring her grief.

Kaede…

Her eyes tightened as she struggled to remember her laugh, to recall the exact pitch of her voice, and her fists clenched when she failed. She felt her nails digging into her palm, and she did not care… she was too distracted by the vagueness of Kaede's face in her mind.

Kagome would have liked to think that the vagueness was because of her fatigue; because she was only half awake herself. And yet, as much as she thought about that… she doubted it.

Where were the wrinkles? How many creases were there in her forehead? Where exactly was that mole, the mole on her chin, about which Kagome had always teased her…?

It was gone. Like the wrinkles, like the voice, like the hair. All gone.

The only thing Kagome had left of her were her eyes, and she clutched onto them desperately, afraid of losing them, like everything else, to the demon called time.

.x.x.

~8 years ago

The clouds had gathered a bit on that day; partially masking the sun, infusing its glow with their own silver, powdery bodies. In the pond, they were reflected against a cerulean sky, shining patches of gold in a quivering domain of blue.

Kagome tossed a stone across the pond; it skipped twice, sinking through the sun to rest on the water's bottom.

"Kagome!"

Her hand opened, a smooth stone slipping through it, vanishing beneath the cobalt depths. The stones she had thrown, the stones which had so fascinated her moments ago, and the pond which she loved dearly, were forgotten when she heard the voice of the person she most, of everyone in the world, wished to see.

"Mother!"

Kagome jumped to her feet and ran without heed for propriety into her mother's open arms. She closed her eyes, allowing a few tears to slip down her cheeks, but they were not tears of sorrow; they were tears of happiness, of an intense joy which a smile could not describe.

"Kagome, what's the matter with you?" her mother chided gently. But her tone did not match her words, and nor did her hands obey them; her hands wound around her daughter, stroking her hair, patting her on the back, nestling her close. "Why are you crying?"

Kagome sniffed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to… I… I missed you."

A small smile lit her mother's face. "I missed you, too. A week is far too long to be parted. But don't apologize for crying," her mother said, voice sterner than before… and yet still comforting, for it was still her voice. It was still her mother who had her arms wrapped around her, her mother who told her, "Never apologize for showing your feelings."

Kagome nodded, even though she didn't quite believe her. "That's not what nanny said," she murmured.

She hadn't even intended for it to come out, and the moment it did, Kagome pulled back and clapped her hands over her mouth, eyes wide. Her mother, too, pulled back, not far enough to let go, but far enough so that she could look her in the eye.

"What do you mean?" she asked, a small frowning adorning her lips.

"N-nothing." Kagome tried to look away, to avoid her gaze, but to her detriment and relief, her mother would not let her.

Now her voice was stern and serious as she asked, "Did nanny say something to you?"

Would she answer? Could she answer?

Kagome bit her lip, but instead of concealing her feelings, it did exactly the opposite, and her mother's eyes tightened.

"Tell me. What happened?"

And then it all came spilling out: her eavesdropping, the conversation she had witnessed, the harsh words from her nanny's mouth, the silent coldness from her father. Her mother's eyes tightened even more, her lips becoming thin, and to Kagome's surprise, her eyes began to shine with unshed tears.

"Oh, baby. Come here."

And Kagome obeyed instantly, leaning her head onto her mother's shoulder, weeping.

"Mama," she sobbed, "D-don't let them take Kaede away! Please! Th-they can't! If they do… I… I'll…"

But she couldn't speak another word, for her emotions overcame her, and sentences turned to incoherent sobs. Not that it mattered; she had nothing to end the thought with, anyway, for she could not even stand to imagine what she would do if her tutor were taken from her.

"Ssh," her mother said. "I'll talk to your father. Okay?"

After a few minutes, her sobs quieted enough for her to ask, "Mama… could he r-really take her away?"

She expected an Of course not, Kagome. He won't, don't worry. She expected a mindless reassurance, an instant promise that no, he could not really take her away. So when her mother was silent, Kagome's breath caught.

"But," she babbled, "He could not take her away! Right? Not if you told him no." And then, in an even smaller voice, in a voice which cracked when it emerged, she whispered, "Right?"

Her mother winced.

"Don't worry," she said, smiling. She hugged Kagome to her tightly. "I won't let him take Kaede away. I'll talk to him. You don't have to worry about a thing."

And Kagome listened to her. She cried, but she listened. She sniffled, but she listened. She closed her eyes so that she could not see her mother's face, could not see her wince, could not see her smile fade… but she listened.

It was all she knew how to do.

.x.x.

~3 years ago

Waiting. It was a thing which Kagome had always despised.

Waiting was a form of torture, she thought. She had always questioned the popularity of physical torture; why would someone go through all the trouble of extracting a person's fingernails when really, all they had to do was weave their way into their mind?

Physical pain, a person could deal with, she had always thought. If they wanted to, if they needed to… they could endure it. Not that she would know, but that was what she had always thought.

Emotional pain, though… when it came to emotions, there was no such thing as pain. When it came to emotions, one could only refer to displeasure as agony.

As Kagome waited in the parlor with her nanny, her tutor, her sister, Kikyou, and her father, she was certain that this would be a far more effective torture than any amount of bodily suffering.

"Do not fidget like that," Kikyou said softly. "It is unsightly, Kagome."

Kagome did try not to fidget; truly, she did. But in the end, she found that sitting still felt far more vulnerable, and being "sightly" was not worth the fear.

"There is no one here to see me," Kagome muttered. "I don't see why my fidgeting should matter in my own living room."

"Hush, girls," the nanny said, waving her hand to emphasize her point.

Kagome and Kikyou exchanged a look; they had many differences, but they were united in their dislike of their nanny and her mannerisms. It could not truly be called a dislike, in Kikyou's case, though. Kikyou was, on the outside, all that her father could have asked for in a daughter: calm, cool, collected. Even Kagome could not tell what was on the inside, and for all she knew, Kikyou might not have disliked the nanny at all. For all she knew, Kikyou was simply agreeing with her, because that was what an elegant woman was expected to do.

Kikyou was also beautiful. Kagome, too, was possessed of a rare, unique beauty, but unfortunately, as she was often reminded by her nanny and her father, she did not have the temperament of her older sister.

Kagome's eyes roved about the faces in the room, her hands continuously mangling the hem of her dress. Her father… blank face, just the slightest crease between his brows. Her sister… revealed nothing, as usual. Her nanny… stressed, a little, but not fidgeting. Her hands did not mangle the hem of her simple dress. Her eyes did not rove around the room as if searching for an escape.

Just when Kagome thought she might suffocate from their calmness, her eyes found Kaede's.

Kaede's face was blank, but her one open eye led Kagome down the depths of her mind, down the depths of her feelings… into a place as dark and worried as Kagome.

Kaede gave her a small smile, and Kagome, unable to think of anything else and unwilling to try, returned the gesture.

Minutes passed like hours, hours like days, and when finally the bedroom door did open, five heads swiveled to the midwife, who was alarmed at the sudden attention. And during that moment, when the midwife stared and the others stared back, and their long-restrained panic and fear began to show even on the most inert of faces, Kagome thought that she might die. That she might drop dead of a heart attack right where she sat, before she could even hear the news… before she could see her mother's face, hear her new sibling's cry…

The midwife did not speak, and Kagome, for a fleeting, terrifying moment, thought the worst.

It was the midwife's words which held the insanity at bay.

"The baby has been delivered safely," she said, smiling slightly. Her words set Kagome's mind racing—her smile set her heart racing. The baby was well? She had a new sibling? Was it a brother or a sister? Where was it?

As if in answer to the unspoken question, the woman held out a bundle in her arms… a bundle which, in her fear, Kagome had failed to notice.

"Congratulations, Higurashi-sama," she said to Kagome's father. "You are the father of a beautiful baby boy."

Five pairs of eyes widened. A boy, Kagome thought. It's a boy. I have a brother.

The idea was almost too much to comprehend. A brother? So suddenly, a brother? It certainly felt sudden… she would have thought that nine months was long enough to prepare her. That it would feel almost natural to have a baby brother, to see him open great brown eyes and stare at her. To see the life within his face, to see his smile brighten the room… she would have thought it would be natural, normal.

But it did not feel normal, and her head was spinning from the suddenness of it all.

"A boy," her father said, voice awed. He stood up slowly, approaching the midwife, holding out his arms. "I have a son. I have a son!"

Never had Kagome seen him smile like that, so genuinely, so broadly. Never had she seen him look so youthful, so loving, so intensely brimming with joy, as now when he held his newborn son. And Kagome, for a moment, smiled with him. For a moment she was caught up in the joy, for a moment she cheered with the nanny and her father and Kaede. Even Kikyou smiled.

For a moment… just a moment… her heart soared.

But then she realized something which wiped the smile from her face.

"Midwife-san?" she asked. All eyes turned to her, mostly disapproving, but Kagome didn't care. The only thing Kagome cared about was the answer to her next question; her father, her sister, her tutor, her nanny, her brother… they paled in importance, and the magnitude of it made her voice shake.

"Where is my mother?"

Silence.

Kagome was blind to the reactions of the others in the room; she was blind to Kikyou's slight gasp, to her father's vanished smile, to the crease between her nanny's brows and the unhinging of her jaw, to Kaede's wide eyes. In that moment, she was blind to the world, for the only thing that mattered was the midwife.

And what she said next.

"The birth was not particularly traumatic," she said slowly, "But it was very exhausting and painful for your mother. She fainted just after the baby emerged."

"Will she be well?" Kaede asked, forehead creasing.

The brief instant of suspense was almost too much for Kagome. But then the midwife did something which made her exhale more breath than she had known was possible to hold.

She smiled.

"I think so," she said. "She is a strong woman. Give her a week or so, and she will be out of bed and back to her old self."

Kagome could not have smiled wider when she said, "Thank you."

She had never known that those words could be so heartfelt.

.x.x.

~2.5 years ago

Kagome had always loved to observe.

To observe what, did not matter. Kagome could find interest in anything; she could pass the time watching something as simple as a cloud, making its way across the sky. That kind of observation was a curious observation; an observation created by the need to know, the need to learn.

Even after she had learned what a cloud was, it still did not satisfy her longing to touch one. Kaede had given her several theories pertaining to the identity of those white warriors marching across the sky. At first, Kagome had been disconcerted with the concept of theories; the concept that no one really knew. But as the years went by and the clouds continued their march, she found a new appreciation for the mercurial unknown.

She had asked her nanny about clouds once, just to see what she would say. And as if it hadn't been bad enough that she'd asked at all, when she mentioned theories, her nanny had looked simply appalled.

"Theories!" she had scoffed. "Do not fill your head with such inscrutable nonsense, child. Who has mentioned theories to you?"

Kagome had shrugged, knowing better than to tell her it was Kaede. "I don't know. So, if there are no theories, what are clouds?"

Her nanny had looked at her as if she were an insolent child and said, "Clouds are clouds, and God put them up into the sky to bring us rain. He did not put them there so silly girls like you would obsess over them! Really, what would your father say?"

Kagome knew what her father would say. He would say, "Young women should not preoccupy themselves with such nonsense. Young women should find a young man to marry, and to distract them from foolish trivialities."

Kagome could not help but think that this was similar to what he had said about little girls.

When she was a little girl and had looked up into the sky, knowing her father would disapprove, she had thought that perhaps it was because she was a little girl. Perhaps when she was grown up, when she became a beautiful woman, she might be allowed to look at the sky and think about the clouds. Perhaps women were supposed to fill their heads with clouds and questions; it was the only explanation she could think of for why someone would disapprove of something like a cloud. Perhaps she just had to wait.

Kagome knew she had been a fool to think that.

But she had said none of this to her nanny. Instead, she had said, "He would not approve," and then she had walked away to find a more secluded spot, leaving her nanny shaking her head in agitation.

Kagome recalled this recent memory as she focused her skills of observation on another high-up spot; a spot not quite as far away as the sky. A spot on a beautiful balcony on the third floor of the manor, a spot where a man she did not recognize held a baby boy high in his arms.

_Why does he show Souta the sky?_ Kagome thought. _Why does he spin tales of clouds and birds for Souta, an infant who cannot understand him… and not for me?_

Frowning, she thought, _Why_ _does he smile like that for my brother?_

Kagome had never seen her father smile like that; she had never seen him glow like the sun, seen him stand so open to the world and let himself be bathed in the glory of life. Never had his eyes been so bright, his face so expressive.

Kagome did not recognize this man, for he was her father… and yet he was not.

"Kagome? What are you staring at?"

Kagome turned slightly to see Kikyou approaching, head covered in a pale shawl, just like always. Kagome doubted whether Kikyou's hair had ever seen the sun, and it made her sad to think that her sister had never felt its warmth kiss her cheeks.

Kikyou arched a slender eyebrow when she was closer, and said, "So, you choose now to wear a shawl? Why?"

Kagome resisted the urge to grimace in distaste, or shrug the shawl off of her head. It was terribly uncomfortable, almost to the point where it felt like a cage; like a prison.

In answer to her sister, Kagome pointed to the balcony. Kikyou's eyes followed her finger until they landed on their father and brother. "That is what you are so engrossed by?" Kikyou asked, frowning very slightly.

Kagome nodded. "I don't understand it," she said. "I… I cannot recognize him. With Souta, he is a different person. He is… happy."

"He has been happy before," Kikyou said dismissively. "Perhaps you are too young to see it, but you cannot blame him for being stern. He has a great deal to carry on his back, especially with the War."

Kagome nodded at the mention of the War, although in truth, it meant nothing to her. She had never seen so much as a sign of poverty, nor heard of it other than a word here or there from her mother, and if they were at war, wouldn't something have changed? Their lives, their freedom… something?

Wars were supposed to be terrible things, yet despite all "news" of the War which various messengers brought to her father, Kagome had never seen proof of the rumors, nor actually heard the news.

"I know he is burdened," she said, eyes still on her father and Souta. "But Souta makes him so happy. I have never seen him so happy. Why?"

Kikyou rolled her eyes a little, as if impatient, but Kagome noticed a slight hesitance in her scorn when she said, "Well, of course he is happy. He has an heir now."

An heir…

"Kikyou?"

"Yes?"

"What will happen to us?"

Kikyou knew what she meant, and said, "Do not worry yourself over nothing, Kagome. You always make a big deal of things."

"Easy for you to say!" Kagome snapped, a bit more harshly than she had originally meant to. Slightly regretful, she said in a softer tone, "You are soon to be married, and to a kind, wealthy man. Imagine your luck."

Kikyou gave her a strange look. "I could not say," she said flatly. "I have never met Suikotsu-san."

"I danced with him at a ball, once," Kagome fished for a detail. "He was very kind. A perfect gentleman."

There was silence for a moment, before Kikyou turned to fully face Kagome. "Are you all right?" she asked, eyes tightening with just the barest hint of concern. Even this slight emotion told Kagome that her sister was very worried about her.

"Of course," she said, laughing. "Why would I not be?"

"You are behaving very oddly," Kikyou said. "Why speak of marriage? As far as I knew, you wished to die an old maid."

As she said the last few words, the slightest smirk crept onto Kikyou's face, causing Kagome to laugh indignantly. "I do not wish to die an old maid!" she objected. "I never said that." Biting her lip to restrain her giggles at her sister's prodding, she said, "I do want to be married, someday. But only to someone I love. Being married to a man I have no feelings for would be absolutely unbearable."

The smirk faded entirely from Kikyou's face as she scoffed, "Not with this again. Kagome, please, for your own good, put notions of love aside. Who fills your head with this? Is it mother?"

Kagome said quietly, "No."

That was true, in a way. Her mother did not tell her about love, about the right man. But when Kagome brought it up, she did not discourage it.

But Kikyou did not have to know that.

Kikyou sighed. "You are very strange. If you're not careful, you'll become odd to the point of ineligibility."

"I would rather die an old maid than die married to a man who forces me to be someone I am not," Kagome said firmly.

"Then you have nothing to worry about."

Kagome refused to show Kikyou how those words stung her heart. Kikyou glanced up at the sun, looked back to her sister, and said, "I do not have time to spend trying to put sense into your head. Come inside with me, or I will go alone."

Minutely, Kagome shook her head. Her sister gave her a long, hard stare, and then, with a resigned sigh, turned and padded gracefully back inside the manor. Kagome watched her go, wondering if she should follow… but for what purpose? To endure her sister's lecture?

Shaking her head, Kagome turned obstinately away from the parlor door.

"I will not die an old maid," she muttered.

But ever so slowly, her eyes drifted upward to the balcony… to her bright-eyed, unfamiliar father, and her giggling one-year-old brother. The heir.

And now, with no one to distract her from her thoughts, she continued to dwell on her questions, worries, and fears, until she could not bear it for a moment longer, and closed her eyes.

There were only two people who would listen to her about these subjects, and she decided to seek them out as hastily as possible.

.x.x.

~2 years ago

"Get water—"

"Turn down the heat—"

"Leeches—"

"Now! Go!"

The normally spacious, quiet hallways of the manor were alive with panicked movements and loud voices. On this day, the ever-delicate candlelight looked harsher to Kagome. Rows upon rows of candles, torches, and lamps decorated the corridors, hanging from the ceiling, suspended on the walls by small, silver pedestals and hooks. Kagome had always enjoyed the candlelit hallways in the evening; the sight of thousands of tiny fires, sprawling out throughout the household, was magnificent to behold. And yet on this day, Kagome sat amidst the burning embers with her arms wrapped around her legs; shivering, though it was not cold; hiding, though in sight of nothing more frightening than the suddenly ominous candlelight which bathed her skin in a gold glow.

By the light of the candles which taunted her, on the balcony of the staircase to which she was confined, Kagome watched the mayhem on the floor below.

"Higurashi-sama is burning up; she needs ice!" one nurse shouted, voice harsh and grating.

"No, we must attend to the blood, first," another nurse said, shaking his head. "Her blood must be purged—"

"Feel her forehead! If her temperature does not cool—"

"If her blood is not purged—"

"If her tremors do not cease—"

BE QUIET, Kagome wanted to scream. FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, CEASE YOUR SHOUTING! She wanted to scream, to yell, to shout, to kick, to cry… and yet she couldn't. She could not do a thing, for she was just the daughter, and she was not the sick one… she could not scream or yell or shout, for any attention diverted to her was attention lost to her mother.

"We must—"

Kagome closed her eyes tightly, gripped the railing so hard that she could see the bones of her knuckles beneath her skin.

"You must—"

Her hands throbbed, but she only held tighter.

"She must—"

She clutched the railing as if it were her lifeline, as if letting go would cause her to fall, to fall into an ocean of chaos in which she would drown.

"If she—"

"If she—"

"If she—"

"No," Kagome croaked, throat parch. "Please. No."

_No more ifs. No more musts, no more does, no more blood and burn and cold and hot and ifs and whens… please._

It was the only plea she could manage, and she could only manage it in her mind.

"Please," she whispered.

She wasn't sure who she was begging. Perhaps the nurses, perhaps the gods, perhaps the voices and the candles and the horrible, laughing light… perhaps herself. But Kagome doubted that it was the last one, for she knew by now that there was nothing she could do, and therefore no reason to appeal to herself.

Helplessness was a hard lesson to learn, and it made Kagome want to screech and shout and swear… to say such things which would make the heads of the nurses turn, which would make her father and her nanny run to her and tell her to be quiet… which would make her mother realize that the sickbed was not the place for her to be, and she would get up and run to Kagome, and tell her she loved her, and that she was sorry for ignoring her cries….

And that it would be fine… that everything was fine….

"How could she do this to me?" Kagome said, voice a shaking growl. "How?"

Her mother had said she loved her. Her mother had said she was the most important thing in the whole world, her mother had said she loved her more than her own life… so how could she do this to her? How dare she?

"Why?" Kagome asked the air, voice broken.

But the nurses kept shouting the, the footsteps kept stomping, the candles kept laughing, and the air gave no answer.

"Kagome?"

Kagome did not turn at the voice. There was only one voice she wanted to hear now, and from this voice she only wanted one thing: an explanation.

"Kagome, why are you out here? Go back to your room, child."

Kagome gripped the railing with all her might.

A pause. Then: "…Kagome…"

Her name, said with such sorrow, with such concern, made her throat hitch.

"What do you want, nanny?" Kagome asked without looking at her, all politeness forgotten. Politeness did not matter in the face of death. Politeness was a chain, a hindrance, a chore….

A gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Don't torture yourself like this," her nanny said softly. "Go back into your room. Standing out here isn't good for you."

"You don't know what's good for me," Kagome snapped.

"Perhaps I don't," her nanny said harshly. "But I certainly know better than you do!"

There was a silence where Kagome stood at the railing, listening to and watching the nurses, hearing her nanny's voice crack over and over again in her mind, just like it had on those last few words. Hearing her breath catch, hearing her fists clench….

_I don't care what she thinks she feels_, Kagome thought rashly. _She doesn't know what feeling is._

"Kagome-san… I'm sorry. I forgot my place."

The apology caught Kagome off guard, briefly reminding her of the order of power. She remembered how odd, how freeing it had felt to learn that she had power over her nanny… rather than the other way around. And yet now, she felt nothing. Not the enlivening, not the glee, not the smugness… nothing.

Just a kind of hollow regret.

"No," Kagome said, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I know you're just looking out for me… even if you're wrong."

The nanny's eyes tightened in anxiety. "Kagome-san, I really must apologize—especially in a time like this—I don't know why—"

"It's okay," Kagome said. She closed her eyes, counted to three, counted to five, counted to ten… when she began to think that she might run out of numbers before it helped, she stopped counting and said, "My father trusts you more than he trusts me, anyway."

Her nanny blushed, confirming Kagome's suspicions. _She is concerned about her job_, she thought. _Perhaps more than she is concerned about me or my mother._

The thought came out before she could think about whether or not it was true; it came from a visceral place, from a gut instinct unaccompanied by logic. Rather than a desire for truth, it was spawned by a desire to blame.

Kagome regretted it instantly.

As if the nanny read her thoughts on her face, she looked down and said quietly, "I know you are suffering. I am very sorry for that. But Kagome… you are not alone in it."

But Kagome could not help but think she was alone: that her father was busy with his heir, that her nanny was busy with her job, that her sister could not feel… that everyone in the house was preoccupied by something… that everyone in the house had something which they cared about more than a dying woman.

Not dying, Kagome thought, gritting her teeth. Not dying.

A small smile slipped onto Kagome's face, and when she smiled, the air turned cold. When she smiled, the candles stopped laughing, and in their regretful glow, the nanny could see the new tilt of her lips, and the nanny stiffened.

"My mother can't be dying," Kagome assured herself. Her nanny was frozen, staring at that smile, the smile which, like her eyes, spoke utter heartbreak. She listened to her words, and Kagome listened to herself, and a part of her thought that it sounded like she was the one with the fever. Not her mother. "Not my mother," she said, voice hitching. "My mother can't be dying, because she wouldn't do that to me. She loves me. She loves me. She wouldn't leave me. She would never leave me. She promised me that… and she doesn't break promises. So she can't be dying."

Her nanny's eyes softened, and she stepped forward, but the motion made Kagome say louder, "She's not dying! They're wrong! They're just… they just need to leave her alone for a bit! She doesn't need nurses, or leeches, or ice… she's not dying. My mother… she wouldn't do that to me. And that wouldn't happen. She won't die because… because… she just won't."

And in the candlelight, the tear which slipped down her cheek glowed gold.

.x.x.

"…Kagome?"

"Yes, Kikyou?"

Kikyou sat next to her sister, long black hair falling over her shoulders. For a moment, neither spoke, and the silence settled on them like a low blanket of grey clouds.

"For heaven's sake, say something, please," Kikyou finally said, voice a bit biting, a bit hysterical.

Kagome looked up at the blue sky. "There isn't much to say," she said simply, not elaborating. What was the use of elaborating? She knew. Kikyou knew. Everyone knew. And in truth, she did not care about anyone else. She did not care about her father, and whether or not he was in his room, crying silently; she did not care about Kaede and the nanny, and whether or not they were in the kitchen somewhere, drowning their sorrows with sake. She did not even care about Kikyou… and whether behind the just slightly burdened face, there was a deep, wrenching agony which threatened to escape every time she spoke.

Kagome wondered if there was, but she found that she didn't care; anything anyone else felt would pale in comparison to her own feelings.

_No one knew mother as well as I did_, she thought. _No one else loved her like I did._

Kagome stared up at the sky, clenching her fists, willing the sun to stop shining. Willing the clouds to mask its glare, willing them to gather and darken, willing the thunder to clash and lightning to strike and rain to pour… anything. Anything but the blue sky, the white, marching clouds, the bright sun.

In that moment, Kagome realized that however fascinating she might find the clouds and the sky, the feeling was wholly unrequited. The clouds did not care about a human girl so far away; the sun did not care about a beloved mother gone, a longing daughter left behind. And no matter how Kagome might wish to join the clouds in their uncaring march, she knew that the sky would never let her.

"The clouds don't even know that I exist," she said quietly.

Kikyou gave her a strange look. "What?"

"Nothing." Kagome glanced at Kikyou, and noticed that there was something wrong. Something was missing. "You're not wearing your shawl."

It was a statement; not even one of curiosity. Just a statement, an empty observation. It wasn't filled with the confusion it might once have been filled with.

Kikyou reached up, frowning a little, to touch her hair. "I suppose I'm not," she said with blank surprise. "I… I should go get it."

"No!" Kagome grabbed her sister's robe when she moved to leave. "Stay with me," she said unthinkingly. "Please."

Kikyou glanced indecisively toward the door… to Kagome… and then, slowly, sat back down.

"I'm a fool," she said quietly. "What does a shawl matter in a time like this?"

Kagome smiled slightly at her. "Not so much, anymore?"

Kikyou glanced at her, then away, as if she couldn't bear to look in the eye for another moment. As if she couldn't stand to see her sad, hopeful smile, or her bereft expression.

"I don't know," she muttered. "I don't know anymore. I… I don't know what to do."

Kagome shrugged. "I don't know if it matters. I don't even care."

Kikyou glanced sharply at her, and Kagome met her gaze. It was a gaze of shock, of reproof… of fear. "Do not talk like that," her sister said sharply. "Of course you care. You always care. You… you are Kagome. You care about everything."

Kagome looked down at those words, struck. She had always cared… cared about everything. She had always wanted to know, she had always thought that everything mattered. So what had changed?

It certainly felt to her now like everything mattered a little less than it had before.

"Maybe I am not Kagome anymore," she said quietly.

Kikyou's face went blank, blank like usual, expressionless like always. But, like sometimes, her voice told her feelings.

"Of course you are Kagome," she said. "And Kagome would never let herself stop caring."

Kagome looked up at the clouds, marching across the sky. _Kagome would never let herself stop caring…_ She shook the thought out of her mind. _That was before my mother abandoned me,_ she thought.

She remembered the promise she had made, one night. One night long ago, one moment engrained in her mind… it had been a night like usual. A night when her mother would tuck her into bed, and kiss her on the cheek, and tell her she loved her. But on this night, her mother had done something unusual. She had looked at her for a long time, and Kagome had smiled back, and then her mother had asked her something odd.

She had asked her to never change.

And Kagome had not thought much of it. Kagome had smiled, happy that her mother loved her the way she was, happy that she could make this promise. And so she promised her that she would never change… because she loved her.

And then her mother had kissed her again, and turned out the lights, and the candles had whispered into darkness. And Kagome had slept.

_Kagome would never let herself stop caring…_

Kagome's eyes hardened.

_I promised_, she thought. _And I meant it with all my heart… because I loved her._

_She left me. The promise means nothing now._

"Kagome?"

Kagome's fists clenched. "I hate her," she hissed. "I HATE her!"

"Kagome, stop shouting!" Kikyou said anxiously, looking around, as if there might be someone to see. As if there might be someone near with the time to spend scolding a broken girl.

"I will not stop shouting!" Kagome screamed. "I hate her, I hate her, I hate her, I…"

And then her mind caught up to her heart, and she gasped.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, choked. "I'm so s-sorry."

And as if she had not yet shed a tear, as if she was feeling the pain for the first time, as if she had never promised herself that she had sobbed her last sob, she began sobbing all over again. Kikyou watched her, probably not knowing what to do, maybe not even caring… _Probably just wishing I would shut up_, Kagome thought bitterly. _Stupid, expressionless, uncaring…._

Kikyou put a hand on Kagome's shoulder, and the way it trembled made her freeze.

"I'm sorry, too," her sister said softly. "Kagome… I know that sometimes we don't see eye to eye, but…"

Kikyou trailed off. "But?" Kagome prompted.

With a small sigh, Kikyou straightened her back and said, "I am here for you. I… loved Mother."

Kagome's breath caught. Here it was: the subject she didn't want to talk about, the subject she feared…

"So did I," she said softly.

The wounds were raw, and it was as if Kikyou had poured salt into the cuts. Kagome didn't blame her, though. Kikyou had never been very good at comforting people… she was probably just trying to help. In her way.

Maybe, for Kikyou, it helped to talk about it.

Kagome knew that for her, talking about the wound did not help it heal.

And then, suddenly, as if the salt stung too badly, Kagome flinched, tensing, and leaned into Kikyou's shoulder. For a moment she burned, for a moment she wanted to scream… and then, slowly, the burning faded.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Never had she thought she would cling to anyone like she clung to her sister now. Never had she thought that her sister could be like a mother to her.

But Kikyou was not her mother, and no matter how it comforted Kagome to be held, she could not get around this fact. Kikyou was not her mother… and Kikyou would never be her mother. No one could ever be the woman who laughed, the woman who smiled, the woman who had shown Kagome to walk in the sun without a shawl, to let it beat down and sparkle in her hair… no one could be that woman. And Kikyou, shawl or not, was not her.

Kagome's mother's embrace was warm and natural. Kikyou's was concerned and awkward.

And yet at that moment, it was all that Kagome had, and Kagome returned it with all her heart.

**A/N: Well, there you go! Look for part two of Kagome's memories soon! Thank you to Tomatosoup inc., purduepup, xbeautyxxisxxlifex, Daichilover, feathersnow, and Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag for reviewing! Love you guys, please keep it up! :D **

**Now, for you and the rest of my awesome readers: REVIEW! Please, just take a moment or two to give me your thoughts? It's the best gift you can give. :D**

**I'm almost finished with the next chapter—when it gets posted depends on how many reviews I get. So, review! :D **


	6. Blind Leap

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry, this would've been up sooner, but we didn't have Wi-Fi for awhile after we left our old hotel. But we're in a new place now, and it's got Wi-Fi :D. The next chapter is already written, and it will be up as soon as I get five reviews. :) **

.x.x.

Chapter 6

_The seed does not choose to fall_

_Nor does the wind_

_Choose to blow_

_But still the seed falls_

_Still the wind blows_

_And though the seed knows not where it goes_

_Still it sails_

_Still it falls_

_To life or to death_

_Though no one knows_

_Until it hits_

_The ground._

~1 year ago

"Kagome, come in."

Kagome pushed open the door to the masters' room, stepping in hesitantly. When her nanny had called her, and said that her father wanted her to meet him in the masters' room, she had been set instantly on edge. The masters' room was a place for the conduct of business; the place where her father met with messengers, where he gave orders… sentences. And in the past, when Kagome had been called to the masters' room, it was because she had done something wrong.

Yet Kagome could not recall any recent wrongdoing which could merit a punishment.

For the last several months, she had been roughly the best daughter her father could have expected from her. She had stayed out of harm's way, avoided him as much as possible, and not given her nanny the slightest moment of trouble. In all regards, she thought that she had been living up to his hopes.

She was being the best she could be, considering who she was.

After the passing of her mother, a strange, cold calm settled upon the household. Kagome noticed it first in her father. He was quicker to yell, and yet sometimes, just when she thought she might have pushed the boundaries a centimeter too far… he would stop. Simply deflate, count to three, walk away. As if it weren't worth his energy.

Kagome had never seen him do that before.

His odd moods persisted, and Kagome learned to avoid him. She learned that trying to comfort him, trying to make him happier, was utterly useless.

Perhaps the damage she had done when she was younger was too great for him to ever forgive her. And yet at the same time… the damage he had done when she was younger was too great for her to ever forgive him. And perhaps her mother—the one thing they both had loved—had been the bridge between them, for after she died, they came to a mutual understanding.

Which was that they would never understand each other, and so it was best to simply stay out of each other's way.

And so Kagome did, and her father retreated to his room, coming out occasionally to speak with messengers. He hired a supervisor to watch over the nanny and Kaede, and because he already had a nanny to watch over his children… they fell out of his responsibility.

Even little Souta saw more of his nanny than he did of his father.

Kagome's father disappeared for awhile, and Kagome told herself she did not mind. She told herself he had never cared for her, and he had only wished to interfere, and she was better off if he stopped caring one way or another. Which, it appeared, he had.

It was a good thing, she told herself. She needn't worry about him any longer.

If he wished to isolate himself… then that was his choice.

So Kagome focused on playing with her brother, on sneaking around behind her nanny's back, and on not thinking about the wedding to be held in two weeks.

Her sister's wedding.

Kagome supposed she was happy for her… and yet in a way, she pitied her. Kikyou did not even know the man. Yes, he was a kind man, a smart man, but… did Kikyou truly not care that she was marrying a complete stranger?

But Kagome watched the wedding, she watched Kikyou be married off to a man she had never seen before in her life, and she watched them drink the traditional sake… and she watched her leave with him.

The whole time, Kagome tried to read her sister's face, and not once did she succeed.

It seemed a bit unfair to Kagome that her sister should be taken away, just when it seemed as if they might have been creating a connection. Just when it seemed that they might become friends… Kikyou vanished from her life.

Gone. At least for awhile.

The house seemed oddly empty without Kikyou there. Then again, Kikyou herself had seemed an empty woman, and Kagome had never thought that she might miss her… but things had changed between them. Kagome had even gone so far as to think that _Kikyou_ had changed.

After seeing Kikyou leave with nothing more than a bland smile and a nod, Kagome thought that she might have been wrong.

Without her sister, without her mother, without her father, Kaede became Kagome's only family. Her only friend. Except for Souta, of course, whom she loved dearly, but he was not nearly old enough to understand her. All he understood was bouncing on her lap, and smiling, and laughing, and tickling… he was hardly a confidante.

Kagome devoted many hours of studies into her work, into her thoughts… and she discovered that in the formation of new questions, of hypothesized answers, she found refuge.

She sought happiness in learning, and for awhile, she found it.

When Kaede had begun to act strangely, Kagome's blood had run cold.

They were just small things which Kagome noticed: a hesitance in her voice, a tightness in her eyes, a reluctance in her smile. Small things which a part of Kagome told her to dismiss… and which another part could not relinquish.

Small things which added up. So when Kagome was called down to the masters' room, it was with heavy apprehension and a plotted out argument.

Her father told her to enter, and so she did.

He sat on a fancy matt on a slightly raised stage. Just a few inches, really, and yet Kagome didn't like it. But she swallowed her distaste and sat on the floor before him.

She knew what to say. If she was right… if it really was why she had been called down… she had a plan.

Looking down on her, her father began to speak.

"Kagome," he said slowly, "I have been thinking greatly about your welfare."

_That's hard to believe, father. Seeing as I've barely seen you these past months._ That was what Kagome wanted to say, but what came out was, "Yes, father. Thank you."

He nodded, knowing that they were her words but not her thoughts. "And… I have come to a decision."

Kagome's back was ramrod straight, her hands folded neatly in her lap, the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end, as she waited.

"Believe me when I say that my decisions are made purely for your well-being," he said, voice steady, not quite looking at her, but rather staring at a spot on her forehead. "You may not agree with me… but everything I do, I do because I want the best for you."

_Because you want to get rid of me. Because I am fifteen and unmarried. Because I am a burden._

"Yes, father. I am aware, father."

There was a silence, during which Kagome waited, and her father wondered how he would say what he was about to say. But he had never been the kind to beat around a bush, and he said, chin up, eyes cold, voice firm, "I have decided that education is no longer in your best interests."

Kagome's breath caught.

Yes, she had thought this might be coming. Yes, she had known for awhile. Yes, she had thought of an argument, of a plan, of what she could say to change his mind. Yet to hear the words said with such harsh indifference, to hear the end of her life as far as she was concerned stated so matter-of-factly, wiped all thoughts of a plan out of mind.

"You may be angry," her father said, voice cold, "But this is for you, Kagome. I know how much your schooling means to you, but… I fear what you will become. In the end, this will make you happy, though I know it does not now. And…" he waited briefly before saying the next thing. He waited just the perfect amount of time, just the perfect amount of hesitance, before saying with just the perfect lowering of his voice, "It hurts me to do this."

Those six words severed something inside Kagome—a final straw, a tenuous grip on self control, which suddenly snapped.

"It doesn't," she growled.

Her father raised his eyebrows, blinked, as if he thought he had heard wrong. His voice was cool, dangerous, when he said, "What?

Kagome inhaled deeply, knowing that she might be digging a hole for herself… and not caring. "It doesn't hurt you," she repeated, posture impeccable, eyes flashing dangerously. "Don't lie to me."

"Kagome! I expect respect when you speak, child," her father snapped. "Do not forget your place."

"And you?" she challenged. "Have you not forgotten your place?"

He said just a bit sardonically, "It is difficult to forget that you are the lord of a nation at war."

Kagome's hands formed fists, and her blood raced, as if she might stand up, as if she might use her clenched fists to punch him.

"I meant your place in this family," she growled. "Your place with my mother… and her wishes."

She inhaled, exhaled, inhaled… _stick to the plan_, she told herself. _This is the plan. Use the words you wrote down so carefully._

There was a silence, and Kagome wondered if her point had been made… and if her father had actually listened.

But then he spoke again.

"I am aware of your mother's wishes," he said coolly. "And I know that she valued education very much… but in this regard, she was a bit deluded. And I know that had she been alive, she would have agreed with me that Kaede is no longer a service to you."

Kagome knew the words to say, she knew the point to make, and yet somehow, nothing came out how she wanted. Before she knew it, words were spilling from her, not in the careful, calm paragraphs she had memorized, but in jabs and prods and cries and shouts.

"She would not!" Kagome snapped, entire body shaking. "How dare you make decisions for her! The least you could do for her is to let me continue my education! She valued it! She wanted it for me, and I want it, too!"

"This is not about wants, this is about—"

"What YOU think is right?" Kagome demanded. "How do you know? How do you know what's the best for me?"

She could nearly see steam pouring out of his ears as he hissed, "You are an insolent child! How dare you speak to your father like this?"

"How dare you—"

"SILENCE!" He took a deep breath before saying, "Kaede will be leaving tonight. I suggest you use the time you have to say goodbye, rather than to argue with me."

Kagome resisted the urge to pace, to shout, to run her hands through her hair. "Please!" she begged. "You don't understand. She… I… please. You can't take her! If you do, I…"

"You'll what?"

Breathing deeply, she said, "I don't know, but—"

"You see what Kaede has done to you?" her father asked, voice shaking with anger. "Filled your head with nonsense, to the point where you believe that you can argue with me! For poisoning my second daughter, I should have her executed! It is only for you, for your mother, that I let her leave with her life!"

Kagome saw red.

"How DARE you threaten my tutor? HOW? How could you? I HATE YOU! I love her more than I could ever love you, you sick, unfeeling, pathetic excuse for a human being! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO CALL YOURSELF MY FATHER! I WISH YOU DIDN'T EXIST!"

Kagome's screams subsided, and she let her chest heave, she let her legs shake as she realized that somewhere in the course of her rant, she had jumped to her feet. And after the echoes had faded, she waited for her father's answer. Waited for him to scream back… to punish her… to hit her… or perhaps, a small part of her hoped: to understand… to regret…

But he did none of those things. She almost wished he had hit her, or screamed… for then, at least, she could have continued to yell her heart out. Then, at least, she could have continued without guilt or second thoughts. But he didn't yell.

His face was blank and cold as he said icily, "Those are the words of a child. Had you been educated in life rather than in theories and dreams, you might have been a woman by now. Yet you are not."

Kagome closed her eyes, praying that this was a dream. That it was not her father before her, that it was not her on her feet before him… that it was not Kaede they were speaking of… that it was not her tutor who was being taken away…

"Get out of my sight."

Kagome's breath hitched.

"Well, what are you doing? Go! Leave!"

Her throat caught.

She heard her father sigh… and then she heard the most atrocious words he could possibly have chosen to say.

"If you are choosing to apologize, I suggest you say it quickly, and I may consider accepting your apology."

Kagome snapped.

With cold fury, she said, "I am not choosing to apologize, nor will I ever apologize to you. It is you who should apologize to me… to my mother."

She looked up into his eyes, saw the hint of pain there, saw the abyss of anger, and felt no regret.

"Oh?" he said quietly. "And why is that?"

"If you really loved her," she said boldly, "Then you would allow Kaede to stay."

_If you really loved me. _

Silence.

"I did love her," he said softly. "I loved her more than you will ever understand."

Kagome's eyes were cold as she said, "She had a luxury I do not. She chose to marry you. I do not understand why she would waste her freedom on someone like yourself, even if you were a king."

"She chose me because she loved me," her father said coldly. "And because I did not force her to marry me, as I very well could have."

Kagome tried to think of her mother, of her father… of what she could have seen in him. Of what she might have seen behind the cold, harsh face… of what she could have seen in his joyless eyes or his strict ruling…

"I don't know," she said softly. "Perhaps you were different when she knew you. But now… you… you don't even love me and Souta."

A muscle in his face twitched, and Kagome took a grim satisfaction from it.

"Do not speak of what you don't understand," he growled, a strained pain running through his voice like a current. "I suggest you leave. Now."

For some reason Kagome could not fathom, his voice was choked, and he no longer met her gaze. And for some reason even harder for her to fathom, she felt the stirrings of guilt in her stomach.

"Father… I…"

"Go, Kagome."

"I'm sorry," she muttered.

Silence.

Kagome looked up to see that he was staring at a place far above her, and his refusal to look at her made her want to scream. She wanted to run to him, to jerk his head down, to force his eyes to meet hers… and to yell what she said next.

"Please." Her voice was nothing more than a whisper. "Please… Kaede is all I have. Please don't take her away."

He said nothing. Not even deigning to look at her, he continued to watch the ceiling, maintaining a calm, cold silence. A silence which ate away at Kagome, which crept into her skin and frayed her nerves to threads.

A silence which made a lump form in her throat.

_She didn't have to be all you have. You could have had me._

That was what the silence said, and Kagome walked out of the room, numb.

.x.x.

~2 months ago

Kagome walked to the door of the masters' room, back straight, face blank, all hesitance gone.

She remembered a time when her father had been like a beacon of power; something all-mighty, something cold, something to be feared. She remembered a time when she herself had feared him… when she had respected him and his power over her.

That time was long gone.

Strange, that his taking away the last thing she loved had made her lose her fear of his power. One might have thought that it would make her respect him even more; but since the day Kaede had left, since the last day Kagome had ever seen her, Kagome had found that she was no longer afraid of the King.

Instead, in his presence, she felt only an odd numbness.

And so it was with this uncharacteristic emptiness that Kagome entered the masters' room.

"You called, Father?"

Her father nodded, gesturing for her to sit, which she did: legs bent, back straight, chin up, hands neat in her lap.

"Kagome, General Hojo has made a request for your hand."

Kagome showed no more reaction than a stiffening of her body as she repeated, "General Hojo?"

Her father nodded. "Yes. I trust you know who he is?"

"Yes, father. He has been a good friend since childhood. I see him at least once a month," she said, as if it were reasonable to call Hojo a good friend, as if it were reasonable to have to tell all of this to her own father.

"Good. Then you are well acquainted with him."

"I suppose so, father."

A pause. Then, "I accepted his request."

Kagome swallowed, feeling the saliva slide down her throat, tracking its progress until she could no longer feel it. Until it was gone, out of sight, out of feeling, out of mind.

Until her last distraction had vanished.

Now, after receiving this piece of news, there were a few things she could do. Make a scene. Explode. Yell. Or take it calmly, with cold acceptance… entirely avoiding a confrontation, and also putting off her imminent panic.

Kagome made her decision.

"When will the ceremony be?" she asked, as if she were uninterested, as if they were discussing the night's dinner.

Her father frowned, stiffening a little, giving her an odd look. Kagome resisted the urge to smirk; another benefit of the last option was that it would set her father on edge.

"You are all right with this?" he asked cautiously, as if she might bite at provocation.

"Yes, father. I trust that you do everything you do for my sake. So, when will the ceremony be?"

When he smiled, Kagome felt a pang of regret. "Kagome," he said, looking her in the eye, "I am very proud of you. I hope you realize that."

"Yes, father. I'm glad," she said, smiling convincingly.

He was proud of her.

_He is proud of me for being someone I am not._

After thinking that last thought, Kagome wiped all happiness from her mind, for she could not help but realize that his pride was not of her. It was of her façade.

"You are taking this well," he said. "I am glad you have chosen to be mature."

Kagome nodded slowly. "I do have a question, though. Father," she added hastily.

"You may ask," he said, but she had already begun, and he raised an eyebrow while she tried not to grimace at her slip.

"I had been under the impression that you thought Hojo a simple man," she said. "So, why would you be eager to marry me off to him?"

Her father sighed. "He _is_ simple," he said, grimacing a bit, "But you are too smart for your own good… and I believe his simplicity is what is causing him to overlook your unattractive curiosity. I am glad we stopped your lessons when we did, or else even Hojo may have found you ineligible."

Kagome resisted the urge to wince.

Her father continued, "He may be simple, but he will be able to provide for you. Also… Kagome… I do not think that it is safe here for you, anymore."

Kagome had to gasp at this, for she realized exactly what it meant.

"I am leaving the manor?" she said, almost surprised, though not sure why she should be so shocked. Kikyou had left the manor… so why would she not?

Yet the very idea of leaving the estate made her feel odd. Queasy, almost. Especially with Hojo… it would be leaving one prison to enter another.

"Kagome," her father said slowly, "I'd been hoping to keep this from you, but the War is coming closer to us. I fear that someone from the East will attempt to target me, and through me… you."

Kagome frowned at that, at the idea that he might care for her well-being. It was difficult for her to believe… and yet… she wanted to believe it.

"I would be fine here," she said quietly. "I don't see why—"

"If you do not mind me saying," he said pointedly, "I know a great deal more of the War than you do. You are a naïve child, Kagome… and I fear for you. That is why I am giving you to Hojo."

Kagome nodded. "So… when will the ceremony be?"

Her father grimaced at her lack of objection, frowned, and told her, "Hojo has left for a routine patrol now; the ceremony will take place as soon as he returns. That should be in a little over one month."

One month. In one month, she would be married. In one month, she would be Kagome… Hojo.

It was not the name which sent shivers down her spine. It was the concept.

"Thank you for telling me this," Kagome said, standing up on shaky legs. "Is there anything else I should know?"

He shook his head, still watching her warily. "No. You may leave."

Kagome nodded curtly, turning to leave. But before she went, she became possessed of a thought… a nagging concern… a concern which almost struck her as odd.

And yet still, she turned back and asked hesitantly, "Father?"

He frowned, surprised. "Yes, Kagome? Why are you still here?"

She bit her lip, wondering why she cared… almost wishing she didn't care.

"If we are in danger… will you be safe, here?"

The smallest smile struck his lips… and yet it was also the most genuine he had ever given to her.

"Do not worry about me. I am safe."

Kagome nodded, at odd ends for a variety of reasons, and left the room before she could even hear him say, "Thank you."

.x.x.

Being in her father's presence had a curious effect on her; a numbing, suppressing, smothering effect. It was like he smothered her spirit, her thoughts, her fears, her anger… leaving her feeling empty.

She almost ran down the hall after she left his room, and she didn't stop running until she reached the pond and collapsed.

"Married," she gasped. "I am going to be married."

Just the word felt dirty on her lips, made her want to wretch. She reached her hands into the pond, praying there was no one nearby to see, and splashed water onto her face, ignoring the several disturbed carp which swam away from her fingers.

Married. To Hojo.

Kagome wretched again.

It was not that she hated Hojo, or found him repulsive. He was an attractive man, a man desired by many woman. He was, in a way, a friend. At least, that was how she referred to him. But sometimes she wondered: how could she call someone whom she saw only once a month a friend?

Hojo was the only person outside of the manor whom she had ever considered some kind of companion. He was kind to her, and she had always suspected that he was partial to her as well, so her surprise at his request confused her deeply.

Her horror, however, did not.

Sitting by the lake, Kagome realized that her life had consisted of sitting in a cage, building on chains, one chain after another, and that she had not noticed them until she was buried up to her neck. Bit by bit, her freedoms had been stripped from her… bit by bit, everything she had cared about had been taken away.

Freedom to love was the last thing she had… and now her father had given that away as well.

Feeling the cage walls closing in on her, Kagome buried her face in her hands.

.x.x.

~1 month ago

The wedding was in four days. Hojo was arriving in two.

Kagome turned in front of the mirror, examining yet another dress she would never wear for Hojo.

"Kagome-sama? What do you think of this one?"

For appearance' sake, Kagome turned again, examining herself in the mirror. Her maids surrounded her, smiling and chatting and talking and congratulating, entirely oblivious to Kagome's turmoil.

"It looks absolutely gorgeous on you, Kagome-sama," Eri said, smiling broadly.

"I must admit that I have some dissatisfactions with this dress," Yuka said, analyzing the white gown critically. "Look at how it comes around in the back… it's a bit low; obviously made for someone taller."

Eri walked around to the back of the dress. "Perhaps… hardly a large flaw, though. It is not so big of a problem."

Ayumi rolled her eyes, smiling. "You have always been a brash one, Eri. How about we discard this dress; I am sure Kagome is eager to move on to the next one."

Kagome smiled and thanked her, and Ayumi told her anytime, and once, Kagome would have meant it; once, Kagome would have been relieved to be that much closer to the end of this torturous, trial-and-error process of choosing a dress. But when she was choosing a dress for a ceremony she would never attend, when she would be long gone the following morning, she could not find it in her to thank Ayumi from the heart.

But her maids did not notice her hesitance, and they continued to undress her and dress her and undress her and dress her… and throughout the process, Kagome's mind was elsewhere. Kagome's mind was far away to tomorrow, to lands she would see, to lands she had never seen before. Kagome's mind had flown out of her body, out of the manor, out of the estate… and was now soaring above the trees, flying over the oceans Kagome had only heard about.

For this moment, while she was dressed and undressed, while her maids made all the decisions and she was free to fly away, she was one with the clouds.

Through the white, spiraling clouds of adventure and the dark thunderclaps of her fear, she soared.

.x.x.

Cloudless, the night.

Kagome had wondered if it would be difficult: staying up late into the night, staying up to the time where the sun was long gone and the moon had risen high, and the stars twinkled in a black sea. She had wondered if she would have to concentrate to stay awake, so that she would not sleep through her chance of escape. It had been one of her biggest concerns: that she would fall asleep and miss her chance. That fear was the reason why she had chosen to leave now; so that if she slept, if she forgot, she would have a few more chances before the day of the wedding and the cage door closed.

As it turned out, the fear was needless.

Kagome's apprehension and excitement kept her awake all night, dwelling on her thoughts, diving through dreams and fears and plans… thinking.

Kagome had always loved to think. Yet as she laid awake on her futon, staring out the window into a cloudless, obsidian sky, she thought for the first time that thinking might be the end of her nerves.

Or of her plan.

Kagome had no idea what had driven her to make the decisions she had made, nor what she would do after she had carried them out. She had spent a long time dreading the wedding, dreading the end of her freedom, trying to figure out a way to evade her fate… and then, just when she thought that there was no one who would help her, she realized what she had to do.

And so Kagome had turned to herself for answers, and there, she had found them.

The only way to be free was to earn it.

This life, her life… was not free. She had privileges, yes; wealth, yes; safety, yes. But all these things paled in comparison to the only thing she lacked.

Choice.

Kagome wondered if she was selfish to crave freedom; her mother had grown up in poverty, and from what Kagome had gleaned, it had not been a good life. Kagome sometimes wondered if that was why her mother had married her father: to secure a better life for her children. To make sure that they never lived through the ordeal which she had.

If that was the case, then Kagome thought her mother had made a mistake… and also that her mother had been selfless. For one had to be selfless to marry a man like her father.

_I am not selfless, _Kagome thought, tracing the floor with one finger.

She wondered what it was like to be poor… what did it mean? What was poverty? What did it look like, smell like, feel like? These were questions she had never asked Kaede, and questions she had only ever hinted at asking her mother.

They were also the only questions her mother had refused to fully answer.

Kagome snuggled deeper into her futon, into the quilt, beginning to fully appreciate something which she hadn't even thought about before.

Stroking the quilt, she thought, _This is the last time I will ever sleep beneath this quilt. This is the last time I will ever sleep on this futon._

Kagome could not help but wonder where, then, she would sleep.

.x.x.

Time passed more quickly than she would have liked. And as she slowly rose from her futon, beckoned to the window by the warm night sky, she began to question her plan.

She had food, she had water… but what if that ran out? Was there water in the outside world? What were the people like? Were there houses?

Surely, there were houses. Perhaps even rooms like hers… futons like hers. Perhaps she would find her own home, or a nice family to take her in… or she could build her own home. But she quickly dismissed that idea as stupidity.

Then an answer came to her: Kaede. She would go to live with Kaede. Kaede's old home had been far from the manor, Kagome knew. She had said something about… what was the name … Longrass_. _That was the name of the village.

Kagome didn't know how far that was from the estate, but she did not care. She would get there, no matter how long it took.

Her name, also. What would her name be? Kagome was not at all a common name… she would have to choose something different. Aimi. She would be Aimi, she decided, thinking of the first name to come to her lips. Aimi… Suzuki. That was who she would be.

Aimi Suzuki. From then on, she would be Aimi Suzuki.

Kagome gulped as she realized that actually, it was from now on.

It was now or never. Now, to run, to explore, to leave forever… to seek new things… or never. Never, to stay, to marry, to feel the chains suffocate her until she died from lack of breath…

Now or never.

Kagome took a deep breath and made her decision.

She was quiet as she sat on her futon, thinking about what to bring. It only took a moment, however, to know the memories she wanted to keep.

She quickly dressed into her favorite dress, the last dress her mother had given her, and crept out into the manor hall. As she passed Souta's room she stopped… Souta. She was leaving her brother. She was leaving her brother in a life of chains, chains he would never escape from, for he would not have someone like her mother to raise him free.

_I would have been her_, Kagome thought, biting her lip. _I would have been her to him._

But then she realized that she would not have been her, for she would have been married, and far away.

Kagome stepped down the stairs gently, whispering a quiet, "I love you, Souta," and left the future King sleeping on his futon.

As she opened the manor door and stepped softly onto the grass, she realized that she had no memory of her brother to bring with her.

Kagome looked up into the night sky, letting the wind gently ruffle her hair, letting the cooling sensation settle on her arms, drip down her neck. The wind whispered in her ears, the stars beckoning from the night sky… Kagome couldn't join them, but she knew she was becoming closer to them.

Closer to freedom. Closer to living.

"No more shawls," Kagome whispered, taking another step down the estate. "No more weddings." Another step. "No more fathers." Voice cracked. Another step. "No more nannies, no more rules, no more sit up straight and use your chopsticks." Another few steps, faster this time. "No more running is for peasants, no more theories are nonsense, no more be a lady and don't snore!" Kagome was running now as she whispered to herself, "No more cages, no more chains, no more prisons and rules and laws and generals and teas and balls and small talk… no more."

And talking to herself, smiling, and sobbing the entire way, Kagome ran free from her cage, left it behind in the dark, running for hours until she collapsed.

.x.x.

**A/N: Please read this. It has information about the setting of the story.**

**Now you know how Kagome came to leave the safety of her home. If you've been reading carefully, you should have a good idea how she got to The Cells, but just in case you missed it, you'll find out in the next chapter (which is not a flashback, but does contain one!).**

**About the setting:**

**Somebody said that Sango had an English accent? Well I'm glad you noticed that—she sort of does! The characters are meant to speak sort of like that. Not a real English accent, but you get the picture.**

**NOW about the setting:**

**This isn't a real war or exact time period in Japan as far as I know. The setting of By Candlelight is a combination of Japan in the Feudal Era, England in the eighteenth-nineteenth century, and the Dark Ages. You already know about the War (I think). The nation is divided into two main states: the North and the East. On both sides, almost everybody is extremely poor, living in squalor. There are the privileged few, mainly the royal families and some select nobles.**

**Does that help?**

**Thank you to .love, Roses Kiss, feathersnow, purduepup, Tomatosoup inc., nocturnal1810, EveryGirlNeedsHerVampire, MegamanSora, Daichilover, Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag, xXanimeluver15Xx, for reviewing! **


	7. Off

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

**A/N: This is a LONG one. Like, REALLY LONG. But I figured that it would be better this way rather than split up—that way you don't have to wait as long, ne? ;)**

.x.x.

Chapter 7- Off

.x.

_Like white light_

_A touch_

_Is made of many colors:_

_Some dark and deep_

_Some bright and blinding_

_Some ambiguous;_

_Impossible to decide_

_Between gentle strokes_

_Or subtle threats._

_A touch_

_Can mean anything_

_Any color_

_But yours_

_To me_

_Glows the brightest white._

.x.

Kagome woke with a start, panting heavily as if she had been running… but she had not been running. She had only been sleeping.

She took one look around the cell, remembered her dream, and laughed.

Sudden motion reminded her of her companions; Sango, Koharu, the other Maiden, and yet another woman she had not seen the day before. Sango bolted upright, whipping her head around, pinpointing the source of the noise in an instant. Koharu and the others were slower, groggier, propping themselves up on their elbows and blinking blearily at Kagome.

Unabashed at the attention, Kagome kept laughing.

Shaking her head in disbelief, she thought, _Irony bites._

Her dream… her memories… had reminded her of just how true that was.

"Kagome," Koharu groaned, "What's so funny?"

"Yeah," Sango said, smirking at her. "I thought there was a dying demon in here or something of the sort, but now that there's not… we may as well be clued in on the joke."

Kagome rolled her eyes, forcing a smile, watching Sango's lips and wondering how they could quirk so effortlessly. Kagome's face felt heavy, sore; she had to concentrate to smile.

Smiling had never been difficult before. Her mother had always told her that her smiles were a gift… that she was blessed.

She certainly didn't feel blessed now, as she strained a stiff smile onto her face and said, "It's nothing."

_Nothing but the past… nothing but what I left behind._

_ What will never be again._

"You woke us up," the unfamiliar Maiden muttered. Blinking, she scrutinized Kagome and asked suddenly, "Who are you?"

Kagome frowned at her, not used to being asked a question so harshly. "Who are _you?_" she retorted, glaring.

Sango laughed. "No need to pick fights, Kagome. This is Kagura. She doesn't mean any harm—but she's a real bitch in the morning."

Kagura glared in protest, which, if anything, reinforced Sango's words.

"Yeah, well," Kagura muttered, "Not all of us can be so cheerful about waking up in a cell every morning."

That silenced the others.

Koharu rubbed her eyes, glanced at the still inert Maiden, and prodded her. "Get up," she said softly. "They'll probably come fetch us for breakfast soon."

The woman muttered something, turning over on her straw matt.

Koharu sighed. "She says she'll get up in a minute or two."

"Well, if she doesn't, they'll get her up one way or another," Sango said, grimacing. "If anybody hears the guards coming, tell me, and I'll wake her."

Sango and Koharu stood up, beginning to walk into the other room. Kagome frowned, scrambling to her feet just in time to follow them. "Where are you going?" she asked.

They shrugged. "Baths," Sango said. "Want to come?"

Kagome gawked at her. "There are baths here?"

"For us, yes," Sango replied, already stripping off her robe. "The water's cold and the soap is rough, but it's better than nothing."

With an eagerness which surprised her, Kagome followed Sango and Koharu into the next room.

The bath was a large tub dug into the middle of the floor, filled to the brim with water. Kagome grimaced, eyeing it with distaste; perhaps it was because she had taken baths in gold-rimmed porcelain tubs, perhaps it was because she had had three maids to wash her and heat the water until it steamed, but the bath looked dirty, the color of the water just slightly off.

Hesitantly, she dipped her toe into the graying bath.

_It feels like grime._

"Well? You coming in?"

Kagome opened her squinted eyes to look at Sango and Koharu, already sitting waist-deep in the tub, watching her expectantly. She eyed the water lapping around their skin, turning darker with sweat and dirt….

Swallowing, Kagome placed her foot into the tub, only to find that it barely reached her mid-calve.

"It's so shallow," she murmured, almost to herself, forgetting that she was being watched. That there was no such thing as privacy, that such a comment could be dangerous….

Kagome's eyes tightened with guilt when she noticed the way Sango and Koharu stared at her.

She closed her eyes and remembered what she had seen after her escape. In her mind's eye, still, the images seared: the poverty… the dirt… the thin women and bulging spines and bloated bellies of starving children… the thatched-roof huts and dilapidated buildings, buildings so decayed they could not even be called structures…

These were the lands she had so longed to see. This was what she had seen after her escape.

_Or was it an escape? _Kagome thought. _Is an escape not a flight from suffering? A flight to a better land, a better life… is an escape not supposed to be a thing of happiness, of relief from pain?_

So, what she had done… could it be called an escape?

What _was _an escape?

Kagome glanced back at Sango and Koharu to see them eyeing her through narrowed, tightened eyes. Eyes of suspicion… and yet also of sympathy.

"Kagome," Sango said, like one might begin giving an ultimatum, "I don't know what you're used to, but… this is what you got now. Take it."

Kagome took one last long at the water… bit her lip… and watched Sango as she stepped in, watched Sango's face as the soiled bath quivered around her legs, around her waist as she sat.

Kagome shivered, a shiver of three sensations: cold, disgust, and relief, for although the water was cold and grimy, it was still water, and as she doused her arms with it, Kagome remembered that she had not bathed for several weeks.

Suddenly, the bath seemed not so unappealing.

.x.x.

She emerged from the bath just minutes later, shivering, to find that she felt surprisingly clean, considering that she had just bathed in water laced with dirt. After a moment of thought, Kagome came to the grotesque conclusion that she herself had been dirtier than the water in which she had bathed.

The thought made her shiver even more, and when it occurred to her that there were no towels with which to dry herself, nor a fire to heat her hands, she was ready to sit down and waste away.

Funny, how the little things you live with your whole life, the little things you take for granted, seem wonderful only when they are lacked.

"I'd suggest you get your robe on soon," Koharu said, throwing hers on over her wet body, as if the cold did not sting her ears, bite her skin. Kagome watched her and Sango, wondering how they could take all this so casually… wondering if she would ever be able to.

When that last thought slipped into her mind, she asked a new, more frightening question.

How long would it take?

How long would she be there, live like this, bathe like this, wake like this? For how long would she serve and stoop and live and lie… for how long would she live this life, be this Kagome?

For how long _could _she live like this?

Kagome glanced at Koharu, watched her tie her hair back with a thin piece of twine. Her eyes slipped to Sango, bending over to wring her hair out, barely wincing as the scars on her back cracked in protest. How long had they been there? How long had it taken for all of this to become… routine?

_Maybe, _Kagome thought, _It's not so different from how they lived before._

The broken villages, the starving villagers… the outside world. A world entirely separate from Kagome's world, a world held away from her, a world from which she was protected. The world she had seen for the first time when she had given up her own.

A world dying and abandoned.

_Abandoned by my father. _

For some reason this did not surprise Kagome. If her father could abandon his children, what was to stop him from abandoning an entire world, too?

It began to occur to Kagome that this world had no known boundaries… that it may very well have been Sango's and Koharu's home.

And that it certainly did not have heated baths.

Kagome's eyes tightened with self-disgust. Her lip trembled, her teeth grazed over the cracked skin… it had never been cracked before. Cracked was unattractive, cracked was a punishment, cracked was for people who did not deserve moist lips… for people who did not need them.

In that moment, Kagome began to realize that all her life, her entire world had been centered around _presentable. _Around _eligible. _That had been the center of her world, more than food or shelter or sustenance. She had no need to concentrate on food and shelter and sustenance—she had all those things without trying.

But she lived a sheltered life. Recently, she had learned that for most of the world, this was not so.

"Kagome? You okay?"

Kagome glanced over at Sango and Koharu, who were standing now, fully robed, gazing at her anxiously. Their question rang in her head—_Are you okay. _No. _You okay. _Not even an 'are.'

Just this simple word, this simple missing sound, reminded Kagome that Sango and Koharu came from a different world than she did. Sango and Koharu came from the world which for so long, she had wished could be hers.

They came from a world Kagome had not known existed.

"I'm all right," Kagome said, smiling slightly, wondering how it felt to say those words. _You okay. _So informal, so simple, so easy… _You okay. _It seemed so… efficient. Friendly. That was the word. Just by eliminating the first word, by skipping the introductory sound Kagome had always thought was necessary, the question dropped all its stiffness.

And then, just to feel it on her lips, just to feel it and taste it with her tongue, just to hear herself say it and know that she could, Kagome asked hesitantly, "You okay?"

_You okay._

A smile brightened Kagome's face… and realizing that it was one of _her _smiles, one of her smiles which should come as naturally as breathing, she smiled wider.

This confused Sango and Koharu. She knew it did. But for whatever reason, perhaps thinking it was not worth asking, perhaps simply glad that she could smile at all… they smiled back.

Still sitting on the floor, Kagura raised her eyebrows, thoughts evident on her face. But Kagome was too busy smiling to care that Kagura thought they were morons.

.x.x.

Several minutes later, the door was flung open.

"Get outta here. Breakfast time."

There was just one of them; one of the brutish men, the men with helmets covering their foreheads and armor covering their chests. The men with cold eyes and cruel lips and harsh words. Just one man, one man with a club, one burly man with a sword and a mace and a matted beard.

Just one man, one voice which filled Kagome with an indignant rage.

"What are you starin' at?"

Kagome almost jumped when she realized that he was speaking to her—that she _had _been staring. Quickly she ducked her head, shuffled her feet as she passed the guard. Ducked her eyes, smothered her soul as she stepped into the hallway. Clenched her fists, ignored Koharu's reassuring smile.

Suddenly, without warning, there was a loud _crack._

Kagome whirled around, hand going to her cheek as if _she _had been the one to bear the blow; as if _she _had been the one to feel the sting, to take the insult.

Yet she was not the one.

Kagura hissed, recoiling, muttering a string of curses as she clutched her bruised cheek. "You… ugh… what was that for?" she growled. But not glaring at him. Glaring at the floor instead, as if it might transfer her fury to the guard.

He smirked, a cruel smirk, an unfeeling smirk. A smirk which boasted no real pride or pleasure—a smirk for the sake of something to do with his inert face.

"Last night," he growled. "Wan'ed to make sure yer face was still workin' and all."

If Kagome had known that these words would make Kagura lunge, she might have tried to stop her. Perhaps she would have tried to wrap her arms around her waist, or grab her by the elbow. Perhaps she would have called to the others to help her, to save Kagura from herself. But Kagome did not know that Kagura was about to snap, and when she lunged for the guard, the only person who could have reacted fast enough was Sango… who seemed in agreement with Kagura, rather than inclined to stop her.

"YOU BASTARD!" Kagura shrieked, flying at the guard.

The guard swore, jumping backward, grabbing Kagura by the arm. There was a sickening crack as he bent her arm backward, followed by a low hiss of suppressed agony. Kagome watched with widened eyes, with disbelieving eyes, with utter horror, as the guard hurled Kagura against the wall, where she crumbled in a heap.

She did not move after her fall. Her open eyes were dazed with anger, her face contorted with pain… her body motionless.

It was clear that she was not going to attack, but her helplessness did not stop the guard from kicking her once more in the stomach.

"Teaches her," the guard growled. "Bitch."

Now it was Sango who moved to attack, but this time Kagome and Koharu were ready. They threw themselves at Sango, holding her back even as she shouted and swore.

"LET ME GO! LET ME FUCKING GO!" Sango screamed, writhing in their arms.

"Sango, _no_," Koharu hissed, tears springing to her eyes. "Please, don't."

"You'd better listen to her," the guard said, glancing back at Sango. "I wouldn't want to hurt Mukotsu's future wife." Grinning, he turned back to Kagura and said, "Guess you're lucky compared to her, huh?"

In disagreement or in pain, Kagura moaned.

"Don't you dare hurt her," Sango hissed. "Or I will—"

"Save your words, while you still have 'em," he growled, glaring at Sango. "Now while I go take this bitch to the Field… you should just go run along to the kitchens, like good little Maidens. Before I change my mind and have you all join your friend."

Kagome did not know what the Field was, but Koharu visibly paled, and Sango, whether because she herself feared the threat, or because she did not want her friends to be hurt, slowly relaxed. Not speaking to the guard, not speaking to anyone, she walked numbly down the dark corridor. If there had been grass where she stepped, Kagome suspected it might have caught fire.

Koharu and the nameless Maiden followed her, hurrying away from the guard before they could meet the same fate as Kagura. Kagome, after a short moment, did the same, ducking her head as she passed. But once they were almost at the edge of the hall… once the guard's attention had moved on… she turned back.

Kagura and the guard were already gone, but she could still hear her moans.

"What is he going to do to her?" Kagome whispered. "What was he talking about? Why did he hit her?"

_What, what, why? _It seemed to Kagome that all she ever did was ask questions. All she had _ever _done was ask questions; and it had used to bring her pleasure, to voice her curiosity. It had used to bring meaning in a meaningless life, to find things to be curious about. But now… now, these questions, now, the need for answers… now it was not fueled by curiosity.

Now it was fueled by fear, and that was why asking caused her pain.

Sango was absorbed in her silent fury, so it was Koharu who answered. In a low voice, she muttered, "I think he had her last night. Only the guards are allowed to keep us for so long. We assumed that she was with one of them when she didn't return after a few hours, but… he is one of the worst."

Kagome winced, absorbing this. She remembered the words of the only guard she knew by name, Kouga. _He would just have to ask permission_. That was what he had said—what he had said about _her._

Kagome remembered Kagura and paled, both in sorrow for the girl, and in fear for herself.

_Is Kouga going to take me? Would he treat me like that man has treated Kagura?_

But for all her questions, she had no answers, for although she knew Kouga's name, he was still a guard, and she did not know _him._

She knew nothing about him other than the fact that she loathed him.

But Kagome chose not to mention Kouga, and instead whispered, "Do you know the guard's name?"

Koharu nodded. "Hiten, I think it is." She shuddered. "I feel so terrible for Kagura… of course she will only be the object of his attention for a few days, but still…."

"I want to rip his balls out," Sango growled abruptly. "Then I want to stuff them down his throat… and grind his head into powder."

The nameless Maiden smiled and said, "That would be nice, if it were possible."

Sango grimaced, closing her eyes. "It _is _possible. And some day… I'll do it."

Kagome shivered at how much Sango meant those words.

"Where is he taking her?" Kagome asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer, but knowing that she had to. "What is the Field?"

At that word, everyone flinched.

"He's taking her to the Punishment Field," Koharu said softly. "It's where they take people when… they are going to be punished." Cringing, she added, "I've never been there, but… I have some inkling of what it's like."

Sango's fists clenched as she muttered, "_I've _been there. And it's a better fit place for the guards than for the ones who get flogged."

In her mind's eye, Kagome could see Sango's scars, mottled and raw. Next to it, she saw her own back… pale and smooth. And finally, she wondered what Kagura's back looked like.

She wondered what it would look like after her visit to the Field… and she wondered whether the screams she heard were real, or a torture of her imagination.

.x.x.

When Kagome, Sango, Koharu, and many other Maidens filed into the mess hall, she felt a surging sense of relief. Even the sun, mottled by clouds, was the sun. Even the sky, far away, was the sky, and the outdoors, the knowledge that there _was _an outdoors, and the world which Kagome knew lay somewhere beneath the high wooden walls… they were all there.

No matter how unattainable a thing may be, it does not change its existence.

Kagome stared up the walls into the sky beyond… seeing the sun for the first time in what felt like years. The clouds swirled about the sphere of light, ever in motion, ever uncaring… indifferent as always. Indifferent to her pleas, indifferent to her smile.

The clouds did not know the joy they instilled in Kagome, and yet still, the joy was there.

"Kagome? What are you looking at?"

Kagome tore her eyes away from the sky to look at Sango. "Nothing," she said quickly. "Just the sky."

Sango nodded. "You've never lived in the mountains before, have you?"

Kagome shook her head no, then frowned and said, "How do you know we are in the mountains?"

Sango quirked an eyebrow at her, smirking teasingly as she said, "I know they blindfolded you on the way here, but I didn't think they blinded the rest of your senses as well. It isn't all that hard to tell a mountain when you're on one."

"Well, I wasn't paying very much attention to what the road felt like," Kagome said defensively. "I was rather preoccupied by the fact that I was blindfolded."

_Mountains. I am on a mountain._

Kagome had never been on a mountain before. She had only seen them from the estate, seen them looming in the distance… towering above her, reigning in a high kingdom, a kingdom separate from and superior to her own.

She had only ever thought of mountains as mountains; as another world, a world forbidden, like the sky.

_I am on a mountain, _she thought again, almost disbelievingly.

Sango frowned at her, shaking her head. "You're odd." She smiled. "But luckily for you, I like you. So I'm going to give you a piece of advice—don't stare at the sky too much. The guards will think you're getting ideas… or that you're defective. And they don't tolerate defectives here."

Kagome nodded, trying to keep her blood in her face even as it tried to slip down to her toes. Sango patted her on the back, steering her as they walked, saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. You just need to know what's safe and what's not, that's all."

Nodding again, Kagome said, "It seems like there's a lot that's not safe."

Sango laughed. "I suppose. Don't worry over it, though; it isn't very hard to learn, nor to remember after you've learned it once."

Behind the smile, behind the laugh, Kagome saw what Sango _really _meant.

Gulping, she followed her into the line the other Maidens were forming, trying to distract herself from Sango's words. Sango, she had noticed, had an uncanny way of unnerving her with just a smile… and yet Kagome had a feeling that this tendency of hers was wholly deliberate.

_She is trying to teach me, _Kagome thought. _She's trying to guide me through The Cells. Almost like a tutor… no. No, not like a tutor. Like a friend._

Sango was teaching her the rules, and Kagome needed to know them to survive.

She only wished she knew how to win.

"Sango? Koharu?" Kagome's voice was tentative as she whispered their names, unsure whether this next question was overstepping boundaries. The two girls turned to look at her, Koharu on one side, Sango on her other. And once they were both looking, Kagome felt that she had no other option than to ask the question she had planned to.

"Forgive me if I am being improper, but… how long have you been here?"

Sango and Koharu looked at each other, a brief meeting of the eyes, a momentary decision. When Sango's eyes swiveled back to Kagome, her face held a bitter smile.

"Five years."

Kagome froze.

There was something off about this, something which made her blood run cold, something which made her heart beat fast, as if she had seen a dark shadow in the night. This something had nothing to do with Sango's smile, though that was certainly a thing to be unnerved by; and it had nothing to do with how Koharu shuffled her feet, as if ashamed, though that was certainly a thing to pity.

The something which seemed _off _had to do with Sango's answer.

"I'm sorry," Kagome said, smiling, confused, "Did you say five years?"

Sango grimaced. "Since we were twelve and nine."

Kagome could only stare.

Five years. They had been in The Cells for _five years. _And it was not the horror of the fact which disturbed her; it was not the notion of a childhood in such a place, it was not the idea of being ripped away from your life at such a young age.

It was the fact that it was impossible.

"Look," Sango said, grimacing, "I know it must seem horrible, but we've made do with what we've got. It doesn't help for you to gawk at us like we're some pitiful charity case."

"No, no!" Kagome said hastily, eyes wide. "That is not what I meant. I am only confused, that's all."

Koharu frowned at her. "By what?"

Finding herself blushing, finding herself laughing a laugh which was not of humor and smiling a smile which had nothing to do with happiness, Kagome said, "I thought that you said five years."

They blinked at her. "We did."

Kagome froze.

"Kagome?" Sango asked hesitantly. "You all right?"

"NO!" she burst out without quite realizing what she was doing. "I… yes. Yes, I am fine, but… that is impossible. How could you have been here for five years? The War has only been fought for two."

There was a beat of dead silence, of silence like chilled meat, hanging in the air and rotting away. Attracting flies, devoured slowly until only the bones were left… until the silence could no longer survive, and it had to be broken.

Sango's and Koharu's eyes were wary as they narrowed at Kagome.

"Kagome," Sango said slowly, like one might break terrible news to a child, "The War has been going on for almost a decade."

Kagome stared, not processing her words, not processing their meaning. Only she _did _process it, she _did _comprehend it… and that was the worst part: she could not hide from it.

"A decade," she mouthed, eyes wide.

Koharu frowned at her. "Are you okay?" she asked seriously.

Kagome ignored her, only able to whisper, "Are you sure?"

Her voice, unable to bear the stress for a moment longer, cracked.

_A decade. A DECADE, _she thought, stunned.

Sango and Koharu nodded in unison, suspicion and fear turning to confusion and concern. Laughing, hiding her nervousness with a smirk, Sango teased, "Did you grow up under a rock or something?"

_A DECADE._

That was all Kagome could think about. A decade. The War had been going on for a decade, and she had had no idea of it. The War had been ravaging their country for _ten years… _and Kagome had heard nothing of it until the last two.

"Apparently," she said, laughing in shock.

Sango gave her a hard look, and for a moment Kagome thought she was going to press her. For a moment Kagome thought that her secret was going to be drawn out of her so soon, and everything would be over. But it was just a moment, for soon, Sango smirked.

And just like that, everything was smoothed over, leaving only an uncertain understanding and unspoken agreement in its wake.

.x.x.

Minutes passed before they started moving again. Kagome blinked, realizing that although she and the others were heading behind a long table, there was something vital missing. "Sango?" she asked hesitantly. "Where is the food?"

Sango turned to her briefly, saying over her shoulder, "We're getting it."

Kagome had never felt more pathetic than when she realized that _breakfast _did not consist so much of eatingas it did of cooking.

A wave of nausea overwhelmed her as she reached the table, walking behind it until the line stopped. Kagome was near enough to the end of the line that she could not see where the other side had gone.

Then she saw the food.

At first, Kagome didn't realize what it was; was that mottled porridge rice? Was that grey mass supposed to be meat? But with a sinking feeling, she realized that that was exactly what it was. Rice. Meat. Not very much, either. And for a moment Kagome was baffled by the lack of food, until she saw what was following it. For a moment she thought it was some kind of green potato, but when the stench hit her, the mystery food was identified instantly.

Kagome wretched.

"Sango? Koharu? Is this for us?" she asked.

Koharu, on her other side, answered. "We're serving the Warriors first," she said, grimacing, "But our food is about the same."

Blanching, Kagome watched the food arrive at her spot at the table, almost having to think for a moment before passing it on.

When the food had been laid out, a harsh voice from somewhere Kagome could not see shouted, "Prepare the food! Breakfast in five minutes!"

Immediately a flurry of motion ensued around her, hands diving into squelchy meat, separating rice into sickly piles, mashing Tori Roots into a kind of green mush which looked more like excretion than anything edible. Kagome felt bile rising in her throat, and she fought to keep it down, to keep her eyes from rolling upward, to keep her hands from shaking.

_I'm stronger than this. I'm stronger than this._

"Kagome, you'd better start working, or you'll be flogged," Koharu whispered.

Kagome paled as she thought, _I don't know how to cook._

She looked at the items which were called food, the items she was supposed to prepare. Tori root, rice, meat. Things which, after some effort, she recognized.

Things she did not know how to cut or scoop.

"Kagome?" Sango whispered. "You okay?"

"I-I…" she swallowed. "I'm fine."

Kagome knew better than to tell her she did not know what to do. There was no excuse for a person not to know how to cook… to prepare a simple meal.

So she looked down at her food, heard the footsteps of the Warriors coming in for breakfast, and made a decision.

She would do this; simply because she had to, and because there was no reason for her not to know how.

Here, she had to blend in. And if delving into a pungent Tori root would help her do that… then that was what she would do.

And so Kagome hesitantly took the root in both hands, and began watching Sango as she kneaded it. Hesitantly, she copied the motion: the inward press, the outward scoop, the pressure on the top, the pushing on the bottom. Kneading. Kneading. Kneading root into mash, mash into mush… root after root after root. Kagome kneaded until her fingers ached. She kneaded until slime coated her hands, until her head spun from the smell.

But she kept kneading.

.x.x.

~2 weeks ago

Kagome had no idea where she was.

_Find Longrass. _That had been her plan. That had been all she had known and all she had wanted. Her only aim, her only dream… that had been it.

But there had been no instructions for how to achieve it, and Kagome had quickly learned that it would take more than searching.

The villages she had passed through were not Longrass, she knew that by instinct. Longrass was Kaede's home, Longrass was the place which housed the woman Kagome loved most in the world after her mother. Therefore, Longrass was wonderful. Longrass was not smelly or dirty, empty or poor… it simply wasn't.

Because Kaede lived there, it couldn't be.

Kagome wrapped her arms around her knees. It was cold in the cellar, in the cellar of a busy house she had no name for. She had no idea where she was, nor which town she was in. What kind of a house was this, with so many loud, raucous people, with so much yelling, with such a strong stench of spirits? What kind of a house would house an insanity the likes of which dominated the floor upstairs?

Kagome grimaced at the noise, for even down in the cellar, she could hear it.

Yet in a way, as annoying as it was, she was thankful for it. For the shouts, the laughter, the smells. At least these people—these people laughing and yelling and fighting, these people too busy drinking away their lives to notice a slender girl slipping behind the main room—seemed alive.

At least they were not frail ghosts of people. At least their boisterousness made up for their prominent bones and mangled beards.

At least they were loud enough to keep Kagome awake, for she feared that if she slept, she would be tortured by nightmare pictures, instead of the gruesome images of reality.

A streak of light appeared on the dark floor, causing Kagome to gasp. The door had been opened. If she was caught, who knew what would happen?

Kagome had seen villages torn to pieces, villages burned to the ground. She might not have been the wisest, most experienced of girls, but she had seen enough to know that if she were found by the wrong person, she would come to the same end as countless others.

Others she had only ever heard about. Others in rags and chains, others in tears and dirt, others dragged away by hard-faced men, others thrown into horse-drawn hay tractors infested with fleas… others stolen out of sight. Others cheated out of lives.

Others. People other than her.

_I'll be careful, _Kagome thought. _I'm no longer a child. I know not to trust just anybody._

The problem was: who could she trust?

She had no way of knowing who was safe, and she had no way of knowing if this man entering the cellar was safe, so she huddled farther behind one of the large barrels of foul-smelling liquid.

Stay quiet. Stay hidden. Stay safe.

For the last week, that had been her mantra.

Kagome could only see the man's boots—leather, it looked like. Very simple. Wide strap, muddy, worn. But still, they were boots. Not bare feet, but _boots._

Once, Kagome might have thought that this simple trait, these boots, classified the man as someone trustworthy. Someone with some wealth, someone who would not try to take her down an alley and steal from her… money or worse. But Kagome had learned better than that. Kagome had learned that in the outside world… differences in money meant very little.

There wasno money to differentiate between, and this man was the same as any other, regardless of what he wore on his feet.

The boots retreated. The door closed.

Kagome was left in darkness.

.x.x.

Gradually, throughout the night, the voices faded. One by one, some in groups, voices would dwindle and disappear. As the hours passed, the house grew quieter and quieter… until there were no voices. Just Kagome, hiding in the cellar.

Just the owner of the house, and his boots which were coming again to visit her.

Kagome began to panic. Why was he back in the cellar? What did he need? Did he know she was there? Was he coming for her?

_What did he want?_

She bit her lip to keep from screaming, but it turned out she didn't need to.

Suddenly, without warning, a hand covered her mouth.

"Don't scream, girl. I'm not gonna turn you in."

Kagome gasped, struggling, unwilling to believe his words. Unwilling to believe him even as he knelt down beside her and whispered, "Refugee, right? Don't worry. I've housed plenty of you before. Tell me, where are you from?"

Kagome closed her eyes, willing herself not to speak, willing herself not to cry. Willing herself not to trust him… even though she desperately wanted to.

He took his hand off of her mouth, sitting back. "Look at me, girl. I've known you were here for hours. Now tell me where you're coming from; it's good for us to know if they've hit any villages closer to home."

Kagome closed her eyes, shook her head, and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Dawncrest," she whispered. "I lived in Dawncrest."

It was just a word, really; just a name. A name of a village she had never seen, a name of a village she had never so much as thought about until two days ago. Until she had heard that it had been burnt to the ground.

_Razed, _they had said. _Pillaged. _They liked to use words like that, when describing the conquests of the East. Formidable words, frightening words. Words whose very sound could instill fear in a person… words which told a story even if someone did not know their meaning.

Kagome shivered at those words, for they were words of power.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, a hand gently cupping her chin. "Look at me," a grating voice said softly. "I ain't gonna hurt you."

And then, because Kagome so wanted to, because she knew that either way, she had been found, she looked at him.

Every time she made eye contact with someone, the fear came back. The fear that she would be identified, that the next pair of eyes which set themselves on hers could pierce beneath the layer of dirt and grime… and see the girl beyond.

The princess.

Kagome's worst fear was that she would be found, both because she did not know what the consequences would be, and because she had gleaned from her travels that the King was not the most popular man among the peasants.

Kagome didn't blame them. After what she had seen, she almost wished that her father would disappear, too.

But Kagome had closed her eyes and thought, _He has disappeared. I've made him disappear._

And then she would forget about him, and just for a little while longer… he would disappear. Again.

"Hey, are you headed somewhere, girl?"

Brought out of her reverie, Kagome nodded. "I…"

"You can trust me, y'know."

Deciding that she had no other choice, she nodded slowly. "Longrass," she whispered, as if the word itself were sacred. "I am looking for a village called Longrass. I… have family there."

It wasn't a lie. As far as she was concerned, Kaede was family.

The man frowned. "Longrass… outta the way place, innit? Well… I couldn't point you there, nor give you news of it. But if you'd like… you could stay the night here in the inn."

_Inn. _That was what this house was called. An _inn._

And so Kagome smiled, crawled out of her hiding spot, and told him that she would very much like to stay in his inn.

.x.x.

Hours passed, but Kagome refused to waste a moment sleeping. She ate ravenously. The food was not particularly plentiful, nor was it succulent or roasted to perfection, but still, it was food… and more than she had had at one time since she had left the manor.

The innkeeper did not tell her to slow down and blot her mouth. He did not tell her to use her chopsticks instead of her hands. And because nobody was there to tell her not to… because nobody was there to disapprove… Kagome _did _use her hands.

It was exhilarating in its way, this small rebellion, but it was not what she had thought it would be.

When Kagome had cleared several bowls of rice and what the innkeeper had assured her was chicken, her fatigue caught up with her hunger. She found herself talking to the innkeeper, laughing as if drunk… but she was not drunk on spirits.

She was drunk on exhaustion, and soon her body caught up with her mouth, and she fell asleep at the bar.

.x.x.

It started in the middle of the night, and in the middle of a dreamless slumber.

Screaming. Light. Heat.

Fire.

That was how Kagome knew that the words of power had reached the inn.

"Girl, get up if you value your life!"

That was the first distinguishable voice Kagome heard through the din. It was hazy in her dream, as was the hand shaking her shoulder… but the fire which flooded her eyes, the swearing which followed, pierced dreamland and brought her into a more frightening reality.

Kagome jumped to her feet.

"What's happening? Where am I?" she stuttered.

"Nothing and nowhere good," the innkeeper growled.

She stared at him, for he wasn't even looking at her. The man was flying around the inn, grabbing bottles off the shelves, pieces of furniture off of tables. Hurrying, hurrying.

Kagome knew that she should hurry, too, but she did not know why.

Outside, something erupted into flames, sending fire and screams blazing through the window.

"They're here, aren't they?" she asked, blood draining from her face.

"Don't just stand there," the innkeeper said. "Go! You'd better go _now_, before they find you, too!" He looked around wildly, then back to Kagome, sincerity written all over his face as he said, "I'm sorry. I can't take care of a kid. You're on your own."

Kagome gawked at him. "What? You're leaving me?"

"You're lucky I'm not turning you in to save my own hide!" he growled.

Kagome's eyes narrowed as she said, "You're just as much a fugitive now as I am."

There was a pause during which they were silent, a pause while they let their situation sink in. During which the fire warmed their bodies and the screams pierced their ears, and the sheer terror flowed in through the cracks in the walls, seeping into their bloodstream.

A gentle sigh broke the pause.

"You're right," he muttered, giving her a small smile. "Witty girl, you are. I'd hate to see them break you."

Kagome stared.

He frowned at her. "Get outta here! You gotta go somewhere. I don't have anywhere to go, I can't be taking care of a child, too. It's hard enough taking care o' myself. It's not that I don't care abou' ya, but—"

But Kagome never got to hear his explanation. Kagome never got to hear but _what_, or why he cared about her even though he was abandoning her. All those things he might have said, all those things she might have known… just like the innkeeper, they died when an arrow pierced his throat.

Before her open eyes, before her trembling form, her only ally fell to the ground, dead.

She barely felt the hands on her arms, the chains on her wrists. Nor did she feel the rough kicks and prods as she was forced out of the inn. She did not see the tractor waiting for her, nor the sobbing children and parents waiting for their turn to board. All these things displayed before her eyes, all these gruesome images and terrible ideas… she was blind to them.

In her mind's eye, she replayed it. Again, and again, and again.

The innkeeper, falling to the ground.

The innkeeper. Dead.

Kagome was too stunned to have a sob to hold back, too stunned to scream or shout or fight as she was thrown onto the tractor. Too stunned to do anything except stare at her bound hands, as if wondering what those chains were doing on her wrists.

Too stunned to cry. Too stunned to sleep.

Too stunned to do anything but stare at her screaming companions with unseeing eyes. And one could suppose that it was a good thing she was blinded; that all she could see was the death of the innkeeper, over and over again, instead of the countless other deaths occurring around her. One could suppose it helped her that she was too stunned for awhile to see the others, to see that she was one of them.

To realize where they were going.

But eventually she _would _see. Eventually she would stop and stare, eventually she would cry. Eventually she would realize where she was going, realize what had happened, realize that this was in fact happening to her, Kagome Higurashi. _Her. _Not someone else. And when all this dawned on her, it would come very fast and very suddenly, with no mercy. She would not have time to ease slowly into reality; it would all occur to her at once, all pour down on her like a river of shock and horror, settling in the pits of her very being.

Unfortunately, it would happen long before she was blindfolded.

.x.x.

~present

"Kagome."

Kagome jumped slightly, a finger dipping into the rice-gruel, slightly deeper than she would have liked. She glanced around herself, trying to figure out who had spoken, trying to remember why someone would speak to her at all.

Then she remembered.

"Yes?" she asked.

Sango grimaced at her. "Keep your voice down. This isn't the kind of thing that's worth getting in trouble for."

Kagome glanced at one of the female guards, who was gazing suspiciously in their general direction; though not _at _them, she noticed with relief. Nodding to show that she understood, she whispered, "Yes?"

Sango sighed, looked at her food, and muttered, "You're doing it wrong. I don't know _how _you're doing it wrong, but you are. Leave it to Kagome to not know how to scoop rice."

_Leave it to Kagome. To the one who doesn't like dirty baths, to the one that didn't know about the War until two years ago._

Kagome wanted to kick herself, and she bit her lip, resisting the urge to cry, even though she knew that Sango meant no real harm.

"Uh…" she said, reddening.

"Look, I don't need to know why you don't know how to scoop rice," Sango said wryly, smirking her way. "But is it just because you were momentarily distracted, or do you really need me to show you?"

Kagome blushed deeper and confirmed the latter. If Sango had suspicions about this, she stifled them well, though Kagome could tell from an occasional sidelong glance that Sango knew fully well that something was a little off.

_Off with ME_, Kagome thought, biting her lip as she corrected her rice portions. _Everything is off with me. My mannerisms, my habits, my speech, my knowledge… I, myself, am off._

Closing her eyes briefly she thought, _People are bound to notice. And when they do…_

She had no idea what would happen if and when she was discovered, and the unknown of it frightened her. Perhaps they would hold her for ransom—try to get her father to pay a good sum for her safe return. Or she would be used as a bargaining chip in the War! Kagome bit her lip. If they threatened her life… what would her father choose? And what incentive would he have to choose her, the daughter who had run away?

_He will probably have disowned me by now, _she thought, mashing a Tori root with more force than necessary.

If that was the case, then it was absolutely vital that no one find out who she was. For if they did… and if they realized her father did not want her back…

She didn't want to imagine it.

"Your rice is improving," Koharu said, smiling encouragingly.

Kagome grimaced at the white mush which they called rice. _Am I really going to eat this…? _But then she remembered that this was the Warriors' food. Perhaps their food was different. Perhaps, despite what Koharu had said, their food was _real _rice and _real _meat.

There was a chance. She had to believe there was a chance.

"The Warriors are coming."

Kagome looked up from her mashing to see that the men were lining up at the table, making their way from Maiden to Maiden. Men in ragged robes, men with scraggly hair and unshaven heads. Men who, she noticed, were divided into two main groups.

Kagome frowned, wondering why while most of them looked like aging prisoners, others looked like healthy men in their prime.

She wasn't sure why she did it; she knew she shouldn't, she knew it was fruitless. And yet still, she did it.

Her eyes, of their own accord, searched the crowd for _him._

"Kagome? What are you looking at?" Koharu whispered.

Kagome didn't even respond as she continued roving through the Warriors, searching for his familiar face, for his golden eyes and silver hair. Not silver with age, like some, but a _pure _silver, a silver which sparkled white in the sun.

A silver which so far, she did not see.

"Are all the Warriors here?" she asked quietly.

Sango opened her mouth to answer, but one of the nearby guards snapped, "Quiet!" and though he wasn't looking at them, they exchanged a glance and held their tongues.

Kagome resumed her searching, not knowing quite what she would do if she found him. Could she acknowledge him? Would he acknowledge her?

_He is so… different, _Kagome thought, eyes turning downcast. _He is beautiful, even among the healthy men. He would stand out to anyone. But I… will he even recognize me?_

She bit her lip, beginning to realize that he might not recognize her at all. After all they had been through, or all she _thought _they had been through… perhaps to him, she was just another Maiden. Perhaps to him, she meant nothing.

_I was a fool for trusting, _Kagome thought, ducking her head and scooping a lump of congealed rice into a Warrior's clay bowl. _He probably will not even remember me._

With suddenly heavy hands, she continued distributing the food among the Warriors. Warrior after Warrior… face after face which stared at her, face after face which she did not recognize, face after face which to Kagome, did not matter. Only one face mattered, and he was nowhere to be seen.

_Inuyasha, _she thought. _Do you even know who I am?_

It was quiet in the mess hall, other than the sound of shifting food and shuffling feet. Perhaps this quiet was what made Kagome notice so quickly when somebody stopped near her and said, "Hello."

Although it was not the voice she remembered, her head snapped up anyway. Maybe… maybe… it was him. And for a moment, she allowed herself to hope.

Her hopes were quickly crushed.

The man was standing in front of Sango, speaking to Sango. He was a man with a gaunt face, a man with nicked skin and messy black hair tied back into a rat's tail. Among the aged-looking Warriors, Kagome noticed that he was quite attractive… perhaps it was all in his eyes. His brilliant indigo eyes which sparkled at Sango, sparkled as if he were looking at a woman he had known all his life. A woman he loved.

He was not Inuyasha, but still, Kagome looked between him and Sango, confused and curious.

Sango seemed just as confused—and even wary. "Hello," she muttered back, dumping a piece of meat into his bowl. "You may want to move soon; you're holding up the line."

The man, to Kagome's surprise, feigned hurt and said, "I am aggrieved, my dear. I simply wished to inquire your name."

Kagome could not help but stare at him, for she noticed that his manner of speaking was very similar to her own; to that of royalty, of nobles. Also, his boldness, surprised her—and it was clear that it had the same effect on Sango.

Narrowing her eyes in suspicion and seeming at a loss, Sango asked politely, "Have I knocked you out before? Is that why you're tormenting me?"

Kagome had to choke back a laugh of shock.

The man seemed alarmed and amused. "I am Miroku," he said, smiling. "I admire you, and have done so for a very long time."

Sango glared at him and said, "If I tell you my name, will you stop bothering me?"

Miroku nodded eagerly, and Sango, grimacing, said, "It's Sango."

A smile bright enough to heat a thousand homes appeared upon Miroku's face as he said, "I love you, Sango," and moved on down the line, leaving a stunned Sango, Kagome, and Koharu in his wake.

Sango stared at him even after he had left, face bright red. "Wha—what—who—"

"Sorry about him," someone else muttered. "I really wish you hadn't told him your name. He's gonna be even more annoying than before."

Sango, Kagome, and Koharu looked up at the speaker, but for very different reasons. Sango and Koharu, because they were curious. Kagome, because she knew the voice too well to ignore it. Because it was a voice ingrained in her memory forever.

_His _voice.

"Inuyasha?" Miroku called softly, stopping at the Maiden next to Koharu. "Are you coming?"

Inuyasha moved down from Sango, stepping in front of Kagome, and lifted his head to nod to Miroku—only his head didn't make it that far, because suddenly, he stopped, rigid.

Kagome felt as if she were teetering on top of a cliff when he looked up at her.

Their eyes met, their mouths opening, their bodies stiffening. Kagome had not thought it would feel like this. So… _nerve-wracking. _Why was she shaking? Why was she so nervous? Why did he seem so nervous? They had been so casual in the chambers, so friendly… why different, now?

She barely noticed Sango's and Koharu's curious stares, nor did she see Miroku's slight frown.

Inuyasha blinked at her.

"Kagome?" he muttered, still staring at her face, as if in disbelief, as if unable to believe that she was really there before him. Kagome attributed these feelings to him because it was what she herself felt as she stared back, felt herself becoming lost in his golden eyes.

_He remembers me._

Although there was no reason for it to, that simple fact meant worlds to her. That simple fact gave her courage.

Unthinkingly, she reached out to grab his hand. _Hi. I missed you. _That was what she had been planning to say, but the moment their hands touched, something happened which made the thought slip out of her mind.

They both stiffened.

He stared at her, at her hand on top of hers, and she, too, stared at it… at what she had done, for it felt so much more powerful than a simple gesture.

Inuyasha looked around briefly, for watching guards, Kagome knew, and then, finding none, repositioned his hand so that it was _his _capturing _hers. _

"Hey," he said, giving her a small smirk.

Kagome gulped, recollecting her wits. "Hi," she said, smiling breathlessly. "I missed you."

She was too involved in this moment to notice the nervous stares of Koharu and Sango, to notice how their eyes flicked from her, to Inuyasha, to the guards, to the other Warriors and Maidens. She was too involved to care what could happen to her because of this small interruption. At that moment, the guards didn't exist. It was just her, and the man holding her hand.

Not even Miroku's widened eyes could distract her.

Inuyasha was so different from the men she had known. Those with their formal speech and pompous postures and cool smiles. Those who had looked at her and seen only the King's daughter, seen a beautiful girl who was far out of their reach. Or had seen a girl they desired, a girl who could bring them power. But Inuyasha… Inuyasha was not one of those men. Inuyasha had no inkling of who she was. Inuyasha held her hand, smirked slightly, risked everything just to give her this moment.

Kagome wanted so badly to thank him, but she didn't know how, and she had a feeling that if she _did _thank him, he would not understand what it was for.

"Missed you, too," he said.

For some reason unknown even to Kagome and Inuyasha, they found themselves stifling laughter.

Low voices calling their names broke their moment, and for just a second they looked around, trying to figure out who had spoken. Inuyasha saw Miroku, and Kagome spotted Sango and Koharu… and this time, with the moment gone, with the world once again present around her, she did not miss their nervous stares.

"Inuyasha, it is time for us to leave," Miroku said, voice low and intense.

Inuyasha frowned at him, as if to argue, but then he noted Sango and Koharu… and their accusing stares. Suddenly he blinked, as if remembering the existence of the others, of the guards who had only just begun to notice the delay.

With one last look at Kagome, Inuyasha followed Miroku down the line, arms folded across his chest. Kagome watched him go, her eyes creating a gaze of longing, of confusion. Frowning, realizing that Sango and Koharu were staring at her, she turned back and whispered, "What?"

Sango shook her head. "We'll talk later."

And so Kagome nodded worryingly, and said she was willing to talk later, even though she had barely any idea of what they wanted to talk about. It could not be only about risking attention during breakfast time… Kagome was fully aware of what she had done, and the consequences were just now beginning to dawn on her. Surely Koharu and Sango did not think her so incapable that she did not know the weight of her mistakes?

Kagome was certain that they had not underestimated her to this extent… so with a numb chill in her heart, she realized that they must have wanted to warn her of something else.

_Are there other consequences? _She thought. _Have I made a greater mistake than I thought?_

Yet watching Inuyasha, watching his hair as it shined in the sunlight, watching him walk behind Miroku with his bowl tipped carelessly off of one finger, Kagome could not help but think that talking to Inuyasha could never be a mistake.

**A/N: WHOO-HOO! Thank you to feathersnow, purduepup, batman18, Allora Gale, xXanimeluver15Xx, MegamanSora, Regina lunaris, Roses Kiss, and Daichilover for the reviews! Love you guys! I love all of you! Review, everyone!**

**Reviews will not make me write faster, but they WILL put me in a better mood to write and will make me post faster! I'm going to be daring and hope for ten reviews for this chapter! :D **

**Oh, also, I'd like to clarify something: MegamanSora asked a very good question, which is if Kagome had decided on a fake name, why does she call herself Kagome in The Cells? **

**The first person who asked for her name was Inuyasha. She was still really stunned at her capture and his kindness, at the time, so she probably wasn't thinking too clearly and forgot all about her fake name. She can't take it back now. Also, her whole idea for a fake name was sort of on a whim, therefore easy to overlook. Remember, she's used to the privileged life; before she ran away, she never had to plan like this for anything, so her plans were not exactly foolproof or well thought out.**

**Now… will her revealing her name come back to bite her in the future? So far, the answer is no, but you never know (it might change XD). The Cells is in the East, and Kagome is the princess of the North… so chances are, not many people are going to know the first name of the Northern princess. That would be a danger to her only if she ran into someone who knew her personally, and even then, they might not recognize her. **


	8. Priorities of Consequence

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

**A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! YOU GUYS ROCK!**

.x.x.

Chapter 8- Priorities of Consequence

.x.x.

_When the petals have fallen_

_And the rose has died_

_Only the wind is left._

_The wind to carry its future_

_To carry its scent across a barren plain._

_Does he think of me,_

_I wonder?_

_Of the bare rose_

_Of the future I have left alone in the dusk_

_Does he think of me even after I am gone_

_Even after I have left him behind?_

_And when the wind _

_Teases him_

_Will he catch my scent_

_Will he hold me close_

_Will he gather our future_

_And protect us from the dark?_

.x.x.

As Inuyasha turned his back on Kagome, he was far too preoccupied to notice something so trivial as Miroku's voice.

"Inuyasha."

It was like a fly, buzzing around his head, wings humming uncomfortably close to his ear. Inuyasha stiffened, swatting at it, his subconscious blocking it out so that his mind might focus on more important things.

Things such as Kagome. Such as how her small hand had felt in his now empty one, how the emptiness stung his palm like a thousand tiny needles. How he yearned to turn back, to let his feet carry him back to the only girl in the world who had ever held his interest for more than a few unsubstantial seconds.

He gritted his teeth, trying with all his might not to think about her. His brow furrowed, mind closing off, and breath came quickly as he exerted all his energies into one thing:

Forgetting. Ignoring.

Her scent, her hair, her smile, her eyes, her delicate hand in his. The skin, tender beneath his own rough fingers; her grip, delicate and yet at the same time determined. Strong. _Smooth. _Her hand had been unusually smooth, he recalled.

_Smooth. _The word slithered into Inuyasha's mind like a snake… a beautiful and venomous majesty, it lurked behind his eyes, flicking its tongue along his conscious. _Smooth. _It was a fascinating word, an entrancing word. Not just because of the sensation of smooth skin, not just because it was an attribute of _her _skin, but because of the _real _meaning behind it.

Inuyasha had never been one to care whether a woman's hand was calloused or smooth; it wasn't as if a person such as he came across many smooth hands, anyway. But still, the smoothness was nice, in its way… and very, very odd.

Something was out of place about that smoothness. In fact, Inuyasha thought, something was out of place about Kagome herself. If only he knew what it was.

Inuyasha gritted his teeth again, harder this time, so hard that one might have thought the enamel would flake off into his mouth. _She's just a girl, _he thought. _Sure. Fine. She's different. She's out of place. But I don't need to know what makes her that way._

He told himself he did not need to, for even _he _knew that he wanted to.

He wanted badly to know. And that want, he knew, was indeed very bad for all concerned.

And so Inuyasha, with a flick of his hair and a careless spin of his meal bowl around one finger, shut it away.

"Inuyasha."

_Talk to Miroku, _Inuyasha told himself. _Distract yourself. Talk to him. Don't think, just talk. _But despite his orders, all he could manage was an irritated, "Keh."

He heard Miroku sigh. "Inuyasha, we need to talk."

Inuyasha grimaced, hand tightening on the bowl, the claw of his thumb dangerously near to piercing one of its sides. "What about?" he muttered, not daring to meet Miroku's eyes.

_Good. Talk to him. Don't think about her._

When Miroku said simply, "Kagome," it did not help Inuyasha's efforts.

Inuyasha's heel scuffed the ground as he and Miroku made their way to the corner of the yard, where there was a rock on which they sat. This was _their _spot. It wasn't labeled, not designated or dedicated. But it was still the spot which they shared every morning, and therefore, by default or because it was the only thing they could claim, it belonged to them.

Miroku sat down on the rock, patting the spot beside him. Inuyasha eyed it for a moment, as if suspicious of it, before sitting down heavily.

"Inuyasha?" Miroku whispered. "Did you hear a word I said?"

Inuyasha shrugged, shrugged as if his heart was not racing with the adrenaline spiked by her touch, as if his fists were not clenching with the effort of barring her from his thoughts. "Sure," he said, trying to sound casual. "Kagome. Something about talking."

"Inuyasha, this is serious."

Something about Miroku's voice, about its low tone and its uncharacteristic solemnity, made Inuyasha tip his eyes to his best friend. And just as he had expected, just as he had known and yet had not been prepared for, Miroku's indigo eyes were boring holes into Inuyasha's.

As much as Inuyasha sometimes wished that Miroku would get his head back down to Earth, he knew that a serious Miroku was never a good omen.

"All right," Inuyasha grunted. "What do you want to talk about? What about Kagome?"

Miroku lowered his head, looking around before opening his mouth to reply—and then quickly shutting it, eyes straying sideways to where one of the guards had gone oddly still, eyes narrow. Inuyasha followed his gaze and growled. "Damn it. Is the wolf listening?"

Miroku nodded infinitesimally, whispering so low that he himself could not hear his own words, "We'll talk at Break."

Break was essentially the time period where certain groups of Warriors, Maidens, and Laborers had nothing to do. Inuyasha's and Miroku's dorm had finished their shift in the mines several days ago, and now their Break followed breakfast. Breakfast was only called breakfast because the guards and the slaves lacked a term for the eating of edible dirt, but oddly enough, Break really was as close to a break as anyone could have had in a slave-of-war prison.

When the ten minutes of breakfast were up, the guards herded Inuyasha, Miroku, and the other Warriors out of the mess hall. Inuyasha walked stiffly next to Miroku, head straight on his shoulders, keeping his eyes carefully away from where he knew Kagome was standing… keeping his body carefully angled so that even if his eyes betrayed him and strayed near her, he would not be able to catch a glimpse.

Inuyasha breathed through his mouth, for even her scent could be a threat to his self control.

Break was held in a place called the Square, which was a large rectangle of open grass. The Square was divided by a fence of thin wooden sticks: one half for the men, one half for the women. The sticks were spaced apart so that one could not slip through the gaps to the other side, but one could still see through to the forbidden grounds beyond. The men could see the women, and the women could see the men, and if they had wanted to, they could have met on either side of the fence and touched hands. But no one ever looked for too long, and no one ever did.

They had always known that their separation was for the best, even if not for their own good.

About a fifth of the Warriors entered the Square with Inuyasha and Miroku, and after they had filed in, the guards closed the door behind them, barely even looking at the ragged men. The door swung shut with a small _thud_, the absence of the click of a lock insignificant in the Warriors' ears. The guards never locked the door; after all, where did the Warriors have to go?

Somehow, Inuyasha had always thought that the unlocked door was even more insulting than it would be if they were caged in like dogs.

A small sigh escaped Miroku, and despite himself, despite his ever-present frustration, Inuyasha found a small smirk creeping across his lips. Forgetting all notions of insults, tossing away the unlocked door and the taciturn guards, Inuyasha reveled in the feeling of sanctuary which Break brought to every Warrior. Yes, they were in a cage; yes, they were standing in the eye of the hurricane; but it was still Break, and it was a break from pain.

It was also one of the only times of day when Inuyasha and Miroku could speak freely, for nobody bothered to monitor slaves in the Square.

"So… Sango, huh?"

Inuyasha snapped up the chance to distract Miroku before his friend could remember what he had wanted to speak to him about. His voice was low as he spoke, but that was nothing unusual; Inuyasha's voice was always low.

It had not always been that way: low, slightly hushed. But tone of voice was a mannerism extremely vulnerable to the imposing stone walls of The Cells and the omnipresent eyes of its guards. When you are monitored for long enough, threatened for long enough, you can't help but feel the need to lower your voice even in the safety of your own room.

The Square was not Inuyasha's room, so certainly, he had to lower his voice.

Inuyasha watched Miroku's eyes sparkle, watched his head drift back up into the clouds as he replied, beaming, "I told you I would learn the name of my beloved. I _told _you."

Inuyasha shook his head, smirking at him. "I can't believe you went up to her and told her you loved her. Wait—never mind. Actually, I'm not surprised."

Miroku was unfazed by this comment as he said, "I feel that it is best to be straightforward and honest with your feelings. I love her, and I have for a long time, and therefore, she has the right to know. Do you disagree?"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, trying not to laugh. "All right; I'll be straightforward and honest, too, then. She thinks you're annoying as hell." Biting his lip to resist grinning, then failing and grinning anyway, he looked at Miroku and asked, "You aren't disappointed at all?"

Miroku wagged his finger in a very childlike and unfortunately _Miroku-like _way. "That is where you are wrong," he said, as if chastising a little child. "If she found me annoying as hell, she would not have told me her name. I rather think that she finds me annoying as… a fly. Or a mosquito."

Inuyasha, unable to restrain himself, burst into laughter.

"You moron," he muttered, rolling his eyes. Sometimes he had to wonder why he was friends with such a fool.

"Perhaps," Miroku allowed, eyes twinkling. "But she likes me."

Inuyasha glanced sidelong at him. "You think that just because she told you her name—to get you to _go away_—she likes you."

He couldn't help but laugh again at this: at the idea, at Miroku's idiocy. At the fact that even in The Cells, Miroku's imagination could continue to weave stories and dreams beyond the grasp of almost anyone Inuyasha had ever known.

Inuyasha laughed at the fact that even after these two years, Miroku could still make him laugh. And at that moment, he remembered exactly why he put up with Miroku's foolishness.

The ability to make Inuyasha laugh was just one of the many things which made Miroku unique.

_Not unique, _a voice in Inuyasha's head added, speaking up through the chains which suppressed it. _Kagome has that ability, too._

And there she was again: invading his mind, stealing into his privacy. That was another ability of hers. No matter how many doors he locked, she always managed to find a window.

As if catching onto the stream of Inuyasha's thoughts, Miroku scrutinized him, the glow in his eyes fading slightly. His head quirked, but Inuyasha paid no heed. Inuyasha was watching the other side of the Square: the side into which Maidens and Laborers were filing.

But no Kagome.

"You're looking for her, aren't you?" Miroku said softly, following his gaze to where Inuyasha's golden eyes roved the women to no avail.

Inuyasha nodded shortly, too busy searching to answer.

Miroku's eyes tightened, joining him in his search. "I see no Sango, either," he murmured sadly.

Inuyasha glared at the Maidens, as if blaming them for the fact that he could not spot the girl who occupied his thoughts. "Don't compare Sango to Kagome," he growled. "It's not like you have to worry about her. Sango's the one who keeps getting taken to the Field for acting up, right? Isn't she the one who used to knock out the Warriors she was given to?"

Miroku nodded, a small, proud smile lighting up his face. "That is my Sango," he whispered. "Keep fighting, my dear."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "She can take care of herself," he growled. "You don't have to worry about her."

He almost hoped that Miroku would miss the meaning in that statement, but it was a fruitless hope, and Inuyasha almost wondered why he had bothered to hope it at all. After all, it was Miroku; his best friend. The one who missed nothing.

Miroku didn't miss Inuyasha's thoughts, either, and voiced them aloud.

"And you," Miroku said slowly, "Are worrying about Kagome?"

Inuyasha stiffened. Worrying? About Kagome? Of course he was worrying. He didn't know why he was worrying, and he certainly didn't want to worry, but still, he found himself worrying. He found himself imagining her being given to merciless Warriors, he found himself imagining her screaming and crying… but crying to ears dead to her pleas…

A low hiss escaped his throat.

Miroku smiled slightly. "I thought so."

"I'm not worrying about her," Inuyasha growled. "She… she doesn't matter, alright?"

"For your sake," Miroku said, sighing, "And for hers, I almost wish that that were true… but I fear, and I know, that it is not."

Inuyasha only growled in response, and when a silence elapsed between them, and when Inuyasha could no longer tolerate it, he muttered, "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Miroku turned to face him, and Inuyasha, albeit reluctantly, turned his eyes to Miroku's. "I was waiting for you to ask," Miroku said, smirking slightly. "I thought that if you prompted the conversation, you would be more likely to listen. I knew you would ask eventually."

Inuyasha grunted; it was true enough. "Get to the point already," he grumbled. "What do you wanna tell me about?"

Miroku sighed. "Inuyasha… this may sound odd, and it may come as a shock to you. But please try to hear me out, okay?" Inuyasha nodded warily, and Miroku took a deep breath before saying five words which made Inuyasha's head spin.

"Kagome is your demon's mate."

Inuyasha stared.

Because thinking about possible explanations for Miroku's odd behavior would have required thinking about Kagome, Inuyasha had not tried to figure out what his friend had wanted to tell him. But if he _had _tried, he doubted that THIS would have been one of the answers he would have come up with.

"…What?"

Miroku grimaced at Inuyasha as if he had expected nothing else. "Kagome. Is. Your. Demon's. Mate," he enunciated.

Inuyasha's eyes widened.

Mates. He knew something about mates. When his brother, so many years ago, had met his mate, he had known it right away. She had been a simple girl, Inuyasha had thought when he first met her. She was the daughter of a farmer, a pretty girl of sixteen or seventeen… a girl who took poverty with a smile and a dance.

An utterly unreal girl, and a girl who had captured his brother's heart with just one glance.

Inuyasha's brother had always been a proud man; even in poverty, even left with nothing but a useless sword as his inheritance from their father, he still managed to stay aloof and above.

When Rin had appeared, everything had changed.

His brother was at her beck and call, chained to the girl, worrying about the girl, _caring _about the girl. Caring about a _human _girl, which was one of the most shocking aspects of the event.

Inuyasha's brother, Sesshoumaru, had always hated humans… until he met Rin.

Rin was the reason Sesshoumaru's smile had ever seen the light of day. Rin was the reason why the brothers no longer fought. Rin, to Sesshoumaru, was _everything_… she was his lady, his love, and his master.

When Sesshoumaru had met Rin, her kiss had enslaved him. And that was it.

Inuyasha remembered it all.

_Rin… _

Thinking about his half brother and sister-in-law brought a tightness to his eyes, a clench to his fists. Rin. Sesshoumaru.

The only members of his family who might, somehow, somewhere, be alive.

_I'll find you, _Inuyasha thought. _When I get out of here, I'll find you._

But Inuyasha, deep down, did not know if and when he would ever escape… and so he would have to trust his half brother to keep Rin alive. For wherever they were, together or separate… Inuyasha knew that Sesshoumaru would be looking after her.

_That's how mates work._

And that reminded him of what Miroku had said.

_Kagome is your demon's mate._

When Inuyasha thought that his own sheer confusion and shock might suffocate him, he choked out, "_What?"_

Miroku's eyes lit with panic. "Ssh," he muttered. "Keep your voice down. No one can know about this other than us, do you understand?"

But Inuyasha was not in a mood to listen or to understand, and his tone bordered on hysteria as he said, bewildered, "What? Why? What are you talking about? What the hell do you mean, she's my mate?"

His friend grimaced, worrying his lower lip as he hissed, "This is why I wanted you to calm down!"

Inuyasha stiffened, finally beginning to realize what Miroku meant. With a very careful, slow turn of the head, he scanned the Square for watching eyes, as if expecting to see a guard watching from the top of the wall. But there were no guards. There was nobody except the other Warriors, who should not have been a threat, but who at this moment, Inuyasha considered as dangerous as any of their jailors.

Deciding to do a very unusual thing, Inuyasha inhaled slowly and calmed himself down.

Miroku nodded approvingly. "Good. Take it calmly. Let me explain. Good."

Inuyasha nodded numbly. _Mate. _He pondered the word, tasted it on the tip of his tongue. _Kagome. Kagome is my mate. _The numbness with which he thought these words was not an unhappy numbness… more a numb surprise, a dull shock. A feeling which had not been registered for long enough to have its full effect.

Inuyasha had never thought that he would have a mate. Yes, perhaps a girl here or there, if he ever found someone he was interested in, but even that, he had found, was difficult. The military, poverty… all these things were obstacle after obstacle. How could he be with someone when he was so busy? And who would want to be with a half demon? Even worse, a _poor _half demon?

Inuyasha had faced life and prepared to live it alone. So now… with this information thrust so suddenly at him… he had no idea what to do with it.

"Explain," he growled. "Now."

"I knew it as soon as she took your hand," Miroku said. "It's one of the powers of a monk such as myself, my friend."

Inuyasha's eyes widened as Miroku spoke, and they narrowed as he mentioned the forbidden word. "You idiot," Inuyasha hissed. "Why are you talking about that? If anybody found out you were a… if anybody found out what you were—"

"At the moment," Miroku said firmly, voice low and eyes serious, "Your situation is more important."

Inuyasha licked suddenly dry lips, staring at Miroku in dread. Miroku met his gaze, face dark. "Listen to me. Don't interrupt. You need to know this."

Slowly… for the first time in a very long while… Inuyasha nodded.

"Your demon half has decided that it wants her to be your mate."

Inuyasha grimaced at him, taking this in, thinking about what to say… which parts of his reaction to voice. Finally he decided on this:

"Aw hell, this isn't some kind of true love, soul-mate shit or something, is it?"

Miroku grimaced in indignation. "First of all, soul mates do exist. Secondly, no, this is not what is happening here. This is a simple example of demonic instinct. If you were a full demon, then yes, she would be your soul mate. But because you are half… she is not your soul mate. She is your _demon's _soul mate. Or at least the one which your demon has selected."

Inuyasha stared blankly at him, knowing that in these cases, the best thing to do was assume Miroku knew what he was talking about… and, given, Miroku _did _know about such things.

"And that means…?"

"Your demon wants to be with her," Miroku explained. "But—"

Feeling a little panicked, Inuyasha demanded, "What, so now I'm automatically in _love _with her or something?"

"NO!" Miroku said, speaking even quicker, as if afraid Inuyasha would interrupt him again. "Love has nothing to do with it. In simple terms, your demon half has decided, in basic instinct, that she would be a good mate, and has good traits to pass down to your children."

Inuyasha raised a dubious eyebrow. "So… my demon wants Kagome. Do I have any choice in the matter? Does _she?_"

Several puzzle pieces were coming together now. This explained the way her scent smelled, the way she had affected him when he had first met her… the voice he had heard… Inuyasha would hardly have called that instinct _love_, but he knew that passion in demonic terms was somewhat different than passion between humans.

Then again, Miroku had said that love had nothing to do with it. This relieved Inuyasha somewhat, for the idea that he might be trapped into loving somebody disconcerted him.

Especially here. The Cells was not a place for a relationship.

Miroku, answering his question, shrugged. "Of course she has a choice. She has no demon half. Soul mates only exist between demons—well, of course, with the exception of me and Sango."

"We're talking about me and Kagome, here," Inuyasha growled, flexing his claws.

Miroku winced. "Sorry. Back on topic, my friend. You do have a choice. Your human half is not bound by instinct."

"And that means…?" Inuyasha asked, as confused as before.

His friend sighed in that manner which he often used: the manner which questioned Inuyasha's intelligence. Despite himself, Inuyasha growled at this, but knowing that Miroku, as always, held answers he himself could not seem to see, he kept his words to himself.

Miroku lowered his voice and asked, "Would you like to be with Kagome?"

It was during this kind of moment, when Miroku cut straight to the core of a situation with no effort at all, when his eyes bored into Inuyasha's in utter seriousness, that Inuyasha wondered if his best friend was omniscient.

_Why does he have to come out and ask a question like that? _Inuyasha grumbled to himself, glaring. _Why can't he just leave it well alone?_

"Well?"

When Inuyasha got bored of glaring daggers into Miroku's face, he stared at the stone wall beside him instead. "What kind of a half-assed question is that?" he muttered.

Miroku sighed as if he had expected nothing else. That had always annoyed Inuyasha: how nothing he did ever seemed to surprise him.

"Simply a question that needs to be answered," Miroku said. "Or at least considered. You have to begin to think, Inuyasha. It's poor luck that your demon should find a mate in a place such as this, but still… now that it has, Kagome is involved, too."

_Or at least she might be involved. _Those were the words Miroku had not said, but nevertheless had made clear.

Inuyasha punched his fist into the wall, hearing his knuckles crack against the stones. Miroku winced at him, watching blood drip from his hand… but as quickly as ever, just like usual, the scratches sealed.

When Inuyasha had withdrawn his fist, even the bruises had faded.

Miroku sighed. "If only thoughts and problems would fade like that, hmm, my friend?"

"I hate it when you do that," Inuyasha growled, punching the wall again.

Miroku frowned. "Do what?"

"It's like you can read my mind or something," Inuyasha muttered, analyzing the cuts on his fingers, watching them heal before his eyes. "And it freaks me out."

"I would think you would be used to it by now," Miroku said wryly. "After all, I have lived with _your _gifts for years."

Inuyasha glared. "I'm a demon. Half. It's not all that weird."

"Still," Miroku persisted, smirking a little, "You should be used to my talents, seeing as the fact that you can jump ten feet or heal from a stab to the stomach in a matter of days no longer even bothers me."

Stiffening, Inuyasha muttered, "Don't even remind me."

"Ah. Sorry."

It was a rule they had: never talk about the fighting, about the arena. Never talk about their injuries, never talk about their strategies, never talk about their victories. No "good luck" or "good job." They refused to say such things; it wasn't luck and it wasn't a job, and by any means, it certainly wasn't good.

The arena was something they liked not to think about until they were standing _in _it.

Suddenly Inuyasha stiffened, an unwelcome thought trespassing on the edges of his conscious. Miroku, noticing his discomfort, frowned. "Inuyasha? Are you alright?"

Inuyasha exhaled, fists clenching. "Miroku," he growled, "I killed those people."

Just like Inuyasha had known would happen, just like Inuyasha had known and had not wanted to see, a dark light invaded Miroku's eyes. "Inuyasha, the rule—"

"Screw the rule for a second, alright?" Inuyasha growled. He said the words, but really, he wanted Miroku to tell him to shut up. He wanted Miroku to cover his mouth and say that all these thoughts were better left alone… that they would only get him killed. He wanted Miroku to do what he would have done, say what he would have said, had their roles been reversed.

But Miroku said nothing. Instead, to Inuyasha's disappointment, Miroku listened.

And he had no choice but to say what he desperately needed to.

"For a second," Inuyasha muttered, "In the chambers, with her, I almost wanted to… you know. And if I _had_… I would've hurt her. Maybe not killed her, but still, killed part of her on the inside. And I… I wouldn't have been able to live with the guilt!" Inuyasha stopped to breathe before saying, "So what makes the other Warriors different?"

The other Warriors. The men around him. The men he had killed, the men he ignored, the men whose names and lives he had not the slightest inkling of. The strangers.

Inuyasha looked around himself at the other slaves, wondering who would be the next man he would face in the killing game.

When his eyes landed back on Miroku, he saw an odd look on his friend's face. "Would the guilt have killed you, Inuyasha?" he asked, frowning. "Would it really?"

Inuyasha stiffened, immediately looking away, shifting his feet on the grass. "I…"

"You do know what dying of guilt would mean, Inuyasha."

He nodded silently. "I know," he muttered through a dry mouth.

Dying was a betrayal of the highest order. Dying was the one thing which Miroku and Inuyasha would never forgive each other for.

Dying was the thing they had agreed, at all costs, to never do.

Vows meant a lot to Inuyasha and Miroku. Vows, a pact of words, drawn in spirit and in blood, were all they had left to make. A vow was a bond, forged from pain and suffering… forged from purpose. And purpose was what drove them forward.

A vow was unbreakable, and Inuyasha knew that even if he _had _done the unthinkable, it would not have been enough to make him break his promise. But still… alive or dead… he knew it would have killed him, deep inside. He knew that if he had done it, a little piece of him would have broken off, wrenched itself away, disgusted.

But still, he couldn't help but say, "We've killed so many. And… I mean… what makes that any less evil than it would have been to hurt Kagome?"

Miroku's eyes frowned at Inuyasha. "This isn't you," he said softly. "Why are you worrying about this now, when we have already made our decisions?"

Inuyasha stared at him, eyes almost frantic. "I… I don't know. Shit. Shit, I… something must be wrong with me. I don't know what's wrong with me."

_Why am I thinking about this? Why am I questioning it when this is the way I've lived for two years?_

"Killing," Miroku said slowly, "Is not something either of us enjoy. But you know as well as I do that we must choose our priorities. Tell me… have your priorities changed?"

Inuyasha knew what that meant. _Have you changed your mind? What do you choose now? Whose life is more important, ours or that of a stranger? _

Inuyasha's fist clenched as he muttered, "No, Miroku. It's still us, first and foremost."

Inuyasha's and Miroku's priority, above all else, was their vow to live and see beyond the walls and the mines.

When Inuyasha and Miroku escaped, they would search for Rin and Sesshoumaru. It was not a question of whether they were alive, for Inuyasha knew that they were. Their survival, their presence somewhere in the world, was not a theory or a hope. It was a simple fact, and it was a fact which Inuyasha had never challenged.

They were Rin and Sesshoumaru. And therefore, they would be out there, somewhere. Together.

If only Inuyasha had some idea of where they were.

_Goddamnit, Sesshoumaru, _Inuyasha growled to himself, _You'd better be keeping her safe, or you'll have me to answer to._

He knew that Sesshoumaru probably did not care where Inuyasha was, so long as Rin was safe. But Rin would be thinking about him… Rin would care.

Inuyasha wanted to see her smile when he and Miroku walked right up to them. Free.

Rolling his eyes, he thought, _I might've thought she was weird when I first met her, but… she definitely grows on you._

He had a feeling that Rin would be a good friend for Kagome.

"Fuck," Inuyasha growled.

"What now?" Miroku asked, looking alarmed.

Inuyasha shook his head. "Nothing," he muttered.

_Nothing. Just thinking about a girl who doesn't and can't matter._

But now that she had made her way into his mind again, he had no choice but to think about Miroku's words.

"Miroku," Inuyasha said slowly, "What happens if I decide I wouldn't want to be with her?"

Miroku raised an eyebrow at him, surprised at the change of subject, but didn't question it. "If you aren't interested in her, then eventually, your demon half's interest will fade." Inuyasha nodded shortly, proving that he was listening. Miroku, hesitantly, went on. "But if you _are _interested in her—"

"I'm not," Inuyasha growled.

Sighing in impatience, Miroku said, smiling slightly, "I wasn't saying that you were, my friend. But hypothetically, if you _were _interested in her—which you clearly are not, by the way—then… it would take a great deal of work to let her go. And if you can't let her go…"

Miroku trailed off, for he didn't need to finish that statement.

_Then we both pay the consequences, _Inuyasha thought.

Inuyasha could not be interested in Kagome. They could not have any relationship of any kind, for whatever the benefits, whatever the good it might bring, the consequences, in the end, would crush them.

_Priorities, _Inuyasha chanted to himself. _She's not your priority. _

And in any case, she couldn't be.

Inuyasha knew that Kagome was out of his reach, and in turn, he was out of hers. If, hypothetically, he _were _interested in her, it would not do him any good, because they could never have a relationship in The Cells.

Therefore, he could not be, and was not, interested in her.

He had just about decided this when he saw that Miroku's gaze was fixated over his shoulder.

"Miroku?" Inuyasha waved a hand over his friend's face, wide eyes unmoving even as his claws perched precariously near his eyelashes. "Oi, Miroku. Snap out of it."

Miroku smiled slightly and said, "Inuyasha… she's coming toward us."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, glaring at his friend as he said, "Right. Very funny. You're a real riot."

"No, really—"

"Man, there's no way that Kagome is coming toward us, and there's no way in hell that I'm gonna turn around and look."

And then Miroku did something which infuriated Inuyasha: he sighed, smiled, and said, "If you say so."

Swearing, Inuyasha whirled around.

_Damn Miroku… I can't believe him… he…_

But at that moment, all thoughts faded. At that moment, everything disappeared except for the girl taking quick strides toward them, eyes locked on his face.

Kagome. Staring straight at him and walking right toward him.

On the Warriors' side of the Square.

.x.x.

**A/N: Cliffy? Ish?**

**Thank you to Roses Kiss, Allora Gale, Daichilover, Tomatosoup inc., feathersnow, batman18, i-rock-101, kittykritik, MegamanSora, nocturnal1810, purduepup, Regina lunaris, bear lover, Krystology, Ivorybreath, and xXanimeluver15Xx for the AWESOME reviews I got! I can't even describe to you how ecstatic I was to read what you guys had to say! Please keep it up, and as always, new reviewers are welcome! Also, if you've got any advice, tips, constructive criticism to give me, I would love that, too! Any review is much appreciated! I'm hoping for another ten (or more xD)! :D **

**Hmm… I used too many exclamation marks. -.-**


	9. Entity

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

.x.x.

Chapter 9- Entity

_Sometimes you feel the need to question_

_To fidget, to whisper, to smile in the dark_

_Sometimes to answer_

_To answer no one, answer nothing_

_Sometimes you need to walk_

_To tread on forbidden grounds _

_To break from your cage_

_To talk to no one_

_Smile at nothing_

_For sometimes_

_Nothing and no one are the best listeners of all_

_And sometimes_

_They are not_

_But you will never know until you speak._

.x.x.

Kagome watched Inuyasha all throughout breakfast.

As her hand cleaned the sticky residue of food from the table, her mind was focused on _him. _On his eyes, on his smirk, on the feeling of his hand, joined with hers. As she wiped the counter with a dirty rag, standing in silence with the other Maidens, all her attention was focused on Inuyasha. On the way he sat, on the movement of his lips, on the tilt of his head and his slight grimace.

Kagome felt like a stalker.

Breakfast, to Kagome's surprise, only lasted for ten minutes. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or frustrated. To stand there all that time, mere inches away from Sango and Koharu, without being able to say so much as a word or communicate with more than a glance… to be yards away from Inuyasha, and stare at him all that time, without the satisfaction of having him meet her eyes even _once… _it was torture. Every last bit of it.

And yet for some reason, when the Warriors stood and trudged out of the mess hall, Kagome almost wished that breakfast could last a little while longer.

Sango sighed with relief when the guards, too, were gone. "Thank god," she muttered. "I was practically dying, here."

Kagome nodded in agreement, and because she was curious, asked, "Why did the guards leave us alone?"

"They don't feel threatened by us Maidens," Sango said with wry bitterness. "They assume we aren't about to try anything."

Kagome glanced at the walls around them: made entirely of dark stone and at least thirty feet tall. The walls were foreboding, imposing. Just running her finger along one, Kagome felt as if she could sense years and years of sorrow.

About ten years.

Kagome closed her eyes, grimacing despite herself, for the idea that her parents had hidden the War from her for _eight years _nauseated her. _While I looked up at the clouds, while I longed for freedom, while I longed to fly with the wind… was the War ravaging the world around me all that time? Even so long ago?_

Six. The War had begun when she was _six._

Kagome had to admit that despite her shock, despite the feeling akin to indignation which bubbled up inside her stomach, this news explained a lot. The dying people, the burned villages, the starvation, the disease… the hate, the despair….

The War had caused that.

Kagome bit her lip as she thought, _My father let it happen. My father let all those people die. _And then she realized something which numbed her toes, froze her fingers, stopped her heart. _My father was so busy hiding the War from _us _that he forgot about his people. Or… or maybe…_

Maybe the War was not the cause of their nation's poverty.

In this context… knowing what she knew… Kagome could almost say that her father was a murderer. She wasn't sure what stopped her from saying it aloud: the terrible meaning of it all, or the fact that she almost longed to condemn him.

She kneaded her forehead with two fingers, as if she were suffering an ache of the temples and not an ache of the heart.

"Kagome? What's wrong?"

Kagome opened her eyes, peeling her fingers away from her head to see Koharu and Sango. Both Maidens stared at her, eyes tight and concerned. Their concern almost made Kagome smile; it was good to know that whatever their suspicions, they still cared enough not to want to see her in pain.

But Kagome could only manage a small quirk of the lips, and instead of answering, instead of lying and saying nothing was wrong, she asked a question of her own.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

It had the desired effect: Kagome's discomfort was, it appeared, forgotten, and at this Kagome breathed a sigh of relief. Or she _might _have breathed a sigh of relief… but the glance which Sango and Koharu shared stilled it in her throat.

"Please don't look at me like that," Kagome muttered, grimacing.

"Sorry," they said simultaneously. For a moment there was a pause while Kagome waited and they communed silently. But the silence did not last long, and too soon, the words which had to be said and yet were utterly unwelcome on their tongues or in Kagome's ears broke free.

With a small exhalation, Sango said, "Kagome, I saw how you were looking at him."

Kagome chewed on her lip. "Inuyasha," she muttered, as if saying his name would change what Sango was about to say.

Grimacing in impatience, Sango said, "I don't care what his name is! Look, I know you think that he's nice and all—"

"He _is—_"

"And perhaps he is!" Sango added hastily. "But that doesn't change the fact that you and he will never… be anything."

Koharu sighed, eyes sad as she murmured, "You might have said that with a bit more tact."

"Tact is a waste of time," Sango said, never taking her eyes off of Kagome, "When we are dealing with infatuation."

At this, Kagome bristled. She took a moment to breathe deeply, to control her temper, before saying in a low voice, "I am _not _infatuated with him!"

"Oh?" Sango's grimaced. "That's not what I would have said. What about you, Koharu?"

Kagome saw red, eyes widening. She could almost feel her blood vessels clotting, could almost see the blood pulsing before her eyes. She almost wished she _could _see it. At least then she would have some evidence of her racing heart. At least then she would have some visible sight to prove her anger, something to concentrate on other than the pounding in her chest and her nails digging into her palms.

Kagome wished she could see the blood in her eyes, for then she might have been able to distract herself from the tears.

It was Koharu who saw Kagome's distress, Koharu who shifted uncomfortably and said with a soft, gentle voice, "Kagome, she's not trying to be mean. We only—"

"Of _course _I'm not trying to be mean!" Sango snapped. "I'm trying to save your life, Kagome! You have to listen to me. You can't be with Inuyasha."

Kagome took in her words, grasped at them like threads, threads falling apart in her hands. "I don't want to be with him!" she cried. "I am not infatuated with him! He is… only a friend."

Only a friend. Kagome was not entirely sure that that was true… but if it was all she could have, she would take it.

And she would try to take nothing more.

_Infatuated, _Kagome thought with disdain. _She makes me sound like a child._

Sango pinched the bridge of her nose, shuddering with the effort of taking in a breath. Koharu looked uneasily away from Sango, turning her eyes instead to the other Maidens, who were currently passing food down the line. "Our breakfast is coming," she muttered.

Kagome might have leaned around her to see the food, to see what it was, to smell it and prepare herself for what was to come. But at this moment, all her attention was focused on Sango. Sango, who was closing her eyes tightly. Sango, who was nearly shaking.

Sango stopped shaking and smiled at Kagome.

"I'm really sorry," she said. Kagome was taken aback by how sincere she was, and at that moment, staring into Sango's sad eyes, she almost _did _feel like a child. "I'm sorry about a lot of things," Sango continued, voice getting stronger. "I hate being the one to have to teach this lesson to you. But I don't want you to get hurt. And believe me, for having a real relationship with a Warrior… they _will _hurt you."

Kagome flinched at that, at the knowledge in her eyes. But she gulped and said, "I told you. I don't want to be with him… I'm not infatuated. But he is _important _to me! I… I can't just let him go," she finished, voice choked.

How _could _she let him go? How could she choose to never again hold his hand, to never again see his smirk, to never again return his smile or his laugh? How could she choose to turn her head the other way when she saw him coming, to treat him like she would any other, when he was the only person who treated her like a person?

Kagome looked into Sango's eyes and saw that her thoughts were clear on her face. And similarly, so were Sango's.

_He's not the only person who treats you like a person. WE treat you like a person. Let us be enough._

Kagome bit her lip, wondering why they were _not _enough.

"I won't let this place kill me," she whispered, looking up into the sky, staring up the walls, daring them to deny her.

"It won't kill you! There are ways to rebel and survive, Kagome. But I'm telling you… it doesn't matter, even if you didn't really want to be with him. There is no friendship in The Cells."

"You and Koharu and I are friends," Kagome muttered.

She wasn't sure what made her say that. She had only known Sango and Koharu for a day or two… but somehow, Kagome already considered them her friends.

Perhaps it was because she had never actually had a friend before.

Sango's eyes were soft as she said, "Thank you. But that's different. We can hide friendships to an extent, but a bond between Warrior and Maiden…? It would get you killed. _That _is an example of stupidity, and obviously you need me to teach you the difference between resistance and suicide."

Koharu grimaced, and Kagome could not help but notice the message in her eyes. The message which said, _Sango is not the right person to teach you that. Sango doesn't know the difference either. _

Kagome remembered the scars, remembered Sango's words, her anger, and wondered if Koharu were right. And then she could not help but ask herself: why, then, was Sango so opposed to Kagome being with Inuyasha?

But these were answers she doubted she would ever discover, and so she smiled and said, "Thank you. I would like you to teach that to me… but you can't make decisions for me. Sango, I… I need to find my own way. I need a friend, not a mother."

_Even though I wish desperately that I had one._

Sango grimaced at Kagome, but this time she did not glare or scold. This time she only said, voice low and intense, "Okay. Make your choices. It's not all it's cracked up to be."

What frightened Kagome most was that she wondered, and had been wondering for awhile, if Sango was right.

.x.x.

Their breakfast, too, lasted a mere ten minutes. Ten minutes before the foul food had been eaten, ten minutes before the guards returned, ten minutes before the Maidens were herded out of the mess hall.

Ten minutes before Sango was taken from them.

Sango glared at the guard who walked toward her, straightening her back and marching right past him before he could drag her away. The guard turned around and followed her without a word, but made sure to get back in front of her, if only for appearance's sake.

Kagome looked at Sango and realized that she, too, was walking for the same reason.

"Where is she going?" Kagome nervously asked Koharu.

Koharu looked at her friend, at her straight back and determined steps, at her arms folded across her chest. Sango walked willfully, purposefully… not once did she let the guard drag her forward.

_It makes all the difference, _Kagome thought, frowning. _It really is amazing._

Except for the fact that Sango was still going to wherever she was going, and she still did not have a choice… the _appearance _of choice, of deliberation, entirely changed the picture.

Kagome watched Sango disappear from the mess hall and wondered if she could do the same thing.

Glancing at the guards, Koharu whispered, "I'll explain when we get to the Square."

Kagome did not need to ask why, and she knew better than to ask what the Square was.

.x.x.

Kagome's relief surpassed the heat of the sun when she realized that the Square was not actually a place of torture, but a place of respite.

"So, they truly just leave us alone here?" Kagome asked hesitantly, following Koharu into their half of the large yard. "We can say what we choose?"

Koharu smiled at her. "Yes. It really is relieving, having the eyes of the guards off of us."

Nodding earnestly, Kagome stepped further into the area. Never had she thought that a large plot of grass surrounded by stone, a large yard divided into two halves by a wooden fence, would feel like paradise. And yet here she was, drinking in the privacy as if it were cold, clean water… breathing in the peace as if it were more precious than oxygen.

"This is wonderful," she said softly.

She only wished Sango were here with them, and that reminded her of her question.

"Koharu," she said, turning to her, "Where did Sango go?"

"Probably cleaning," Koharu replied. "Because she is exempted from what the rest of us do, she has to do more work around the establishment. We usually have to clean about at this time as well, but our dorm's shift has ended for a few days."

Kagome nodded, taking this in, trying not to think too hard about Koharu's words. But she found it impossible to ignore them when they were thrust right there in front of her, beneath her nose.

Worrying her lip, Kagome whispered, "May I ask you a question?"

Koharu glanced at her, smiling. "You don't have to whisper, Kagome. The guards are not here to hear you."

Kagome nodded, gulping, but it was not the guards which made her quiet. It was not fear of eavesdroppers which made her hesitant in her speech.

"It… it is rather personal."

Koharu's eyebrows went up. "In that case," she said, laughing nervously, "Perhaps you _should _whisper."

Relieved, Kagome took this as permission to ask.

"What… is it like? To… you know… to…."

To Kagome's immense relief, Koharu appeared to understand. She stiffened a little, shifting her feet, staring at Kagome as she muttered, "Are you still trying to… decide?"

Kagome nodded jerkily, unable to say anything more.

Koharu sighed. "I know that Sango makes it seem like we have a choice, but we don't have as much choice as she seems to have made you think."

"What do you mean?"

Kagome's words were stinted, dulled with nervousness. She didn't want to think about what Koharu meant. She didn't want to think about the truth. Sango had said they had a choice; Sango had made a choice, and Kagome could make the same choice if she chose. That was what Kagome wanted to think about.

But she knew that she couldn't simply choose what truths to face and what truths not to face. For the longer you shove aside reality, the more deeply it buries you.

Koharu's eyes were soft as she said, "Look at the Warriors, Kagome."

And Kagome, not knowing quite what she meant, did.

She looked at the Warriors, let her eyes graze across bearded, muscular men in rags, skin glistening with sweat. She looked at their stooped posture, their small groups, listened to their voices; a low murmur of muttered conversation, words melding into an indistinguishable din.

Kagome frowned, looking at their faces. Usually she could tell what people were feeling from their expressions, but from the Warriors, she read nothing.

The Warriors were empty vessels, and it made her shiver.

"Do you see it?" Koharu said softly. "Do you understand now?"

At first Kagome didn't understand. At first Kagome had to squint, narrow her eyes as if looking into a bright light. At first she was confused. But then, slowly, she realized what Koharu meant, and her low intake of breath told Koharu to continue.

It pained Kagome to hear the low pain in Koharu's voice when she spoke.

"They are not being forced to take us, but we are being forced to _let _them take us. _Look _at them, Kagome! Do you really think, even for a moment, that you could fight one of them off?"

Kagome tore her gaze away from the Warriors, unwilling to look for another moment longer. "Sango said we had a choice," she muttered. "Of course there's a choice. There's always a choice."

_No matter what kind of prison you are in, there is always a choice, _Kagome thought desperately. _It is when you have no more choices that you die._

And then she stiffened, for at that moment, she wondered if that was why many in the Cells seemed dead: they had run out of choices. And the same, she knew very well, could happen to her.

_No. No, it won't._

"_Sango _has a choice," Koharu hissed. "Sango is strong, Kagome! Sango has known how to fight since she was a child."

And then she stopped, bit her lip, and Kagome took an intake of breath. There was a pause while they stared at the ground, both knowing that Koharu had almost broken the rule, neither saying a word about it. And during that pause… for a split second… Kagome considered asking Koharu where she and Sango came from.

But too quickly for Kagome to shred the rule to splinters, Koharu spoke again.

"Sango knows how to defend herself," she muttered. "I do not. And I don't think you do either. If there is a choice for us… it is the choice between being willing or being forced. Which do you want, Kagome?"

But by the time Koharu had finished speaking, by the time she had said the words which they both had known and dreaded, Kagome was several paces away, and sprinting faster and faster toward the door.

"KAGOME!"

Kagome ignored Koharu's cries, she ignored her running footsteps as she followed her. In Kagome's world, there was only one thing which she could hear: Koharu's words, repeating over and over again. The choice. The _real _choice, and the choice which made her want to vomit until she threw up blood.

_It's not the choice, _Kagome thought vehemently. _She's wrong._

But she kept running, and she did not heed her friend's arm even when it was wrapped around her waist.

"Let _go _of me!" Kagome snapped. When she felt Koharu touch her, when she felt Koharu's arms restricting her, her old self emerged. _Or perhaps, _Kagome thought bitterly, sadly, _It is my true self. The Princess_. "NOW!"

She didn't belong here. No one belonged here, but if nobody else cared enough to escape, then that was not Kagome's problem. Kagome would die before she became like everyone else, and she would certainly rather die than be faced with Koharu's "choice."

She kept running toward the door even when she realized that it grew no closer. She kept fighting for freedom even when she realized that the only freedom she was fighting for was death.

At that thought, Kagome went still.

_Death, _she thought. Her words were broken, her mind was tattered, like a lush forest stripped of trees. Vulnerable. She felt vulnerable, like a desert to the elements… like a mouse, caught on barren ground, with not a hole in sight.

All around her, approaching from every direction, was death.

"Let go of me," Kagome cried, even though she didn't mean it, even though tears streamed down her face.

_Don't let go. Please, don't let go. Help me._

That was what her face said, that was what her limp body said, that was what her raggedly beating heart said. And that was what Koharu heard.

"You'll be fine," she whispered. "It's not so terrible as you think. Really. I mean, when it was my first time, I was scared and sad, but truly, you get used to it. You learn to be thankful for what you have—and we have our lives."

And Kagome nodded, trying her hardest to believe her, wishing she were still the child who could do nothing but trust.

When Koharu trusted her not to run away again, she released her constraints, arms turning into a gentle embrace instead. She stroked her hair, comforted her as if Kagome were her daughter. And Kagome leaned into her embrace, cried into her shoulder as if she were her mother, and they were at the manor, and they were alone in the garden instead of surrounded by Maidens who did not seem to notice Kagome's tears…

_Thank kami she is not Mother, _was the only thing Kagome could think through muddled thoughts. The only comfort Kagome had was that her mother was not there to see her suffer.

_I love you, Mother. Can you hear me? Do you know I am thinking about you? Are you thinking about me, wherever you are?_

_Mother… do you even exist anymore?_

"Kagome? Are you all right now?"

Koharu's voice brought Kagome from her thoughts, and she turned and smiled at her. "Yes, thank you," Kagome said softly, disentangling herself from Koharu's embrace. Exhausted, she leaned against the wooden fence, feeling the hard, smooth texture of the thin beams against her back. And because she did not want to talk about choices anymore… because she did not want to think about her mother or her future… she sank into the wood and closed her eyes.

Kagome derived an odd tranquility from the fence. She wasn't quite sure why, exactly. After all, there was nothing comforting or familiar about a tall wooden fence, and there was no reason for her to feel friendly with something which separated her from Inuyasha. At that thought, Kagome wondered where he was. Was he beyond the fence? Was he watching her? Did he know she was there, thinking but not daring to look?

Kagome wished that the other Warriors were like him, but she knew that they were not. But thinking about that reminded her of the future, and the future was a dangerous subject, so she quickly deterred such thoughts.

_Relax. Be at peace. Sleep._

That was what she told herself, and for a moment, Kagome thought that she _had _slept, because she felt something stirring within her. It was an entity of incomparable presence and power, an entity the likes of which Kagome had never felt. But Kagome had never felt _any _entity before, so for all she knew, perhaps some entities were larger. For all she knew, perhaps this was a very small entity. And yet it was large enough to swallow a country, large enough to absorb a person, body and soul.

Large enough to absorb Kagome.

Kagome woke with a start. "KOHARU!"

Koharu jumped, staring at her. "What? Are you okay?"

"I—I—I had an odd dream. I thought that…"

She thought that…

She thought…

_No, _Kagome breathed.

Koharu frowned, but at that moment, her frown didn't matter. At that moment, her tentative, "Kagome? You okay? What happened?" did not matter either. They were just words, meaningless sounds, and the Entity had no use for such a primitive function as speech.

The Entity was an object of power.

Kagome stiffened, breathing fast, feeling it swirl around her even in reality, even outside the dream. And for a moment, for a crazy moment, she almost thought that she had brought it into the world _from _the dream. That it had followed her, latched onto her vulnerable mind and made its way into life like a parasite, feeding off of her spirit…

It already had a hold on her spirit, and Kagome could feel it on her, within her, among her… an invader, a foreign presence in her soul… a foreign presence which carried with it all the potency of a virus and all the mystery of the unknown. A living Entity possessed of power beyond the likes of which Kagome had known existed.

A living Entity crying out in pain.

It shook with sorrow, with agony, with torturous sobs, and it and Kagome were one and so she suffered its suffering, felt its fury. Its sadness wracked her body in spasms until she thought she might be submerged in waves of grief. She thrust her head above the churning sea, panting for breath, gasping, trying to hold enough air in her lungs to speak.

"It's hurting," she breathed. "My god… Koharu… it's in pain."

"What's in pain?" Koharu's anxious voice was hazy, barely audible. "What are you talking about?"

But Kagome shook her head and closed her eyes, and as exhaustion passed over her, as her will to fight the pain gave out, she took a different approach: very slowly, Kagome ducked beneath the waves, lowered herself into the Entity. It bristled at the trespasser, growling, but Kagome moved on, searching in the dark waters for the source of the pain… but the pain was everywhere, and how could Kagome heal everything? It was too much… it was too powerful… it was everything and she was nothing, it was the Entity and she was Kagome, and the Entity was absorbing Kagome, taking her into itself… and she was falling, falling, down a narrow wormhole, drowning in a dark ocean, and she could not scream or cry or call… she was losing herself, losing everything… she was disappearing in the agony…

_Where am I? _Kagome thought dazedly. _Who am I?_

Where, who, how, what. So many questions, so many answers, but answers far out of reach, answers far above her, and Kagome might be able to reach them if she could swim to them, but she could not tell which way was up and which way was down… she was spinning in a spiral, spinning out of control…

And then… a faint whisper, a weak cry… she heard it.

"_Who are you?"_

Kagome blinked, looked around in the darkness for the voice, and seeing nothing, she whispered to everything: "I am Kagome."

The Entity roared.

The next thing she felt was intense heat. The next thing she heard was Koharu's hushed scream. The next thing she saw was Koharu… on the other side of the fence.

Eyes open wide and gawking at Kagome.

"How… how did you…?" Koharu gasped, gesturing wordlessly to the intact fence.

Kagome stared at it, numb. She shivered, feeling vulnerable, feeling exposed. _I was inside it… almost like I was inside its womb, _she thought. It had been warm in the Entity. Dark and warm and safe and empty and painful…

_What was that?_

"K-Kagome? Are you all right? What happened? What was that?"

Kagome was not quite sure what drew her finger to that spot on one of the fence posts, nor was she certain of why her fingers traced a path in the air: a path across several posts, a path in a circle, a path defining a shape big enough for a person to crawl through.

Similarly, Kagome did not know how she knew what this shape was.

"It was broken, here," she whispered.

Koharu's eyes widened, and ducking her head, meeting Kagome's eyes, she muttered, "How did you know that?"

Kagome frowned and stared. "I… I don't know. How did _you _know that?"

She could see in Koharu's eyes what the girl was thinking: can I trust her, should I tell her, does it matter? _So many questions, _Kagome thought. _It would all be so much simpler if we would all just trust each other. Why should there be suspicion among Maidens? Do we not share the same enemy?_

Kagome's eyes hardened with coldness and softened with sadness as she thought, _And why should there be suspicion among friends?_

Apparently Koharu was thinking the same, for at that moment, she spoke. "Sango cut a hole right here," she said softly, tracing her finger in roughly the same path Kagome had just moments ago. "Several years ago."

Frowning a frown of confusion, of sadness, of wonder and surprise, Kagome asked, "Why?"

"It's not my place to say," Koharu said, smiling one of those sad smiles of hers. "Sango may tell you if she wants, but I wouldn't push it if I were you. This is a tender subject for her."

Kagome nodded, eyes softening. Much as she wanted to know what had driven Sango to cut a hole through the fence, she knew about tender subjects.

"But that isn't important now." And as she said those words, Koharu turned big eyes to Kagome, and in those brown pools, Kagome saw into her mind. She saw the panic, the confusion, the fear, the awe… she saw a thousand questions bubbling up at the tip of Koharu's tongue, all bursting to be the first to take flight.

"_How did you get through that fence?" _was the first.

Kagome gulped. She was not ready to be interrogated; not when her head was still spinning, not when she herself had no idea what she had done… nonetheless how to get back. Suddenly a chill entered her spine as she thought, _What if the guards come back before I can get back to the other side?_

Koharu was thinking similarly.

"We'll talk about that later," she said, words rapid, voice hushed. "Kagome, please, _come back._"

"How am I supposed to come back?" Kagome demanded, voice nearly squeaking. "I have no idea how I got here on the first place! What did I do? Did you see anything?"

_Did you see the Entity? Did you see it infect me, take me, absorb me? _These were the things Kagome wanted to ask, but she did not let them escape her mouth, for she knew instinctively that Koharu had seen none of this. And if she _had _seen it, she would know what she was talking about even without specifics.

But Koharu had seen nothing, and Koharu was probably still blinded by the panic bubbling in her eyes.

"Kagome, you don't understand—it's not safe! People will notice! And the guards—they'll interrogate you, Kagome. They'll make sure to find out how you got to the other side, even if you yourself don't know!" Tears of frustration sprung to Koharu's eyes as she nearly yelled, "_Get back here!"_

And Kagome, gripped by a sudden fear, closed her eyes, experimentally touching the fence with one finger. She waited for the pull, she waited for the dream, she waited for the pain and the waves and the dark… she waited and waited, but her waiting brought her nothing.

And so she said four words which escaped a dry throat not in a cracked whisper, but in a hollow statement.

"I don't know how."

Kagome and Koharu stared at each other in horror.

"You're stuck," Koharu said meekly, gaping at Kagome. Kagome nodded, speechless at her own plight. She felt much like she had felt on the tractor—traumatized, shocked, disbelieving… the last most of all. Kagome felt as if she were trapped in a dream, as if she were trapped within her own body, watching herself watch Koharu, feeling herself take Koharu's hand through the wooden bars which separated them.

She heard herself listening to a low murmur of voices growing in intensity. And most frightening of all, she felt herself feel stares on the back of her head.

"Koharu."

"Yes?"

Their lips were dry as they spoke, and Kagome's voice was low as she said, "Are they looking at me?"

A pause, a pause too rich in dread and too scarce in relief.

A condemnation, "Yes."

Kagome took a deep breath and straightened her back, turning away from Koharu, who asked nervously, "Where are you going?"

"They're staring at me," Kagome muttered to herself. "I have to get out of here. Koharu… Koharu, what do I do?"

_What do I do, what do I do, what do I do? _Kagome thought scathingly. _I sound ridiculous. Why, in the outside world, am I always so useless?_

But when she looked to Koharu, when she turned to her for answers, she saw that Koharu was just as confused and almost as afraid as she was. Koharu's eyes reflected Kagome's fate, looming above her, towering over her, approaching her from behind.

Partly because she could not bear to look at Koharu any more and partly because she needed make sure the pillar of fear in her eyes was not a reflection of something in the real world, Kagome whirled around to face the Warriors' side of the Square.

But there was no pillar of fear, no ominous presence. There was only her, the walls, and the Warriors… and their eyes, each and every one focused on her.

Kagome felt like she was in a spotlight, and she was blinded by it before realizing that it didn't exist.

She stared at the Warriors, and they stared back at her, and nobody moved. And Kagome found herself searching for her one friend, for the one person on this side of the fence who might help her…

She found him.

_Show no fear, _Kagome thought, jerking up her chin. _Show no tears. Show no hesitance._

And that was how, with straight shoulders set back and a head held high and a spine arched, with eyes set firmly on Inuyasha, Kagome once again assumed the posture of a princess.

Foot forward, hands folded in front of her, foot forward, eyes ahead… straight back, proud spine, _And for goodness' sake, _she heard her father's voice, _Stop fidgeting, Kagome…_

Kagome smiled slightly, for she had always hated her father's idea of proper manners. It was a rigid society in which she had lived, a society comprised of the right way to eat and the right way to speak and the right way to walk… they were things which the outside world had long discarded, things which the outside world did not need. These things Kagome had gladly left behind when she made her escape… of course, at the time she had not known where she would be taken… at the time, she had not known that the outside world was decaying… at the time she had been filled with hope and fear.

Now she was filled with more fear than hope, but for the first time, she was thankful for her training, for the smile which she could plant upon her face and the straight spine and steady gait she could maintain even here, surrounded by strangers.

Now her training was a shield, and although it brightened the spotlight upon her, although it made the Warriors frown and the Maidens gawk, Kagome felt protected.

And then she saw Inuyasha turn and stare at her, and her strides quickened.

The look of utter disbelief on his face, for some reason, made her want to laugh as she stopped a foot away from him and the man called Miroku and said, "Hi."

Inuyasha and Miroku gawked at her.

Kagome waited, trying very hard not to fidget, trying very hard not to take her eyes off of their faces. She smiled slightly, for their shock was open and clear, and even slightly comical.

Miroku broke the silence by smirking at Inuyasha. "I told you."

But Inuyasha gave Miroku nothing more than a grunt in affirmation. His eyes were on Kagome as he said, "How the hell did you get over here?"

Wincing despite herself at his language but deciding not to comment, Kagome smiled at him, shrugged, and said, "I don't know."

Well. That certainly left them stunned.

Miroku arched one long eyebrow as he said dubiously, "You do not know how you came to our side of the Square."

Kagome had said she did not know because it was simple and true. But she could not say she had no idea—that would be a lie. She did have an idea, and she was quite certain that she was right… but it was only an idea, and even if it were true, it explained nothing.

It did not explain the presence of the Entity and why it had allowed her to pass through the fence.

"I truly do not know," Kagome said, smile wavering a bit. She kept it in place as she said to Inuyasha, "But when I found myself here, I thought that the best thing I could do was come to you."

Inuyasha smirked slightly at that, recovering himself from his shock, and Kagome, too, found herself smirking at the effort. A smirk… it had been an expression which she used sparingly at the manor. An expression she had to hide, an expression disapproved of. But here, it came effortlessly, naturally, and that made Kagome wonder what a smirk really was.

"Well, I'm touched," Inuyasha said wryly, glancing over her head at the eyes of watching Warriors. Shaking his head in disbelief, he looked back down at her, both eyebrows raised as he said, "You manage to get yourself into the stupidest situations, you know that? And then… I mean… what's with the calmness? Why are you so, I don't know, _together?_" Inuyasha grimaced at her, eyebrows coming together, before shaking his head and laughing under his breath. "I don't get you. It's okay though."

Kagome grinned at him. "I understand _you_. I think."

Raising an eyebrow, Inuyasha said, "Oh?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt your reunion," Miroku said wryly, "But if I were you, Inuyasha, I would be focusing my efforts on returning the lovely lady to her side of the Square."

And that, for a moment, got their attention… until Kagome felt a light pressure on her backside.

Whirling about to stare at Miroku in disbelief, she clenched her teeth and hissed, eyes widening with fear and fury. Once it might have been an overreaction, once such a touch might have merited a haughty glare or a slap, but here? No. Here, Kagome felt threatened.

And Inuyasha, it appeared, felt as angry as she did.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Miroku?" he muttered, shoving his friend by the shoulder.

Miroku stumbled backwards a step before folding his arms across his chest and gazing earnestly at Kagome. "I am sorry," he said, smiling. "I can't help myself."

Kagome gawked at him, unable to believe the man's nerve.

Sighing, Inuyasha looked back to Kagome and said, "He's an idiot, but he's harmless. Don't worry about him."

Not entirely convinced, Kagome nodded, watching Miroku warily, making a mental note to never let his hands out of her sight.

"You scared me," she muttered, glaring. "_Don't _do that again, or I will hit you."

At that, infuriatingly, Inuyasha and Miroku laughed. Bristling a little, Kagome hissed, "I mean it!"

That just made them laugh harder, and Miroku smiled at her and said, "You're a nice girl. I knew that Sango would have good taste in friends."

The mention of Sango distracted Kagome enough to make her forget her annoyance and her confusion at being called a _nice girl _when she was actually threatening the health of his nose. Frowning, she asked curiously, "Did you mean it when you told Sango that you loved her?"

Inuyasha groaned, surprising Kagome by saying, "Oh god, don't bring her up again—you're just gonna get him started—"

But Miroku, it appeared, had already started.

"I meant it with all my heart," he said, smiling, eyes hazing over. "And I still do mean it. Please send my message to her, Lady Kagome."

And Kagome almost laughed and said she would, almost rolled her eyes and smiled and agreed… until she realized what Miroku had called her.

"Why did you call me Lady Kagome?" she asked, suddenly suspicious, eyes narrowing to nervous slits.

Lady Kagome. There was no reason for him to call her Lady Kagome. She was not a Lady, she was not a princess here… she was just a Kagome. _Not _a Lady Kagome. So why should he use the title? Why Kagome-sama, why the honorific, if she was just a stranger, a Maiden, a slave?

Unless… he knew who she was.

_But that's impossible, _Kagome thought quickly. _He is a stranger to me. There is no way I could have met him in the past…_

She shook herself from her questions and fears to wait for Miroku's answer, only to realize that he and Inuyasha were staring at her.

"I'm sorry," Miroku said in surprise, frowning in confusion. "Did I offend you?"

Inuyasha stared at her, saying blankly, "He calls all the women he meets _Lady _this, _Miss _that, _Lovely _whatever. He didn't mean anything by it."

Miroku smiled at Kagome, wiggling his eyebrows. "Only the beautiful women."

Unsure whether to be uncomfortable and not quite past her momentary fear, Kagome blushed, looking away.

"Stop flirting for a second, will you?" Inuyasha growled. Turning to Kagome, he frowned and said, "Hey. You okay?"

Kagome smiled slightly, more happy at his concern than she wanted to show, and nodded, still feeling a bit off-balance. "Yes, thank you."

_What is wrong with me?_

Already, too many slips, and she had only been here for two days. Already, she had made so many mistakes, given so much away, that she couldn't believe no one had figured it out… wasn't it clear as day to them? _I might as well take a large sign and write, PRINCESS KAGOME HIGURASHI OF THE NORTH_, _and pin it to my forehead, _Kagome thought, resisting the urge to slap herself in the face.

_Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

Kagome noted Inuyasha and Miroku exchanging a glance, and she shifted, wondering what they had made of her slip. _What if they know who I am? _Kagome thought. Shaking her head slightly, she told herself, _No. No, it's not possible. They could not know. They have no reason to suspect… after all, why would the King's daughter ever end up here?_

Kagome grimaced as she thought, _Unless, of course, her life was not so happy and carefree as everyone must think… unless she ran away…_

"Inuyasha? Really, I think we should find a way to get her back," Miroku said.

Inuyasha grimaced at him, then glanced at her, before saying hesitantly, "There's awhile before the guards come back… about half an hour or so. We've got time."

Only after a small pause did Kagome realize that they had fallen silent, that they were continuing their conversation with their eyes. She followed their gazes, trying to track some kind of signal, some kind of words conveyed with a tightening of the face or a slight grimace. But she saw nothing, and all her efforts brought her was frustration.

"Keh," Inuyasha finally growled, looking away, reddening.

Kagome wanted desperately to know what they were thinking about.

"Inuyasha."

She blinked at the new tone in Miroku's voice, glancing at him to see his eyes tighten, and followed his gaze to see Inuyasha… who was looking straight over her head, eyes narrowed, a low growl in his throat.

Stiffening, Kagome turned around to find the eyes of three Warriors on them.

"On second thought," Inuyasha muttered, "You're going back to your side. Come on."

He grabbed her arm, glaring at the men, and dragged her off toward the fence, followed by Miroku… only to hear a call of his name.

"Hey. Inuyasha!"

Groaning slightly, Inuyasha and Miroku turned around.

"What do you want, Bankoutsu?" he muttered, crossing his arms and glaring at the man.

Bankoutsu wore his dark hair in a long black braid, falling low on his back. He wore the usual Warrior clothing, but his eyes were what made him stand out. A beautiful blue-violet, but shimmering with a lazy cruelty.

Bankoutsu gestured carelessly at Kagome, raised his eyebrows, and said, "What the hell is she doing here?"

"Leaving," Inuyasha said firmly. He shot a venomous glare at Bankoutsu before pushing Kagome slightly, reminding her to walk, which she did.

"Hey! Girl, you can talk, right?"

Kagome's eyes narrowed at that, and knowing it was better to ignore him, knowing she was rising to the bait, but not caring, she turned around and said haughtily, "Of course I can talk."

With a dull sense of surprise, Kagome realized that she was not afraid of Bankoutsu. _I must be insane, _she thought dazedly. _I think I've lost my mind._

Quirking an eyebrow, shoving thoughts of insanity aside, she said, "Was there something you would like to ask me?"

Bankoutsu wolf-whistled, and Kagome tried very hard not to cringe.

"What are you doing?" Inuyasha asked Kagome, almost glaring at her.

"Leave me alone for a second," Kagome muttered.

She couldn't say what drove her to say that, what drove her to turn away form Inuyasha, straighten her chin, cross her arms, and meet Bankoutsu's gaze. But whatever it was had a strong hold on her, and she looked at Bankoutsu, shoving down her nervousness.

_Show him you are not afraid._

Bankoutsu stared at her for a moment, confused, before finally asking, "How'd you get past the fence?"

"I don't know," she replied.

His eyes turned dubious, scornful as he repeated scathingly, "_You don't know. _How the hell could you not know?"

"Kagome, we should go now," Miroku said softly.

But Kagome was still as she turned to him and said, "Go where? I have told you, I have no idea how to get back!"

At this, Bankoutsu raised his eyebrows, and Kagome found herself biting her lip. Butterflies of fear stirred in her stomach and she did her best to keep them down, to suppress them, but she worried that they would emerge at any time.

Miroku and Inuyasha exchanged a glance, and at that moment, Kagome knew what they had meant when they said _go. _

It meant get away from Bankoutsu. It meant make the appearance of leaving, so that hopefully, the other Warriors would lose interest.

_I need to figure out how to return, _Kagome thought. _What goes up must come down… what leaves must return, right?_

And she laughed at that, for she knew that, especially, it seemed, in her case, there was no such rule.

"What are you laughing at?" another man asked, stepping up to Bankoutsu's side.

"Screw off, both of you," Inuyasha growled. He muttered to Kagome, "They won't try anything. They're just trying to get under your skin. Just go back from wherever you came."

"But I don't—"

Inuyasha groaned in frustration before saying, "Well, make it seem like you do!"

There was a pause before Kagome bit her lip and grumbled, "You could say it nicely."

Inuyasha gaped at her, processing her words, trying to decide how to take them. In the end, unable to help himself, he laughed. "You… I can't believe you," he said, grinning widely. "You're so…"

Kagome tried to hide her smirk, bit back her laugh as she waited for him to finish.

"_Weird_," he decided, shaking his head. A little reluctantly, but with a glance toward Bankoutsu and the other man, he said, "Just… go back to your side. You got here, you can go back."

She nodded. "Right. Well, I'll try."

Kagome took a step away from him, and then turned back to look once more… to smile again. She felt the sudden urge to hug him, wrap her arms around him, thank him…

"_You can't be with Inuyasha."_

Sango's words were like a jab to the side, and suddenly Kagome was back to reality.

"_Tact is a waste of time when we are dealing with infatuation."_

Biting her lip in distaste, she saw Inuyasha looking at her, felt the stares of the others on her head… she kept looking at Inuyasha. _I am not infatuated, _she thought, frowning. _Of course I don't want to leave him. Why in the world would I want to leave him when he is the one I feel most comfortable with?_

It did not mean she was infatuated; it was simply a matter of preference. Kagome liked Koharu, but Koharu reminded her of choices she would rather not think about. Inuyasha, oddly enough, did not. For reasons unknown, when Kagome was with him, she felt as if she could escape reality… escape her fate, escape false decisions and paths…

_I can't hide forever._

Kagome felt Bankoutsu's stare, and although she would not admit it, although she tried her best not to show it, it unnerved her.

And so Kagome gave Inuyasha and Miroku a smile, assumed the pose of confidence, and strode back to the spot in the fence from which she had come, the eyes of the Warriors on her the whole time.

And then, abruptly, she stiffened and changed her mind.

_If they saw what I did, _Kagome thought, _They would think I was a witch or something._

She couldn't go back the way she had come; not when so much attention was on her, when so many eyes were following her. And so Kagome decided to do something reckless and stupid, something surely suicidal and surely pointless… something which made adrenaline race through her bloodstream, something which made a smile creep up onto her lips, something which made her heart beat with exhilaration and fear.

Kagome walked to the door and prodded it gently open, stepping out into dark hallway, feeling her feet connect with damp stone.

**A/N: I didn't edit this chapter, sorry if it's bad! Please point out mistakes or things to be improved on! Thank you Allora Gale, bear lover, nocturnal1810, feathersnow, 00-Wild-Fire-00, xbeautyxxisxxlifex, i-rock-101, kittykritik, Daichilover, purduepup, EveryGirlNeedsHerVampire, Regina lunaris, Krystology, Roses Kiss, Ivorybreath, and Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag for reviewing! Love you guys!**

**Hmm… did this chapter qualify as a cliffhanger…?**

**Anyway, REVIEW! **


	10. Tides of Change

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

.x.x.

Chapter 10- Tides of Change

...

_A candle flickers_

_In changing winds_

_Curious winds_

_A flame in a starless night_

_A candle dies_

_In strong gusts _

_A flame long gone_

_A night empty_

_But after the flame has died_

_The night grown hollow and old_

_Sometimes it is the strongest gust_

_Which brings back the fire_

_And burns it bright_

_Until again_

_It fades_

_To give rise to a stronger flame._

…

Kagome hadn't actually expected the door to open.

While she had been walking swiftly to the exit, while she had been pretending she had not passed through a solid wooden fence, that she was not surrounded by Warriors, that she was going to escape through the door, she had in fact assumed the door to be locked. After all, in a slave fortress, why would they ever be left unattended?

Because of these preconceived notions, she found herself in quite the predicament when the door swung open to her touch.

The rough stone scraped against her bare feet, just as it had done since the first day of her imprisonment, and the dark hallways wore down on her will. Kagome had never liked the dark. It was not a fear exactly, not a phobia—rather a feeling of unpleasantness, of frustration. Of nervousness.

The black stone walls felt imposing to Kagome, and the darkness did not help.

_Thump. Thump. Thump. _The rocky floors amplified the sound of what could only be a guard's boots, and Kagome jumped, grabbing onto the door of the Square, remembering that the Cells was infested with guards.

_What have you gotten yourself into?_

Kagome felt her heart racing as she turned around, and in the torchlight she could see it: a shadow, scaling the wall thirty yards away from her at one end of the hallway. The shadow of a guard, undoubtedly.

The shadow which marked her doom.

In that instant Kagome knew she had two options. First, to open the door beside her and run back into the Square, to face her friends and her enemies… and the fence. But what if she could not cross through the fence again? What if the Entity, reality or hallucination, did not appear? In fact, the more she thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed.

_Imagine, _Kagome thought, _A living Entity, residing in a wooden fence, which allows you to pass through the fence. What are the chances?_

The chances were zero, and Kagome could not take those chances, especially when even if it _did _appear, even if she _did _pass through to the other side… nearly everyone would see her.

Thump, thump, thump.

But there was a second option.

Kagome's heart picked up the pace as she saw the shadow growing shorter, fatter… the footsteps growing louder and louder. Her breath came quick, her legs trembled, her hands shook…

She ran.

The desperation with which she ran was much like when she had fled from the manor, but the running itself was not similar at all. Then, she had been running _to. _Now, she was running _from._

Small things like that, she had learned, made all the difference.

Her heart raced as she fled through the hallway with speed she had not known she possessed. The very echoing of her footsteps terrified her, and she nearly stumbled from fear when she heard a voice—the voice of the guard behind her. But she felt phantom hands grabbing her arms, phantom whips lashing her back, and she kept running.

Many things flashed through her mind as she ran, the first being that there was no way she could escape—the second that she should not think things like that. Escape was her first priority, now. As long as it was her priority, she would succeed.

In her mind's eye she saw Sango, Koharu, Miroku, Inuyasha. What were the last three thinking, after seeing her leave the Square? Did they know she was doomed? Did they expect it? Did they know she was running for her life, now, at this moment? And what of Sango? Was she aware of the rapid flight of Kagome's feet, the ferocious beating of her heart? Somewhere, deep in the Cells, wherever she was… could she hear it?

Kagome knew the answer was no, but somehow, her friends had found their way into her mind and refused to let go.

_Sango. Koharu. Inuyasha._ Even Miroku. Miroku was evidently Inuyasha's friend, and therefore he was a friend of Kagome's as well_._

What would she do… what _could _she do… if she left them?

The thought, for a second, made Kagome stop.

"Hey! It's this way! Come on!"

"Don't worry, someone'll catch 'em eventually. No need to hurry."

The voice chilled Kagome to her very core, for she knew that he was right. And yet at the same time as part of her submitted, as part of her closed her eyes and sank to her knees in defeat, another part of her rebelled.

_No. Keep running. Don't give up._

And Kagome ran.

Where could she go, what could she do? She had no idea, no sense of direction, no escape… there was no escape, she knew that. Much as she liked to think of evading the guards, sprinting to the gate and throwing herself over the top, making a dramatic exit, she knew it was impossible.

_And if it were possible, _a voice in her mind said softly, _Would you really leave your friends behind?_

Kagome's face tightened. _If I did leave them, _she thought, _I know they would understand. They would want the best for me. I would want the same for them._

But she couldn't help but wonder what she would do if they chose to escape without _her._

"HEY! I CAN SEE YOU!"

Kagome resisted the urge to scream and turned into a hallway to her left.

There was no escape from the Cells, not now, at least. Not running like this, not fleeing like a rat in a cage. Now, she had only one priority, which was to get back into the Square. But how…?

Then she knew.

_That door wasn't the only entrance, _Kagome remembered, suddenly excited. _There was another door—the door I came in through. The door on the Maidens' half._

_ Now… where is it?_

She remembered vaguely what it had looked like. It was a larger door than most, big enough for about five women to stand in, shoulder to shoulder. If she saw it, she would recognize it instantly.

But Kagome saw no such door, and the footsteps of the guards grew quicker and louder.

When she saw the toe of someone's boot step into view on the other side of the wall, she knew that there was no way she would make it back into the Square. It simply wasn't possible, and it was best for her to put the idea out of her mind and focus instead on the options which lay around her. There were no fences to pass through now, no windows to climb out of. Nothing but the stone walls, the floor, the torches… the looming voices…

And a door.

Without a second thought, Kagome dashed through it, into the room beyond… and almost screamed when she realized that it was not empty.

Several astonished Maidens gaped at her, mops and rags limp in frozen hands. Their hair was gritty, their faces shining with a thin sheen of sweat. Kagome took one single moment to analyze them, on their hands and knees, probably formerly scrubbing the floor, the desk. They were motionless now as they stared at her, mouths open in shock.

With pleading eyes, Kagome quickly sank to her knees, too, near the desk. She held a finger to her lips, eyes wide and imploring, and mouthed to one Maiden who held two rags, "Can I have one?"

When the woman was too stunned to respond, Kagome groaned internally and snatched a rag out of her hand.

The door swung open and instantly the freeze was broken, the Maidens returning to their work, scrubbing the shelves, the floor, the desk. _This is someone's office, _Kagome thought, frowning. She scrutinized the Maidens, watched the motion of their hands as they cleaned, and copied them, doing her best to hide her uncertainty.

_Please let the guards go, please let the guards go…_

"Hey. Ya aren't hidin' anyone in 'ere, are ya?" a guard growled, scanning the room with scrutinized eyes. For a moment, a frightening moment, his gaze almost met Kagome's, but she dropped her head quickly.

_Concentrate on your scrubbing, _she thought. _Don't even look at him. Don't even look…_

"Oi! Did you see anything?"

At the harsh demand and a sudden yelp, Kagome's eyes swiveled upward to see another guard holding a Maiden by her hair. She gasped in horror, eyes widening as the woman struggled.

"Tell us if ya _saw _anythin'," the guard who had spoken first growled.

The woman grabbed at their hands on her hair, struggling for footing, gasping for breath. And Kagome almost wanted to stand up, to tell them it was her, to tell them to put the woman down. She almost, for a second, wanted to give herself away. But as she twitched to move, she locked eyes with another Maiden, a stranger… who shook her head infinitesimally.

Kagome turned her attention back to the woman in peril, and to her amazement, the Maiden whispered, "No… it's just us… we didn't see anything."

_She's defending me? _Kagome thought dazedly. _Why would she defend me?_

The guard dropped her back on the ground and she landed with a thud, visibly wincing, but not making a comment. Instead of rubbing her back where she had landed, or massaging her foot where it had twisted, she returned to her scrubbing as if nothing had happened.

Kagome wanted to throw up.

The guards grimaced but said nothing more, seeming to believe the woman. "You'd better not be lying," one said. "If you are, we'll find out."

But nobody said anything. Nobody even acknowledged that they had spoken.

The guards left, slamming the door shut behind them, their footsteps echoing in the hallways as they scoured the fortress for a prisoner they would not find.

A sigh of relief falling from her lips, Kagome turned to the other Maidens and said, "Thank you so much."

They nodded at her but didn't give her much more of a reaction than that. At first Kagome was disconcerted, upset. What did that mean, that curt nod? Were they angry? _Do they resent me for endangering them? _Kagome thought, biting her lip, suddenly overcome with guilt. _No… no, that would be ridiculous. If they resented me, why would they protect me?_

Frowning at the Maidens, she made an attempt to connect with them, to understand their motives. But no matter how hard she tried, no matter how her gazed pierced them, she saw nothing except a few tired women, absorbed in their scrubbing, nearly oblivious to each other's existence.

Kagome felt invisible.

After several more minutes of scrubbing, she hesitantly lifted the rag to examine her work. To her dismay, there was still an ample supply of dirt on the stone beneath her, and she stared at it angrily, as if personally offended by its refusal to be cleaned. _What am I doing wrong? _She thought angrily. _How hard can it be to clean a floor?_

Rather difficult, or so it appeared.

"Press harder."

Kagome jumped at the voice, turning to look at the Maiden beside her. The woman did not react to her gaze—in fact, she did not seem to have spoken at all. But then who had spoken?

Kagome swiveled around to look behind her… and nearly screamed.

To her shock, she found that she was looking at a child, a girl who could not have been older than ten. A girl who possessed a kind of haunting beauty. Thick white hair framed her face, drifting about as if in water… but there was no water for her hair to float on.

Although Kagome was frozen, the rest of the Maidens continued to scrub.

"Wh-who are you?" Kagome whispered, staring at the girl.

When the child looked at her, Kagome felt herself nearly falling into the girl's eyes. They were depthless and sad and black, so black that the pupils were lost in the dark. The girl was dressed in a white robe, her hair adorned with two white lotus flowers.

Frowning so slightly that Kagome wondered if she were imagining the expression, the girl asked, "You can see me? Hear me?"

Kagome blinked.

"Well… yes," she said uncertainly, unsure how to respond to that. Who was this girl? Was she trying to play a joke on her? Was she another Maiden? She did not look like a Maiden, though… too young, too healthy, too clean. Her skin was pale and untouched by grime, her robe impeccable and stainless.

Kagome suddenly stiffened, realizing that the other Maidens were staring at her.

"Sorry," she said, frowning at them. "Ah… who is that?"

She gestured toward the girl in white, not knowing that to them she was gesturing to the bookshelf, talking to the air. The Maidens exchanged a wary glance, staring at Kagome as if frightened, as if they wished they had turned her in after all.

"Who is who?" one of them asked tentatively.

Kagome turned around to look at the girl in white, who was standing still, staring at her. She opened her mouth to speak, opened her mouth to say obstinately, _Her! _But slowly, very slowly, her mouth fell shut.

_They can't see her, _Kagome realized, suddenly numb.

The Entity, the fence, now this phantom girl… what was happening to her? What _was _this place? _And who is she…? _Kagome wondered, casting a tentative glance toward the girl who she was beginning to think was a figment of her imagination.

"No one," Kagome muttered, looking away from the Maidens, pretending to focus again on scrubbing the floor. "Never mind."

Uncertainly, the Maidens looked away. Kagome glanced at the girl behind her, but this time she did not stop scrubbing. Her hand worked furiously at the spots of dirt which refused to come out, refused to obey her pleads… but her mind was on the child behind her.

_Is she a ghost?_

"Not quite."

Kagome jumped, knowing without looking that it was she who had spoken. Only her voice possessed those dull, haunting notes… only her words rang so hollow and sad and soft.

Suddenly Kagome stiffened, realizing something. _Can you…? _she furrowed her brows, a bit reluctant to believe that she was actually trying to communicate with an illusion. But her doubts did not stop her from asking hesitantly in her mind, _Can you hear me?_

When the girl didn't respond, Kagome turned very slightly to look at her… only to find the tiniest, tiniest smile forming on her lips.

"It's a bit complicated."

Kagome tilted her head slightly, turning back to focus on her scrubbing, before thinking, _How so?_

"I'd rather not go into it."

Something about the way she said that chilled Kagome, and Kagome couldn't help but wonder exactly what had happened to this girl to put her in such a _complicated _position. But just as she had wondered it, just as she had bitten her lip and resolved not to ask… she mentally slapped herself in the forehead.

_What am I doing? Talking to illusions? Have I gone insane?_

"No, but I still don't know why you can see me. I've grown used to people not seeing me, so it's a bit odd to finally have someone to talk to."

Kagome stiffened. She closed her eyes, counted to three, prayed to whatever divine forces might hear her that this girl, this spirit, would go away. _Don't encourage the madness, _she thought harshly. _Don't talk to her… it._

From behind her, she heard a small sigh. Quiet footsteps sounded in the room as the girl walked around Kagome to stand in front of her, looking down on her. And something forced Kagome to look up, to meet her dark, starless-night eyes… something forced her to listen as the girl whispered, "I understand if you don't want to talk to me. I'm probably a frightening thing. Goodbye, Kagome."

And with those words and a graceful glide, the girl opened the door and stepped out into the hall, leaving a stunned Kagome staring after her. Feeling oddly alone, Kagome watched the girl in white disappear, a sickly guilt stirring in her stomach.

.x.x.

They stayed in that room for another hour, scouring the place until it was spotless. Kagome remembered the girl's words, her first words to her… _press harder. _She glanced at the spot on the floor she had labored over, the spot now clean and bare.

_She was right, _Kagome thought. _I wasn't pressing hard enough._

Frowning, trying to shake the phantom out of her head, she stood up with the other Maidens and followed them out of the room, in search of another place to clean. They were led by a guard down the hallway, passing another group of Maidens… and to Kagome's surprise and relief, Sango was among them.

Glancing at the guards to make sure they weren't looking, Kagome jumped to Sango's side.

"Kagome?" Sango mouthed, eyes wide with surprise.

She didn't need to speak to ask her questions: _what are you doing here? Where are the others?_ Kagome opened her mouth to reply, but bit down instead, casting a wary look to the guard in front of them, whom she recognized as Hiten.

"We'll talk later," she mouthed.

Sango nodded, looking away from her, facing front as they continued an even stride.

.x.x.

They were cleaning the bedroom of someone who was clearly a superior, from the furnishings of it. It was not like anything in the manor in which Kagome had grown up, but some aspects of it reminded her of her old life: the paintings draped on the walls, the shoji screens blocking the futon and sleeping area from view. They were not decorated with lavish artwork—trees and flowers and branches—as they had been in the manor, but they were still the first shoji screens Kagome had encountered since she had left.

The familiarity did not comfort her.

"Why would they leave us in here?" Kagome asked softly, glancing at an expensive vase on a dressing table. "Wouldn't they worry that someone would steal something?"

"People steal things sometimes," Sango said. From her expression, Kagome gathered that she was one of those people. "They usually get returned, though… and anyone caught stealing is made an example of."

Kagome shuddered.

Sango brushed the spine of a thick, fancy book, gazing at the cover almost without seeing it. "There's not much point to stealing things, here," she said. "There's nowhere we can sell it. And I know that taking a book is silly and pointless, but…" Sango lowered her voice, glanced at Kagome, and said, "Sometimes, I do it anyway."

Sango picked up the book, and for a moment Kagome thought that she was actually going to take it or shove it in her robe, but instead she returned it to an empty spot on the shelf.

_Classical Poetry; Works of the Masters._

That was the title of the book, Kagome could see it written on the spine. She tore her eyes away from it, for suddenly she wanted to read it. Just to touch a book, to open it up and drink in the stories it told, would be a rebellion of a kind.

Poetry… she had always read poetry, but it had been a long time since she had written such a thing.

"Kagome? You okay?"

Kagome didn't spare Sango a glance, for her eyes were locked on the floor, aching to fix themselves on the book of poems again. Her hands itched to grab it, to tear it open, to feast upon it as if it were a banquet. She remembered a time when she hadn't liked poetry. _"Boring and stupid," _she had called it. _"Useless." _

Kagome had always been a fan of stories, but she had found poetry incredibly dull. That is, until her mother had taught her to see the stories in the poems. Until her mother had taught her to see people and plots and characters and emotions behind the pretty words…

Without her knowledge, her hand had lifted toward the book.

"Kagome, what are you doing?" Sango asked hesitantly.

Kagome stared at her hand, snatching it back. "Nothing, sorry," she said, unsure why she wouldn't tell her. She looked at the book again, saw it staring back at her, and again she had to wrench her eyes away. But the more she tried not to think of reading the poems locked inside it, the more she began to think of something even more forbidden.

_Writing _poems.

The feel of a quill in her hand, words flowing from her soul onto textured pages… she missed it terribly.

To distract herself from the sudden yearning in her heart, Kagome turned back to Sango to find the woman frowning slightly at her. "Kagome…" but instead of asking if she was okay, Sango said, "Wasn't there something you wanted to tell me?"

Kagome glanced down in surprise to find some kind of fluffy thing in her hand, realizing that Sango had put it there. Freezing momentarily, Kagome stared at it in horror, only one thought in her mind, which was that she had no idea what it was.

She felt humiliated.

"Uh… yes. Yes, but… is this private enough?" Kagome asked, glancing at the other Maidens.

Sango nodded. "Don't worry about them," she said, beginning to scrub the desk with a sponge. "Just tell me what happened, and start working."

Kagome bit her lip, wishing greatly that she could start working, that she knew how. But there was no one else with a fluffy stick in their hand, and she had no one to mirror, no one to copy.

Her face was red as she said, "Ah… Sango… what is this?"

Sango stared at her, eyes flickering to the object which she held. "You mean… that?" she asked uncertainly. Kagome nodded, and Sango's eyes widened, hardened, her eyebrows knitting together as she said, "Kagome, who…"

Kagome froze, thinking that she really was going to ask, not knowing what she would say. But to her relief and slight guilt, Sango only grimaced, biting down on the question, swallowing it and forcing it down her throat as if it gave her a bad taste in her mouth. "It's a feather duster," she said, smiling very slightly. "Let me show you how to use it."

And she did. Kagome watched, utterly embarrassed, and took the feather duster from Sango afterward, doing the same as she had done. Brushing it along shelves, frames, desks… it wasn't so very difficult, but at the same time, Kagome felt as if there was nothing she was actually dusting, and the whole process seemed extremely pointless.

"Now that you've got the hang of it," Sango said, "Tell me what happened."

There was a pause before Kagome spoke. "Have you ever seen anything… _odd _here?" she asked tentatively, but audibly earnest.

Sango gave her an odd look. "Odd how?"

"Ah… well…" Blushing furiously, barely able to meet Sango's eyes, Kagome said, "Supernatural. Paranormal. Impossible."

_Wonderful. I sound like an idiot._

Now Sango's skepticism was clear on her face when she spoke. But at the same time, her voice held a strange… curiosity. Thoughtfulness. "I couldn't say I've seen anything like that," she said slowly, "But… what did you see?"

_Am I really going to tell her?_

Kagome wondered where to start, and decided to start at the beginning. Figuring that Koharu would tell her anyway, she told Sango about how she had passed through the fence at the spot where Sango herself had once broken the posts, and had not been able to return to the Maidens' side. She confessed that she had went to speak to Inuyasha, that she had been attracting attention, and so she needed to leave… and so she had simply walked out the door into the hallway, run from the guards, and hidden with some other Maidens.

Kagome did not, however, mention the ghost girl, who she still suspected might have been a hallucination.

"Oh," Kagome added as she finished her story. "I forgot—Miroku had a message for you." Sango's eye twitched at that, but Kagome continued, smirking, "He said to tell you that he… erm… still loved you."

Sighing, Sango said, "I don't know what's wrong with that man."

Recalling a less pleasant memory, Kagome muttered, "He touched my butt. I swear, I really wanted to slap him."

Sango gaped at her. "_I'll _slap him, if you want," she said earnestly.

Grinning at her sincerity, Kagome replied, "No, that's fine. He really isn't a bad person… I think. I mean, he's Inuyasha's friend, so he can't be so terrible."

"Not with this again," Sango muttered. "But I don't think your infatuation with your Warrior friend is what we should be talking about now. What did you say about the fence… you passed through it?"

Kagome nodded, shifting in apprehension. "I don't know how I did it, before you ask," she said, continuing to dust along the shelf. "It just… well… it happened."

Sango raised an eyebrow at her, frowning slightly, and Kagome shifted with guilt. "That's not true," she confessed. "Actually… there's something else. When I was leaning on the fence, before I… er… passed through it, I felt something."

"Something? What kind of something?" Sango asked, frowning at her.

"I…" Kagome shook her head, grinning a shocked kind of grin. "It's going to sound insane."

"Try me," Sango said. "You'll be surprised. I've heard about a lot of odd stuff. Go on."

Sighing, Kagome said, "I felt something in the fence. A… presence."

_The Entity, _her mind said, her mind which had already named the force. But thinking that it might sound bizarre if she told Sango that she had actually named the presence, she kept this information to herself.

Sango, to her surprise, was listening intently. Her hand paused in its scrubbing for a moment as she looked Kagome in the eye and said in a suddenly low voice, "What did it feel like?"

_Does she… does she actually believe me? _Kagome thought in disbelief. Beginning to babble from relief, she said quickly, "It was the strangest thing I've ever felt! It was as if… it was sucking me in. It was huge, it was gigantic, it… it…" frowning, she said, "It felt like it was in pain."

Sango gawked at her. After a moment of silence, just when Kagome thought she wouldn't speak, her friend lowered her voice and said, "Don't tell anyone besides me and Koharu about this. Let's drop the subject. We'll talk later."

Kagome, possessed of a sudden dread, nodded.

.x.x.

Kagome followed Sango around for the rest of the day, cleaning with her, cooking with her… watching other Maidens get dragged off by guards, dragged off to the reward cells which Kagome learned were called the _chambers_. In just a few hours, the "chambers" became a thing of dread, a word charred and tainted by fear and sickness. Every time she heard the word she would jump, turn around, make sure that it wasn't her, it wasn't her, it wasn't her…

But even though it wasn't her, every time she saw a Maiden walking away alone, every time she knew what was in that girl's fate, she felt something slice at her heart.

But with the pain came a guilty relief.

Cleaning was hard work, though from what Kagome had seen of Warriors and Laborers, from what she had heard of the mines, it seemed that they had gotten off lucky. She imagined herself being dragged out of the walls of the Cells, herded up the mountains, deep into a mine where she would be choked with smoke and blinded with darkness…

She shuddered.

While she followed Sango around, helping her clean, she learned things about the Cells and its occupants. The Warriors and the Laborers manned the mines, but in addition, the Warriors were something else: _gladiators, _Sango had called them, wrinkling her nose in distaste. Kagome didn't know what a gladiator was, though she did think that she had heard her father, and perhaps a few nobles, talking about them a few times.

"So… Inuyasha and Miroku are gladiators?" Kagome asked, saying the last word tentatively, like one often pronounces an unfamiliar word.

Sango nodded, nose still pinched, eyes filled with disgust and flecks of sadness. "Yes," she said. "Once you've heard so much about the others, it seems like us Maidens get off lucky."

Biting her lip, Kagome nodded reluctantly. "I suppose. Ah… Sango… what exactly do gladiators do?"

"Show-fighters," Sango growled. "For the wealthy bastards who like to watch such things."

Kagome winced at that. She was certain that whatever exactly _show-fighting _meant, whatever about it made Sango hiss in disgust, her father was one of those "wealthy bastards" who had enjoyed it.

_What would she think of me, _Kagome thought sadly, _If she knew who I was?_

With iron certainty and wrenching sorrow, Kagome concluded that Sango would surely hate her.

"In about a week," Sango said, interrupting her thoughts, "There will be another fight. It's usually once a week, a fortnight. Sometimes more often if any nobles come by. So… you'll see it soon enough."

Kagome nodded, wondering exactly what she was in store for.

.x.x.

After several long hours, the Maidens were dismissed, sent back to their dorms. Kagome tried not to collapse against the wall, exhausted; she tried not to pant, to close her eyes and allow her fatigue to wash over her; she tried to be like Sango, stoic and casual and unaffected.

But she wasn't like Sango, and the long hours of work affected her very much.

Kagome leaned against the wall of the dorm a little as she entered, seeking the support. She closed her eyes briefly, taking three seconds to restore her energy, three seconds to rest. Three seconds before she would open her eyes and once again face the world.

One. Two. Three.

Kagome's eyes flew open and found Kagura.

The woman was sitting ramrod straight, shoulders stiff, the position awkward and painful. Her face was masked by a putrid-smelling green paste which Kagome recognized quickly as Tori Root Remedy; it was covered so thickly that Kagome could barely see the skin beneath.

With a chill, she wondered what the bruises looked like.

Koharu sat to Kagura's left, gingerly rubbing some of the green liquid onto Kagura's back. Kagura winced with every touch of Koharu's fingers, but other than that, she gave no reaction. She faced straight forward, face slack but eyes bright with fury.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him," she hissed. "No, _all _of them. Just let them wait."

With a sympathetic moan, Sango fell to her knees beside Kagura, wasting no time in plunging her hands into the bowl of remedy and lathering it onto Kagura's back. Kagome, too, made her way over, wondering if she could help, but she did a double take when she saw Kagura's wounds.

Even the paste couldn't hide the gashes.

It didn't have the magnitude of Sango's scars, but these raw wounds still affected Kagome. She sank slowly to her knees, biting her lip, staring in horror.

Kagura turned around and snarled at her. "Go ahead. Stare. You'll know what it feels like eventually, you little bitch."

"Don't call me a bitch!" Kagome snapped, bristling despite herself. "I didn't mean to stare. I really am sorry, but I don't understand what you have against me."

"Oh, nothing," Kagura said, eyes narrowed to slits. "Other than the fact that you act like a spoiled prick."

"I—I—"

But Kagome had nothing to say to that, and instead of yelling, instead of throwing insults, instead of defending herself, she lowered her head in shame and muttered, "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yeah. Shut up."

With those words, Kagura turned haughtily away. And yet despite the woman's attitude, despite her open dislike of Kagome, Kagome found herself pitying her.

Sango cast a glance at Kagome, seeing her downcast face. "You can help by putting Remedy on her back," she said gently. "Here. Like this."

Kagome couldn't help but wonder how Sango knew she would need a demonstration. _I guess they've learned by now, _Kagome thought wryly. With just the slightest touch of bitterness, she thought, _Next time, they'll think I need help dressing._

But she ignored her thoughts. Instead, she watched Sango dip her hands into the Remedy, slathering it all along one of Kagura's long gashes. Gingerly, Kagome did the same, ignoring the sticky sensation of the poor woman's blood covering her fingers. But even though she was mad at Kagura for treating her so poorly, even though her feelings were hurt… she took no satisfaction from Kagura's stiffening.

_I can't hold a grudge against someone who has to go through all this._

Ten minutes later and they were done, and Kagura was lying on her stomach, glaring venomously at the door. "Just put my fan in my hand," she growled. "They wouldn't even know what hit them!"

"I know, Kagura, I know," Koharu said gently, running her hands through her hair. Kagura seemed too furious to bother pushing her away.

Sango gave Kagura a shrewd look. "You know… that might not be all that bad of an idea," she said. "If we could get your fan back—"

"Don't do it, Sango," Koharu said abruptly, giving her a concerned stare. "It'll never work."

Pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers, swearing under her breath, Sango muttered, "Of course it won't work. We don't even know where the thing _is._"

Suddenly Kagura's eyes lit up. "If we _did, _though," she said, perking her head up, "We could find a way to get it! I know we could!"

Casting a glance Kagura's way, Sango smirked and said, "You and I could do it, I bet. Even if Koharu's afraid."

With a camaraderie which surprised and slightly insulted Kagome, Kagura returned Sango's smirk with a grin.

"Ah… sorry, I don't mean to be stupid, but what is Kagura's fan?" Kagome asked hesitantly.

To her immense relief, the other three didn't seem to find anything odd in this question. Since Kagura seemed to have decided that Kagome was not worth speaking to, Sango answered, saying, "Kagura is a wind demon. She needs to channel her demonic energy through a special object—which happens to be her fan. They took it from her when she was captured, so she's powerless."

"I'm not _powerless_," Kagura said, growling. "I'm just not as powerful as I would be if I had my fan. You know, I bet they didn't burn it—it must be here somewhere. There's no way they would throw away something so valuable."

Kagome looked from Kagura to Sango, and then asked, "So… if we had her fan, we might be able to escape?"

"I could slice all those guards' heads off in one sweep," Kagura bragged.

"Not until you had your fan, though," Koharu reminded her. "And since you don't have it… please don't try to find it. You'll only be whipped again."

A steel glint entered Kagura's eyes as she said, "It's worth it to be whipped for failure if the reward for success is freedom."

Koharu bit her lip, eyes speaking the words which her heart would not let her say.

Abruptly, Sango changed the subject, as if sensing that there was no more use talking about the fan. "Kagome," she said suddenly. "We have to talk now, about what you did with the fence."

Kagome stiffened, eyes shifting to Kagura. "Uh… Sango…"

"Oh, it's okay," Sango said, following her gaze. "I know that Kagura's acting mean, but she's a bitch when she's in pain. It's not her fault—I would trust her with my life."

Smirking dryly, Kagura said, "Glad to hear it. But I don't really care what this little kid has to say."

Kagome bristled at her words, but then Sango said something which distracted her. It wasn't her words, it wasn't their meaning. More so, it was the meaning behind the words, the subtle undercurrent running in between the lines.

"You will."

Kagome raised an eyebrow at her. Koharu, too, had her attention on Sango, but she was frowning. "You know about what happened with the fence? Oh, wait—Kagome, I forgot to ask you! What happened when you left the Square?"

And then, for the first time, Kagura met her eyes with something other than disgust and said in disbelief, "You left the Square?"

And that was how Kagome found herself telling all of them everything that had happened to her… again, with the exception of the ghost girl. By the time she was finished, a range of expressions lit the faces of her audience. Koharu: awe at her escape from the guards. Kagura: surprise and grudging admiration.

Sango…

Sango's face made Kagome stare.

"Er… why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, shifting uncomfortably.

Sango blinked, knocking herself upside the head, making her friends' lips twitch. "Because… because…"

_"Because…?_"

Taking a deep breath, Sango said, "I might have an explanation for why you got through that fence."

Kagome took an intake of breath, leaning forward, begging her with her eyes to continue. But to her disappointment, Sango's explanation was made of seven words which made no sense to Kagome.

"That fence is a Demon Oak fence."

"_What?_"

Kagura seemed just as confused, but Koharu's eyes widened in recognition. Sango lowered her voice, saying, "Before I explain what that means, everyone has to promise that none of this ever leaves this room. I have to stress to you the importance that _nobody else finds out_. Kagome… you especially have to know that."

Blinking, suddenly nervous, Kagome nodded in agreement. What could Sango have to say that was so important, so… dangerous?

Inhaling deeply, Sango looked Kagome in the eye and said, "Tell me honestly. You can trust me. Are you a miko?"

_Miko. _Kagome racked her mind for the term, for some memory, and although she did recall Kaede telling her of mikos, though she did know what they were, the question came so out of the blue and so suddenly that she stared at Sango and said, "What?"

"A miko," Sango said, voice low and quick. "You know… a priestess. Someone with spiritual powers. The female version of a monk."

"I know what a miko is," Kagome said indignantly. "I was just taken aback by your question. Of course I'm not a miko. Wouldn't I have mentioned that?"

She didn't mean to be rude, but her shock made the words slip off of her tongue. And somehow, unfathomably… it was relieving, to hear herself speak so freely. To hear herself speak without fear, without sadness weighing down her words. For that moment, as she gawked at Sango in surprise, she felt, almost, like herself.

It was a feeling she'd missed, a feeling that until now, she had only experienced when with Inuyasha.

Sango quirked her head to the side, frowning in disbelief. "Wait… so… you're not a miko? And what do you mean? Why on Earth would you mention it?"

Stuttering, blushing, Kagome said, "Well… er… why not?"

Three pairs of stunned eyes met hers with rather insulting disbelief.

"Don't look at me like that," Kagome said, pouting. "Just tell me what you mean, please."

Sango, Koharu, and Kagura exchanged a glance. Finally Sango looked Kagome in the eye and said, smiling a little, "Having spiritual powers is the kiss of death here… that is if anyone discovers you. Mikos and monks are threats, disturbances in the balance. A powerful one could… well…" lowering her voice as if the walls might be listening, she said, "Bring down the Cells."

Kagome stared at her, processing this information. "So… what happens if you're caught?"

They all answered at once with two straight forward words.

"You die."

Kagome shuddered.

"And that's the better deal," Kagura muttered. "If they don't execute you, they might ship you off to do demon or barrier patrol. Can you imagine being stuck holding a barrier for years on end, half starved, for the rest of your life? Until your bones wither and your spirit collapses?"

Kagome's eyes were wide, for she could not imagine that. She had never created a barrier, nor had she ever fought a demon… and so these were things she could not imagine.

Nor was she a miko, so they were also things she did not have to worry about.

"Look, I'm not a miko," Kagome said almost apologetically. "I just… I don't know what happened at the fence. But think about it. If I were a miko, don't you think I would have known earlier?"

Sango gave her a long stare and said, "Well… mikos sometimes only realize their abilities when they're in danger. So if you've never been in danger before, never felt stressed or fearful or horribly upset… then you wouldn't have had a reason to use your powers."

Kagome's hands and feet, without her knowledge, had fallen numb.

_Stressed. Fearful. Horribly upset. _She knew these things. She knew death, she knew trauma… but never her own death, never danger to herself.

She didn't know danger. And so… perhaps… perhaps…

_No, _Kagome thought. _It's not possible._

"I'm not a miko," she said firmly. "And besides… what would the fence have to do with me being a miko? Did you say it was made of Demon Oak? What does that mean?"

"Demon Oak is a kind of living wood," Sango explained. "It possesses a demonic aura like a demon, but it's not a normal demon—I think it's one of the most fascinating demons in existence. Demon Oak thrives upon the principle of the _whole_. Whole Demon Oak forests often act like one living organism, one entity."

"The Entity," Kagome said, excitement creeping into her voice. "That was what I felt. I was feeling its mind."

Sango nodded, smiling widely. "Exactly. You're smarter than I gave you credit for." Kagome glared at her for that, but she took no heed, continuing, "The Entity which you talked about was the mind, the soul of the Demon Oak—probably of the entire fence. If that's the case, it must have felt absolutely gigantic."

"I felt like I was sinking in it," Kagome admitted. "Like it was an ocean, an ocean of… of hurt."

Sango grimaced. "That makes sense. Demon Oak absorbs feelings from those around it, so it probably experiences unbelievable suffering here."

They all winced at that, but Kagome pressed on, not wanting to fall into a silence of reflection upon their and the fence's sorrow—not just when she was feeling alive and curious. "But then, how did I know it had been broken?" she inquired. "Koharu said that in the spot I passed through, it had been broken. But I knew it before, it was like… it was like… as soon as I passed through to the other side, suddenly, I knew." Kagome fell quiet for a moment, awed as she said, "It felt like I was passing through the Entity, and while I was there, I learned its secrets… but I only realized once I'd come out."

Sango, Koharu, and Kagura gaped at her.

Kagome was beginning to feel a little alarmed. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she demanded, staring at them, half laughing from exasperation.

It was a moment before anyone spoke, and then Koharu broke the silence, slowly, quietly as if it were a fragile crystal which might shatter at a touch.

"Demon Oak has incredible power for memory," Koharu said softly. "It remembers every wound made to it, every cut, every slice. Its existence depends on multiple dimensions, and its healed wounds exist in dimensions of their own, different dimensions of its existence. Sometimes, some very, very powerful mikos can access those dimensions… and use the holes and wounds and cuts as if they were still there."

Kagome stared at her, the entirety of what they were saying beginning to sink on her. It settled lightly upon her shoulders like snow, but the snow began to fall harder, and she felt it growing up around her feet until she was sinking in it, buried in it, cold and confused and blind…

"But," she said in a small voice, "I'm not a miko."

Sango shook her head. "No," she said slowly, "You're not.

"You're a miko prodigy."

.x.x.

**A/N: MUAHAHAHA! Kagome's a miko after all. Or so Sango thinks… xD Were you guys wondering when that would come up?**

**Sorry for the lack of Inu/Kag in this chapter, but I hope it was interesting all the same! ;P I liked writing it! Any ideas for the identity of the girl in white? (I didn't make it too hard to guess, lol xD)**

**THANK YOU TO ANIMEROXS RIN-SESS AND INU-KAG, LANNAMOO, XBEAUTYXXISXXLIFEX, BEAR LOVER, ALLORA GALE, FEATHERSNOW, I-ROCK-101, DAICHILOVER, IVORYBREATH, AND REGINA LUNARIS FOR REVIEWING! Forgive the caps lock. xD **

**Also, a lot of you have asked whether I write the poems in the beginning of the chapter, and for those who have not asked but wonder, yes, I write them all :). They're little things I take a minute to write right before a post the chapter. They usually can suffice as a kind of introduction—if you pay close attention, they often have something to do with what is to come, in an abstract way. **

**However, they'll have a role later on in the story. You might be able to guess what that role is. If you can, congrats. :D**

**I just noticed- WE BROKE ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS! I have 110 reviews for nine (now ten :D) chapters! You guys are AWESOME! REVIEW! **


	11. Only Words

**Disclaimer: Dang it. I always forget this stupid thing. Which is probably for the best, because every time I remember I don't own Inuyasha I… I… *cries***

.x.x.

Chapter 11- Only Words

* * *

_A will of steel_

_Pierced and cracked_

_By whispered words_

_Will never heal_

_For whispered words_

_Hold the mind_

_In iron strength _

_In darkened faith_

_And wills of steel_

_Which cannot grow_

_May only be_

_Reborn._

* * *

Kagome was exhausted in mind and body, mentally and physically fatigued. She felt as if she could not do so much as lift her eyelids, nor could she form something so complex as a thought… for there were too many other thoughts crowding her mind, all due to what Sango had said.

_You're a miko prodigy._

Even an hour later, they loitered behind her eyelids, taunting her. She couldn't go to sleep, couldn't think, couldn't move… they had her trapped.

_You're a miko prodigy._

Kagome wanted to laugh at herself; why should this "knowledge" bother her? Why should it keep her up at night, while her companions had already drifted off to sleep? There was no reason for it to settle in the pores of her mind, haunt her waking hours like some kind of troublesome poltergeist… there was no reason for her to worry.

Kagome was not a miko, and so she certainly was not a miko prodigy.

.x.x.

"You look terrible," Sango said, frowning at her.

Kagome rubbed crust out of her eyes, pulling herself to a sitting position. "Of course I do," she muttered, fatigue befuddling her thoughts, making them pour from her tongue. "I spent the last eight hours imagining myself being tortured by a _barrier _for the rest of my life."

At the same time that Kagome realized what she had said and reflexively clapped her hands over her mouth for her impropriety, Sango burst out laughing. The small trill made Kagome stare at her, lowering her hands slowly, tense… waiting for Sango to send her to her room, to tell her that a lady did not speak in such a bold manner. But Sango did none of this; instead, Sango kept laughing.

"What do you know?" she said, grinning. "Kagome has a sense of humor."

Like ice to water, Kagome's tension melted.

_Sango was not raised beneath a two story roof. Sango was not wrapped in a shawl, hidden away from the world. Sango has no sense of what they called manners, and she certainly has nowhere to "send" me if she did._

Smiling, Kagome realized, _I can be myself here._

It was a sick irony.

.x.x.

Breakfast, to Kagome's disappointment, was a silent affair.

She dipped her hands into the gruel, standing quietly in the long line of Maidens, kneading it as she had done the day before. No less repulsed but a little more experienced, her hands were steadier, calmer. Sango and Koharu glanced at the food she had prepared, nodding in approval.

The Warriors entered.

Again, despite herself, Kagome looked for Inuyasha. This time, however, it was with less shyness, less hesitance. This time she didn't care if she was caught staring, for she knew with certainty that he, too, would be looking for her.

And he was.

But this time there was no touch of the hands, no brief words exchanged. Under the eyes of the guards, all they might have said suffocated like a flame in water. All they had to enjoy was a small meeting of the eyes, a brief link between them while he held out his bowl, while she served his breakfast with a wooden spoon, both ignoring the stares of their friends.

He moved on down the line, and she to the next Warrior.

Kagome found that with him gone, she could concentrate on the other men… think about them as she had not before, yesterday, when all her thoughts were with Inuyasha.

She could see them as what they were… to her.

Gulping, Kagome ducked her head when the next Warrior approached her, barely looking at him as she poured gruel into his bowl. She wondered if he was looking at her, wondered what he was thinking about… and when she came to this thought, she grimaced in shame. _They are people, _she told herself, assured herself. _Regardless of what they do or have done, regardless of what they look like… they are people._

Suddenly reminded of the words of the guard who had taken her from Inuyasha, on that first day, Kagome thought, _Not animals. _She told herself that she would not think of the Warriors as animals, and yet when once in awhile she felt an unfamiliar stare, she could not help but stiffen.

Breakfast past agonizingly slowly, and by the time the Warriors had left, by the time it was the Maidens' turn to eat, Kagome felt ready to sink to her knees. Never had she felt so relieved when the guards followed the Warriors out the door.

"I thought I was going to suffocate," she said, exhaling, supporting herself by her palms on the table.

Koharu frowned at her, eyes lit with alarm. "You look pale," she said. "You're not going to faint, are you?"

Before Kagome knew it, a hand was on her forehead. Embarrassed, reddening, Kagome pushed it away. "I'm not going to faint!" she assured them, forcing a smile. "I've just been stressed."

_And the Warriors make me nervous. _Closing her eyes, she thought, _I think so lowly of them. I'm no better than the guards._

But considering her situation, how could she think anything else?

Kagome looked at the food which was passed in front of her, grimacing again, repulsed at the idea of eating it. She passed the bowl along, hands reaching to the next bowl, reaching and reaching until all the bowls had stopped.

Time to eat.

She held the bowl by her fingertips, trying to find a way to eat without spilling it all over her hands and face. She glanced at Sango, Koharu, the other Maidens, and saw that none of them seemed to take the care that she did.

Kagome wanted so badly to abandon her care for cleanliness, to plunge her fingers into the bowl of gruel. And yet… somehow… she couldn't.

She held the bowl up to her face with one hand, pinching her nose with the other as she ate. Which, she found, helped.

.x.x.

Just as yesterday, Kagome and Koharu went to the Square.

They sat against one of the stone walls, Kagome directly next to the fence. It took all her willpower not to touch it, not to search the wood for the Entity, not to stand up and walk to the spot through which she had passed. But she didn't touch it, didn't search, didn't move. Instead, with some effort, she sat still and talked to Koharu.

Though the fence wore on her patience, conversation felt relieving.

"Why do the Warriors look so… different?" Kagome asked, again noticing that some of the Warriors stood out… shined with health while others shriveled. "Now that I notice," she said, looking among the women, "It's true of the women, too."

Koharu frowned at her. "You don't know?" Seeming to decide that this did not surprise her, she explained, "It's because they are demons. Some demons look like humans, like Inuyasha, though he's a half demon. Demons nearly always look healthy, no matter what shape they really are in. It's extremely hard to starve a demon."

Kagome nodded, taking this in. Glancing at Inuyasha, blushing a little, she asked, "So that's why Inuyasha is so…"

"Attractive?" Koharu suggested. A smirk adorned her face as she stared at Kagome.

Cheeks crimson, glaring at the ground, Kagome muttered, "It's only an observation."

_And in any case, it's an observation that has no purpose._

Koharu rolled her eyes. Grinning a little, she said, "I'm younger than you, yet you act like the child, here."

And Kagome laughed indignantly at that, playfully rolling her eyes and glaring, not at first realizing that perhaps, Koharu's grin was meant to reassure her… she who was so like a child in the eyes of the other Maidens.

And reassuring children was easy.

Suddenly Kagome felt numb.

Koharu didn't immediately realize that the girl beside her had stiffened, and not until they had fallen into silence for several moments did she glance at her, to see Kagome's face drawn, fists clenched. "…Kagome?"

Sighing a little, Kagome turned to Koharu and demanded, "Am I naïve?"

Koharu stared at her for a brief moment. "What brought this on?"

"I feel like everyone is judging me," Kagome said softly, bringing her knees up to wrap her arms around her legs. Resting her chin on her knees, she confessed, "I know I'm useless, I know I'm different, but… it doesn't make me a child."

_You don't know what I've been through. You can't tell me that I don't know pain._

But then she remembered: of course they didn't know what she had been through, and of course they wouldn't tell her she didn't know pain. They didn't know who she _was. _

Biting her lip, Kagome wondered why she was suddenly so defensive.

A small laugh from Koharu distracted her. "Well," the girl confessed, "You do sometimes act rather odd… and you _are _a bit of a child. But we still like you."

_Would you still like me? _Kagome thought, chilled. _Would you still like me if you knew who I was? _But she didn't ask these questions, for she wasn't sure if she wanted the answers.

"How can you call me a child?" Kagome demanded instead, shaken by her unvoiced fears. "You're obviously younger than me. I hardly think you have the right to degrade me!"

Blinking at the harshness of her words, Koharu said, "I'm sorry if I offended you, but you were the one who brought up the subject."

"Oh." Kagome stared blankly at her hands. "Of course. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

_She thinks I'm naïve. Everyone thinks I'm naïve. My father, Koharu, Sango, Inuyasha…_

At the last name she hazarded a glance to the other side of the Square, searching again for him… to find that, to her surprise, he was looking her way. Jumping a little, they broke the connection simultaneously, Kagome looking back down to her feet.

"Kagome…"

"Please leave me alone," Kagome murmured.

Her eyes were downcast, her body still and slouched as she allowed an uncomfortable silence to wash over them. _Naïve… I hate being naïve…_ But despite herself, despite her own recognition and detestation of her naivety, Kagome's eyes wandered again to Inuyasha… only to find that he was not where he had been just moments ago.

He was much closer, and taking large steps towards her.

Kagome and Koharu gawked at him as he walked right up to them, strides confident and without pause. Neither could look away, and neither could he, not as he walked forward and not when he could walk no farther.

When he was inches away, separated by the fence, Inuyasha slid down to a sitting position, right next to Kagome.

"Hey," he said, stretching his legs out in front of him, glancing at her. "How are you?"

Kagome wasn't quite sure how to respond to this. The entire experience, from her capture to her arrival at the Cells two mornings ago, and to this moment when they were sitting so close, separated by an inch of wood, felt surreal. All of it. Sometimes Kagome would have a moment of doubt, a moment during which, for the briefest second, she would stare at her hands and count to five, wondering whether she was actually dreaming.

She did this now.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five._

But just like all the other times, she didn't wake up, and so she turned to the very real man next to her and smiled.

"A bit of a pointless question," Kagome said wryly, raising an eyebrow. "I didn't take you for the type to ask such things."

In response Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Keh. I'm not. But I didn't take _you _for the type who couldn't read between the lines," he retorted, the slightest smirk creeping upon his face.

Kagome blushed, suddenly feeling foolish, beginning to see what he had meant. He grinned at her, but it was a quick grin which faded just as it had appeared. Craning his head around, he leaned forward, noticing Koharu. "Hi," he said. Looking again at Kagome, Inuyasha asked, "Is she a friend?"

"Yes, I'm a friend," Koharu replied before Kagome could say anything.

Kagome was taken aback by the slight stiffness in her voice, the audible discomfort. Frowning, she spared a moment of her attention for Koharu as she asked hesitantly, "Koharu? What's wrong?"

The girl's face twitched, but other than that tiny motion, her body gave no more answer than her words. "Nothing," she assured Kagome, forcing a smile.

Inuyasha didn't seem to believe her words any more than Kagome did. But instead of giving her a questioning stare, instead of glancing at Kagome to ask her what was wrong with her friend, he looked Koharu in the face and said, "Oi. We're friends here, okay? Let's start over with this: hi, I'm Inuyasha. I already know that you're Koharu. And you don't have to be afraid of me."

Koharu sighed, glancing over at him across Kagome. "I'm not afraid of you," she said, to Kagome and Inuyasha's surprise. "Actually, I rather admire you; Kagome's told me something of you." At this, Kagome blushed, looking down to avoid meeting his eyes. Unaware of her discomfort, Koharu said, "But this aside… I'm not used to talking to a Warrior."

Koharu glanced away, visibly uncomfortable. Frowning at her, Kagome said, "He's not like most of them. It's really okay. We can trust him."

But Koharu did not respond to this; Koharu maintained a stiff silence, perhaps thinking that she would rather bite back her words than risk offense by speaking her thoughts.

"Koharu…" sighing slightly, Kagome turned away from Koharu, back to Inuyasha. "Sorry," she said, apologizing for her friend.

He shrugged. "It's no big deal."

Kagome couldn't help but frown at that statement, wonder what he meant: why was it no big deal, why was he unfazed by Koharu's doubt, what did he not seem surprised? But these were questions which she could not ask… not with Koharu right next to her.

_I know what it's like to be treated as if I'm not there. I won't do that to her._

Quirking an eyebrow, Kagome asked him instead, "Why did you come here?"

Inuyasha replied immediately, "Answers. About yesterday; I'm confused as hell. What happened? How'd you get to our side of the fence?" A slight hesitation, then, "Can you still do it? Again, I mean? _Today?_"

"No, she can't," Koharu said suddenly, aiming a pointed look not at Inuyasha but at Kagome.

Confused, Kagome asked, "What did I do wrong? Are you angry at me?"

A slight smile crept upon her lips as she said, "No. I'm trying to protect you."

"Oi. I'm right here, you know," Inuyasha growled.

Kagome couldn't help but laugh slightly at the sound, the doglike-ness of it. _How does he do that? _She thought, staring at him with an odd glow in her eyes. _People here can do all kinds of things, it seems. _She frowned as she thought the last part, and frowned even deeper as she thought, _I wish I could growl… or do something, anything._

A small voice reminded her, _But you _can _do something. Something very special._

For some reason, being reminded of her "talents" did not comfort Kagome. Instead, it sent a chill down her spine, creeping through her veins until it reached her fingers, her toes, her eyes, her ears.

_No. No, you're wrong… _she argued, not caring that she was only arguing with herself, not caring that the only voice in her head was her own. _No… no, I'm not… I can't…_

_Then are you normal? _The voice hissed. _Boring? Useless? Is that what you would rather be? _

_Kagome?_

"You okay?"

Kagome started, head spinning as she whipped her head back and forth, from Koharu to Inuyasha. Now that their voices had brought her out of her reverie, she could feel her eyes, widened and dazed with something between dread and horror…

"Yeah," she said softly. "I'm fine."

_And I'm not a miko, _she added silently.

Inuyasha was the first to answer, and although he obviously did not believe her, his reply was a flat, "Okay." Giving Kagome a sidelong look and tiny smirk, he said, "I was asking a question, if you want to answer."

Kagome remembered suddenly, remembered his question, remembered the answer which she was determined to deny. She opened her mouth to say she didn't know; it wasn't because she didn't trust him to keep her secret. Though Sango had stressed to Kagome that her talents must remain hidden, Kagome trusted Inuyasha. He would never betray her, never turn her in… never be responsible for her endless torment, lifelong torture… he was a friend, and although Kagome's trust was blind, it was also with all her heart at its back.

But still, Kagome didn't tell him that she was a miko—not because she feared betrayal, but because she refused to lie.

"I don't know," she said, pulling up a blade of grass.

Koharu's tiny approving smile made her feel even worse than before.

When Inuyasha's eyes narrowed and the smirk disappeared, replaced by a tiny frown, Kagome knew that he didn't believe her. "Bullshit," he growled. "Why are you lying to me?"

She could see confusion in his eyes, frustration… frustration which she matched. "I'm not lying!" Kagome cried, glaring at him. "I wouldn't lie to you! I trust you!"

"Then why won't you tell me the truth?"

"Because—"

"Because it's none of your business," Koharu muttered, voice trembling as she glared at Inuyasha. "Please, if you're our friend, then for all our sakes, don't push her!"

Inuyasha stared at Kagome as she finished feebly, "Because there's nothing to tell."

These words were followed by a short, dead silence.

"Doesn't seem like there's nothing to tell," Inuyasha said. Frowning at her, at Koharu, he pointed out, "You can't blame me for wanting to know how a human girl could walk through solid wood. So either tell me the truth…" he looked away, not meeting their eyes as he said, "Or tell me that you don't trust me and I should fuck off."

Kagome found herself growing angry. "You have no right to plant words in my mouth," she said, glaring at him. "Either believe me or don't. It's your choice. But I _am _telling the truth when I say that there is _nothing to tell!_"

Maybe it was the intensity surging through her words, maybe it was the hysteria bubbling behind them, but for whatever reason, Inuyasha and Koharu fell silent.

"Kagome," Koharu said softly, "We need to talk."

Inuyasha looked Kagome straight in the eye as he said, "I believe that you believe what you're saying… but Koharu's words say otherwise." When he noticed the hurt in her eyes, his own eyes softened. "I'm just trying to help," he muttered, looking away again. "If you don't want my help, then… fine. But don't lie."

And although Kagome could not see his eyes, she knew instinctively that if she _could, _she would find only sincerity. And this thought… and the slight guilt which it caused… made her make her decision.

"Koharu is deluded," Kagome said unthinkingly. But it was too late to stop now, too late to worry about others' feelings. Now there was only one goal in mind: to put an end to this _miko _nonsense, once and for all. "Koharu," Kagome said, inhaling, "Thinks that I am a—"

"_KAGOME! WE NEED TO TALK!"_

And then Kagome found herself being dragged away by the younger girl, who, surprisingly, appeared more than capable of overpowering her. Inuyasha's protests were forgotten, even as he grabbed at the bars which held him away, calling for Kagome, for Koharu. But Koharu dragged Kagome to the other side of the Square, too far for Inuyasha to hear… and Kagome could do nothing but go with her, leaving Inuyasha alone and extremely frustrated.

She turned around to glare at Koharu, wrenching her hands away. "Let go of me! Stop it! What are you doing?"

"Stopping you from being an idiot," Koharu growled. "I can't believe you were actually about to _tell _him!"

Kagome folded her arms across her chest, trying very hard not to pout as she looked away from Koharu and said, "There is no harm in denouncing an untruth."

To Kagome's annoyance, Koharu sighed.

"We need to set this straight right now," she said, looking Kagome in the eye. "Whatever you may think… you are a miko. A novice miko, an untrained miko, but still a miko, and a miko with extraordinary talent. Face it and live it."

Something about those last five words made Kagome groan, her back hitting the stone with a heavy thud. She ran her hands through her hair, trying to cover her face, but it didn't provide the relief she had imagined it would. It made her feel childish, futile, fake. So she removed her hands slowly, watching them shake, briefly fascinated by her trembling fingers.

"That's what I've been trying to do," Kagome whispered brokenly. "All this time, that's all I've been trying to do. But… I can't."

Koharu wrapped her arms around her, hugging her gently, and it reminded Kagome of yesterday. _But I'm not running away now, _Kagome thought. _I know I can't run away…_

"I know," Koharu said warmly. "Nobody's asking you to accept anything. But… you can't hide from it. You can only face it, and once you've faced it, seen it, you can _choose _how to live it."

"I thought you said I didn't have choices," Kagome muttered, unwilling to forgive her completely.

With a sad smile, Koharu said, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I was just trying to… well… to get you to…"

"Face it and live it?" Kagome asked wryly.

Her friend bit back a smile. "Yes, I suppose so." He face turned serious as she said, " I learned _face it and live it _from Sango. That was how we made our choices… how we dealt with it. It's time for you to face it, too."

Kagome sighed, separating herself from Koharu, leaning back against the wall and closing her eyes. "I'm not a miko," she muttered. "I'm _not _a miko."

"I don't see what you have against the idea," Koharu said, frowning. "Well… other than the likelihood of death…" laughing nervously, she added hastily, "But still, I would think that as long as nobody finds out… it would be interesting to be a miko. Why don't you want to have spiritual power?"

And then Kagome opened her eyes, burning with a new, sudden fire. "I do!" she confessed. "More than anything, I do! You don't know what it's like… to be here…" grinning ruefully, she amended, "Well, I suppose you do know. But what I meant to say was—well—all of you seem so interesting, so capable. And I… I want to be like that, too. I'm pathetic, Koharu. I can't even _cook._" To herself, but loud enough for Koharu to hear, she murmured, "You don't understand. You don't even know _why_."

She wasn't quite sure what had made her say the last part, what had driven her to think aloud. But somehow, she couldn't help herself; she found that it helped to say the words, to release her frustration into the open sky, to watch it sail up above the stone walls and escape the prison which she could not.

Sighing, smiling very slightly, Kagome said, "It might make up for it all, a little, if I were a miko."

Koharu gave her a calculating look. "So," she said slowly, a smiling a disbelieving smile, "After all this, you _want _to be a miko?"

"Well… yes and no. Of course I'd like to learn about my powers, to be able to do all the things I've heard about, but I don't like the idea of holding up a barrier for the rest of my life," she said wryly.

_But maybe… the risk would be worth it, _Kagome thought, _If it would help me escape… help me help _everyone _escape…_

She remembered Sango's words:

_"A powerful one could bring down the Cells."_

_ But that's not me, _Kagome thought, filled with a sudden sadness. _I'm not a leader, nor a powerful miko… I couldn't do that…_

"I don't think anyone would," Koharu said, laughing a little, oblivious to Kagome's inner turmoil. "But if you would believe us when we said that you are a miko—and if you would _cooperate_—it might help us protect you."

Kagome grinned ruefully as she said, "Cooperating has never been my forte."

It was truer than Koharu knew.

The laughter vanished as Koharu said, "You're a miko whether you like it or not. You'll just have to accept that. But…" Kagome could see the wheels in her head turning as she said hurriedly, "If we do this right, it'll work. We can protect you as long as you protect yourself—_help _us protect you! First… no going through the fence anymore. Well, I guess that's obvious. But also… you can't use your powers. Not where others can see you, at least. You have to understand that when I say this, it's for your own good: _nobody _can know about you besides me, Sango, and Kagura. Understand?"

Kagome grimaced at her. "I wouldn't suppose that you forgot to include Inuyasha."

Koharu sighed, blinking slowly before looking at Kagome again. "No, I didn't forget. You can't tell him, Kagome; I know you think you can trust him, but I really don't think we know him well enough and—"

"_I _know him well enough!" Kagome interrupted. "I've spoken to him more than any of you have! We can trust him. And if I'm wrong, then I'll accept all the consequences."

"Yes," Koharu said gravely, "You will."

The solemnity in her voice made Kagome pale.

"Please," Koharu begged, "Don't tell him. We can't make mistakes. Just… just listen to us, and no harm will come to you. I promise."

Throat dry, eyes raw and unblinking, fingers numb… Kagome felt almost like a corpse. And it was a hollow laugh which she laughed, a doubtful grin which she grinned as she asked, voice trembling only the slightest bit, "How can you promise something like that?"

"I can't," Koharu whispered. "But it feels better to say it. It makes you feel like words still mean something."

And slowly, slower than it should have, Koharu's soft voice faded… leaving Kagome alone in the silence, with only the girl's empty smile and the memory of her haunting words for company.

.x.x.

**A/N: Sorry if this seemed like a filler chapter. Was it boring? I hope not. Please tell me.**

**Anyway, thank you to Regina lunaris, xbeautyxxisxxlifex, feathersnow, lannamoo, Inu'sgirl4ever, Allora Gale, Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag, caeanne, i-rock-101, purduepup, Elven Mermaid, Daichilover, Tomatosoup inc., and HyperFoxChild for reviewing! **

**Now I'd like to address some stuff: first, relationships. One of the main themes of this story is love, so do not fear, there WILL be romance xP. However… the purpose of this story is not to provide you guys with meaningless fluff in every other sentence xD. (But don't worry, fluff will come! I love it just as much as you guys do. :D) Besides love, there are other themes, particularly revolving around Kagome and the changes she's going to experience within herself. I think that this theme, and these details, are vital to her character. Agree? Disagree?**

**Also: plots. One of my main mistakes in LWC, for those of you who are reading it, is that my ideas were scattered. I would forget about subplots and stuff, catching it up much later, or leaving it hanging entirely. I'm going to try NOT to do that in this story. So, if I ever go awhile without mentioning one of the other details in the story (i.e. the ghost girl (whose identity you guys were correct about :D), or other characters like Kouga) please let me know! I think I'm going to be more organized this time, but help from you guys won't hurt :D.**

**Thank you so much for reading, everyone! And please review! Yes, click that button! I love it oh-so-much! **


	12. Silent Screams

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**A/N: This chapter contains some content about religion, beliefs, etc. I will NOT tolerate flames about the references to atheism, faith, or anything of the like. I don't intend to offend anybody and I am not at all trying to convert anybody, so I'm sorry if someone takes it the wrong way, but please try to be open-minded. I have better things to do than listen to somebody preach to me.**

**.x.x.**

Chapter 12- Silent Screams

.x.x.

_I remember when I could speak_

_When my song_

_Was bright and loud_

_I remember when I was heard_

_When ears listened_

_To my calls_

_When I could speak_

_My song was beautiful_

_My song was mine _

_And me_

_But ears deafened _

_And my song_

_Was lost. _

.x.x.

Kagome felt like she was suffocating.

She couldn't recall ever feeling so suppressed, so frustrated, so desperate, as while she stood in the Square with Koharu. It wasn't heartbreak, it wasn't agony. It was fear, desperation, helplessness.

Longing.

She remained in the Square for the last hour they had, talking to Koharu, trying to keep her mind off of Inuyasha. Koharu had made it very clear that he was forbidden, out of bounds. Not that Kagome intended to listen to this order. _If I can disobey the King of the North, _Kagome thought, _I can certainly disobey Koharu._

But deep inside, she knew the difference between her father and Koharu… and it wasn't their stature. Her father was the King, the leader, and as she'd recently learned, the tyrant. More than anything else, more than being her father, the man was a ruler and a stranger.

Koharu was her companion… and Kagome knew that regardless of their disagreements, she was only looking out for her welfare.

_But that doesn't mean I have to listen._

She knew that Koharu didn't understand her need to see Inuyasha, to talk him, to hear his voice and know that he was there… thinking about her. Kagome herself didn't quite understand this need—all she knew that it was there, inexplicable, unfathomable, and utterly undefeatable. The need was an aching, a hunger, a yearning set so deep within her mind that Kagome doubted it could ever be satiated.

The need was dangerous.

Koharu was frightened of Inuyasha, this she understood—perhaps not of the man himself, but of the misfortune he could cause. _But she's wrong, _Kagome thought vehemently. _He would never betray us._

She knew this with all her heart and soul, she knew it with her racing breath and clenched fists… and yet despite her certainty, she couldn't help but wonder if she was wrong.

Kagome glanced toward the fence again, resolving to go talk to him regardless of what Koharu might say… only to find that he was not where he had been when they had left him. Instead of having waited for her to come back, instead of watching her, perhaps thinking about her, Inuyasha was back at the other side of the Square… talking to Miroku, his back to her… not turning around even once to spare her a glance.

Was it unreasonable of her to feel a twinge of hurt?

_Selfish, selfish, _Kagome chided. _He doesn't belong to you. Why should he wait for you to come back? What motive would he have to sit beside an unforgiving fence… waiting for a girl who left him alone?_

But despite these self accusations, she couldn't help but tell herself it was not her fault. _She _had not chosen to leave him. _She _had been dragged away by Koharu, whom she had quickly learned was a lot stronger than her, despite her age.

If it had been left up to Kagome, she would have sat there talking to him for hours, days, years. Therefore… it was not her fault that she had left him by the fence.

_But does he know that? _She thought softly, watching him on the other side of the fence, so far away… too far. _Should I tell him? Explain?_

_ Maybe… should I…?_

Suddenly, although it was many yards away, the fence began to draw closer, filling up her vision. Everything else vanished: Koharu, the grass, the Maidens… there was just the fence. Sitting.

_ Waiting._

Kagome shook her head roughly, dispelling her wistful longing.

.x.x.

The days passed.

Kagome fell into a routine. Mornings were the same every day: quiet, humming with a living tension which thrived upon Kagome's nervousness. Her hands would be steady as she served breakfast, but inside, she would be shaking, itching to jump out of her skin, to run, to fly, to scream. To do _something… _something besides nothing. Every morning she felt herself sinking within herself, felt her mind slipping away, felt her hands and feet falling into a predictable pattern… a pattern of thoughtlessness, of monotony.

She hated this feeling.

The only outlet she had for her restlessness, during the mornings, was Inuyasha: a brief meeting of the eyes, a short touch of the hands, a smirk. It might not seem like much, it might seem like a joy broadened by desperation, but to Kagome, it was everything. Those moments, when he would look at her and she would look at him, and they would know that they shared something forbidden, kept her alive on those silent mornings.

They helped her make it to the Square, and the Square, though a source of great frustration, was also a symbol of peace.

The frustration came from the fence, from Inuyasha, from Koharu. Every day Kagome would enter the Square with Koharu, and while she talked to her, while they forced laughs or smiles, grimaced or frowned, part of her would be watching the fence. Always, that part of her would keep its eyes on the man who, somehow, captivated her.

The man she barely spoke to.

Kagome had barely spoken to him since the day when Koharu dragged her away from him; not because she was afraid of speaking to him, but because she hadn't found the time. Breakfast was not an opportunity to socialize, and neither, it seemed, was the Square… at least, not while Koharu was there. Koharu created a tension, Kagome had learned; a tension which Kagome found most stressful. It was impossible to talk to him, to _really _talk to him, when she was right there next to them, casting small, disapproving glances Kagome's way every other minute.

This part of Koharu, the part which stuck so obstinately to the rules, irritated Kagome. _But I've never been one to stick to the rules, _Kagome thought, frowning, _So perhaps I'm being judgmental. _

But judgmental or not, the fact remained that Koharu was becoming just as potent as the fence in separating her from Inuyasha… which, Kagome was beginning to think, might be one of Koharu's goals.

But still: Koharu was a friend, and Kagome valued her caring far too much to toss her away.

_She's just trying to look out for me. She's just trying to do what's best._

But part of Kagome was tired of people trying to make decisions for her.

.x.x.

Their days in the Square ended, and their new shift began. At first Kagome wasn't sure how to react: those mornings in the Square after breakfast were her time of reflection, of peace. They were the moments which kept her sane, and also the moments which drove her nearly _in_sane with frustration, for these were the moments when she could nearly smell freedom, nearly feel it on her fingertips, hear it whispering in her ears.

These were the moments when she could do what she so loved to do: _think. _And without them, Kagome feared she might lose herself to the despair which sometimes threatened to suffocate her.

But leaving the Square, beginning a cleaning shift, had its advantages: the main one being that they could meet with Sango, once again becoming a threesome, a whole… a whole into which Kagome knew she was being quickly accepted.

Kagome had never been part of a whole before, and although it gratified her to know that they cared about her, it also instilled a small, nagging concern, a fear which pricked the back of her mind, pervaded her spirit when she let down her guard.

A fear which she couldn't abolish, no matter how she tried.

The fear of being discovered.

How would Koharu and Sango react if they knew who she was? What would Inuyasha, whom she barely saw in person anymore and yet saw constantly in her thoughts, think of her if he knew the truth?

And after spending night after night mulling over these questions, Kagome came to the dreaded conclusion.

They would hate her.

It wouldn't be their fault; the hatred would be innate, out of their control, something which would exist perhaps even if they didn't notice it. For how could they _not _hate her? How could they not hate a girl fed rice out of gold-rimmed, porcelain bowls, how could they not hate a girl created partially by the man who was in a way responsible for their poverty?

It wouldn't matter that she was Kagome. If they knew the truth, she would only ever be Princess Higurashi.

Kagome sometimes cried to sleep at nights. Dreams of her smiling mother morphed into nightmares: a stern, unsmiling man shaking his head in disappointment, turning her away. _You are not my daughter, not my daughter, not my daughter. _And she would say, _You are not my father, not my father, not my father. _

And he would tell her that it was the truth, and he would push her away, and she would stumble through the darkness, searching and searching for something she could never see… she was blind, begging for crumbs of bread, begging for something which might help her regain her sight… and nobody would listen. Sango, Koharu, Inuyasha, Miroku, sometimes all at once, sometimes just a faceless name, they would turn her away.

_You are not our friend, not our friend, not our friend._

_ You are not my daughter, not my daughter, not my daughter._

_ You are nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing…_

And Kagome would wake up, panting, broken out into a sweat, with only one thought in her mind.

The truth, which was that she belonged nowhere.

In her waking hours, her friends were a source of comfort, the small candles which lit her way down a dark and narrow path, allowing her to see. But they were unreliable, these candles… their lights, without warning or mercy, could be snuffed by unseen forces, leaving Kagome lost.

This, too, was a nightmare of hers. For she knew that by candlelight, she could never make her way through the dark.

She wouldn't survive.

Kagome found herself doing something she hadn't done in a long time, hadn't done since her mother's death: praying. She'd been raised a religious girl, following the hymns and the blessings and the commands and all that her upbringing had impressed upon her. It had comforted her, when she was a child, to think that there was a divine force overseeing the scheme of things… to think that there was something, someone watching over her, over everyone. Her father had never been one to encourage direct prayer, but her mother had told her that she should pray as she saw fit. Think of God as her friend, her companion, her guide through the narrow, winding path of life. He lit the candles which showed her the way, He kept them burning to help her through.

That was what everyone had said, and Kagome only knew what she was told… which was that they would never dim, those candles, as long as she had faith.

When Kagome's mother died, the candlelight died with her.

Why, Kagome had asked herself, should the divine scheme of things take away the one she loved most in the entire world? Why, she had demanded, did an all-powerful spirit—one which never spoke to her, never comforted her, never did anything for her except give her an _idea _of hope—have the right to break her heart?

That was when she had decided that He _didn't _have the right… and that she didn't owe Him anything.

From then on, Kagome lit her own candles.

She began to feel in control of her own life, in control of her own power and her own path. Fearful, she had been at first, walking through the dark… but fear quickly turned to excitement. Lighting those candles, guiding her own way, had sent a surge of exhilaration through her… an exhilaration which she had craved, which she learned she had _always _craved.

Path by path, she'd made her choices, until finally she made the biggest choice of her life… the one which brought her here.

This thought, pressing forth upon her, demanding to emerge into the light, was what had Kagome kneeling on the grass during her first Break since their shift had changed… also the first Break when it was just her. No Koharu. No Sango.

Just Kagome, on her knees beside the fence, head bowed, eyes closed.

Chewing her lip.

Trying to pray.

Utterly ashamed.

"This is ridiculous," she said softly, not opening her eyes, not daring to move.

Praying… it made her feel weak, vulnerable, useless, naïve. It was the resort of the desperate—not of those of devout faith, like her nanny had told her, but of those _without _faith… without faith in themselves. And Kagome had always had faith in herself, always had faith in her decisions, her intelligence.

But now… now she had nowhere to turn, for she felt that she had betrayed herself.

_It's my fault. It's my fault that I'm here._

Where would she be now, if she had listened to her father, if she had married Hojo? Sitting with the general somewhere, in a stiff dress, face blank. Back straight, tea in hand, face white with powder… not grey with grime. She would be safe, just like her father had wanted her to be.

She would also be dying inside, as opposed to here, where she was _literally _dying.

Kagome clasped her hands together, closed her eyes tightly, held back tears, and prayed.

_I'm sorry, _she thought. She felt stupid, juvenile. _I don't know what to say. What to ask for. _Smiling slightly, a sad, broken smile, she asked, _Can you even hear me? Are you even there? Do you know who I am?_

But would a God listen to a girl who questioned His existence?

Kagome shook her head, biting her lip. _I need help. Please. Anything. _

She could see it all in her mind's eye: Koharu… returning late at night, only Kagome awake. Bruises on her neck and arms. Sitting in the bath, glassy-eyed, unaware that two wide, teary eyes were staring at her all the while.

Sango. Punched in the face by a guard whom she had sneered at.

All these futures… these terrible, dismal futures… these futures which Kagome didn't want a part of, and yet which she knew she _was _a part of…

Kagome didn't think she could take her friends' suffering much longer… and she was sure that when she joined them, when she was faced with the choice and made it, when she chose which dark, unlit path to follow… it would destroy her.

"Send me a sign," she whispered. "Please. _Anything._"

"What are you doing?"

The voice made Kagome jump, nearly hitting her head on the fence. Her head whipped upwards—to find Inuyasha, face inches away from hers, nose hidden from view by a beam of wood.

Kagome's breath caught.

"Uh, hi," she said, too stunned to think of anything else. Her eyes were wide, her face warming up… she could feel it coming on, those easy blushes which she so detested. The blushes which could never be suppressed, no matter how she tried to hide them.

Her cheeks reddened, and inwardly, she groaned.

Inuyasha's eyes widened slightly when he noticed her pink cheeks, and he felt the urge to blush, too, but of course he didn't. _Blushing _was not something for a man to do… and Inuyasha would rather dig out his own eyeballs than blush in front of Kagome.

So instead he dropped to the ground in front of her, cross-legged, eyebrows raised. "'_Uh, hi?_'" he said skeptically. She blushed deeper. He rolled his eyes, smirking briefly before frowning at her and saying again, a touch of dubiousness mixing with the confusion, "What the hell are you doing on the ground?"

She bit her lip, and because she couldn't resist, because it let a tiny smile creep upon her lips, because it would delay her answer, she teased, "You could ask nicely."

He gawked at her.

Kagome sighed, fidgeting. She knew he wouldn't understand why she was doing it… why she _needed _to, even if she herself didn't know why it felt so necessary. She wasn't sure how she knew this, but she knew it instinctively: he wouldn't understand. He would judge her, he would think she was a fool…

_But doesn't he already think I'm a fool?_

This thought depressed her enough to say so quietly she could barely hear her own words, "Praying."

His eyebrows arched skyward.

"Why the hell are you doing that?" Inuyasha demanded, as if the very idea were shocking.

_Because I'm stupid. Because I'm weak. Because I'm trapped. _"B-because I want to!" she said immediately, glaring, biting the inside of her cheek. He didn't understand. _Of course he doesn't understand, _she thought, chagrined. _I _knew _he wouldn't understand._

And yet to hear his harsh words, to see his eyes ridicule her, made it seem so much worse.

She shook her head minutely, whispering, "You don't understand. This… this is why I waited till I was alone to do this."

He seemed to understand that by _alone _she meant not in the presence of any of her friends… and that she hadn't realized that he was here. But still, he found himself retorting anyway, found the words spilling out before he could think about him… found himself doing what he always did, every single time, which was put his foot in his mouth.

"Obviously," he growled, "You're not alone."

Kagome winced… not so much because of his words as because of the undertone. The tone which said, _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

But what she didn't know was that he wasn't calling _her _stupid so much as _himself._

She found herself biting back, doing the thing she least wanted to do: snap at him. "I'm not asking you to understand," Kagome said bitingly, no longer meeting his eyes, unable to hold their golden glare. _They're beautiful, _she thought. _So, so beautiful, so intelligent, so alive… and they think that I'm stupid. _"If you're here to criticize me, please go away."

_Please don't go away. Please stay here. Please tell me you understand… please try to understand…_

This was the plea she made in her head, the plea which her soul cried and her words refused to reveal. But maybe Inuyasha could sense it, the plea, the sorrow, the hurt… for his glare softened and he looked away, saying the only words which could have made her look at him again.

"I'm not here to criticize you. I… I'm sorry."

And without regard to her will, without regard to her wishes, her body obeyed her heart and her eyes turned to his… catching his averted gaze, drawing it slowly back to her.

"Look, Kagome… I miss talking to you," he said in a rush, as if trying to get the words out before he could change his mind, retreat, run away.

She smiled: a real smile, a genuine smile, a smile without inhibitions. "Me, too," she confessed. "It feels like it's been forever. Now that you're here, I don't want to fight."

Her eyes said what her words didn't.

He nodded, grinning. "Good."

A pause, a nervous pause running with hope, with tension, with questions. She took the time, during this pause, to analyze his face, taking in his straight, slightly curved nose, his defined jaw, his glowing, golden eyes, shining silver bangs which fell in a disarray across his forehead. Kagome found her hand twitching, longing to touch it… to touch that hair, that cheek, that brow, those ears…

Reddening slightly, she demanded of herself to stop, to check herself, to regain control. Why would she think these things? Why would she think such improper things about a man she barely knew?

And yet she knew why.

_I've only know him for a few days; I don't know his past, his family, not even his last name. And yet… I know him better than I've known any other man before in my life._

What had she spoken about when she had talked to Hojo, danced with Suikotsu? The War? Landscaping? Health, influenza? Fashion trends, business transactions, upcoming parties and teas? Trivial things, boring things… the superficiality of it all had always aggravated her.

But Inuyasha… Inuyasha was different.

It was with a small sense of awe that she realized, _He is the first man I have ever truly known. It's no wonder why I… why I already…_

But she was new to this, to this part of life, this part of living which she'd always longed for, always waited for… which she hadn't exactly imagined to happen like _this. _And so although a part of her knew her feelings, accepted them, the other part blocked them out, kept them hidden in a vault deep within her mind… a vault only to be opened when she was ready.

Kagome had been so deep in thought that when he spoke again, she nearly flinched, wrenched out of her reverie. He quirked his head, eyes openly curious as he muttered, "So… I'm not ridiculing you, you know. I just want to understand. Why were you praying?"

She pulled up a blade of grass. Another. She'd noticed this about herself, this nervous habit. One by one, the grass died, becoming an outlet for her confusion, her doubts which she did not reveal on her face.

"I don't know."

Another blade.

He grimaced at her. "What do you mean?"

She sighed, frowning slightly, folding her hands in her lap. "Are you really interested?" Kagome asked suspiciously, not entirely sure why she was suspicious.

Inuyasha glared. "Of course I'm interested. If I wasn't, why would I _ask?_"

But despite his harshness, a grin crept upon her face as she said, "Sorry. I don't know why I said that."

And he was confused at her words, at how her grin did not match them. She, however, knew exactly what spawned the grin: relief. And she also knew that her words were a lie.

_I was comparing him to them, _she realized. _The ones in my old life… who would ask, ask anything, even if they didn't care… just to be polite…_

But Inuyasha wasn't interested in being polite, and that was one of the reasons she trusted him. And suddenly she was overcome by it all, by everything, by his honesty and her revelation… suddenly she found herself smiling brightly. "Thank you," she found herself saying. Again and again. "Thank you. Thank you."

_For being here. For keeping me sane. Thank you. Thank you so much._

He reddened briefly and then made a noise which elicited a giggle from Kagome. "Keh. What are you thanking me about?"

When he realized she wasn't answering, and also that she was, somehow, _laughing, _he frowned and asked, "And why are you laughing?"

"You said _keh_," she explained. Or perhaps chose. What were the other reasons, after all? Just to laugh, to know she still could, when she felt that day by day, her ability to laugh was slipping through her fingertips? Giddiness, from his presence, his proximity…?

But he didn't notice these other answers, for he growled, "I know that."

And she smiled at him… effectively wiping away all his frustration, leaving him only with a sigh and two questions, one of which was for him, one for her… which he asked.

"Does praying help you?"

His voice was oddly quiet as he said that, eyes serious, face sincere. Her smile was wiped off her face as she pondered his question… and the answer, the answer which she wasn't sure she wanted to find.

Kagome shrugged, saying evasively, "Why shouldn't it?"

"I don't know. A lot of people pray. You don't see it too often around here, though… and honestly, I don't get the point."

Her eyes snapped up to meet his, frowning as she asked, "What do you mean, you don't get the point?"

It wasn't that she criticized his confusion. It wasn't that she couldn't understand it. Rather, it filled her with a nervous excitement, a small, small hope… a hope that maybe he shared her questions, her doubt.

Inuyasha replied flatly, "I don't get the point of talking to some spirit that never talks back."

Kagome's breath caught.

"Really?" she whispered, eyes wide, trying desperately to tell him how much that meant to her… if it were true. How much she _needed _it to be true.

_How can you say that so openly? _She wondered, staring at him. _How can you announce your lack of faith where anyone could hear…?_

She could never have said something like that at home. Never have dared even _mention _such a blasphemous idea, such an impossible notion… even Kagome had known better than to admit her lack of faith. Even here, she couldn't quite bring herself to tell the truth: that she wasn't praying because she expected or wanted an answer.

His eyes narrowed as he scrutinized her, trying to fish out the truth which she was afraid to say… that she only said in her head, spoken by a tiny, faint voice which saw beyond the fear and straight to the core of her heart.

_You don't believe you'll get a sign. You just want to return to the time when you _would _have believed it._

But it was a time long gone… a time of a child whom Kagome had left behind, a past life she could not recover.

_Do you understand? _She asked mentally, staring at Inuyasha, willing him to speak. _Do you know my fear?_

"Yeah," he muttered, and for a second she thought he was replying to her thoughts. But he wasn't, and he only said, "Yeah. Really."

Kagome closed her eyes, overwhelmed simultaneously by disappointment and elation. "How can you say that so openly?" she asked. "Wouldn't people disapprove?"

He rolled his eyes a little at that, casting her a small, wry smirk. "It's not like anyone can sentence you to anything much worse than the Cells."

Kagome smirked a smirk of her own. "I suppose that's true."

"I wanted to know something," he said suddenly, his smirk gone. Repressing his nervousness, he asked, "You agree with me, don't you? About the praying thing? You don't believe in it either."

The natural response would have been an indignant rebuke, a nauseating self-righteousness which would have triggered Kagome's gag reflex. That was the ingrained response, the safe response… the response which would always guarantee one's safety in the minefield which is the world of faith. For in the world of faith, take one wrong step and you land on a bomb… a bomb which will obliterate you, destroying your life and tainting the lives of anyone connected with you.

But this time, Kagome didn't follow the safe route. This time, she stepped right into the minefield and risked destruction by admitting something for the first time, something which she had never admitted to _anyone._

"No," she whispered, unsure why she wasn't afraid. "I don't."

Inuyasha smiled. "Didn't think so. But if you don't believe in it, why are you bothering to pretend that you do?"

_Because you wish you believed in it. Because you're a coward._

"Because I'm afraid," she said softly. "And I can't think of anything else to do."

Her words rang true in their ears, truer and deeper than anything she could recall saying since her arrival. Her words spoke of an ancient pain, a deep-rooted doubt in herself and the world which until this moment, she had never allowed to touch the surface.

Inuyasha grimaced a little, twisting a blade of grass between two fingers. "Look," he muttered, "I'm terrible at comforting people."

Kagome surprised him by laughing at that. Weakly, yes, but still a laugh. Still a smile, still a lurch of the heart. "You're wrong about that, you know," she confessed. "When we first met… I felt like I was going to die. I was confused, afraid, broken… you really saved me. Just by talking to me, you saved me."

He frowned at her. "You're not one to hold things back, are you?"

She bit her lip, wishing that were true, wishing he was right. Offering him a forced grin, she said, "I'm not sure about that, but… I felt I needed to say what I said. I've been thinking about it ever since the first day, when we met… how I never really thanked you."

"Good to know I'm appreciated," he said wryly.

Almost unconsciously, he leaned forward, his hair nearly brushing against the fence posts. Kagome, too, felt herself leaning in, until their foreheads nearly touched, until she was brimming with the overwhelming desire to press her head to the fence… to sink through it, into his arms. And for a moment she dreamed, dreamed of discovering a second hole in the fence, of flying through it, of falling into his warm embrace and drifting away to sleep…

She felt a sharp pain in her temples and realized that she had actually knocked her head into the fence.

_Stupid, _she thought softly, pulling herself away, embarrassed. _What on Earth made you do that…?_

He raised his eyebrows at her, and she reddened. "Sorry! I… uh… didn't mean to do that," she said, laughing abashedly.

"It's okay," he said, grinning. "It was pretty funny. I don't usually think things are funny, so… I'll forgive it."

They shared a smile, but somehow, this smile felt more intimate than any other they had shared. Somehow, as they looked into each other's eyes, they felt as if they were falling into the depths of the other's soul… swimming through their secrets, their fears, their hopes, their dreams… a sea of emotion and pure _life _which might drown them…

Shaken, they broke the connection, equally unnerved.

Kagome's heart raced as she stared at the post in front of his right eye… focusing on the wood, the fence, the stick. Not on him, just an inch behind it. Not on the eye blocked from view, not on the other, unfocused, trained on something just above her head. Kagome had the urge to turn around, to see what he was looking at, but she knew that she would find nothing.

"I…"

But what could she say? What could she say to explain the rapid beating of her heart, the sudden catching of her breath, the haze clouding her eyes? What could she say to excuse them both for some phenomenon she could not even name?

_Did he feel it, too?_

She asked the question because she needed to, because she couldn't help but have the smallest doubt… but she knew with close to certainty that the answer was yes.

"Dorms 21-30! Get over here!"

Kagome and Inuyasha whipped around to see a guard stepping into the Warriors' side of the Square—and with a lurch of the heart, she realized she recognized him. Her eyes widened with a combination of horror and fury, her fists clenching so tightly that she thought her nails might cut into her palms. She knew that voice. She knew that face.

_Kouga._

Kagome hissed under her breath, glaring daggers at the man… the man who had threatened her. The man who had slapped her. The man who had let an innocent woman die, bleeding, alone.

A man she loathed with all the energy in her body.

"I fucking hate that guy," Inuyasha growled.

Kagome stared at him, surprised not by the words, but by his voice, his tone: a tone of pure loathing, just like the glare emanating from her eyes. A tone not like what he had used when he'd taunted the other guard, not like a hatred for guards in general, but a special tone: a tone reserved for those who merited a _special _kind of loathing.

His eyes shot fire as he glared at Kouga.

"Do you know him?" Kagome asked in surprise.

He grimaced, not elaborating further than to say, "Yeah." Frowning at her, noticing for the first time how her blood boiled beneath her skin, he asked, "Do you hate him, too?"

Kagome turned her eyes away from him, slowly coming to rest them again on Kouga, and replied coldly, "Yeah."

The icy rage in her own voice unnerved her.

Inuyasha got to his feet. She stood as well, grimacing in disappointment when he muttered, "I'd better go. I'm dorm 24."

She sighed minutely. "Where are you going?"

"Mines, maybe," he said, shrugging. "Or lumber."

Kagome was filled with a sudden curiosity, and couldn't resist asking, "So… you go beyond the walls, right? They can't have forests or mines within the Cells."

"Yeah, we go beyond the walls."

She bit her lip. "I envy you. It kills me, thinking that I might—"

But she cut herself off, for these were words she could not say, words she dared not think… possibilities she could not believe. He seemed to understand her unfinished thought, her longing, her fear, for he said with a small smirk, "Don't envy me. It doesn't feel free when you're chained by the foot in a labor line."

Kagome shuddered at that, wondering if, had she been made a Laborer, she would be suffering the same fate… wondering if she might have preferred that. "At least you get to go outside," she said. "It must be worth something."

And he looked at her with those golden eyes of his, those golden eyes which sometimes showed a knowledge beyond his years… the golden eyes which held oceans of sadness, and even worse, _pity. _It took all her concentration not to lose her temper, not to snap at him, for she knew that his pity wasn't intended to hurt, to offend. It was just… there. He couldn't help it. She shouldn't take it personally.

And yet she _did _take it personally. But that didn't make her any more eager for him to leave.

"Oi! Inuyasha, what the hell are you doing?"

She jumped and he snarled low in his throat, both turning to face Kouga, who was taking long strides toward them. Kagome was numb as the guard approached, paralyzed as she realized that she was in danger… the very same danger which her friends had tried to protect her from.

She'd been caught with a Warrior… _talking _to a Warrior.

She wanted to duck her head, hide her face, and yet when she saw Inuyasha stand tall and look Kouga in the eye, just the idea of hiding shamed her. Kagome straightened her shoulders, arched her back, jerked her chin up. And maybe it was the fact that Inuyasha was giving her strength, or maybe it was the fact that there was a fence between them, but she managed to meet Kouga's gaze… which, she realized, was not directed at her.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Kouga demanded, even though he was looking at Inuyasha.

Inuyasha glared at him, rolling his eyes. "None of your business, wolf shit. Now back off, before I have to _make _you."

Kouga rolled his eyes, grinning at him… but it wasn't a friendly grin. Wasn't even a menacing grin. And yet somehow, it chilled Kagome even more than a threat.

"Get over there with the others, _Inuyasha. _Before we have to teach you a lesson again."

Kagome got the feeling that Kouga enjoyed being so condescending, so antagonizing… she got the feeling that every word he said brought him an intense pleasure, a feeling of superiority.

It made her sick.

She didn't know what made her say the next words, didn't know what inspired her bravery, her courage—or perhaps it was stupidity, recklessness. She thought of Inuyasha, of Sango: fearless. She didn't think of them at the Field, having the skin of their backs whipped off, or being punched in the face or punished. Instead, she thought of them in their glory, doing what made them incredible people: never standing down.

In that moment of insane bravado, Kagome took after them.

"Leave him alone," she growled, glaring at Kouga. "You're nothing but a coward."

Kouga stiffened, and so did she, and so did Inuyasha. Her words beginning to sink in, her eyes widening, she realized exactly what she had done… and the mistake she might have made.

But Kouga didn't look at her right away. Instead he smirked at Inuyasha and said, "Looks like the half breed found a friend."

"_Fuck you—_"

Kouga caught Inuyasha's fist in midair, smirking at him. "Get over there with the others… while I talk to your woman."

That was when Kagome knew she was done for.

She couldn't think about their familiarity, the way they spoke, the way they acted… like rivals, like equals, like people who had known each other for a long time. She couldn't think about the fury in Inuyasha's eyes, glowing gold as he yelled with a tinge of fear, "Leave her alone!" She could think about none of these things, interesting though they were… for the only thing she could think about was Kouga, his ice blue eyes turning to meet hers… and widening.

"_You_!" he said, not in horror, not in anger, but in open surprise.

Kagome stared, stunned. "You… you remember me?" she asked, all anger temporarily forgotten. How on Earth could he _remember _her? Yes, she remembered him, but of course she did; she hated him. But to him, she was just another Maiden, one in a thousand whose faces he couldn't all recall.

Inuyasha stared at them, as surprised as she was. "How do you know each other?" he demanded.

Kouga didn't answer him. Instead he shook his head, grimacing at her, and muttered, "Why am I not surprised that it's _you _who's stupid enough to be caught talking to dog boy?"

Kagome ignored Inuyasha's growls at the name, and perhaps she might have found it funny, but she was too frightened. "Why do you remember me?" she demanded, staring at Kouga, wide-eyed.

Kouga raised an eyebrow at her. "You fucking _hit _me," he said flatly. "It's not the kind of thing you forget when some woman slaps you across the face."

Kagome wasn't sure whether to feel proud or terrified.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha guffawed, looking utterly delighted. Grinning widely at her, he demanded, as if to make sure it was true, "You _hit _him?"

"I didn't think it was anything wonderful at the time," she muttered. _Especially since he hit me back._

Kouga seemed to be sharing her memory. Glaring at Inuyasha, he growled, "Yeah, she did, and she paid for it."

Kagome watched as Inuyasha went oddly still. She saw a muscle twitch in his face, saw his eyes widen, saw him fight to repress the fury and concern which rose in his eyes… his fists tightened as he turned a deadly glare on Kouga. Had that glare been aimed at _her_, she would have quailed, but as it was, Kouga looked him in the eye and didn't back down.

"If you hurt her…" Inuyasha trailed off, and she could see that it was taking every ounce of his self control not to punch Kouga right there, right then.

"Cool off. I just hit her back, and she _should _have gotten much worse. She should be grateful," he spat.

Kagome winced. She could still feel the sting on her face, the crack in her neck, the jolt of pain in her elbow when it collided with the wall. And she knew that maybe she should be grateful, maybe she should be glad that she had not ended up like that Laborer, but she couldn't manage to feel an ounce of gratitude.

Not to Kouga. Never to Kouga.

Abruptly, Inuyasha kicked Kouga in the groin. Kagome watched in horror as the guard stumbled, moaning, bent over, glaring daggers. "I don't think that girls like her deserve to get flogged for being stupid," Kouga growled, and Kagome might have bristled if she hadn't been waiting for what he said next, for the threat: "But I wouldn't mind having the pleasure of ripping out a few of your arteries in front of everyone in the Cells."

"You would kill him!" Kagome cried out unthinkingly.

Kouga smirked at her. "He may not be a full demon, but even a half breed like him would survive a scratch like that."

_Half breed. _She noticed it now, the way he said the words, as if just the sound of them disgusted him, left a bad taste on his tongue. Kagome glanced at Inuyasha, saw him standing still, looking unafraid—rather satisfied, actually, she noticed. She didn't at first notice the fury, the anger, the pain… not until she saw his eyes.

Kagome couldn't stand to see that look: not in his eyes, and not in _anyone's._

"Stop calling him that," she said abruptly. "Why are you calling him that?"

Kouga and Inuyasha stared at her. "Stay out of it," Inuyasha said abruptly. "I can take care of myself."

Eyes softening with hurt, Kagome muttered, "Fine. Then do. I was just trying to help."

Silence. Sadness. Tension.

Inwardly, Inuyasha swore. But he didn't have the time to apologize, to explain… not in front of Kouga. Not now. All he could offer her now was a grimace, a pleading gaze which she did not look up to see.

Kagome bit her lip, closing her eyes.

"Get over there," Kouga growled, jerking his head toward the other slaves, massing in front of the door. "_Now_. Before I report you… and I promise, I'll save the pleasure of whipping you for myself."

Inuyasha fumed. Inuyasha shook.

Inuyasha left, too quickly to notice that Kagome had finally looked up to meet his gaze.

She found herself calling out, found his name escaping her lips, "_Inuyasha!_"

He paused, stiffening, almost wishing she hadn't called his name… and yet at the same time, he felt relieved. _She forgave me. It's okay. _And her forgiveness made it impossible for him to leave without a word.

Turning around not to look at Kagome, but to glare at Kouga, Inuyasha shouted, "Oi, Kouga! If you hurt her, I'm gonna rip your eyeballs out and shove them down your throat! Got it? Good."

It might have been stupid, it might have been foolish… but ineffectual, impossible though they were, his words made her smile.

"He's such a goddamn moron," Kouga growled suddenly. "He never changes." Noticing Kagome's quirked lips, he stared at her and demanded, "What the hell are you smiling about?"

The smile faded instantly, for she asked herself the same question. What was she smiling about? What did she have to smile about when he was gone and she was alone, with just Kouga, on the other side of the fence? Kagome tried not to close her eyes, tried not to avert her gaze. She could feel the other Maidens edging away from her, even though they'd already been far away. It was as if she carried the plague, a contagious plague.

_ And I suppose I do carry the plague, _Kagome thought wryly, eyeing Kouga.

It wasn't a humorous wryness.

"Nothing," she replied, trying not to let her voice quake.

She knew why she'd been smiling. His words, somehow, made it feel like he was protecting her… even though he wasn't. And now that he was gone, it sunk in that he _couldn't. _

To her increasing desperation, she felt her bravery slipping away with him, and she clutched onto it, holding onto the last threads of courage by her fingertips.

Kouga grimaced at her. "I'm gonna ask you one more time: are you retarded?"

Glaring, she snapped, "No, I'm not!"

Seeing his hard glare, she took a quick step backward from the fence, eyes widening in fear.

He rolled his eyes. "If I was gonna hit you, I could just come over to your side."

_Why aren't you going to hit me? Why aren't you coming over to my side? Why are you _talking _to me? _Her eyes glowed with these questions, with confusion, with fear, with anger. She had a feeling he saw it, too… but he didn't answer. Instead, with almost a resigned sigh, he asked a question of his own.

"Woman, what's your name?"

Kagome stared at him. Immediately she was on edge. "Why do you want to know?" she asked warily.

With a groan and a roll of the eyes, he growled, "Just answer."

She wasn't sure exactly what about the question struck her as off. His unclear motives, his reluctance? Why should he want to know her name?

_He doesn't deserve it, _Kagome thought brashly. _He doesn't deserve to know my name._

This thought inspired her to say, "I'm not telling."

Kouga gawked at her.

She waited for him to explode, to march around to the door on the Maidens' side, to grab her by the front of her robe and demand she tell him. But he didn't do that. Instead he blurted, "What the _fuck _is wrong with you?"

Kagome's eyes glowed with fire. "If there's something so _wrong _about me, why do you keep talking to me?"

"It's not like I _like _talking to you, I just—"

"THEN LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The fury, the hatred, the pain in those words stopped them. She stood still, shaking, trembling, feeling her heart ricochet in her chest. Her words echoed in her ears even though there was nothing for them to echo in… her final plea. Her confession, a confession voiced in tone and teary eyes, rather than in words.

_I have nothing. You just took away the only person who made me feel alive. It's bad enough without you rubbing it in._

She almost thought she saw Kouga wince.

"Fine," he muttered. Kagome stiffened, suddenly afraid. What was that in his voice…? What was it that made his fists shake…?

Then she knew.

Kouga heard her small intake of breath and grimaced at her. "I don't get you," he grumbled. "You… you're one of the weirdest people I've ever met."

Kagome stared at him, wondering why in his ice blue eyes, there was pain.

They stood there for a moment, looking at each other, both breathing hard. Kouga stared at her, a deep crease in his forehead, lips pressed thin. And then… slowly… he backed away.

"Why aren't you punishing me?" Kagome blurted, unsure why she wanted to tempt fate… knowing only that she desperately needed to know the answer. Needed _some _answer, something to hold on to, some buoy to keep her alive. With a nervous confidence, she said, "I'm right, aren't I? About you? You… you're _avoiding _hurting me. You were right when you said I deserved worse than when you hit me. I… I _expected _worse. So why don't you want to hurt me?"

Kouga stared at her, immobile. Kagome's eyes hardened and she thought the words she so wanted to say, thought the truth which she would never tell him. _If I could hurt you… I would. If I could make you pay for what you've done to me, to Inuyasha, to everyone, I would. _She was stunned by the truth of these words, of her fury, her anger… but was it hatred, now? Was it hatred when there was pain in his eyes, beneath the anger?

In a small, shaking voice, she demanded, "Why won't you hurt me?"

For a moment he was silent. He turned his back on her, walking away. But just when she thought he wasn't going to say a word, just when she thought he was going to ignore her… he stopped.

"Cause you remind me of someone."

Kouga took off running, not stopping until he was lost amidst the Warriors… leaving Kagome confused and stunned.

They followed him out, the Warriors, the slaves. Heads ducked, feet dragging, fists clenched. Where were they going, Kagome wondered. Who were they, who had they been, who were they now? Who and what was this crowd of submissive, broken men who followed Kouga out of the Square with not a moment's trouble?

They breathed together. They trudged together. They suffered together.

For a moment, just a moment, Kagome thought she saw a flash of golden eyes… looking at her. Not at the ground, but at _her. _And for a moment she was happy. But the moment slipped between her fingers and as soon as it had come, it was gone… just like him.

He was gone, too.

Where were they going, she wondered again. Who were they, who had they been, who were they now? Who were the men whom Kouga led to the mines? Kagome had never seen a mine, never heard much of what it was like _in _a mine. She wouldn't know that stalagmites rose up from the ground, stalactites bearing down upon their heads from the ceiling, dripping toxic water which they would lap up into parched mouths. She wouldn't know that it was dark, suffocating, merciless in its cruelty. She wouldn't know that the very air was a poison, the rock walls volatile and unstable. She wouldn't know that every day, hundreds were led down… and some never came back up.

She wouldn't know that it could be Inuyasha lying buried under rubble, Inuyasha coughing out his own blood, Inuyasha suffering for much, much longer than any human would before giving up.

She wouldn't, and didn't, know any of this… and it was her ignorance which made her wish she _did_ know.

Kagome clutched at the bars, shaking them though they did not stir, screaming though there was no one there to hear. Her shouts met only dead ears, ears turned away, ears long attuned to the sound of a desperate plead. Her shouts met open air, and even with his demonic hearing, she knew he could not hear her.

Kagome sank again to her knees, trembling, and prayed that somewhere, wherever he was… he was safe. But she couldn't help but feel that if there was a God somewhere, and if he had ears to hear her broken cries and whispered prayers… he was either not listening, or had things more important to do than send a sign to a lost child.

**.x.x.**

**A/N: So what do you think? Again, no flames about the religion thing. Nothing in this chapter necessarily reflects my opinion on faith. It only explains Kagome's experiences, and how she's interpreted them… I think it would be natural for her to have doubts. It doesn't make her a bad person. **

**I'd like to put it out there that I'm a devout follower of Inuyashism and we Inuyasha-worshippers respect any and all beliefs, including no belief. (Except Kagstianity. Kagstianity sucks. xD) **

**Thank you to ElvenMermaid, Allora Gale, Inu'sgirl4ever, Tomatosoup inc., Krystology, lannamoo, feathersnow, Regina lunaris, MegamanSora, xXanimeluver15Xx, Daichilover, AnimeRomanceFreak1990, KoishiiMiko, and jayfeather63 for reviewing!**

**Now… review! Also I'd like some feedback on this: where do you think Kagome and Inuyasha are in the stage of their feelings? Obviously they share a mutual interest and affection, but are they ready to act on these feelings? I want to know when they should be together. Romance is a little different in this story, because it's not your usual high school setting, but I don't want to make it take too long or too short. **

**So… NOW review! I'm hoping for at least ten before the next update! :D **


	13. Resilient

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews for last chapter! Here's the next one! :D**

**.x.x.**

Chapter 13- Resilient

.x.

_Slippery is strength_

_In needy fingers;_

_Frayed threads of wishes_

_Long since dimmed._

_Faded is light_

_In eyes of the lost_

_Longing takes hold_

_And empties the soul_

_But there is a flame_

_To ignite the dark_

_Just within reach_

_Just out of sight._

_If we would search._

.x.

The wounds on his ankle had long gone numb.

Inuyasha didn't bother to bend down and look at it; he knew what he would see. Bruises, inflammation, infection. Caked blood, cut over cut over cut, flecked with rust from the iron chains. He'd gotten used to the burning, over the years. The aching protest of overworked muscles, the muted screams of his ankle wounds as the chains which caused them dug them deeper. The shallow breathing, the stale air. All this, every bit of it, had somehow become normal.

Just a part of life, a part which nonetheless he did not enjoy.

The mines were hell. Literally, they felt like it: hundreds of feet beneath the ground, steaming and hot with sweat, pants and gasps and shuffling feet echoing in the tunnels. They were so far down that Inuyasha sometimes wondered if the caves would collapse. Sometimes he even went so far as to imagine it: what it would be like if the ceiling gave in and thousands of tons of rock buried them alive.

It was a dismal picture, but it wasn't very hard to imagine. The humans would go first. First the old, then the young, then the weak. The stronger ones, like Miroku, might last a little longer. Maybe even a few days, if they were so unlucky. But even they would eventually pass… even Miroku wouldn't be able to hold on for long.

Inuyasha always tried not to picture Miroku, crushed beneath the rock, suffocating… starving… he always tried not to picture the lights dimming from his eyes, his last breath falling from his mouth. Lungs deflating. Ribs crushed. Blood seeping from wounds running the length of his body, breaths short and taut with agony…

It was a picture Inuyasha tried so hard not to draw, and yet when he imagined death in the mines, it was always the picture which was most clear.

After the humans went, the demons would follow. The old, the young, the weak first. Then the others… then Inuyasha.

It would be slow for him. Very, very slow.

He would lie beneath the ground, seemingly miles deep, with nothing to stare at but the rocks pressed against his face. Maybe a few stalactites piercing his stomach. The wounds would burn for awhile, but just like his ankle, the burning would fade… dull to a throb, dissipate until there was nothing left. Nothing but the blood which would pool around his body, but the tingle of skin as it tried to repair itself, even with rocks continually crushing it…

How long would it take his body to give out? Weeks? Months? How long would he lie paralyzed, unable to move, barely to breathe, stomach shrinking and thirsting for water, unable to do anything except think? Think about how his only friend left in the world had died, lying somewhere out of sight, body devoured by worms. About how he himself was suffering the same fate. And he would think about this for days, weeks, months… however long it took him to give up.

However long it took the mines to break him.

The mines were good at breaking people. Inuyasha hammered at the walls with the other Warriors, hearing the dull thuds of their hammers smacking the rock. He was surrounded by broken people. The broken people would go quicker if the mines caved in. _It'd be fighters like me, _he thought sardonically, _Who would stick around to suffer._

But even he couldn't hold on forever. He knew that if the mines collapsed, he would be as doomed as anyone else. His doom would just come slower, take its sweet time, draw out his pain before it took it away for good. Inuyasha used to resent that… the fact that something as random as a caved ceiling could kill him. He used to deny it, hate it. _It couldn't kill me, _he would think. _I would deal with the pain. I would deal with it until I could find a way out._

But after two years in the mines, Inuyasha accepted that should the mines decide to end his life, there would be no chance of escape.

He would lie and think for however long it took to die. His hammer and pick came harder against the mine wall as he imagined it: dying. What would it be like to die in a mine, alone, surrounded by hundreds of dying men whom he could not see?

The picture was the same as always, mostly. His pain, his wounds, his thoughts. But this time there was a small difference. This time, there was someone else he was thinking about… someone besides Miroku. Someone who would be very much alive, even as he died hundreds of feet below her.

With a crash, the hammer brought away a large chunk of the wall.

"Careful!" One of the overseers hissed. "You might've lost something in there!"

Inuyasha felt the sting of a whip on the backs of his calves and he growled, fists clenching. It wasn't as painful as it was insulting, but for the insult he wanted to turn around and return the favor.

But he didn't, because the overseer was already moving down the line of slaves, following the chain until he reached the next unfortunate man.

Inuyasha kicked the rock he'd chipped away; it exploded on the ground, burying his feet in pebbles and dirt. And maybe there _was _a diamond there, maybe there _was _silver or steel or iron, but Inuyasha didn't have the patience to check.

He hammered not to dig out treasures which would never be his, but to channel out his frustration.

_Kagome. _She was the source of his frustration, or rather, the weak link which _caused _him to be frustrated. _Kagome. _She was the one up above while he was below, she was the one he would leave if he died. She was the reason why if the mines collapsed, he would suffer far more for far longer than he would have a week ago—before he'd met her.

She was the thought, the warmth, the longing which would prolong his death, were he to die.

_But I'm not gonna die, _he thought vehemently. The hammer screamed in protest as it dug several inches into the wall, sending streams of debris cascading to the floor. _There's no fucking way that I'm gonna die._

He couldn't die. Not when he had Miroku. Not when he had Kagome.

With a dull surprise, Inuyasha realized that now he had _three _priorities: Kagome included amongst Miroku and himself.

_And she's getting to the top pretty fast, too._

He shook his head, glaring at the rock which did not glare back, at the hammer which could not feel his fist on its handle. She _shouldn't _be getting to the top so fast. It was wrong, unnatural, dangerous. Miroku was one thing, but how could he waste time thinking about a woman in a place like this? How could he be so _stupid?_

But he was already thinking about her. He'd already fallen into her trap.

Inuyasha growled at himself. _Stop talking like an idiot. She's not setting any traps. She's just… she's just Kagome. Whatever she's doing to you, she's not doing it on purpose._

But whether or not she was doing it, something was happening to him.

_Mate. _The word crept into his mind suddenly, the word which he'd been trying so hard not to think about. It was a slippery word, an ambiguous word, a word which meant his sure destruction… and at the same time, a word which he longed for.

The word scared him.

Pain? Give him a break. Pain was a stupid thing to fear—only cowards feared pain.

Death? It didn't scare him. He would tell it to go to hell, he would tell it to go find some other fucker who was willing to give in to its beckoning. Death was physical, death was tangible, and anything tangible, anything physical, could always fall prey to his claws. Death was like any other fight. It had its risks. It had its casualties. But there was always a way to win, if he could find it.

But _mate? Love? _These were words which, much as he was loathe to admitting it, scared the hell out of him. They were not the same thing—far from it, for being _mates _did not necessitate being _lovers_, though being _lovers _would inevitably lead to being _mates_—but their effect was the same in the end. Both put a person in another person's power. Both ended their freedom.

Both were things that could not be destroyed by claws or swords.

The mating ritual was conclusive, binding. It was something which was only understood truly by demons, for humans experienced no such thing. When a male demon marked a female demon by sinking his teeth into the junction between her shoulder and her collarbone, marking her as his, and when she did the same to him, there was no turning back. Once the bites were made, that was it. The wounds would turn into their family crests, the bond would be forged, and no matter how badly the demons might want it to be broken… nothing could ever break it. Mates could not be _unmated _by anything besides death.

It was final.

Mates didn't have to be lovers, but it didn't change the fact that once they were mated, they were entirely dependent on each other. Even if they despised each other, they would give their lives to protect each other. It was instinctual, to protect one's mate… and there was nothing any demon could do about it.

The mate mark was the end of a person's independence. And maybe if they were in love, the new bond might not be so bad… but Inuyasha couldn't help but be horrified at the idea.

_Mates? _Just out of the blue… he had a _mate?_

_No, _Inuyasha thought. _I don't have a mate. I have a _potential _mate. And it's gonna stay that way._

He would not let himself fall into her trap. He would not let her draw him in. He would not let her have power over him… and there was no way in hell he would put her at risk.

Inuyasha groaned, punching the wall not with the hammer this time, but with his fist. He watched in abstract fascination as the blood congealed on his knuckles, as the cuts healed before his eyes. _When did I start thinking that we could be mates? _He thought, dazed. _She's a human… she doesn't have a mate. We would have to… to be in love or something stupid like that._

Love was for fools, for simpletons, and Inuyasha was certainly not a fool or a simpleton. He knew he wasn't in love with her… he couldn't be in love with her… and yet…

He liked her. She intrigued him. He felt _affection _for her.

It was more than he could say for any female outside his family, and at the same time, it didn't quite describe his feelings. It didn't do justice to the way she occupied his thoughts, the way he was helpless to her smile…

_Helpless, _he thought scathingly. _I'm not fucking helpless. This is why… this is why…! Damn it!_

This was why he couldn't entertain these feelings for her. This was why they were dangerous.

He would suffer for them, and he knew that if she had the same feelings, she would suffer just as much.

_It'd be different if we were somewhere else, _Inuyasha thought. _If we were free. But here… it's not safe._

How could he have feelings for her when he couldn't even protect her? From the Cells or from _anyone?_

Inuyasha's fists clenched.

He hated it. Thinking that any day, she might be hurt, given away, taken… how could she deal with something like that? How could she suffer like that without going insane? How could he stand to just watch it happen, knowing there was _nothing he could do?_

Was it insane that there was jealousy amid the fury?

_This whole situation is so fucked up, _Inuyasha thought angrily, letting the hammer attack the walls, letting the rock suffer beneath his merciless assault. _There's something wrong with me. I don't… I can't… I…_

He hated it. And he almost hated her for making him so confused, but he just couldn't.

And somewhat to his surprise… he didn't even wish that he could.

.x.x.

Inuyasha stared at the bowl of gruel in his hands: his dinner was just a few spoonfuls' worth of formless, foul-smelling Tori root mash. "It's been this stuff for the last three weeks," he muttered to Miroku as they sat in their corner. "Why are we getting so little? I'm fucking _hungry._"

Miroku, nose wrinkled, took a bite of the mash, chewing as he said, "Perhaps provisions are running low."

Inuyasha frowned at him, struck by sudden thought. "You think so?"

Seeming to know what Inuyasha was thinking, Miroku sighed and said, "Yes, but don't get your hopes up, my friend. It has happened many times before."

"Keh," he muttered. "Wasn't getting my hopes up. You know me better than that."

Inuyasha began to eat his dinner.

Of course he'd known better than to think it might mean something. An end to the War, a loss for the East. If the East was running out of provisions to feed the Cells… then it could mean they were having hard times. It could mean freedom was near. But then again, it could simply mean it was just another change in rations, just another fluke in the system.

It might not mean anything.

Before he knew it, his bowl was empty and his stomach was still rumbling. Inuyasha threw the bowl to the floor in annoyance, muttering, "I don't care if they don't wanna feed us. I want _food_, and I'm going to get it, even if I have to kill Kouga and cook his body over a fire."

Miroku smirked at him, raising one eyebrow. "You would eat Kouga? You must be _very _hungry."

Inuyasha grinned.

He stared at his empty bowl, finding himself deep in thought. "Oi, Miroku."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not getting my hopes up or anything," Inuyasha said quickly, before even beginning. "I've just been wondering. What do you think will happen when the War's over?"

Juice dribbled down Miroku's chin. He wiped it away with his wrist before saying, "I suppose that would depend on who the winner is."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes; they all knew what would happen if the East won. The question was if the North's victory would prove any better. "The North wins. What happens to us?"

Miroku stopped eating for a moment to stare at the ground, not meeting Inuyasha's eyes as he said, "We will be free."

Inuyasha's fists tightened. "Yeah," he said through tight lips. "I'm sure."

Miroku didn't need to reply to tell Inuyasha to speak.

"You ever thought that maybe we've been left to rot in here?" Inuyasha growled. "Maybe it's not cause everyone's too busy… it's just cause they don't care."

"From what I've seen," Miroku said slowly, "The Cells contains a great deal of the King's army. If he had the time to get us out… he would."

Inuyasha grimaced. "We were starving before we got here, too. Nobody bothered to help us out _then._"

He closed his eyes, remembering the faces of the ones he loved… faces he had not seen in a long time… faces he would never see again.

His father. He had been a demon, so you couldn't have seen that he was dying. You couldn't see that he was starving, wasting away, living every day in agony… not unless you looked into his eyes. Not unless you saw his gaze as he gazed upon his dying mate.

Inuyasha's mother. A frail woman, with bones nearly visible underneath her skin… a warm smile which seemed out of place on such a narrow, sunken face…

A hiss escaped his breath.

He could see his half brother Sesshomaru and his mate, Rin. Feel Sesshomaru's toneless pat on the back, Rin's loving, fearful embrace. In his mind's eye, he could still see them waving goodbye… see her tearful smile, see his impassive face which showed none of his sorrow, none of his fear…

Inuyasha wondered where they had gone, and if they had ever found the better life they had been searching for.

_But no matter what they found… it couldn't have been worse than what they left behind._

More painful than his father and equally as painful as his mother, he could still see, in his mind's eye, his sister.

Shiori.

"Inuyasha?" Miroku's voice was serious when he called his name. "Are you all right?"

His fists clenched. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

_I miss her. I miss her so much._

He missed everything about her. Her shy smiles, her glowing violet eyes, dancing with life. "She had the prettiest eyes in the world," he mumbled, vaguely aware he'd said it out loud, vaguely aware that Miroku's eyes were on his drawn face. "She would… she would always come to me when she was upset. I was her favorite. I'd protect her from the other kids, and chase them off the yard when they came to bully her… I remember. She would cry into my shoulder, hug me so hard for so long… it would amaze me, how long she could hug me. But by the end of it, we'd be laughing. Always, she'd be laughing; I'd find a way to make her laugh." His voice got choked as he said, "She was beautiful. She was gonna be so beautiful when she grew up. I loved her to death."

"Inuyasha—"

"I miss her," he growled, fists digging into the stone seat. "I miss her so much."

"Inuyasha," Miroku said gently, more firmly, interrupting him. "She may still be alive."

Inuyasha closed his eyes. Imagined his sister. _Blue hair, violet eyes, tan skin. _He grinned to himself, remembering the two little, blue, antennae-like ears which sat atop her head. _They always twitched, _he thought. _Like my ears. It was so cute._

He remembered her smile, the tentative smile which shown with wonder, with awe, with joy. The smile she rarely showed… but would show for him without him even asking.

That smile had brightened up a dismal world.

Inuyasha's eyes hardened as he said flatly, "She's dead." _Like her smile_, he thought._ Like her voice. _

"Inuyasha—"

"Whatever you're doing, just _stop_," Inuyasha ordered, tensing. "I don't… I don't even know why I brought it up. It's stupid. Doesn't matter. She's gone." He could feel his nails scraping away the rock, feel his breath falling from his mouth in a low hiss. "They took her away from me," he whispered, words trembling with rage. "And one day, they're gonna pay for that."

He would find them. He would find the ones who'd invaded their village, find the ones responsible for his and his family's suffering… and he would punish them. Starting with the ones who had killed his parents. Continuing with the ones who held him here. Ending with the ones who had gotten Shiori.

_I'll find out who they are… and I'll make them pay. I promise, Shiori._

One way or another, justice would come.

"Listen to me for a second," Miroku said. "They were going to sell her, right? Not just shove her in with the Maidens or the Laborers, not throw her in the Cells, but _sell _her. To a _noble. _That means… whatever she's been through… she might still be alive."

"Don't talk about it," Inuyasha muttered. "Just… don't."

And Miroku left it at that, left it with words hanging off his tongue, a sad gaze frozen on his face. Left it with nothing more than a small, "I loved her, too, you know."

Inuyasha's eyes closed.

"I know."

.x.x.

As the week drew to an end and the Warriors' fight neared, it became the topic of hushed conversation throughout the Cells. The guards spoke of the Noble to arrive the following evening, of his supposedly enormous wealth, of the tips they might snatch. The Maidens spoke of which Warriors would be chosen for the game. The Warriors, not with words but with cautious glances and cold eyes, began searching amongst themselves for the biggest threats… already looking for weaknesses, already looking for faults which might enable them to win.

Kagome was at a loss to explain their odd behavior.

Sango, Koharu, and Kagura—the only Maidens who spoke to her and the last hardly a friend—seemed determined to keep her in suspense, to let her see for herself. While Kagome groaned in frustration, they frowned in confusion, for they were baffled as to why she had not figured it out on her own.

Kagome noticed their bafflement, and though she knew that they meant no harm, it still stung.

The morning of the fight arrived, and Kagome noticed that Inuyasha was a little more subdued. His grin a little more forced, his eyes a little more tense when they met hers. She spooned his rice into his bowl with one hand, but she slipped the other over his fingers, grabbing his hand before he could pull away.

"What's wrong?" she whispered.

He grimaced. "Not the time to talk," Inuyasha muttered.

Glaring at him, feeling the inexplicable need to retort, she complained, "No one tells me anything. Are you keeping me out of this, too? What is the point? I'm going to learn eventually."

"Kagome—"

She ignored the way it felt when his hand tightened on hers. She even ignored the tiny shiver it sent through her, the tiny spark of phantom lightning which shot through her body as he rubbed circles into her palm. _He's trying to placate me, _she thought angrily. _Control yourself, Kagome._

With some effort, she did as she ordered, putting away all sensation, all unknown feelings which rose to the surface at his touch. "Don't _Kagome _me!" she interrupted. She didn't care that she sounded like a child, that her voice was rising. "I have a right to know! I'm in this as much as you are!"

She steadied herself… breathed deeply… and waited.

He knew she was right. What was the point in keeping it from her when in a few hours, she would know anyway? Why did he have the right to protect her when she didn't want to be protected?

_Was _he trying to protect her?

He grimaced, taking a moment to think about how his hand felt in hers. He savored the feeling, knowing it could be the last time he ever felt it. _That's why I don't want to tell her, _he realized.

Talking, speaking, telling… it would be a confirmation of sorts. An admission that it was real, it could happen, it could happen _today_. That it could be _him _on that battlefield, _him _ending the hour with a spear through his chest, _him _dragged off into the body shed by steady-handed Laborers.

It could be him at anytime.

_But it won't be._

Inuyasha refused to admit the possibility to himself, and if he couldn't even think about it, how could he possibly surrender it to _Kagome?_

She caught him off guard when she said, voice deadly and low, "I wouldn't have expected this from _you._"

Inuyasha winced.

They knew it was an accusation. He knew it, took it stoically, and she knew it, said it with just the slightest twinge of guilt. But she pushed it down, swallowed it and locked it away like she had been taught to do… _You can apologize later, _she told herself. _After he's told you the truth._

Inuyasha came to a semi-decision.

"Okay," he said. "I'll tell you. It's sorta like a bullfight but with two people instead of a person and a bull."

Kagome stared at him, blinking blankly. How could she say that she didn't know what a bullfight was? How could she explain that she had no idea what he was talking about?

She opened her mouth, closed it, trying not to stammer. Inuyasha frowned at her, eyebrows furrowing as he realized… "You don't know what a bullfight is, do you?" he asked incredulously.

Kagome reddened when she felt Sango's and Koharu's stares at the sides of her head. She might have expected them to intervene earlier, to tell Inuyasha to move on, to tell her to get a grip… but they'd stopped doing that, recently. The lectures, the sighs… it had all stopped.

It should have relieved her, but instead it made her nervous. It made her ask herself: _Why?_

"And if I don't?" Kagome muttered. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"No!" he protested. "It's just…"

He trailed off, his voice faded, and Sango spoke. Not to Kagome, not to Koharu… but to _him. _

"She won't understand," Sango muttered. "She has to see… if you try to tell her, you'll only hurt her."

Inuyasha frowned, hesitated, and to Kagome's annoyance, nodded. "I'll see you later," he muttered. "Come on, Miroku."

Miroku nodded to him, then to Sango, and said softly to her, "I have no idea whether you care, but wish us luck anyway."

Blinking, stunned, they watched them walk away.

.x.x.

Inuyasha chewed on Sango's words for all of breakfast.

_"She won't understand. She has to see… if you try to tell her, you'll only hurt her."_

They were dark words, words which churned with meanings, with tantalizing secrets that Inuyasha could only ache to know. A hole opened up in the pit of his stomach, and the words dove in and widened it, pressing at the edges until his skin was stretched taught and he was filled with nothing.

He took a deep breath.

He knew, somehow, that Kagome could not understand the nature of the Warriors' job unless she saw it with her own eyes. How did he know this? How did he know that she would shake her head, that she would open her mouth to swallow empty air, that her eyes would speak confusion and helplessness and shame? How did he know that she could not fathom their job, that she had never even _heard _of such a thing?

He didn't know it for a fact, but it wasn't very hard to glean.

Her mannerisms, her voice, her hands, her eyes which burned with a different kind of _knowing_, a knowing he would never have much as he might reach for it… they did not belong in the Cells. In fact, Inuyasha had never met another woman like her. Her being, her personality, her habits… they defined her. They were Kagome, and Kagome alone.

And Kagome was like no one else he had ever met, which was probably why he could not seem to forget about her.

It was only her intriguing secrets, her frustrating cluelessness, which drew him to her. Nothing more, nothing less. Only that, only the parts of her he could not explain… that was it. That was all.

_Yeah. And Sesshomaru likes being called Fluffy._

Inuyasha groaned and muttered too low for anyone to hear, "I'm fucked."

Was it odd that he'd been in the Cells for two years, and yet it was only _now _that he felt his entire world might be crashing down on him… and a new world rising up from the ashes?

He could feel that world, that universe. He could feel it shifting beneath his feet when he walked, breathing beneath his ear when he slept. It was alive, and it was growing, and it was waiting just beneath the surface of his fragile existence. _Searching. _Searching for a weak spot, for a crack in the ground through which it could rise.

A crack it could use to turn his world to ruins. And Kagome… Kagome might just be that crack.

Or perhaps she was the new world.

He knew all too well that it wasn't only the things which he _didn't _know about her that made her like a magnet, pulled him in, sucked him into a whirlpool of feelings he didn't understand. The current was rapid and the water was ice, the whirlpool was vicious and the whirlpool was evil… and yet when she was there, in the whirlpool with him, everything was alright.

Everything was fine when she was there, for she stopped the currents and led him gently down the funnel.

_Does she feel it, too? _Inuyasha wondered. His eyes wandered over to where she was talking to Sango… grinning about something. Sango already had her grinning that small, tentative grin of hers. Sango had already made her forget her worry, her frustration, her sorrow.

Or so he thought… until her eyes locked with his.

They softened, and in that instant when their eyes met, they couldn't breathe. They stared at each other across many yards of broken men and broken stone and broken grass, and in each other, they found a spark and held it tight.

She smiled. He smirked. And just like that… her eyes lit up.

That made him smile, and when she caught the quirk of his lips, she glowed.

That was something about Kagome which he'd noticed before. Her emotions, her feelings, her thoughts… they radiated off of her like an aura, a tangible presence floating about her skin, much like a scent except that it _changed. _Moment to moment, hour to hour, it changed, and Inuyasha found himself sprinting to keep up.

If he caught that aura, if he discovered its secret… would he finally understand her?

_It's not just that she's different, _he thought as he looked at her, watching her smile. _It's not just that she doesn't belong. There's something about her that… doesn't belong with what doesn't belong. It's like she doesn't belong in herself_. _Like… like…_

She contradicted herself. She was a paradox.

And sometimes, in a sad smile or a tight gaze… he wondered if she knew that.

He frowned at that, wondering why that would sadden her. But with a small sense of surprise, a small intake of breath, he realized, _She's like me. I'm half human, half demon. I contradict myself, too. _

The revelation, for some reason, made his eyes soften.

Sango looked at him then, met his eyes, and for the first time, he gazed deep into hers. For the first time, he _read _her, this Maiden who his friend was so infatuated with. For the first time, he looked at her and saw not a friend of Kagome's, but a _person_, somebody to interpret and understand.

In her eyes, he only saw concern. For him, for Kagome… they strayed to the side slightly, those eyes…

"She's looking at you," Inuyasha muttered, smirking at Miroku.

His friend looked up from his bowl of gruel, suddenly rigid, staring at Sango, bursting into a wide smile. And to both their surprise… Sango gave him a small smile back.

Miroku looked in danger of exploding into fireworks.

She looked away from Miroku, giving Inuyasha one last, long glance. Inuyasha shuddered. _That woman has one scary death stare… _Her eyes were hard, piercing, and yet at the same time, _alive. _

They were warm. Piercing, hard… but warm.

In that glance, he realized that the reason she didn't seem to like him wasn't because she didn't trust him. It wasn't even because she disliked him. She simply cared about Kagome too much to let her endanger herself when she wasn't certain of what she wanted.

That was what her eyes told him, but when she released his gaze and he turned again to look at Kagome, who to his dismay did not return his gaze… he wondered: what _did _she want?

_What does she feel? Does she feel _anything _for me?_

But what did feelings matter, in the end? A faint sprinkling of hope, a tiny candle in the dark… they weren't food, they weren't sustenance. In a momentary return to practicality, Inuyasha thought, _It'd be a waste of time. It wouldn't help either of us. It would be impossible. I should stop looking at her. I should stop smiling at her._

Warm brown eyes embraced his confused golds… and she smiled. And against his better judgment, against all his notions of practicality, against everything he'd thought he'd ever believed or held true… he smiled back.

Inuyasha had never felt so simultaneously powerless and empowered.

.x.x.

When the Warriors left and their eyes parted, Kagome was left to brood over the upcoming fight.

She listed everything she knew. _It's a fight. They're called show-fighters. But what does it mean to fight for show? Is it planned? Orchestrated? Are the losers and winners chosen beforehand, the strategies premeditated? _Kagome hoped this was it… she hoped she'd found the answer.

But she couldn't shake off the feeling that a planned fight seemed a bit tame for the Cells.

Kagome watched Inuyasha's back disappear through a set of doors… a different set of doors, she noticed, than he had before. "Where are they going?" she asked Sango, frowning.

"To the arena," Sango explained. "Let's eat quickly. There's a place we and a few others always go to watch the games, but we have to get there quickly, before anyone notices we're gone."

Kagome nodded, feeling an odd thrill of excitement at the break from routine. _It's like… I'm living again. I feel alive, I feel excited, I feel… it's like a rush. _She realized that this was something she'd always enjoyed: the rush, the high, which resulted from even the simplest rebellions.

It made her feel free.

The guards gone, their food diminished, Sango, Koharu, and Kagome shared a glance, words unspoken but clearly heard. They moved quickly, weaving between the Maidens, taking the same route the Warriors had. But instead of turning right, they wound their way around a wide space which Kagome assumed was the arena… until they came to a trapdoor.

"It's easy getting down here," Sango explained as they hurried down the steps into the dark. "It's getting back up without being seen that's the problem."

Kagome's nose wrinkled as she smelled stale air, laced with a touch of blood and a hint of death. The putrid stench grew in intensity with every passing moment, every passing step. The steps were hard and wooden, covered in splinters and something wet which she assumed was water… _hoped _was water…

When Kagome realized what was causing the smell, bile rose to her throat.

They were hiding in some sort of underground shed; wet, moldy wooden walls, dirt floor… no light except for one small window, three feet across and one foot high, which allowed a ray of sun to penetrate into the tiny room. Kagome had never been afraid of the dark, nor feared the unknown, but normally she enjoyed the light, the friendly gaze of the sun bathing down upon her face. But there was no relief now, no smile brought to full lips. No friendly grin of the great sun upon her face... no happiness as its rays fell upon the bodies of men, broken on the floor.

Kagome balked, stopping mid-step, nearly falling down the rest of the stairs. A hand flew to her mouth to hold in her scream, she stumbled against the wall, body racked by merciless tremors. _No… no… _But how could she deny it? How could she say "no, no," when the evidence before her screamed "YES, YES"?

Broken bodies, dried blood. The stench of decay.

_Rats. _

"Oh… oh my… oh my god…"

Kagome began to hyperventilate, blood draining from her head, slipping away just as each one of her breaths seemed to slip through her lungs faster and faster. She breathed shallow, breathed quick, but not fast enough to sustain her… not fast enough to peel oxygen from the air, to suck life into her body…

A sharp voice, from somewhere far away, called her name. "KAGOME!" But she shuddered, paralyzed, ignoring the hands which joined her own, ignoring the voice which said, "Don't look at them," the voice which said, "Come over here."

It was a harsh rap on the back of the head which got her attention.

"They're dead people. So what? You see them all the time. Now either get to the window with us or get out," a voice which could only be Kagura's growled, pushing roughly past her.

"What do you mean, _so what?_" Kagome demanded, a little hysterical, a little frightened, a little angry. "They're _corpses! _Of _people! _How can you… how can you… how can you not care?"

Sango squeezed her hand, pulling her gently away from the wall, gently toward the window. "It's not all that unusual. Just come with me. You'll see."

Kagome nodded, bit her lip, looking at the bodies all the while… staring. Absolutely and unwillingly transfixed. Her eyes could not escape the blank sockets, could not miss the details of ravaged flesh and cracked bones and dried blood… she looked at the rats almost accusingly, remembering the rat and the cloth, the rat in that first cell on her first day… she remembered how she had almost attributed a personality to the stupid thing…

These creatures were not people. These creatures which devoured skin and eyes and tongues and muscle and flesh and spit out the bone or choked and died were not, not, _not _people…

_But what's the different, really? _Kagome thought grimly. _Between a rat… devouring the remains of the deceased… and a guard of the Cells? Devouring the remains of the living?_

It was this thought that let her tear her eyes away from the rats and the bodies, for she realized, smiling sardonically, that she'd been witnessing this sight—or a version of it—every day for the last week.

She stepped away from the corpses, towards the window, toward Kagura. "When did you get here?" Kagome asked, realizing that she had not seen her before.

"Just now. Sorry I was late," this last to Sango, "Took a little longer eating. I was starving." Seeming to realize that Kagome was still looking at her, she raised an eyebrow at the girl… and the words she spoke were cold, the half-smile more of an unfriendly smirk. "So… you still here? I would've thought you'd have taken for the hills by now, what with our rat friends and all. You look like you're about to puke. Maybe you should leave… if you can't take _that_, I don't know if you'll be able to watch a fight…"

Kagome took a moment to get her thoughts in order. _She's challenging me. She wants to see me back down. _Kagura wanted her to be afraid, to run away… to lose the challenge and her dignity. _But she's wrong, _Kagome thought, almost surprised. _I'm not afraid._

And she wasn't… for although she didn't always find her inner courage right away, she knew how to fortify it once it was in her grasp.

"Don't worry." Kagome smile-smirked as she spoke. "I'm not going to… _puke. _And I promise you, no matter what I'm about to see… I'm staying right here."

No matter what she was about to see, she would be there, standing by the window next to her friends… watching it.

Sango grinned at her, and Kagome smiled appreciatively, knowing that the Maiden approved of her courage. "I'm proud of you," Sango said, even though her eyes already told Kagome everything she needed to know. "I'll be honest, when I first met you… I didn't think you'd be able to cope. But you proved me wrong." Her eyes softened. "And… it's difficult to prove me wrong."

Kagome smiled widely, filled with a sudden surge of bravado, unsure why this strange moment of triumph should occur in a shed full of corpses. She knew it was temporary, she knew that she would see many more things, possibly today, which would frighten her… but in that moment, she felt victorious.

_I think Inuyasha would be proud of me, too._

At the thought of Inuyasha, she was reminded of the game, of the Warriors. Of the knowledge she'd just gleaned, the knowledge she had to verify anyway.

"Sango."

Sango glanced at her. "Yes?"

Kagome gestured to the bodies without looking at them, saying with a tenuous calm, "These are Warriors, aren't they? From the fights?"

Sango and Koharu nodded gravely; Kagura scoffed, as if to say, _Of course. Don't be any more of a fool than you already are. _With a hesitant glance toward Kagome, Koharu said, "Kagome, are you sure—"

"Yes!" she interrupted. Softening, feeling guilty for her brief terseness, Kagome smiled firmly and said, "I… I need to see what this is. I need to see it for myself. You were right… you can't tell me."

They smiled in understanding, patted her shoulder in comfort. Even Kagura gave her a curious glance, clearly one of confusion, confusion at her bravery… grudging acceptance that Kagome had accepted the challenge. Kagome had thought, when it had been revealed that she was a miko, that Kagura might be a little warmer to her. And she _had _been, but when it was made clear that Kagome had no idea how to use her abilities, she returned to her old self.

But now… as she gave her a long, searching glance, and as Kagome returned it, doing her best to keep her eyes steady and refusing to look away… Kagome wondered if perhaps, Kagura could eventually grow to respect her.

When Kagura gave her a terse nod and looked away, Kagome smiled slightly, turning to look through the window and into an area which could only be the arena. It was a circular stadium, not very big, with seats arranged around it. At the far end sat several people, whom Kagome assumed were guards… and a bit higher up than them was walking a man who could only be a noble, and a man who could only be a steward.

Kagome gasped.

She wasn't sure what she had thought nobles of the East would look like. Perhaps scarred, perhaps cruel-faced men carrying swords, perhaps men with eyes which glowed with sadism? Tattoos, cuts, burns, exotic hair and sharp voices and whips and spurs?

She had expected them to look foreign, to look terrible, to define _evil. _She had expected them to be horrid or ugly.

What she _hadn't _expected, what made her gasp, was that they looked about the same as nobles from the North.

"Kagome? Something wrong?" Koharu asked.

Kagome felt her friends' stares and shook her head minutely, eyes on the arena, tearing her gaze off of the too-familiar, generic noble. _He… he looks normal. He looks… pleasant._

The Noble carried about him the exact same cold pleasantness possessed by Nobles of the North. He looked like General Hojo and Noble Kuranosuke and a handful of other men whom Kagome had met or seen or spoken to. _They're different people, they have different hair and features and heights, but… really, they're all the same._

And if this Noble would come to a place like the Cells, come to watch the fight, then did that mean that all the generals and nobles Kagome had known… did _they _go to places like this, too? All those nice, boring men with their nice, cool smiles… did they go to a place like this to watch something like what Kagome was about to see?

She remembered her words to Sango: she would have to see it for herself. She couldn't be told the answers. What she _hadn't _mentioned was that she already had an idea of what was to come… an idea she almost wished she hadn't formed, for then she might be able to remain ignorant for a few moments longer.

_Stop it. Don't be stupid. _With a sense of sorrow, she realized, _That's exactly the wish Kagura would expect you to make._

Kagome would not conform to expectations. Kagome would stand her ground. And in that instant, she promised herself that no matter what was to come… she would not back down.

She would watch even if the fight was a real fight. She would watch even if the fight, like she had begun to suspect, ended in death. She would watch even when the Warriors entered the stage, wearing just their clothes and armed only with their bodies and their piercing eyes. She would watch even when her eyes focused on the one at the side of the stadium nearest to her, the huge purple monster which looked large enough to rip his opponent in two. She would watch even when they turned to face each other and stood their ground, even when they met in an impassive, guarded gaze… even when they tensed for battle.

No matter what, she would watch.

Even when she realized that the Warrior at the far end of the stadium was Inuyasha.

.x.x.

**A/N: Cliffy. xP**

**Cliché that he would be one of the ones fighting? At first I thought so, but here's my defense: he's just as much at risk as any other Warrior. Why shouldn't it be Inuyasha on the battlefield? Why should that be cliché? I've decided that it's NOT cliché, because regardless of how predictable it might be, this is their reality. What is real isn't cliché. **

**Thank you so much to Alechaos Ogigio, Allora Gale, Daichilover, Sazuki Sakura, i-rock-101, Inu'sgirl4ever, 00-Wild-Fire-00, lannamoo, AndWhyDoYouWantToKnowMyName, Asche Angel 46, xbeautyxxisxxlifex, Regina lunaris, feathersnow, iheartinuyasha, Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag, jayfeather63, Elven Mermaid, and Krystology for reviewing! You guys amaze me. I LOVED your reviews, seriously, I did. :D **

**I hope you liked the Inu POV in this chapter! Please review, guys! They motivate me to write more and post faster! REVIEW! :D **


	14. The Worst Betrayal

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**A/N: So sorry about that long wait! This is why I hate writing fight scenes. -.- I hope this is good… ish…? Bleh. Just read and review. Like it, hate it, whatever. Thanks. :) **

.x.x.

Chapter 14- The Worst Betrayal

.x.

_The shadow walks_

_By fire's side_

_But doesn't like the moon abide_

_Above, aloof_

_Still and strong_

_Fast and free_

_Of longing gone_

_To darker worlds_

_Where shadows live_

_Upon the soul_

_In moonlight's stead_

_Where I have gone_

_In darkened nights_

_When I_

_Betray_

_My life._

.x.

Inuyasha and Miroku stood side by side in the pre-fight area.

It was dorms 20-25 which had been offered up for this fight, and the Noble—a man named Gatenmaru, and the man who would choose which men were ripest for the slaughter—stood just inches in front of them. Close enough to strangle, except for the fence which would get in Inuyasha's way, should he decide to try.

His fingers closed around the bars as Gatenmaru passed, a low hiss escaping his throat.

The moth demon, Gatenmaru, stiffened and turned, raising an eyebrow at Inuyasha. "Did you say something?" he drawled.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "Not sure. Could've been that your face is ass-ugly, or _where are your wings _or something like that. Take your pick."

Gatenmaru didn't need to ask how Inuyasha knew he was a moth demon; it was obvious from Inuyasha's triangular dog ears and silver hair that he was a half dog demon, and dog demons were known for their keen sense of smell.

"You are aware of whom you are speaking to, yes?" Gatenmaru asked, voice rising to a slight hiss. Eyeing Inuyasha's ears, he smirked and muttered, "I know you have only half the _blood_, but do you have half the _brain_, too?"

Oh, how Inuyasha loathed this fence.

Inuyasha opened his mouth to retort, but Gatenmaru was already walking to the guard who had let him in—Kouga. Miroku sent Inuyasha a quick grimace, eyes tight, but Inuyasha didn't return it; he knew he should have kept his mouth shut, but self restraint had never been his strength.

Gold eyes narrowed, Inuyasha watched Gatenmaru and Kouga, listening.

"Describe him," Gatenmaru ordered the guard, jerking his head toward Inuyasha.

Kouga followed his gaze, eyes narrowing when he spotted Inuyasha. The tiniest smirk fell across us face as he said scathingly, "A moron. Reckless. He's in for whipping every other week, but he keeps acting up. The only reason he hasn't been killed is because of his performance in the arena."

Gatenmaru smirked. "I take it he's impressive. But how would he stand a chance against a demon, being only half?"

Inuyasha's claws dug into the iron fence. _Like he knows anything. I'd stand a chance against ten demons, let alone one. _He watched Kouga, waiting for him to denounce him, waiting for him to say he was a weak half breed… but he didn't.

Their gazes clashed for the briefest of moments, and then the slightest smirk lifted Kouga's lips.

"His _impressiveness _depends on the opponent." Kouga's voice was like satin, easy and casual, smooth and sly. "He tries to kill as fast as he can. Usually decapitation or slicing a body in half. Nothing too splashy, no gloating. When he gets a weak opponent, the fight is usually quick and boring." All this was true enough, but hearing these facts set Inuyasha on edge. Why wasn't Kouga insulting him? Why wasn't he sneering and scathing, mocking and cynical?

"Now, a _strong _opponent, though…" Kouga trailed off just long enough to smile, just long enough to gloat, just long enough to look Inuyasha in the eye right before saying, "That's when it gets interesting."

Inuyasha and Miroku froze.

An icy fury pervaded his mind as Inuyasha realized the truth. _He's bragging about me, _he thought. _Fuck. The bastard's TRYING to get me into the arena._

And from the way Kouga reacted when Inuyasha growled in anger, he knew he was right.

"If you're going to pick him, I'd recommend trying to find a guy who you think could do him in in less than a minute," Kouga said carelessly, not giving any indication of caring that he was about to send Inuyasha to his very possible death. It was for sport, for tips, for money, for his job… that was all. Inuyasha was nothing.

But Inuyasha knew that in his and Kouga's case, he _wasn't _nothing; he knew that they shared a rivalry which went back much farther than slave and slaver, a rivalry which made them, on certain terms, equals.

And it seemed that Kouga was ready to end that rivalry.

_Shit, _Inuyasha thought. _Why now? Why didn't he ever get me killed before, when I've insulted him, punched him? _There had been many times when Kouga could have had him executed, tortured, flogged to within an inch of his life. And flogged Inuyasha had been… often by Kouga himself… but never killed.

With a sudden rage, Inuyasha jumped to a conclusion he would rather not have faced.

_No. You've got to be fucking kidding me. _

The Noble laughed, saying, "But that would hardly be very exciting, either. I'm beginning to question your judgment, my friend." But Inuyasha barely heard him. He barely saw Kouga grin wryly, barely saw him look him in the eye and make some joke which made the guard laugh. He was too busy thinking, too busy raging, too busy imagining what it would be like to kick Kouga in the groin until he couldn't walk again.

Just like he'd done in the Square, except a thousand times more painful.

At the thought of the Square, Inuyasha grimaced. _He's not… he's not really doing this because I was with Kagome… what the hell does he care…? He doesn't even know her! _

But was that true? His eyes tightened as he thought, _It definitely seemed like she knew him…_

He caught Kouga looking at him, almost as if he had been waiting to catch his gaze before saying his next words. Just to gloat, to smirk, to say _I've got power over you and I'm going to do whatever the hell I want with it_, right before telling Gatenmaru, "Take my advice. You'll be surprised at his strength. It's really unlike anything I've ever seen—I have no idea where he gets it from."

Inuyasha wasn't sure if Kouga meant these words or just wanted Gatenmaru to pick him, but he couldn't help but thinking, _Of course you don't. You don't know what it's like to live with the walking dead. You don't know what it's like to fight becoming one of them every day._

And, obviously, the guard didn't know what it was like to harbor a different identity, to house a ruthless killer inside one's own mind… to feel that demon emerging, just when one would think he was at death's door.

This was something only a half demon could ever understand.

"Inuyasha," Miroku muttered, voice low and restraining.

Inuyasha knew without asking that the monk had sensed the sudden rise in his demonic aura. He took deep breaths, calming himself. _You're not on the battlefield yet, _he growled to himself. _You're not on death's door. You're fine. _

His fists clenched when Gatenmaru turned to look at him.

"I choose him," he said, gesturing to Inuyasha. "And… that one. The big, purple demon which resembles a dinosaur with blue hair on its back. Large horns. Red eyes."

Nobody needed to turn to know who he was pointing at, but they still did, and Inuyasha didn't miss the way Miroku's mouth fell open.

His opponent was Goshinki.

Miroku looked at Inuyasha with subtle panic, muttering, "Inuyasha—"

"Shut up. I can take him," Inuyasha snapped automatically, eyes not on Miroku but on his new enemy.

The demon he would soon be meeting on the battlefield.

Kouga's laughter echoed in the pre-fight area, reverberating tauntingly in Inuyasha's ears. "Good choice," he said, grinning. "Goshinki is a formidable foe. May look like brute strength, but he has an incredible mind… a mind which can penetrate others' minds."

Gatenmaru's mouth curved into a pleased smile as he realized, "He can _read _minds!"

The guard nodded, obviously pleased that he could provide this Noble with such a satisfactory pairing and obviously hoping that he would get a large sum for his knowledge and help.

Obviously hoping that Inuyasha would soon be torn to pieces.

"Alright! 821, 894, get out on the arena!" Kouga snapped. "NOW!"

Gatenmaru left to go find his seat in the arena. Inuyasha and Miroku knew they had no time to speak, and this was good, in a way. After all, what could they say?

Inuyasha clapped Miroku heartily on the back, throwing him a smirk. "I'll be back in ten minutes. See you soon."

Miroku might have eyed Inuyasha uneasily, might have doubted him, but he knew him too well and had heard these parting words too many times to bother to question them. They were an automatic response, a response which boasted a confidence which sometimes amazed Miroku. Not that Miroku wasn't confident. In general, he was far more optimistic than Inuyasha, but when it came time to fight, Inuyasha was in his element. Inuyasha was almost _relaxed. _

From his lazy smirk and casual wave, anyone who didn't know him might have thought he enjoyed killing. But Miroku, who knew to look in his words for bullshit and in his eyes for truth, knew better.

Inuyasha walked out of the pre-fight room and into the arena… smirk gone.

.x.x.

There was no deafening applause, and the crowd was small.

It was not like gladiator fights in the Colosseum of Ancient Rome, though of course nobody present could have made that connection. The Warriors wore no armor, no helmets. In fact, Kagome realized in surprise, they did not even wield any _weapons. _It was just them, standing there in their own glory, waiting for permission to begin… sizing each other up, minds and hearts racing all the while.

Just Inuyasha and the Warrior who was his opponent.

Her fists clenched, her breathing came fast as she stared out the small window unseeingly. She heard the gasps of Sango and Koharu when they noticed Inuyasha, but took no notice of it. She felt Kagura's confusion, felt her eyes rove between the three of them, but did not respond.

None of that mattered; the only thing that mattered was Inuyasha.

Kagome was suddenly very conscious of the corpses behind her.

_No, _she thought breathlessly, _Maybe I'm wrong. Yes, it's called a fight. Yes, these are corpses of Warriors from the fights. But they aren't carrying weapons… maybe they aren't going to hurt each other… maybe that's not what this was about…_

Even Kagome knew that it was wishful thinking.

She couldn't fully comprehend what was about to happen. Not until it began could she really understand the magnitude of what "show-fighters" _did. _All she understood in her haze of panic was that there were two men on the field: Inuyasha, and a stranger.

A stranger who looked like a monster, but who Kagome knew could be just as much a person as she or Inuyasha.

She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked over to see Koharu, face white, staring straight ahead. "Kagome…" she said softly. "We're sorry."

"Don't apologize," Kagome said quickly, face white as a sheet.

"Let's just watch," Sango breathed. "A strong man, he is. You couldn't understand until you've seen him fight."

But Kagome didn't want to see him fight—Kagome didn't _ever _want to see him do _anything _that involved putting himself at risk for show. She didn't want to see him rip the other man to pieces, didn't want to see him take a life to preserve his own; for she understood by now that this was a _real _fight, and that only one of these two men would end up the victor.

And yet… much as she didn't want to see him ruthless… the emotion stronger within her, the emotion which rooted her to the spot and glued her eyes to the stadium, was fear for his life.

Fear that he would be hurt.

She knew in that instant that she would rather see the other man ripped into shreds than Inuyasha scratched.

"Just breathe, Kagome," Sango muttered. "Hold my hand. Breathe and watch."

"I know what they're going to do," Kagome whispered in near delirium. "I know what's going to happen… oh, god, Sango…!"

Sango squeezed her fingers gently, and taking this as an invitation, Kagome crushed her fingers in her own grip until she could have sworn she was breaking the bone.

"Hey," Kagura muttered. "What's going on? What's wrong with you guys?"

Sango glanced toward Kagura. "Kagome… ah…"

_I'm tired of people speaking for me. SPEAK, Kagome! Take charge! _

"I…" Kagome trailed off, realizing that she wasn't sure how to explain her relationship with Inuyasha. What could she say? That she cared for him? That he intrigued her? None of these things would portray her feelings… none of these things would earn Kagura's respect…

_But what does it matter if I earn Kagura's respect? _Kagome challenged herself. _Why should I always look for approval in others? Why do I need it?_

And, smiling slightly, Kagome knew that she _didn't _need it. All she needed was approval from herself.

Approval to feel what she felt. Approval to speak her mind.

Acceptance… from every part of her, every corner of her heart.

And so she said firmly, eyes not on Kagura but on Inuyasha, "I have feelings for Inuyasha, the Warrior."

Dead silence.

She knew that Sango and Koharu would want to speak to her about this. She knew that Kagura might tease her about it. She even knew that she herself would be facing emotional repercussions soon enough; Kagome couldn't ignore the consequences of this revelation for long, and she would have to deal with them.

But for now, all those things were on hold.

_I have feelings for Inuyasha._

These five words Kagome knew to be wholly and completely true. These five words moved her in a way she had never been moved before, caused a shift in her heart which left a fault… easily vulnerable to earthquakes, tremors of the heart and soul, fractures of the reality she had always taken to be true.

The fault would always be there, so long as the feelings would be there, and the feelings, too, would always be there, so she would remain vulnerable. Vulnerable to pain… vulnerable to hope… vulnerable to disappointment… vulnerable to happiness. Open to possibilities: groundbreaking, life-changing possibilities which gripped her in terror and excitement, threatened to crush her with their sheer weight.

But she was not crushed. So long as Inuyasha was there, breathing… so long as he kept these emotions alive within her, gave her a reason to continue to hope… she would never be crushed.

And that was why he could not die.

That was why she nearly screamed when the gong was sounded to begin, and he charged at his opponent.

.x.x.

Fighting wasn't something which Inuyasha needed to think about.

It was instinctual, habitual, natural; a slash here, a jab there, a clawed hand raking through exposed flesh… of course, in the past he'd had a sword, but such privileges weren't given to demons in the Cells. Inuyasha had long grown used to fighting with his bare hands, with what nature had given him: claws and teeth.

And of natural gifts, he had plenty.

_"Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!"_

The words ripped from his mouth as he leapt at the man who had been designated his enemy. They were automatic, those words: they surged with power, channeled his anger, his fury, his strength. Those four words channeled everything churning within him, the fear and fury and need, into a deadly attack—or an attack which _should _have been deadly, had Goshinki's skin not been covered in steely scales.

_Fuck! _Inuyasha's teeth were sinking into his lip as he backed away, circling Goshinki, analyzing the demon's body armor. There was no way his claws could pierce that skin… no way they could draw blood through scales like that…

_Fine. I'll just have to find another way._

And so Inuyasha backed up, coiled his muscles, and charged again, this time aiming for the eyes. _"Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!"_

They were words of power, words which had taken down countless foes. Perhaps they sounded juvenile, comical, those words… perhaps they sounded like a child's words. But if they _did _sound like a child's words, that was only because they _were _a child's words.

He could still hear the sound in his mind, coming back to haunt him, just like it did every time he used the attack: clapping. Ominous, empty clapping which rang in the air, rang only in his mind, disembodied and nonexistent.

Inuyasha's claws raked downward, splitting the air with a vicious swipe, and clashed with Goshinki's own claws. The demon met his attack with equal force and greater strength, and Inuyasha could feel his arms shaking already, feel himself losing his balance, feel himself toppling out of the air. He spun away, landing evenly on his feet, taking a small step of retreat… and counted to five.

_One._

There it was again: the clapping, the sound with no maker, for she was gone. She was gone, she was dead, and yet the sound of her clapping infected his mind, reverberating in his eardrums even when she was not there to make the sound.

_Two._

Her laugh. Her pealing laugh as she giggled, watching him tear apart trees and sticks. The clapping, again—her way of crying 'encore,' her way of telling him she loved it, she loved _him_. The laughing continued, growing louder and freer, escaping the boundaries of reality just like it always did when he heard it. The happiness, the joy, the elation… it was all there, as always. As it always was, whenever he used the attack.

_Three._

Her smile. In his mind's eye he could see her smile, see her violet eyes glowing with fascination. He could feel her touch on his claws, feel her gently pulling apart his fingers, as if trying to discover what deadly weapon he hid inside his palms.

_ Four._

The clapping. The laugh. The smile. The scream.

_The scream_.

The scream she had screamed when they had raided their village, the scream she had screamed when they had torched their home. The scream she had screamed when they had put grubby fingers on her arms and dragged her away; the scream for help which she had screamed when she saw him running toward her, and the scream of pain she cried when she realized there was nothing he could do.

The scream.

_Her _scream.

Inuyasha let loose a scream of _"Iron Reaver Soul Stealer!" _and sunk his claws into Goshinki's eyes.

.x.x.

How could she describe it?

How could she describe the horror of watching the man she cared about more than any other man in the world blind another man, intent upon taking his life? How could she describe the terror of watching the stranger retaliate in cold-blooded fury, bringing his fist up under Inuyasha's chest? How could she describe the pain of hearing his ribs crack, of watching him fly backward and land dully on his back?

How could she describe the sheer paralysis which gripped her in iron chains?

There was no way for her to describe it; no name for the ferocity, the fury, the pain, the horror, the fear. It simply couldn't be named, identified, labeled. It could only be comprehended, and comprehension was something which could only be achieved by those there to see it.

Kagome was very much there, and very much seeing it, but she wasn't sure if she would ever comprehend it… and she certainly wasn't sure if she _wanted _to comprehend it.

The man introduced as Goshinki roared in pain, throwing his fists over his face.

Kagome stared at him—unwillingly enraptured and utterly terrified. In that instant, as he roared, he sounded utterly inhuman. Beastlike. _Well, _Kagome thought, _He _is _a demon._

But demon or not… inhuman or not… he was a person.

To her surprise, Kagome found that she almost felt guilty that he would have to die. She shook her head vigorously. _What am I thinking…?That isn't a man… that's a… a monster, a beast, a…_ _a…_

She stared at Inuyasha, doubled over what looked to be a cracked rib… eyes wide with pain, hair wild and frenzied. And she knew, in her gut, that it didn't matter who was a man. It didn't matter who was alive, it didn't matter who had a family somewhere out there, looking for them, waiting for a beloved who would never return. That could be either of them and it could be none.

It could be both.

But Kagome knew instinctively that it didn't matter now. Not while Inuyasha straightened his shoulders and prepared to spring, not while Goshinki tried to stem the bleeding in his eyes. In this instant, their rights as people barely mattered at all… all that mattered to her was that Inuyasha would win.

The idea unnerved her.

She couldn't help it, she argued vehemently. Of course she couldn't help but be on Inuyasha's side. She _knew _Inuyasha, she _cared _for Inuyasha. What did she know of Goshinki, of his beliefs, of his morals? What did she know of his kindness?

_Nothing. He is… just another man. Another deadened prisoner. _

_ And if this is a fight to the death, then Inuyasha will have to kill him._

She tried to tell herself it wouldn't matter, that it was like killing a corpse, a zombie, killing the living body of a man who had long since died. That was all it was, she told herself. That was all Inuyasha had to do, she told herself.

_In a place like this, anyway, ethics take second place…_

_But hasn't Goshinki done terrible things? _Kagome reasoned. _The Warriors… most of them… are terrible. Goshinki is no exception. Goshinki… is probably as evil as the guards._

Probably. _Probably._

Kagome hated saying 'probably,' because it meant that it might not be true. Maybe Goshinki was evil, maybe he was cruel, maybe he was a deadened man. But maybe… maybe he wasn't. Was there even such a thing as evil? Could she judge someone that way?

It was something they would never find out, and therefore, Kagome told herself, it was something they couldn't waste time worrying about.

.x.x.

For obvious reasons, Inuyasha never went into deep thought about his opponents while trying to kill them.

Even if he had had time to concentrate on something besides his tactics and his life, he would never have tried to reach out to Goshinki, to apologize for things out of his control… he would never have wanted to, and he didn't feel that he needed to.

That was the pact between Warriors.

It was an unspoken agreement the likes of which maybe only existed in the Cells. As soon as a man became a Warrior, he was no longer him, himself… not to the other Warriors. To the other Warriors, he was just a Warrior, and likewise were the others to him. This was the case for Inuyasha, for Goshinki… this was why Warriors did not make friends in the Cells.

_You never know who you're going to kill next. _

Friendships were dangerous; killing a friend, for many men, would be the same as suicide… imagining facing Miroku in the stadium would be intolerable.

Inuyasha sucked in a deep breath, letting his ribs screech in agony, letting his pierced left lung whistle its dying breath. He knew that in a few minutes the blinding pain would fade, his ribs would right themselves, his lung would heal its rupture, but he didn't _have _a few minutes. He only had then, he only had now, he only had that moment: the moment while he stood stooped and panting, while Goshinki roared, blind and furious.

That was all he had, and he had to use it to his best ability.

Inuyasha inhaled, blocking out the pain.

_Now. While he's distracted._

He had the vague memory of something that bastard, Kouga, had said about Goshinki: something important, something which could, _maybe_, be a threat even to him. He had the notion that it was vital that he remember this detail, this secret weapon… but his mind was clouded and his vision was reddening, even as he fought to repress the demon which roared within him.

_What the hell am I supposed to remember…?_

When Goshinki stopped flailing and raised his bloody head, Inuyasha knew that he didn't have any more time to waste doing something stupid like thinking. So instead, he charged.

.x.x.

The Inuyasha of the battlefield was a very different Inuyasha than the one whom Kagome had presumed to know.

She didn't recognize this man, this Warrior… this ruthless killer who stalked his prey, who gouged out a pair of eyes with his bare claws. She didn't recognize this lithe hunter, this demon who jumped ten feet into the air and latched onto Goshinki's blind head, holding on while the larger demon thrashed.

This Inuyasha, this bloody-clawed, wild-eyed, face-twisted-with-fury Inuyasha, was a stranger to her.

And yet at the same time… he wasn't. She would look into his eyes as he leapt, listen to his voice as he roared that strange battle cry of his, and she would see… _him. _She would see _her _Inuyasha, the Inuyasha who meant more to her than was logical or natural for a man whom she had only known for a week. When his eyes burned with wild rage and determination, when his voice shivered with inexorable power… she could find the man she knew.

But Kagome wasn't sure what she would rather see on the battlefield: the man she knew or the stranger he became.

.x.x.

Inuyasha used to play a game with himself while fighting these fights.

It used to sicken him, fighting his own people, killing men who had given their lives and freedom for the same cause he had: their families. Their starving mothers and father and sisters and brothers and wives and children. Not the wives and children in Inuyasha's case, but he knew that there were some men who had made it to that part of their lives.

Inuyasha was glad that he hadn't; the only thing that made living in the Cells tolerable was the knowledge that there was no one outside waiting for his return.

_I'm killing a father, a brother, a son, _he used to think. _An uncle, a cousin, a friend. _He couldn't sleep nights, couldn't live days… and he knew that eventually, if he kept going on like that, it would kill him.

Dying would be a betrayal of the worst kind.

Inuyasha had begun using tactics to keep himself alive. The first he had tried out was a game, a simple game of mental gymnastics which he played with himself every time he went onto the battlefield, every time he sank his fist through someone's gut. It wasn't _him _on the battlefield, he would say. It wasn't _Inuyasha _killing the fathers and brothers and sons. Instead, it was someone else, it was the stranger he became.

This tactic hadn't lasted long; Inuyasha wasn't stupid.

Of course it was him on the battlefield, of course it was him killing the fathers and brothers and sons. Of course it was him with his hand in someone's lungs, of course it was him feeling the pain. There was no 'other him.'

_Except my demon, _Inuyasha thought. _Except the one part of me I can't control… _

The part he could feel, roaring beneath the surface, at this very moment…

Goshinki took advantage of his distraction by tearing him off of his head and smashing him against the ground, a loud _crash _reverberating throughout the arena, followed by the hoots and hollers of the watching guards. Kouga's loud whooping rang out loud. He was the loudest to laugh and the last to stop… the last to realize that Inuyasha wasn't moving.

There was dead silence as Goshinki took his time in striding arrogantly toward the crumpled Inuyasha.

This had been the key to coping with the endless slaughter. _This _moment, _this _pain, _this _fury. This had been the moment which, long ago, had taught Inuyasha how to survive the battlefield without killing himself on the inside.

This had been the turning point for life in the Cells.

Inuyasha couldn't remember which man had been the first one to show him how to live. Whoever he was, he was dead now. But still… Inuyasha owed him, and the idea that he could never pay him back made him furious.

He'd always hated debts.

Inuyasha couldn't remember the man, but he could remember the moment: much like this one, except more terrifying, for this was one time in a long line of times and that had been the first. Much like this one, except more infuriating, for Inuyasha had thought he was helpless.

Much like this one, for during both moments Inuyasha felt rage churning in his gut, propelling him to his feet despite the pain.

The crowd gasped as he straightened his back, cracked his knuckles, and cast an arrogant smirk into his audience… right to Gatenmaru and Kouga.

The sudden unease which befell their faces was the real victory.

The key to surviving the Cells, to surviving the battles, to surviving the slaughter, was this: to fight not against his opponent, not against the Warriors, but against the Cells itself. And when Inuyasha charged forward, when Inuyasha cried the battle cry his sister had made up for him long ago, his intent was not to kill the Warrior, but to bring himself one step closer to defying the Cells—for good.

Goshinki met him with equal vigor.

The Cells was not a place for selflessness, for martyrdom—not in Inuyasha's opinion. The Cells was a place to escape at all costs, the Cells was a place to defy and resist. And although Inuyasha could not tear down its walls like he tore up Goshinki's face… he knew that by fighting each fight with the hope that it would be his last, and by feeding his hope with aggression and determination, he was slowly weakening the Cell's iron hold.

Eventually he would escape. Eventually he and Miroku would run free, and live their lives not as dictated by an uncompassionate King, but as dictated by themselves and they alone…

_And maybe, _Inuyasha thought, _We could take Kagome with us, too._

These were his priorities, these were the things which he lived and fought for. And Inuyasha knew that if he had to kill a hundred men to get there… he would do it. He would do whatever it took.

He knew that Goshinki and the Warriors understood that, and were possibly fighting for the same goal, if they were alive enough to have any goals at all.

Inuyasha stepped back, faced Goshinki, and prepared to kill him.

He had already taken out the demon's sense of vision, but he knew that Goshinki's hearing and sense of smell were probably acute in the extreme. When it came to demons, vision didn't necessarily mean anything… but for a demon like Goshinki, Inuyasha knew that the pain would be overwhelming for a time.

Apparently, that time had passed.

Goshinki stared him down with his empty sockets, never wavering in his cold gaze. _Shit… it's like he can see me anyway, _Inuyasha thought reluctantly, forehead creasing. _Why the hell isn't he doing anything…?_

He could have sworn he saw Goshinki raise an eyebrow at him, but he dismissed the thought quickly as absurdity. There wasn't time to worry about such things. There was only time to fight.

Inuyasha took a deep breath, looked into Goshinki's eye sockets… and knew what he had to do.

_Thumbs through the sockets. Crush the skull. Straight to the brain._

It would be quick and easy.

His steps were rapid, his claws bared as he charged toward Goshinki and opened his mouth to yell his battle cry for the final time, to take the last leap of the day. Once he might have smirked, once he might have cried in joyous victory, but that was long ago. That was before he'd come to the Cells, that was when he'd been facing enemies… that was when he'd better fighting for something besides his own life.

_Not that my life isn't a hell of a thing to fight for, _he added wryly.

"But it's gonna be a hard thing to _win_, half breed," Goshinki growled.

Inuyasha stopped dead.

Just that pause, that moment of shock which immobilized him in midair and stopped his hand in mid thrust, was enough to turn the tides, for it was all that Goshinki needed to grab him around the waist with one enormous fist. And it was here, dangling in midair, unable to move and beginning to suffocate, that Inuyasha finally remembered what Kouga and Gatenmaru had said.

_"…has an incredible mind… a mind that can dig its way into others' minds…"_

_ "He can _read _minds."_

Inuyasha's mind blanked.

He had never been a man of many words. He was imaginative, sometimes even thoughtful, but these were parts of him which he never showed, for they were wholly unnecessary. What amount of imagination could earn a half demon like him a place in society? None. The only thing which redeemed him for his birth were his fighting skills, and still, they were sometimes not enough.

Inuyasha was not verbose like Miroku, and he'd never felt that he needed to be, because in his opinion, one word summarized his situation just fine:

_FUCK._

.x.x.

Kagome was not like Inuyasha in that regard.

Kagome could not watch the closest man to her in the entire world dangle from the fist of a man intent upon killing him and say just one word to describe her feelings. She couldn't scream, curse, swear… none of that had ever helped her, anyway: cursing. She'd always thought that it was ridiculous that one word should be much more powerful than another.

_Words don't kill, _she thought numbly. _Words can't gather the one who keeps you alive and threaten to take him away… words can't crush his ribs…_

Words could hurt… but they couldn't draw blood.

Nor could they take away Kagome's agony.

The only thing that kept her from screaming was the sheer untruth of it; the only thing that kept her from crying was its simple impossibility. And while her friends gawked in shock, while frantic eyes strayed from Inuyasha, dying on the battlefield, to Kagome, paralyzed in the body shed, the only thing which kept Kagome from losing control was the knowledge that it simply couldn't be.

Inuyasha… could not die.

_It isn't naivety, _Kagome thought, _It's just the truth._

It was only what she knew, wholly and completely, inexplicably and irrevocably, in her heart.

And somewhere deeper in her heart, she knew that this faith was fictional.

That was what made the first tear make its way to the brink of her eye, dangling on her eyelashes, threatening to spill over onto her cheek. _Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. _It was a chant, a hollow intonation, a prayer made to no one from a small, lost voice. _Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. _But he didn't believe in prayer, did he? For that matter, did _she? _Would he want her to beg for his life to a divine force which he didn't believe in?

And did she want to trust his life to a force she could not see?

Hands shaking, she muttered, "I'm not begging. I'm NOT BEGGING."

Now Sango's and Koharu's and Kagura's eyes were on her, now their eyes were wide, now their eyes were sad and shocked. Well, not Kagura's. Kagura's dark red eyes weren't sad… just surprised. Surprised and wary, as if wondering whether Kagome had finally given up her hold on reality.

"Inuyasha won't die," she whispered. "Inuyasha won't die."

Not begging. She didn't know who she was talking to, but it was _not _begging.

"Inuyasha won't die. Inuyasha won't die. _Inuyasha won't die._"

Her wet eyes narrowed as she thought, _Dying would be a betrayal of the worst kind._

And Inuyasha… Inuyasha would never betray her.

Kagome would never forgive him if he did.

She felt like she was her younger self, sitting on the balcony in her manor once more, surrounded by candlelight which flickered and laughed, smirked as she cried. She felt as if she were lost, cold, confused and alone, with no one there to listen to her screams… no one there to comfort a broken girl.

_It's just like then, _Kagome realized, narrowed eyes widening just to gibbous moons. _It's like when my mother died._

Watching the chaos. Wanting to scream. Knowing she couldn't.

Abandoned.

Strong, calloused arms pulled her into a tight hug, and Kagome knew just by the touch that it was Sango. "You don't have to watch," Sango said, biting her lip in concern. "We'll tell you how it ends. Don't worry… he'll be fine…"

But those were just the words she didn't want to hear, for she was not that little girl alone on the balcony anymore. Not that little girl surrounded by candles, crying for her mother… not anymore.

_I'm not alone, _Kagome thought, almost surprised. _In that way… it's different than that time._

Contrary to how she had pushed away her nanny's comfort, she welcomed solace from Sango, and as she clasped her hands tightly over Sango's, she wondered aloud in barely a murmur, "Is this what it's like to have friends?"

They stared at her. "What?"

"Nothing."

She was surrounded by friends, she realized. _Perhaps not Kagura, _Kagome amended, _But we could get there… in time. I need to earn her respect, to show her I'm strong. I need to prove that I can cope, that I will live… no matter what…_

On the battlefield, Goshinki had thrown Inuyasha up into the air, and the small crowd was whooping. Their cheers were dulled by the shed walls, but Kagome could hear them loud and clear… the screaming, the hooting, the chanting.

The cheering for Inuyasha's death.

_If he died… could I cope?_

Was that what she needed to do to earn Kagura's approval? Prove that she was a fighter, a survivor, the toughest of the tough? That she was in league with Sango? That she could live, cope, survive… even if the impossible occurred?

Even if Inuyasha suffocated in Goshinki's fist?

Kagome took a moment and forced herself to imagine what she would do if he fell, crashed to the ground, broke his neck, and was stomped flat by Goshinki. If she never again met his golden eyes with her own… if she never again heard his voice… if she never again felt the brush of his hand on hers, felt tiny sparks stir within her skin, felt it heat up under his touch…

…If all of that were to just _end… _

…and the last time she saw him was from here, in the body shed in which he would soon lie…

She might not be able to live with it.

Her fists tightened… her breath sped… her heart raced the marathon, seeming as if it might overrun itself and run out of energy. And as her eyes began to close, as she began to hyperventilate, as she began to wonder if these would be the last moments of their lives…

Inuyasha's eyes began to glow red.

.x.x.

The pain was crushing him.

It wasn't just physical pain, though of course that part hurt. It wasn't just the sensation of being squeezed into a tube, of having his bones fragment slowly into splinters, of having his internal organs pierced and compressed. Though obviously none of that was particularly pleasant, it wasn't the part which made him feel like he was going to die.

Physical pain he could deal with. But emotional pain… fury… despair… rage… was the dark shadow which suffocated his soul.

Goshinki's fist tightened, his vision darkened, and the crowd's yells turned deafening.

His eyes were closing, his lungs failing, and Goshinki kept crushing. Breaking through skin, through bone, through blood. But the worst part, almost the worst part of everything, was Kouga's stare; knowing that it was hovering on his face, knowing that it was adorned by a triumphant smirk.

Inuyasha opened his mouth to yell at him, to call him a bastard, a jackass, an idiot. But instead of these words, what came out was blood.

He couldn't think, couldn't form whole sentences. All he knew was that he'd screwed up, screwed up _bad, _and this time he was going to pay for it. This time it was too much, this time he'd lost… this time it was his turn to be dragged into the body shed.

He wondered if Miroku was behind the door with his face pressed to the crack, watching everything.

It occurred vaguely to him that he was leaving Miroku alone, that he was letting Kouga win, that he would never see Kagome's face again, and that he would never grasp the freedom for which he'd longed for two years. But he was in too much pain, too much fatigue, to care.

His mind, along with his body, was failing.

His heart stuttered.

And there was Kouga's arrogant shouting, rising above the other voices, rising above the hoots and hollers. There was his face, hovering in Inuyasha's mind's eye, lips curled into a disgusting smirk. There was his mouth, moving.

_You're nothing._

_ You lost._

_ I won._

The last thing Inuyasha thought before a red haze consumed his mind was a snarling, _NO._

He wasn't nothing. He hadn't lost. And Kouga definitely hadn't _won. _Inuyasha would make sure of that, he knew it. Inuyasha would make sure that Kouga, that Goshinki, that the slavers and the captors and everyone else in the world would never see the light of the next day. On that day, he would make sure that he was the only one who walked out of the Cells alive.

They would see who was the winner was. Inuyasha would make sure of this.

They would see when they were _all dead. _

.x.x.

Gasps echoed in the body shed, gasps of relief and shock and fear. Kagome watched in utter disbelief as Inuyasha snarled a deafening, raging war cry. It rang throughout the Cells, obliterating her ear drums and wiping her mind of all thought. It chilled her to the core, filled her with an inexplicable terror, a sense of danger… and also a sense of fascination.

She stared in awe as his claws and fangs lengthened… gathering her wits just in time to see him rip Goshinki's hand apart.

Goshinki screamed in shock and pain, jumping backwards, releasing Inuyasha. He howled incessantly, howled in anger and agony, but it wasn't his shredded hand which he cradled. Instead, he clawed at his head, as if being tormented by invisible tortures within his own skull.

"What's wrong with him?" Kagome demanded, gawking. "What happened?"

"He's gone demon," Sango said, eyes widening.

"Demon? Isn't he already half demon? What does that mean?"

Sango shook her head quickly, as if to say that now wasn't the time. "Just watch. Don't worry. Just watch."

And Kagome watched.

Inuyasha had just seconds ago been an inch away from death. In fact, even now she could see his rib cage crushed, hear his wheezing, strained breath. Even now she could see blood leaking from his skin, even while he charged at Goshinki.

Even while he tore him to pieces.

First was a clean swipe down the center, slicing the head and shoulder off of the rest of the body. The rest of the dismemberment followed, skin and limbs flying until the man who had moments ago been Goshinki lay in a mutilated pile on the ground, beneath Inuyasha's feet. The crowd erupted into screams of surprise, whoops of excitement which shattered the air. But Inuyasha wasn't done. Inuyasha didn't even seem to know that the fight was over.

Instead of stopping, instead of breathing, Inuyasha sprinted toward the crowd, a threatening snarl bursting from his broken chest.

Kagome's eyes popped out of their sockets. "What the hell is he doing?" she demanded, unsure where the _the hell _part came from. Maybe her sheer panic, maybe the environment. Maybe the fact that Inuyasha had gone on a violent rampage… apparently going insane.

"He's gone full demon," Sango moaned. "He's not in control of himself. If he doesn't stop, he… he'll kill everyone."

_"What?"_

Sango turned to Kagome, looked her in the eye, communicating the urgency of the situation. "All half demons have this _full demon _side, which sometimes comes out when they're in mortal danger. In the form of a full demon, Inuyasha has incredible strength and speed, but he's ruthless. He can't distinguish between friend and foe. He'll kill anyone within reaching distance."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Kagome asked, struck by sudden inspiration. "If he killed the guards—"

Sango shook her head rapidly. "In his state, he'll run out of stamina before he can kill many. And once he's done… they'll kill him."

Possessed of a new fear, realizing that their ordeal wasn't done, Kagome turned her attention again to Inuyasha. To a red-eyed, cruel-faced, bloodthirsty Inuyasha who frightened and fascinated her.

An Inuyasha who was running towards his death.

She wanted to scream at him to stop, to run onto the battlefield and throw her arms around his waist. A part of her told her to do it, to run up the stairs and find a way to the arena and not stop running until she was holding him tight. A part of her told her to ignore logic, to ignore reasoning… to run with her heart.

But she didn't have time to do something which would have gotten her killed.

The guards' hands had went to their swords and Gatenmaru was up on his feet, but it no longer mattered. Inuyasha's heart stuttered, his feet tripped… his eyes widened.

And Kagome caught just the barest glimpse of gold before he tumbled to the ground in a pool of his own blood.

.x.x.

**A/N: I'm evil, I know. But it was this or no update. xP**

**ANYWAY. What'd you think? I hope this wasn't too scattered, though I thought it was at parts. Feel free to agree or disagree. Any tips for writing fight scenes? I tried to guide the scene with the actions but focus on the tension and emotional reflections.**

**Thank you to feathersnow, Inu'sgirl4ever, KoishiiMiko, lannamoo, Krystology, Asche Angel 46, Allora Gale, 00-Wild-Fire-00, Regina lunaris, iheartinuyasha, ElvenMermaid, Alechaos Ogigio, Tomatosoup inc., Daichilover, and Ivorybreath for reviewing! You guys are much beloved (am I even using that word in the right tense? O.O) as always!**

**By the way, updates may be irregular from now on. School has started, and I have another fanfic as well as a non-fanfic to work on, so I'm going to be trying to update once a week at least. Sometimes more often, sometimes less. It all depends on two things: a) my mood and b) REVIEWS! So REVIEW, guys! And I'll see you soon, hopefully! :D **


	15. The Forward Path

**Disclaimer: I got nothing.**

**A/N: Ugh. Sorry. I had a block for this story. And crap. Last week was the Week From Hell. It should be made an official holiday. -.-**

**But NF222 is officially back from the dead (not for the first or the last time, mind you) and so here is your chapter! Which unfortunately is short and will probably not satisfy your desires. *sighs***

**Oh BTW- WE BROKE 200 REVIEWS! ! **

**Read and review! **

**.x.x.**

Chapter 15- The Forward Path

.x.

_I could not hear_

_Its plaintive calls_

_And my name_

_My name, it falls_

_From the lips_

_Of truth and lies_

_Tumbling through my own demise_

_Out of fear and into light_

_Unbeknownst and out of sight_

_Until the time for thought is done_

_And all that's left_

_Is what is won_

_By my own hand and my own eyes_

_Searching in the dark_

_For lies_

_But of lies my eyes find none_

_Truth is what my heart has won._

.x.

Even hours later, she still couldn't get the images out of her head.

They said he would be fine, they said he would heal. Their arms had enveloped her, their words had consoled her… but she couldn't find it in herself to believe them.

After what she had seen, after what he had been through, how could he just _heal?_

After Inuyasha had fallen, things had happened very quickly. Guards had dragged him out of the arena, and somehow, medical help had been called for, but it had been obvious from their faces that they doubted whether anything could be done. Not that they cared. Not that it mattered to them if a slave died, not that they felt their hearts breaking when they saw his tattered, broken body.

Not that they had felt their hearts bursting out of their chests as they were dragged by their friends out of the body shed, before Goshinki could be dragged in… in pieces…

Kagome opened her eyes, only to see Sango, Koharu, Kagura, and the nameless Maiden staring at her. Just like they'd been doing ever since they'd went back to their dorm.

"Will you stop it?" Kagome muttered. "It's intolerable."

Kagura and the others exchanged confused glances before the wind witch muttered, "Wish I knew what that word meant. Well, will you stop _moping? _For crying out loud, you're acting like you were in love with him or something."

Kagome's fists clenched; it sounded like Kagura was speaking in the past tense. Like whatever had been was no longer, like Inuyasha was gone.

_But I don't love him. I'm not that delusional._

Eyes closing again, she said, "Stop staring at me. I want to sleep."

The other Maidens exchanged a glance, but left her in peace. And there, on the floor, in the dead of night… Kagome slept.

Her dreams were infested by gory nightmares: bloody scenes and screaming crowds which sprawled across the countryside for miles and miles. Excited faces which split into identical grins as the Warriors were smashed, battered, killed… they were covered in blood, the Warriors, covered in sweat and doused in pain, and they crumpled to their knees, the screaming growing louder, their heads growing tighter… and Kagome watched it all, watched from just inches away, running and screaming, unheard…

The Warriors fell to their knees, faces revealed for the first time, and Kagome realized that their faces were all too familiar… and screamed.

"KAGOME!"

A hand was thrust on her mouth, another on her shoulder, steadying her writhing. Kagome struggled against the restraints, desperate to break free, to run, to scream… to get away from the Warriors with Inuyasha's and her own face. But Sango wouldn't let her flee; Sango held her tight until Kagome's energy was spent.

Exhausted, she relaxed in her grip, going limp against the wall.

"Was a nightmare," Sango whispered comfortingly. "Go back to sleep."

Kagome couldn't face her after that humiliating display of fear. _It was a dream, _she thought in disbelief. _All along, a dream… _"No," she muttered through barely parted lips. "I… I think I'm getting up."

Sango watched dubiously as Kagome wrenched her eyes open, forcing herself to a shaky sitting position. Her body was cold, shaky, shivering, as if possessed by the fever. Noticing this, gaze turning wary and concerned, Sango put a hand on her forehead.

"You don't feel hot… are you all right?" she asked, frowning.

Of course it was a stupid question. Of course it was pointless, of course it was a formality, a triviality, useless words offering useless comfort. In any case, it wouldn't matter if she was all right: there was no medicine. And Sango knew too well that Kagome wasn't all right… and that it had nothing to do with sickness.

Kagome bit her lip. "I'm fine."

Nobody had to speak to acknowledge the lie.

.x.x.

Anticipation of the following morning was the only thing that kept Kagome alive through the night. Her expectations and hopes were an antidote for her nightmares, a link to her world and her sanity.

A link which threatened to falter when breakfast passed… without Inuyasha.

She hadn't realized until now how _vital _his presence was: to her health, to her happiness, to her sanity. To her smiles and her laughter. When he didn't stop before her for his meager meal, when he didn't give her that tiny smirk, when he didn't share with her that tiny moment… the morning turned a dismal grey.

Just like the sky above their heads, foreboding and threatening a downpour.

Kagome, Sango, Koharu, Kagura, and several other Maidens were made to clean the hallways. Kagome knelt on the floor, scrubbing with a now practiced hand, searching for specks of dirt or spots of imperfection. Seeing as nearly _every _spot was a speck of dirt and it was harder to find a spot of perfection, it was a daunting task.

But she kept scrubbing even when the heavy boots of the guards stomped past her, even when their eyes fell upon her hunched form, and even when her arms ached and burned and felt as if they might crack.

She only stopped when two pale feet stepped gently onto the floor before her.

Kagome went rigid, the cloth tight in her fist. Her head snapped up reflexively, hoping to see the bare wall, hoping to see the other Maidens and the dirty floor which needed to be scrubbed… hoping that she was wrong, that the feet weren't there, that the feet weren't connected to the body of a ghostly girl…

But the feet were there, and the girl was there, smiling her haunting smile.

"You seem unhappy to see me," she said softly, kneeling gracefully in front of Kagome, her dress soundless as it brushed against the floor. "Not that I blame you…"

Kagome's eye twitched as she thought, _Is she trying to make me feel guilty? _But somehow, from the girl's sad little smile and her flat, onyx eyes, Kagome couldn't help but think that it wasn't the girl's intention.

Regardless of intention, however, Kagome felt the tiny stirrings of guilt in her stomach.

_It's not my fault, _she argued with herself. _It's not like I'm not happy to see her… I just… I'm a little surprised._

The girl tilted her head to the side, asking seriously, "You still think I'm an illusion, don't you? Is that why you're frightened of me?" Kagome stared in awe as she folded her hands in her lap, looking Kagome in the eye, saying, "I'm sure I would frighten others, if they could see me. But you're one of the only ones…"

"One of the only ones?" Kagome repeated in surprise. "Who—"

"Who the hell are you talking to?"

A tough boot connected with her ribs, causing her to gasp, doubling up. The guard gave her a dubious glare before scoffing and leaving her. Heart racing double-time, Kagome took deep breaths, trying to control her shaking hands.

She could almost feel a wryness in the girl's flat stare when the girl said, "If I may say so… that was a stupid thing to do."

Feeling a little insane, Kagome nearly laughed.

Koharu nudged her with one hand, raising an eyebrow in question. Shaking her head quickly, the tiny bubble in her throat popping, Kagome met her eyes, mouthing, "Later," even though she didn't know if it was true.

Turning back to the girl in white, Kagome thought tentatively, _Can you hear me? Who are you?_

A tiny smile. Then, "Kanna."

Sensing the guard's impatience, Kagome began scrubbing meticulously again. This time she focused on keeping her hand in motion, on continuing her work, while she thought a little sarcastically, _Could you tell me something more than a name?_

Kanna gave her the tiniest smirk. "Perhaps. Do you want me to?"

Kagome looked up again, just in time to meet her eyes, but the smirk which she'd imagined was absent. It was just the smile… an empty smile where there should have been a smirk, flat black eyes where there should have been windows to a starry night.

The haunting nothingness made Kagome sad.

_I'd appreciate that, _she thought, smirking slightly, wondering if maybe she could teach Kanna the expression.

Kanna shook her head, surprising Kagome by whispering almost as if to no one, "There is no teaching while I'm not free." But before Kagome could reply, the little girl began to speak again.

"It's nice having someone to talk to," she said softly. Kagome couldn't help but doubt that—that the girl could think anything, especially something like simple company, was _nice_. "I don't have anyone to talk to here. I haven't had anyone to talk to for a long time…" glancing at Kagome, she said, "I was surprised when you could see me. Not many people can. Actually, there's only one other person who can see me—a man."

Kagome frowned, heart racing. _Who?_

"I don't know his name," she whispered. "He can't hear me, like you can. But I know he can see me—sometimes I catch him looking. Sometimes we'll lock eyes, the man and I. But we never say anything." Eyes drifting up toward the ceiling, shoulders slackening, she said quietly, "But I can still hear some of his thoughts. Just vague things. Not like you. And I can't talk to him, so he's not very good company. Not that I mind being alone, but in a way, it's a little nice to be able to talk to someone." Eyeing Kagome, she added, "Those it's certainly confusing."

Kagome bristled, demanding a little aggressively, _What's that supposed to mean?_

Kanna blinked blandly, and a tiny pause elapsed before she whispered, "Did I say something wrong?"

There was a wind in the hall, quiet as a night without crickets, but loud in the dead silence that followed Kanna's words. And although the girl's face gave away nothing, Kagome had the grim sense that she'd hurt her feelings.

_I… you… no, _she thought, sighing, biting her lower lip. _I just… I'm sorry._

She felt a little ridiculous to be apologizing to a ghost, especially to a ghost who probably had no feelings anyway, but she found that she meant the words more than she could ever remember meaning them before.

Kagome felt almost like a bully.

"You're not a bully," Kanna whispered, her voice dulcet yet eerie. "It's natural to be frightened of me. I'm real, though… as far as I know."

_I'm not frightened of you, _Kagome argued, ignoring the last words. _I'm just a little tense._

Nodding knowingly, Kanna said wisely, "About the Warrior? Inuyasha?"

Kagome didn't need to respond; she knew that Kanna knew the answer.

A quiet voice brought her hand to a standstill. "He's alive, you know."

_I know, _Kagome said almost indignantly, almost as if she were offended by the notion that she would not know Inuyasha's condition. _I don't, though, _she thought sadly. _I don't know anything… for all I knew, he could have been dead…_

"Do you miss him?" Kanna asked curiously. "Why do you miss him?"

This question took her by surprise. _I-I don't know. I guess I… I care about him. He makes me feel like a real person. He helps me… forget, I suppose. _

_ If I don't see him again… I don't know what I'll do._

Kanna fixed her eyes steadily on Kagome's, and almost as if they possessed a gravitational force of their own, they drew Kagome's gaze to them. And for a moment they were silent, for a moment they spoke with their gazes and not words…

For a moment Kagome forgot entirely why she had looked up at her.

But then Kanna tilted her head to the side and asked in vague confusion, "Then why don't you go see him?"

And maybe the stress of conversation had become too exhausting, maybe the confusion of company had become too stressful, because Kanna chose that moment to stand up and walk away… with the air of one who knew not where they were going or quite why they were leaving at all.

Kagome was left alone to ponder her words.

.x.x.

The night was a sleepless one.

She tossed for hours, unable to succumb to the dark, surprisingly alert. The normal fatigue which plagued her at the end of each day was absent on this night—maybe driven away by Kanna's taunting last goodbye.

Groaning silently, Kagome pulled herself to a sitting position.

Though she couldn't see through the dark, she knew that her friends were still asleep. And they remained so even when she crept to her feet and stumbled across the stone floor… even when she sank into the dirty bathwater and exhaled a low sigh.

She'd given up trying to sleep; now, it was time to think.

_"Then why don't you go see him?"_

Kagome chuckled at the sincerity of the question. It hadn't even been _meant _to taunt her… or at least she didn't believe so. As far as she could tell, all Kanna had felt was a genuine, curious confusion. As if Kanna herself didn't know the answer.

Kagome felt the strangest urge to start splashing in the water.

She wanted nothing more, in that moment, than to "go see him." But she couldn't help but think that it should be obvious even to Kanna that this was impossible.

Feeling as if the very cell in which she bathed was closing in on her, feeling as if the walls were drawer nearer and slowly squeezing the life out of her lungs, her heartbeat sped. Breath turned shallow, as if trying to preserve what little oxygen there was left…

_What am I doing?_

Kagome sank lower into the water, sinking and sinking until it just barely lapped at her chin.

What _was _she doing?

There were many things to be frightened of, many things to panic over, many things to awaken the stirrings of hysteria within her heart. However, the walls were not one of them: the walls were immobile as always, cold and wet and unforgiving.

_The walls are a thing to hate, _Kagome decided, _But not to be frightened of._

And so she took a moment to glare at the walls, to cross her arms over her chest, and to state, "You don't frighten me."

When the moment was over, Kagome bit her lip to back her laughter.

"It isn't the walls you should be talking to. They won't listen."

Kagome's heart burst out of her chest and exploded.

Whirling around, hand flying to her mouth, she shot out of the bath, stumbling backward, water splashing everywhere. In a moment of impressive clumsiness, she lost her balance, tumbling down back into the bath and scraping her elbow against the floor.

Kanna watched her, face unreadable but for the tiniest quirk of her lips.

"Wha—wha—" Reminding herself that her friends were in just the next room, Kagome clamped her teeth together and thought, _What are you doing here?_

Kanna gave her a small, white smile, and said, "I can't sleep. I don't have much else to do but watch people… and you're the only one awake."

Slowly, with a great deal of effort, Kagome gulped.

Suddenly feeling self conscious, she snatched her robe off of the floor, emerging from the bath and wrapping it quickly around herself. She paid Kanna a hesitant glance, shifting her feet, before saying, "Um… hi?"

"Hi to you, too."

Her heart pounded against her chest, and she glared almost accusingly. "You could have at least given me some warning, instead of just saying… well… whatever it is that you said."

She could have sworn that Kanna rolled her eyes before repeating her previous words—and they sounded equally confusing the second time, too. "It isn't the walls you should be talking to. They won't listen," Kanna explained.

Kagome stared dully at her before saying a bit dubiously, "…Ah… I don't mean to be rude, but I'm aware of that."

She was beginning to question Kanna's sanity.

"It's _me _who should be questioning _your _sanity," Kanna corrected. Frowning, she asked softly, "If you know they won't listen, why would you talk to them?"

"Well… I…" eyes downcast, ashamed at the sudden realization of her weakness, Kagome murmured, "I needed someone to talk to."

And Kanna replied so softly, so quietly that for a moment Kagome wondered if she'd spoken at all, "You have someone."

Their eyes met, and the strength of Kanna's sad, black abysses startled her.

Kagome nodded hesitantly, filled with a strange sense of warmth, of compassion. "Thank you," she said, smiling at the girl. "I… I needed to hear that."

"Yeah," Kanna whispered. "Me, too."

Those two words fractured Kagome's heart into tiny pieces. Those two words compelled her to run to Kanna, tears in her eyes, and wrap her arms around the girl's tiny body.

And that was what made her fall to the floor, flat on her face.

Kagome jerked to her knees, whipping her head wildly around her, only to find Kanna stumbling backwards, eyes wide and dark and horrified. That face… that empty white face, that beautiful, tragic face… spoke novels.

Novels of pain. Years of sorrow.

Kanna's voice choked as she tried to breathe.

"I… I…" Kagome didn't know what to say, how to explain what had just happened. "I'm sorry," she whispered, reaching reflexively out to Kanna, extending her hand before realizing that it wouldn't do any good.

Kanna couldn't take it even if she wanted to.

"I think I should go," Kanna whispered brokenly.

Those five words were charged with the most emotion Kagome had ever heard from Kanna, and the sound of the girl's despair was like a steel blade through Kagome's heart, sweeping up the fractures and casting them away, until Kagome was in complete turmoil. Scrambling to her feet, she began approaching Kanna, shaking her head.

"No—Kanna—don't go—"

But her attempts were lost on the little lost girl.

With not even a sad smile, Kanna gave Kagome one last look before turning and walking through the wall, the hem of her dress the last to disappear from sight.

.x.x.

No Kanna.

No Inuyasha.

Days passed.

In the confusion which amassed within her mind, Kagome was unsure whether her torment was separating her from her friends, or strengthening their bond. Sometimes she would look at Sango and see a person who cared for her, who cared about her, who wanted the best for her… who _liked _her.

Sometimes she would see a person who thought she was a burden.

Kagome spooned food into the Warriors' bowls, not looking up at them; she knew that none of them would be Inuyasha. In fact, she wouldn't have looked up at all, had not one of them spoken.

"Sango? Kagome?"

Sango's and Kagome's heads jerked up, first exchanging a surprised glance and then turning surprised gazes to the Warrior who had addressed them: Miroku.

"Hi," they said simultaneously.

Miroku smiled. "Hello. I haven't seen you two at all in the Square recently."

Sango nodded, replying, "Haven't had much time." Grimacing, she added, "The guards are working us to the bone. I swear, they have it out for me."

Raising an eyebrow, Kagome asked, "So they're only working _me _to the bone because I have the unfortunate luck to share a dorm with _you?_"

"That would be right," Sango said, smirking. "Deal with it."

Kagome couldn't help but laugh a little, but the relief was short-lived, and Miroku noticed her preoccupation. Their eyes locked, and Kagome, almost for the first time, realized exactly who he was.

_Maybe he'll know something about Inuyasha._

As if reading her mind, Miroku gave her a sad smile. "I hate to bring disappointment to a beautiful lady, but I'm afraid I know no more of Inuyasha than you do."

Kagome nodded woodenly, stoically. "It's all right," she said tonelessly, looking down again, fearing that if she stared at Miroku for one second longer she might start seeing Inuyasha in his place.

Kagome was too preoccupied to notice that Sango's eyes were upon her, or to notice when Sango tore her gaze off of her friend and fixed it on Miroku. "Ah… Miroku…" frowning, almost reluctant, Sango asked, "Was there something you wanted?"

Miroku gave her a sad smile. "Do you want me to leave?"

Sango's eyes narrowed as she said icily, "Are you trying to trap me with words?"

"No," he replied brightly. "Only trying to obtain an honest answer. So… do you want me to leave?"

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Regardless of what _I _want, you'd better leave before the guards see you."

Miroku paid her a mournful glance, eyes big and wide and sad and dancing with amusement. "Goodbye, my love. I vow I will see you again."

Sango sighed, scooping up a spoonful of gruel and sloshing it into his bowl with a bit more force than necessary. Alarmed, Miroku took a step back, while Kagome and Koharu began to question Sango's sanity.

But to three persons' surprise, Sango's lips quirked upward.

"You know what," she mused, offering Miroku his bowl, "Chances are, you probably will see me again."

_Since we're both trapped here. Since chances are, we're going to stay trapped here. For the rest of our lives._

Yet despite the solemnity of her meaning, she and Miroku exchanged a wry smirk.

"Good," he said. "I always keep my vows."

And then, with a smile and the tiniest salute, he turned on his heel and almost danced across the mess hall… back to the tiny corner where he usually sat with Inuyasha.

Where that day, he sat alone.

.x.x.

When breakfast was over for the Warriors, and when it was over for the Maidens, Kagome, Sango, Koharu, and Kagura were led to the Square. Sango and Koharu whispered to each other all the way, throughout breakfast and in the halls… about Miroku, about Sango. Teasing and taunting and grinning, which quickly morphed to seriousness, and then back to humor…

Kagome was excluded, for their friendship created a kind of barrier. A barrier which only included them.

Yet Kagome didn't mind. On the contrary, she preferred it that way.

They reached the Square. Grateful for the respite, they sank quickly to the grass, leaning heavily on their knees. The first thing Kagome noticed was their position—an inward facing circle. The kind that meant they had something to talk about.

The second thing Kagome noticed were their faces, and they were all focused on her.

"It's time we talked," Sango said suddenly, breaking through Kagome's haze of surprise. "You've been on a different _planet_, Kagome! And we know what's wrong, so… we need to know what we can do about it."

Koharu nodded earnestly. "And…" she fidgeted a little before saying, "We wanted to talk about what you said in the shed." When Kagome's face remained blank, she clarified, _"About Inuyasha."_

A tiny knot rose to the back of Kagome's throat, but all she said was, "I know."

"Great," Kagura said. "So let's talk."

_They've been talking about me behind my back. They've been planning this, _Kagome realized, frowning at them. She didn't mention it, though—there was no need. Obviously they all knew it, and now that she did, too, who would waste time bringing it up?

Not her. Even though she desperately needed to distract them.

"Kagome… we know how you feel about him," Koharu said slowly, "But believe me, it's not worth it if… if… if losing him makes you lose yourself."

She winced a little at that, but said anyway, "I won't lose myself. Who do you take me for? I… I'm stronger than that. I've only known him for a week and a half."

Kagome fished for details as she spoke, for reasons, when really, all she could think about was how her heart ached. Somewhere, something inside her knew that no matter what happened… she would go on. She _was _stronger than that, and she _had _only known him for a week and a half. She _wouldn't _lose herself… no matter what…

_Not for him, not for anyone._

But at the moment, she wasn't sure if that were true.

"You barely talk to us anymore," Sango said, eyes narrowing not in disapproval but in concern. It warmed Kagome to know that she cared… that she missed the sound of her voice. And it also made her wonder about the barrier she had noticed just minutes before:

Had Sango and Koharu really created that barrier with their bond? Or had Kagome created it… with her self-induced solitude?

"It's just… I'm just… I've been distracted, that's all," Kagome explained. "I'm still getting over the shock… and anyway, he's not dead."

"He probably will be," Kagura said bluntly. "You'd better just get used to that fact and move on."

Despite her better judgment, Kagome felt her temper rising. "He is _not _dead," she growled, turning a surprisingly fierce glare to an unmoved Kagura. "He is stronger than that. Don't you _dare _tell me he's dead!"

Kagura returned her glare easily. "Look. You're an annoying twit, but I don't hate you quite as much as I used to and to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't like to see you get hurt. So you have to move on. Forget about him. Like he never existed."

"What she's trying to tell you," Koharu said more gently, "Is to guard your heart."

Kagome was silent for a moment before she whispered, "What if I don't want to?"

Their eyes widened in disbelief, and suddenly, Kagome could feel the tension racing through the air… and she realized what she had just said.

_But it's true. It's one of the most honest things I've said to them._

And in that moment, Kagome realized that if she truly wanted them to respect her… wanted them to support her… she would have to open up to them, first.

And so she began to explain her position.

"Let's just suppose he lives," she said quickly. _Because I don't want to talk about dying. I don't want to think about losing him. _"Then… I could see him. If I were careful, I could see him, and I could… maybe… I could be with him. If we kept it a secret." Eyes downcast, she said suddenly, "But I don't think he feels that way about me, anyway. So it doesn't matter."

Sango groaned at that, laughing a little as she said, "Kagome, his eyes practically scream _I'm head over heels and hopelessly in love with you _whenever he so much as _looks _at you."

Kagome's eyes widened, a blush rising to her cheeks as she repeated skeptically, "_Love?"_

"Well… ah…" Sango sighed. "No. Probably not _love_, I mean, it hasn't been long enough… but definitely something."

"And something irrationally strong," Kagura muttered. "The same thing that shows in _your _eyes when you look at him."

Blushing beet red, Kagome gasped, "Is it so obvious?"

"Probably not to him," Koharu assured her. "Men are a bit dense about this sort of thing… well, all except Miroku." Giggling at Sango, she remarked, "He's so eager for you to love him that if you _did _love him, he'd probably notice the minute you _breathed._"

Sango rolled her eyes, smirking a little, but her eyes were serious as she stared intently at a blade of beaten grass, as if enraptured by the dull brownish tint and the unhealthy yellow of it. Finally she spoke, unsmiling, softly.

"Kagome… you need to decide what your priorities are." Sango looked up at her, eyes intense. "And you need to make sure that you know what you want… before you jump into anything."

A slow revelation dawned on Kagome, a revelation she beat back down, for she didn't want to hope… yet. "What do you mean?" she asked carefully. _Is she trying to tell me that… I have a choice? _Kagome wondered. _That she's not discouraging the choice, just… making sure that I make the one I really want?_

_ So… what are the choices?_

Sango exchanged a solemn glance with Koharu and Kagura, as if deciding who would be the one to explain. But it seemed that it was Sango, for it was Sango who looked at Kagome, Sango who said the words which chilled her blood.

Sango who explained the truth… and that the truth was different from what Kagome had thought it was.

"You need to decide," Sango said slowly, "How you are going to live here, and what is going to keep you alive."

Kagome gulped.

"You've seen my scars," Sango said. "And you know that that… is my choice. It's what I _want_. I'd rather a thousand scars than kneel before them as they kick me. But that isn't the only choice. There are safer choices. And if you pursued your feelings for Inuyasha… you would _not _be making a safe choice. You would be choosing a path that is likely to cause you a lot of pain, and you have to decide whether it's worth it before you take a step."

"So you're saying," Kagome said slowly, eyes widening, "That… you don't disapprove of my feelings? You don't think I'm a fool?"

Sango laughed at that. "A fool? Of course I think you're a fool! But no more of a fool than I am, than Koharu is, than Kagura is. We're all fools… for different reasons. But knowing that makes us wise." Lowering her voice, she smiled at Kagome and said confidentially, almost as if _only _to Kagome even though the others could easily hear, "Relationships, like all alliances, are forbidden in the Cells. But they're also a rebellion of the strongest kind. And if that's what you want… I think you should go for it."

When Kagome's eyes widened in shock, Sango added, "But not if you don't know with absolute certainty that it's what you truly want."

That was when Kagome began to understand what she meant.

"I wouldn't recommend it," Koharu said immediately. "You can't afford to make your heart vulnerable. It'll only make everything else all the more painful."

But Kagome was shaking her head, Kagome was smiling, Kagome was rising through the air on newly grown wings. "No," she breathed. "It'll make everything all the more exciting… all the more bearable."

_Because if I had him… and if I knew he had me… I would have something to hold on to._

And in that moment, with iron certainty and a rush of exhilaration, Kagome knew what her decision was.

"I'm going to find a way to make it work," she said softly. "No matter what."

Her friends looked upon her with varied expressions—approval, concern, sorrow, pity, scorn. Pride. Of all their faces, Sango's stood out the most: eyes alight with a life Kagome couldn't remember seeing before, sparkling with pride and excitement… shining with arrogant vitality. But none of their emotions could describe would Kagome felt within her… none could describe the stirrings of hope, of fear, of awe, which sifted through the despair.

It was a new hour, a new day. A day lit by dreams and darkened by dread.

And it was almost fitting that at that moment, lightning split the horizon, and the trembling sky parted to release a flood.

.x.x.

**A/N: Let me start out by saying how much I FREAKING LOVED YOUR REVIEWS AND IT FREAKING KILLED ME NOT TO UPDATE THE NEXT DAY FOR YOU GUYS! Or… the next week, apparently… O.o I was nearly crying tears of happiness reading your reviews. It made my week (and helped my survive the many hours of homework which I suffered through). Thank you to jayfeather63, Allora Gale, KoishiiMiko, xbeautyxxisxxlifex, lannamoo, Asche Angel 46, feathersnow, MegamanSora, Regina lunaris, 00-Wild-Fire-00, Animeroxs Rin-Sess and Inu-Kag, Daichilover, i-rock-101, ElvenMermaid, Krystology, Ivorybreath, LilyCrab, musicgodess3, GodofFlame101, and FridayzGirl for reviewing! :D**

**I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but trust me when I say I need your reviews emotionally xD. In the meantime, if you want you can read one of my other stories **_**Lives Will Change **_**or **_**Remember Your Wings**_**, the first of which I started a long time ago and so sucks for awhile but a lot of people really like, and the second which I just recently published. :) **

**REVIEW, MY FRIENDS! REVIEWWWWWW! **


	16. In Between

**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha.**

**A/N: Hey guys I am SO SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT! I've been in more of a Remember-Your-Wings-ish mood lately (which is good, if you wanna read it ^.^), and I've been super busy, but never fear! I love this story, and I am sticking with it to the end. Here you go: read and review. :) **

.x.x.

Chapter 16- In Between

.x.

_The falling times_

_Are days of night_

_Of moonless skies_

_And onyx blades_

_Which lie _

_Still_

_In darkest air_

_With wind_

_Howling_

_In silent hills_

_Rolling_

_In open _

_Plain_

_Despair_

_Yet stars are there. _

.x.

The torch blurred before his eyes, fire dancing along the stone walls, igniting the floor, the ceiling, the air. Distorted by the crackling pain in his head, the fire seemed to come to life, to build wings upon a giant inferno spirit which raged in the cell, burning the air and everything in it. The fire preyed upon his skin, licking at his horridly healed wounds… and yet he didn't feel the burn.

Any pain the fire might have brought him dimmed in comparison to his body's aching.

Inuyasha forced his eyes open wider, propping himself up onto weak elbows. Struggling to a sitting position, he narrowed his eyes at the fire, at the shapes and people it created… _Go away, _he thought.

Louder, he growled, "Fuck off."

The fired died… not because of his words, but because they had allowed him to take control of his mind. And soon the hallucination was gone, leaving just the torch, burning inconspicuously twenty feet away. It lit the pitiful infirmary in a sickly glow, like the jaundiced skin of a newborn.

Inuyasha collapsed on his back, energy spent, and hallucinations faded in wake of dreams.

.x.x.

Like always, Kagome was the last one asleep.

It was unhealthy, she had found, to go to sleep early in a place like this. _I would've thought that I would leap at any chance to sleep, _Kagome thought, tracing the dirt at her feet, back against the wooden door of the cell, _If only to escape reality. But apparently, that's not how it works._

Apparently, the truth was the opposite.

At first it had been jarring to wake in the mornings to find that she had gotten only half the sleep she needed. She'd been a zombie, a sleepwalker for days on end as she trudged through the hours with a heavy head. And yet… somehow… it helped her.

Somehow, sleep deprivation had been the key to sanity.

Leaning back against the door at what was probably the youngest hour of the morning, Kagome reflected that she no longer even felt the fatigue. In fact, she felt high, energized… vital.

There was a thrill in it: staring into the dark and knowing she was the only one doing so. She couldn't explain it, but the thrill was there.

And tonight, it was oddly prominent in the still air.

Kagome could feel a beating heart that night. A heart which beat with her own, a heart which thudded in time to her own vital organ… as if it could feel it beating within her chest. As if it could hear it.

Laughing quietly, Kagome thought, _What on Earth am I talking about now?_

"Kagome? Is that you?"

Her heart stopped.

Her first reaction was to scream, but as that would have woken her roommates as well as some less pleasant people, she bit down on her tongue, hard. Her second reaction she dismissed as well; that had definitely been Kanna's voice, no question about it. No need to wonder.

_Unless I've missed so much sleep that I've begun to hallucinate…_

"You're not hallucinating… at least, no more than I am…"

Kagome took a deep breath, counting slowly to five and trying not to let her muscles freeze in fear. Looking around once, twice, she saw what she had suspected: there was no Kanna.

Only her voice.

_Kanna? I can hear you, but… where are you? _Kagome asked tentatively. _Can you see me?_

There was a pause before Kanna's voice whispered something rather odd.

"I'm in between."

Kagome blinked.

It wasn't only the words that surprised her; it was the unmistakable scent of fear which clung to them, to the little girl's voice. The terror lurking behind every syllable filled Kagome with a dreadful empathy, a sorrow for the girl's plight… whatever the plight was.

_What do you mean, _Kagome thought slowly, _By "in between"?_

Silence.

Now Kanna was barely whispering; her voice strained, she sounded almost as if she were dragging the words out through her own teeth. "I… I'm not sure. But it happens sometimes. I start fading, and then I get stuck… in between."

_Between what? _Kagome demanded, frightened and intrigued.

"Between there…" her voice shrunk even more, became frail as she murmured, "And here."

The words shouldn't have instilled an acute, throbbing terror in Kagome. They shouldn't have made her breath catch, her heart stutter double time. But they did.

_And where, _Kagome asked hesitantly, beginning to dread the answer, _Are here and there?_

Something about this whole situation was wrong. Something about Kanna, about her words, about her voice, about her _fear, _was utterly, utterly wrong…

And then the girl whispered, "I don't know."

If this _in between _could frighten the emotionless Kanna, Kagome knew that it was a frightful thing to behold.

She found herself feeling sorry for the girl, aching and lonely somewhere in the distance… somewhere in between. _It's okay, _Kagome thought, nodding, smiling as if Kanna could see her. _It's really okay… you'll be fine. _She wasn't sure what made her say it, but she found herself saying next, _Tell me about in between._

Kanna didn't tell her. Instead, after a moment of silence, she said softly, "I can feel you. You're very close."

Maybe the fact that the fear was fading should have comforted Kagome… but it didn't.

Because suddenly, Kagome could feel Kanna, too.

_I… I feel you, too, _she realized. _And you… your heart! I can hear your heart! You… you… _before she knew it she was babbling, thoughts flowing from her mind, from her stammering heart, fists yearning to tense but instead relaxing.

_You're everywhere, _Kagome thought breathlessly. _You… you're so big… oh my god… you're _everywhere_…_

Her heart was racing, her breath speeding and slowing, her eyelids drooping though she didn't realize it. And somewhere within her, somewhere within the new her, the her that was _everywhere_… she could feel a beating heart.

An Entity which was oddly familiar to her.

"Kagome? Where are you? I can't see you, but… you're here… you're…"

_Everywhere…_

"You're _everywhere_…"

_"Everywhere…"_

And suddenly, before she knew what was happening, before she could even begin to realize why the overwhelming, sorrowful presence seemed familiar and where she had seen it before, she was falling through it.

Again.

For the second time she sank through layers of angst and anger, dove through currents and seas of dank despair… floated up into the air until the pressure was too low to stand and it all exploded, bursting into light all around her head…

And then it stopped.

For a moment she hung there, suspended in between layers of darkness, consumed on one side with sorrow and about to drown in it… but for the tiniest stair which emerged from the dark ocean.

She clung to it, and not coughing but eerily majestically, she emerged.

Only she wasn't where she'd thought she was.

"Oh my god… oh my _god…"_

Kagome whirled about in the dimly lit hall, hands flying to the open door beside her. Beyond it, she could see Sango, Koharu, Kagura… sleeping soundlessly. Unaware that something incredible had just occurred.

_Oh my god…_

Kagome placed her hands on the door, staring intently at it before thinking, _Demon Oak. This has got to be Demon Oak. All along, I could've done this… but I didn't know…_

"Kagome?"

Kagome started in shock as she saw Kanna, standing right before her, unblinking black eyes turned up to her. "K-Kanna?"

Kanna nodded slowly, smiling an empty smile. "I suppose I'm not in between anymore…"

Not wanting to talk any more about in between, too alarmed and overwhelmed to do anything but stand and stare, Kagome inhaled deeply. _I unlocked the door, _she realized. _I unlocked the door to my cell. _Turning back to it, she gently touched the knob, opening the door wide to look in on her friends.

Only a few seconds later did she see that Kanna's cool eyes rested on the back of her head.

"You were in between, too," Kanna murmured. "That's why I could feel you… and you felt me…" Quirking her head to the side, she asked tonelessly, "You've been in between before, haven't you?"

Kagome's throat was dry. "I… I don't know. I don't know what in between is."

_Does she mean… in the Demon Oak? With the Entity? Swimming through the old dimensions, traveling through time within the wood… is that what she means?_

Kanna's dark eyes were big and flat and running just the slightest hint of curiosity when she asked, "You can travel through time within wood?"

The way she put it almost made Kagome want to laugh.

"It's a little complicated," Kagome replied, "But… yes." Glancing at Kanna, deciding that there was no way a spirit could betray her, she added, "Because I'm a miko."

Kanna didn't react to that. For a moment Kagome was insulted, thinking she wasn't listening… but then she realized something surprising.

"You've never heard of a miko before, have you?" Kagome asked softly.

Kanna didn't look at her as she replied matter-of-factly, "I've heard of them; I am one. I just don't know what it is."

Kagome gawked at her. "You're a miko?" she whispered.

Shrugging as if it were no big deal, Kanna murmured, "I was. Why? Is it something important?"

Unsure how to respond to that, Kagome opened and closed her mouth soundlessly. Kanna's forehead creased just the slightest bit, as if talking about the word were stressful… as if it provoked thoughts which were best left alone. "I… I…" her voice choked, and as she inhaled deeply, any touch of emotion which had entered her eyes faded away. "I should go," she murmured. "I… need to go."

"Wait!" Kagome found herself calling out after her, hand outstretched. Reminding herself to be silent, she repeated in her mind, _Wait… why do you need to go?_

Already floated away several paces, Kanna stopped for just long enough to turn around and fix a dully plaintive stare on her. "We both need to go, I think," she said softly. "You need to go… there is someone on your mind, I think. Someone you need to see."

Her eyes closed, and as her white body vanished into the dark, Kagome heard a voice in her head.

_Someone who you can find in the basement, three doors to the right._

.x.x.

She shouldn't have been so nervous to see him.

It had been difficult, at first, to decide to close the door and leave her friends behind. _Just for tonight, _Kagome told herself. _Tomorrow night, I'll have them stay up with me… and then I'll show them._

Silently, she wondered exactly what could come of this new development.

This was the second time she had braved the Entity and succeeded, and she supposed that if she kept practicing, she could learn to do it at will. And if she could do it at will… then she could leave her room whenever she wanted.

_And… maybe there are other places I could leave? _

It was only just beginning to dawn on her that if she could control her power, any door made of Demon Oak—which was most of the doors in the Cells—was like an open gateway to her.

Her heart raced just thinking about it. And that really made her wonder why she was so frightened now… standing before the door to the infirmary.

The door behind which Kanna had told her he was…

_Maybe he won't even be here, _Kagome thought bitterly. _Maybe… maybe Kanna was wrong… or maybe she was lying…_

_ But why would she lie?_

Shaking her head, berating herself for her cowardice, Kagome straightened her shoulders and jerked her chin up… and marched into the room, thinking that she was prepared for whatever she might see.

She was wrong.

When she saw him slumped on that wood matt like that, when she saw his body contorted and perspiration wetting his forehead, her knees threatened to give out. When she saw his eyes closed and his chest unmoving, her breath threatened to stop.

So when she saw his face twitch, her face cracked into a wide, irrational smile.

Then his eyes opened.

At first he stared unseeingly at her, uncomprehending, not processing what was before his eyes. But slowly, second after agonizing second passed and his eyes focused… on her.

And blinked.

"Holy shit," he croaked, closing his eyes tightly. "I'm dreaming. Or hallucinating. Whatever it is."

She bit her lip, trying not to laugh. _Hmm… dreaming…? _"Inuyasha," she said softly. "Stop being an idiot and look at me."

He only turned over in his pitiful bed, mumbling something about, "Not taking orders from a wench."

Kagome rolled her eyes, closing the door behind her and smiling at him as she took slow, tentative steps forward. _If only you knew, _she thought wryly, smiling lips twitching into a smirk.

She took another step… another step which brought her one step closer to Inuyasha.

Which made her heart race.

Something was undeniably different about this situation, compared to all the other times she'd been with him. The only other time they'd actually been alone was the first, and that time had been… indescribable. That time had been so utterly horrifying for her that not even the slightest reminder of propriety had dared invade her mind. But here, now, as she took steps toward him… she was shy.

She almost felt like a tramp.

_What am I thinking? _Kagome wondered, almost hysterical. _I am _not _a tramp… it's not like… it's… there's nothing wrong with this. And even if there were… whose rules of propriety am I adhering to, anyway?_

Jaw set, Kagome decided that from then on, she would only adhere to _her _rules of propriety.

So she took one step closer to Inuyasha, just close enough to poke him in the shoulder, eliciting a low moan. He slapped her hand away blearily, blinking up at her. "Sorry if I seem kinda out of it," he mumbled, slumping to the side. "Lost a lot of blood… I think my ribs are stuck in my stomach… body won't heal… doesn't matter, though. And to be honest, it kinda freaks me out that I'm talking to you in a dream, so—"

Kagome shook her head rapidly, breaking out into a huge grin. "Shut up already," she said rashly. _Shut up, _she thought, running the words through her mind. It felt good to be so liberal.

She reddened as she confided, "I'm really here."

Inuyasha blinked at her again… and after several moments of stunned silence, his bloodshot eyes widened.

Kagome had the feeling that he got it.

"Holy—what the—_fuck _it, you _are _here!" His head whipped about, first to her, then to the door, then to the walls, face utterly bewildered. "How the hell did you get in here?" he demanded excitedly. "I mean—come on—how—"

Kagome grabbed his hands to distract him, and to her pleasure, it worked. His eyes grazed her fingertips where they were touching his, and they were deathly quiet, drinking in the silence like a rejuvenating elixir.

She glanced at him, wondering if it were powerful enough to rejuvenate _him._

"Let's not talk about how," she said softly. "I'm here, okay? I want to talk to _you_."

He grinned weakly at her, and it amazed her that even in his state, he could still manage that slightly brash smirk of his. "Sounds good to me… but first, how about you tell me how you got here? Cause unless you're a witch or something—"

Kagome rolled her eyes, pouting at him as she snapped, "I'm not a witch! I'm a—" Cutting herself off before she could endanger herself, she allowed the ensuing silence to envelope them both. He stared at her, and she at him, and she knew that though he was silent, he wasn't dropping the topic.

_Amazing, _she thought, _That even when he's half dead, he still confounds me._

Inuyasha's brow was slightly creased as he asked quietly, "You're a what?"

Her lips were dry, throat parched. "Nothing," she said immediately, face blank.

"You're a _nothing?_" he asked skeptically. "C'mon, Kagome… don't give me bullshit."

_Don't give you bullshit? _The words were sad in her own mind as she stared at him, lips trembling. _How can I do anything but give you bullshit? I give you bullshit all the time. I lie to you. All the time._

_ That's almost all I've done since I've met him, _she realized, numbed.

But how was it her fault? How could it be her fault when telling would put herself and any confidante in mortal danger? When it would make him hate her? How could she do anything else?

Inuyasha's glare, though difficult to see in the dim light, rang loud and terrifying in the deadened quiet. And as she looked at him, as she met those narrow, golden eyes… she realized that just as he knew almost nothing about her, she knew almost nothing about him.

_Who is he? _Kagome wondered, biting her lip. _I think I know him, but really… all I know is the Inuyasha I see. I don't know who he is. _

The thought saddened her, and the sorrow gave her an inkling of insight into how _he _might feel. That thought, the revelation that she was causing him as much frustration as he was causing her, gave her the courage to square her jaw… and look him in the eye.

As an equal and rival of spirit.

"I know I told you about the rule," Inuyasha said slowly. "The rule about how no one talks about their past… but you can make an exception for this."

She almost wanted to tell him it didn't matter—that she'd discovered this in the present, anyway. That it had nothing to do with her past. But instead she shook her head, narrowed her eyes, and said, "If I can make an exception… then you can, too." Kagome inhaled deeply before saying, confident he would not comply, "Tell me where you come from, and I'll tell you how I got out of the cell."

Inuyasha stared at her for a long time before shocking her.

"I was in the military," he said, not breaking eye contact. "I had a family back in a village called Durnst. I was visiting them, and, well…" eyes darkening, he growled, "The troops came and burned everything up. And took some prisoners."

Kagome gawked at him.

"Well?" he almost snapped. "It's your turn."

She shifted slightly, looking down at her pale knees. "Don't snap at me," Kagome murmured, half petulant and half terrified.

Inuyasha stared at her in disbelief. "Don't—wha—" shaking his head, he grimaced and said, "I didn't mean to. But sitting here moaning while the blood drains outta me sort of puts me in a bad mood."

They smiled wryly at that. "I don't blame you," Kagome said. "I think it would put anyone in a bad mood. Especially the ones who have to watch."

His eyes flickered to her face, softening slightly, and she blushed bright red. "Not that—I mean—I don't—" But suddenly she found herself shaking her head, smiling sardonically. "What am I saying?" she whispered, as if to herself. Her words were soft, as if speaking too loudly might make him bleed faster. "Of course I care. To be honest, I almost wish that I wished I didn't, but… I don't. Does that make any sense?"

"I'm sure something in me got it," he said dismissively, smirking.

She smiled, trying to ignore the strain behind the smirk. _He's dying, _she thought vaguely. _I can't believe it. _In fact, the numbness instead of desperation which tinged her voice made her certain that she _literally couldn't believe it._

Kagome bit her lip, staring at him in consternation until finally he said, "Your turn."

"I… I'm sorry," she muttered.

He raised an eyebrow. "What are you saying? I told you my bit, so you tell me _yours._"

But she was shaking her head, eyes wide and afraid and guilty. "I can't tell you," she croaked. "I want to, I do, but—"

"Then _tell me!_" he ordered. His eyes were deadly now. "For once in your _life_, tell me something about you! Hell, I've barely—I've barely even talked to you! I don't know anything about you! And now that you know _something _about me… you owe me."

Kagome's teeth dug into her lip so hard that the dry skin cracked, and when she tasted blood in her mouth, when she felt that his glare would dig a deeper hole in her forehead, she looked away.

And nearly screamed.

Standing just a few feet away, half sunk into the door, was Kanna. Her ghostly head peered unabashedly at Kagome, white hair floating about her shoulders in a nonexistent wind. She blinked slowly, long lashes brushing against her pale cheeks… and rising again to reveal her obsidian eyes.

They had always been the blackest eyes Kagome had ever seen, but now, they weren't just onyx. Now… it was as if they had no color at all.

They were voids.

Kagome opened her mouth in a soundless gasp, eyes widening. _K… Kanna? Kanna? _Her lips opened and closed, her hands shaking, but she couldn't speak. She couldn't even think.

Kanna took a step out of the door, quirking her head at Kagome, and whispered emptily, "I don't understand. Why would you not share your secrets, when you have secrets to share and someone to share them with?"

"I…" Kagome trailed off, stunned, trying to find words to say. But Kanna had already turned, giving Kagome one last confused, mournful stare, before sinking back through the doorway. Kagome's hand shot upward of its own accord, reaching out towards the girl, and before she knew it, she had half risen, desperate to know what had possessed Kanna to find her… to comfort the girl, who looked utterly lost.

Because she could have sworn, for a moment, that Kanna had yearned for her as much as Kagome yearned to understand and help her.

"Oi. Kagome?"

Her heart leapt when Inuyasha took her hand in his; partly because of the contact, but also partly because of how cold his skin was. "Oh my god," she said suddenly, whirling about to face him, holding his hand in her shaking fingers. "You're freezing. You're going to freeze!"

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. "I'm not gonna freeze. I'm half demon, not some puny human."

She shook her head mutely, eyes wide with horror. "It's the middle of the summer," she said meekly. "You shouldn't be this cold… it's sweltering hot in here… but you're like an ice cube."

Kagome held his hand before her face, as if expecting it to turn to snow. But Inuyasha didn't comment… Inuyasha pretended she hadn't even said anything about it.

"Who were you talking to?" he asked, frowning at her.

Kagome bit her lip. "Nobody," she said immediately. "I mean, well—I thought I saw something, but I didn't. Just a mirage. Or something."

Mentally slapping herself for sounding like such an idiot, she waited for his reaction. _He can't know about my powers, _Kagome thought. _He just can't… it would put both of us in danger… _

"A mirage," Inuyasha said skeptically. "Right."

"Yeah." She nodded again, trying to seem confident. "Right."

Inuyasha looked her fully in the eye and growled, "For once in your life, tell me the _fucking truth._"

Reacting indignantly, Kagome retorted, "What's all this about the truth, all of a sudden? I've never lied to you, and you've never given me cause to lie. Why would you suddenly accuse me of concealing secrets which you have never even asked for?"

He shook his head, frowning at her as he almost shouted, "It doesn't matter! There's something… something… _weird _about you! A lot of things!"

"And you just realized this _now?_"

"I've been stuck here for the last… however many days. I didn't have much else to think about." Without warning, he grabbed her hand, running his thumb over the back of her palm. She shivered slightly, not from his clammy touch but from something else… something very different… "Your hand is smooth," he said, glaring at it as if it were an offense to decency. "Why is it smooth?"

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Are you insane? It isn't smooth. It's covered in callous, it's—"

"But still not as much as it _should _be," he said, frowning in confusion. "I mean… come on… it's like you…" shaking his head, he said abruptly, "And the way you talk, too. You use words I don't have a hope of even _saying right_. And now this… who the hell are you?"

Her voice was like ice as she said, "If you want to learn to speak like I do, perhaps you should stop saying _the hell _in every other sentence. It would be a step."

There was a second while he decided how to react to that. And then, finally… he burst out laughing.

"There it is, again," he said, grinning at her. "You're so fucking weird. It's not that it bothers me… I just wanna know why."

He could have had no idea of the effect those words had on her: no idea of the tumult in her heart, the acids in her stomach, the bile in her throat. That is, not until she spoke.

Kagome's eyes were wet as she whispered, "No, you don't."

She stood slowly, dropping his hand. He stared at her in confusion, grimacing, but before he could object, she turned away from him. "I'm leaving," she told the floor.

"Wait, Kagome—"

"Inuyasha? Please shut up," she said tiredly. "I'm leaving. Good night."

And with that she walked gracefully to the door, put her hands on it, and closed her eyes, resting her forehead against the wood. There was silence in the room while she leaned against the door, and he stared at her… and they waited for different things.

Hers came. And when she felt the Entity, she welcomed it, sinking through it… but just before she fell, just before she caught a glimpse of the door opening, she pulled back.

Kagome turned around, looked at the floor a few feet away from Inuyasha, and told it, "I'll be back tomorrow."

.x.

**A/N: GIVE IT UP FOR FRIDAYZGIRL, XBEAUTYXXISXXLIFEX, REGINA LUNARIS, ALLORA GALE, INU'SGIRL4EVER, ELVENMERMAID, ALECHAOS OGIGIO, XBEAUTXXISXXLIFE X A BILLION CUZ THIS AWESOME GIRL REVIEWED **_**ALL THE CHAPTERS**_**, LANNAMOO, TOMATOSOUP INC., JAYFEATHER63, LOVEURSTORY, ANIMEROXS RIN-SESS AND INU-KAG, 00-Wild-Fire-00, IVORYBREATH, IHEARTINUYASHA, DAICHILOVER, KRYSTOLOGY, AURORAMICHELLE, FEATHERSNOW, SHE WHO DARES, BGUATE224 X A BILLION BECAUSE SHE REVIEWED **_**ALMOST ALL THE CHAPTERS **_**(AND ACTUALLY READ THE STORY NOW? O.O XP), ANIMEROMANCEFREAK1990, brina, ANONYMOUS, AND MUSICGODESS3 FOR REVIEWING! :D :D :D I felt so bad, leaving you guys hanging for so long. Love you all.**

**Oh and in response to anonymous's question: you asked if Kagome should have been taken by one of the Warriors by now? Good question. In response, no. That actually isn't the Maidens' most frequent job; generally that only happens as rewards to the fighters who put on a good show, though sometimes for other reasons. Don't worry, though; I haven't forgotten about that. It'll be addressed. (And I'm sure all of you are so eager for that. -.- xP)**

**Eh, I have some tricks up my sleeve. Just wait and see. My mind still isn't made up. **

**Anyway, not to advertise shamelessly, but for those of you who haven't noticed, CHAPTER THREE OF REMEMBER YOUR WINGS IS UP! **

**Now: read and review, my friends. Or NF333 will come and get you. ;) **


	17. I Am Alive

Okay guys. I am going to be perfectly honest now. Please don't murder me.

With my schoolwork and my novel, keeping up with three fanfics has proven to be impossible. And you've probably noticed that, since I haven't updated… in… months… DX. Now. I've promised you repeatedly that I won't discontinue my stories, and I'm not breaking that promise. Instead, I'm going to put two on hold and finish ONE. And then move to those two. And I want you guys to help me decide what story I should finish first.

Updates will still be slower, though. But hopefully not months slower :). In my high school I have found many new things: somewhat difficult classes, a crush/possible boyfriend, and a social life. Top that stuff with the fact that my perfectionist, high-standard-striving brain has decided that I need to publish a book before I graduate high school or I will never get into Yale (in which case I will be sad), I'm pretty busy and kinda stressed out.

But I love you guys, and you're my friends too, so I won't leave you. And I want your opinions on which story I should continue. Occasionally I might update others, but the story which you and I choose will be the one I focus on.

So, anyway: review and tell me whether Lives Will Change, By Candlelight, or Remember Your Wings will be the one! And I'm sorry for flaking out on you. I just can't deal with ten stories at once like some of you incredible people can. But kudos to you for doing it! I could never do that.

Love, hugs, kisses, birdies,

NF222

(Oh and if I did anything weird in there like randomly spazzing out about puppies, custard, or shrimp, please excuse me. I have a fever of 103. ^.^)


End file.
